I'm stuck.. How do i improve my college social life?

[Stark]

I just left High school now im a freshman at a Community College. I have to say I wasted most of my high school life. I was the quiet kid that didn't make too many friends. I'm struggling to have a good social network at my community college. Ive studied and gone over what I should do constantly with myself but im cluelss. I feel trapped in this hole and I can't get out and its frustrating me so much..

I'm atleast making attempts to talk to people now. I don't always have things to say but I'm making efforts. I have like 4 guys and 5 girls i talk to in my classes but I don't really hang out with them outside class.

so my problems put briefly

a. I don't have parties to go to alot of the time

b. I don't know how to better bond with the friends ive made in classes to where we do stuff.

c. In conversations I really try and have things to say. I'm getting better but still i find myself speechless at times I need to be more interesting.

d. I need to meet more ****ing girls cas most of the ones at school have bfs cas they mention that when im talking to them. and its true they arnt making it up cas i see them which is why im trying to get into more parties cas sometimes i have a difficult time finding some my same age out at the mall or something.

what ive done in attempts to fix those problems briefly.

a. I've started to try and invite a few of the new friends ive made to parties.(but so far they havnt been able to make it probably cas they have other things to do with their close friends or better parties to go to)

b. ive asked one of my new friends that parties alot whats up and going on this weekend. (he invited me one weekend to 2 parties and nothing since ive asked a couple times after but nothing. i didnt ask more cas i didnt want to be annoying)

c. I've been alot more social. i have people to talk to in all my classes. I'm not afraid to talk to girls that sit by me in class or that ive never talked to before in class. but im not brave enough to make cold approaches on the street.

d. I've tried texting my friends more. some respond decently. others like this girl that is in a ltr doesnt put much effort into conversations proly cas shes no interested in anyone else but her bf but i just want her as a friend.

e. to improve myself ive been lifting weights and excercising heavily for last year. i dont have 6 pack abs but im really buff now and i guess its boosted my confidence. I've also read books like Mystery method, the DJ Bible, The Game, certain self help books. I've studied social dynamics to the fact that I kinda know whats going on.

f. Ive gotten over my onitis. so i guess im immune to jealousy. im immune to being crazy over one girl. cas it hasnt happened since. she put me through hell and now that im through it i know alot more about girls and i care less about them individually.

one weekend one of those guys invited me to 2 parties over the weekend and I went to both. When I asked him what was up the next weekend he didn't answer and said he was drunk and with some girl the following monday. So i asked him again next weekend and he said hed hit me up if they did anything and nothing happened. well I didn't ask again after that since I didnt want to be annoying. 2 months now now invitations. i asked him this weekend but he said he was just chilling today cas he partied all of haloween week.

My best friends gf has parties at her apartment. they are not huge but atleast its something. so i try and invite some friends so i can become better friends with them. the dude i invited this weekend said he had like 5 dudes and 2 girls at his crib so he didnt want to bring them all over. and i invited the dude that took me to those parties that weekend he said hed hit me up if he was interested and he never did.

I also asked this girl if she wanted to hang out with me and this dude just to have fun and she asks do you know of any parties? and im like nope. and she didnt reply lol...

What do i need to do to fix these problems? what do i need to do with my time? what do i need to do for the future? if anyone can help me over aim that would be awsome to my aim is snidyy thanks.

 

[oakraiderz2]

Get a job and meet people there. The dynamics of community college are weird, a lot of people already have social circles.

 

[everywomanshero]

I just left High school now im a freshman at a Community College. I have to say I wasted most of my high school life. I was the quiet kid that didn't make too many friends. I'm struggling to have a good social network at my community college. Ive studied and gone over what I should do constantly with myself but im cluelss. I feel trapped in this hole and I can't get out and its frustrating me so much..

It took you a long time to internalize the belief that you're a quiet person who shouldn't speak out or finds it scary to speak out. Therefore, it's going to take you a long time to feel completely the opposite as well. Just remember that your fear of speaking out is irrational and there is nothing scary about saying what you want to say and doing so will actually make you feel better than botteling up.

I'm atleast making attempts to talk to people now. I don't always have things to say but I'm making efforts. I have like 4 guys and 5 girls i talk to in my classes but I don't really hang out with them outside class.

Statistically speaking you are doing the right thing. If you're friendly to people they tend to rate you as being more likeable and open. There is somewhat of an art to being entertaining in conversation and class conversation, but the way to start is definitely just speaking out and not being afraid to show your personality and unique sense of humor. Trying to be a poser and say specific things is definitely not the way to go because it makes most people even more nervous and stuck inside their heads.

a. I don't have parties to go to alot of the time

Don't rule out parties out of town. Find out about them threw chicks on myspace or whatever you need to do. Just make sure you don't get a DUI! University towns have tons of parties, community college's are not really known for being party havens since they tend to attract old people and kids living at home.

b. I don't know how to better bond with the friends ive made in classes to where we do stuff.

Maybe you shoud try some activities besides just class. What about finding work out partners, wall climbing in the gym, and **** like that.

c. In conversations I really try and have things to say. I'm getting better but still i find myself speechless at times I need to be more interesting.

Every person I hear this from seems like they are buying into the poser frame of needing to be someone cool and thinking there is something wrong with them just the way they are. Develop your own person and go hog wild and do things you want to do and then you'll automatically be interesting. Problem solved. You can't wait until you have women to be interesting, you be interesting on your own which in turn makes women find you interesting.

d. I need to meet more ****ing girls cas most of the ones at school have bfs cas they mention that when im talking to them. and its true they arnt making it up cas i see them which is why im trying to get into more parties cas sometimes i have a difficult time finding some my same age out at the mall or something.

I only **** girls who are married or have live in bfs. This isn't the cause of your lack of sex.

c. I've been alot more social. i have people to talk to in all my classes. I'm not afraid to talk to girls that sit by me in class or that ive never talked to before in class. but im not brave enough to make cold approaches on the street.

It's good that you're being social and you should keep doing that. But what effort have you made to actually take this somewhere. At some point you are going to have to take some risk and try to escalate this.

d. I've tried texting my friends more. some respond decently. others like this girl that is in a ltr doesnt put much effort into conversations proly cas shes no interested in anyone else but her bf but i just want her as a friend.

Female friends are great to have. Ask her to meet you at the mall and help you get your wardrobe in order if you don't already have a great sense of style. Also listen to what she says about her experiences with other guys and such. You can learn a lot from female friends.

e. to improve myself ive been lifting weights and excercising heavily for last year. i dont have 6 pack abs but im really buff now and i guess its boosted my confidence. I've also read books like Mystery method, the DJ Bible, The Game, certain self help books. I've studied social dynamics to the fact that I kinda know whats going on.

Reading books keeps you at home. Working out is important for health reasons.

I also asked this girl if she wanted to hang out with me and this dude just to have fun and she asks do you know of any parties? and im like nope. and she didnt reply lol...

Lose the other guy. I think it would be kind of weird to invite another guy into a 3sum, but Im not here to judge. Nxt time you wanna have fun try for 2 girls and you, not a girl and another guy. Might have scared her off. She probably thought you were bi or otherwise dangerous.

 

[f283000]

If you want an outgoing social life you won't get it at a community college for the reasons already stated above. Community college is not university. Community college is filled with kids that live at home, girls that are in their mid to late 20s with kids, old people, people that work full time and can't afford a university etc. Community college is not the place you are going to meet tons of new friends and party every weekend with them.

The only thing you can do is join as many clubs as you can. It's one of the best ways to meet people and increase your social circle. This will get you new friends and probably get you invited to places.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Hmm. His problem(s) sound alot like me. I too am in community college,didn't get to go to college right after hs,due to educational setbacks,so socially and educationally,that threw me back. I also have and have had similar social problems. I fear I will never get to experience "real" college/university. I would join things,but work gets in the way. I have met some people,but still feel very rather disconnected. I also have an issue with the shy/not talking to people/quiet thing. I have come out of it in some ways,but not necesarily with women. I want to be the carefree guy who says what he wants,but when I have,it has backfired and I ended up pissing people off,or getting into fights. So,perhaps I am not always though,a little more careful about it.

How do you get out of feeling something is wrong with you just the way you are?

 

[Dr. IzzyG]

take it from a guy who went to community college, and then transferred.

First off, the same thing happened to me in community college. I was always wondering what was wrong with me. I also thought that I was seriously missing out on the college experience. Well, then I did what most community college students don't do: I transferres. I ended up transferring to a good school (ucla) and I met a lot of people. I have since had the time of my life. Do yourself a favor and transfer. But you should prepare yourself by gaming and practicing at you school now. Most cc students are idiots who are only in schol to pay for their car insurance. Most kids still party with their hs friends. That's just lame. You should game as much as possible and just have fun. But things definately won't change until you transfer. But trust me, you'll have leg up if you practice now. Guys in college are mostly clueless when it comes to women and often rely on alcohol and frats to get laid. Don't be one of these guys. You can't be in a frat forever. Message me if you have anymore questions!@I'm an expert on cc.

 

[Stark]

Lose the other guy. I think it would be kind of weird to invite another guy into a 3sum, but Im not here to judge. Nxt time you wanna have fun try for 2 girls and you, not a girl and another guy. Might have scared her off. She probably thought you were bi or otherwise dangerous.

well she knows the other guy. hes her friend to. its just to hangout nothing more than that. i mean im trying to make girls as friends as well as girl friends cas then i get to meet their friends so idk.


well i guess I can't do much till i transfer to ASU lol. From what I gathered ill just work on my game and maybe try and get into a ltr to hold me over. I was actually thinking of joining a frat next year. good or bad idea?

 

[SuavePlaya]

I quickly skimmed through your post. 1. you can meet girls anywhere school is not the only place. 2. Focus on just having fun do not take this stuff so serious. 3. There is a time when you need to close the deal don't just keep talking and talking this will lead you to the friend zone. There are a few options depending where you are at take her number or lead her to your house. Do not make this harder than what it is.

 

[Dstructor]

Join a students activity

I joined a model for stock exchange when i first joined college (freshman too ) and just getting to know the people there was awesome (i'm in the organizational committee so we work a lot together)

I joined there with the sole purpose of meeting people and i have; aside from the crew i did a lot of advertising for students to join as delegates and coz i have good rapport skills i connected with lots of people that i advertised to, so lots of people knew me by then

There was also a welcome party for freshmen hosted by another model that i went totally ballistic in lol and that kinda got me notice but it didn't matter, i had loads of fun

Really wanna kick start your college life ?
Throw the paper where you wrote those problems on in the trash can and write one thing, one situation or one goal that you absoloutly want to have in great detail and work towards it

And don't worry man, everyone has fun in college sooner or later

 

[dbot]

I know I'm going to take sh!t for this....but get into the Theatre Department. Trust me, it's the easiest way to make lots of friends at school.