I'm still stuck in AFC mode. HELP!

[TheLadiesMan]

Been trying to shake it but keep winding up back in AFC mode. I think it has to do with how my last relationship ended, so now I'm really paranoid about hurting another female's feelings. The truth is....

I can give a sh*t about their feelings. I would like to just be who I am, and not worry about what people think about me. I just don't know how to "let go" anymore.

 

[Qjay]

Get away from your current social circle, that way there will be fewer consequences if you screw up or piss off a piece of tail, man.

One thing to realize: Women get their feelings hurt a lot more easily than we do, there's no way to avoid it. Her feelings will be hurt if you say "Good Morning!" without enough cheerfulness in your voice, so just realize there's no way to avoid it, and trying to reduce it isn't being particularly honest with yourself or her. Give yourself a chance and STOP IT!

Any better?

 

[TheLadiesMan]

It just seems that ever since I became a father, my outlook on women have changed a lot, since it's a woman who's taking care of my son most of the time. I love my son, and can't help but show love to the woman who feeds him, changes him, and makes sure he's happy.

 

[Qjay]

That's your call, man. I'm not saying to go around acting like a prick to women that can mess up your life, I'm just saying that worrying about it isn't going to help you in this.
If your outlook changes, and you don't like the result, then it is up to you to do something about it, or not. You obviously WANT to do something about it, now you have to figure out WHAT to do, and not too many other people are going to be able to help with that; it's up to you.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

Bro, that's so it man. I'm still the alpha male, but now, I am also beta as I have a child to take care of. Balancing the two is a mothersucka. In fact, I think I'm more the beta. There's got to be a way to be the caring father, and the a$$hole that every woman loves. If I can figure that out, it will be a start.

The woman who is the mother of my child.. damn, when she gets pissed, she is the devil.

 

[Survivor]

Hope this helps, bruh

There is nothing beta about being a good father. Being a devoted father to your son is the most alpha thing you could ever do in your life.

Yeah alot of women crave a$$holes. But I'll let you in on a secret.

Some of them don't.

Because you now have a son to consider, you just need to be a bit more selective of the type women you deal with.

Set a good example for your son. Raise your standards and ditch the dysfunctional women (people in general, really) who only feel comfortable in drama-filled relationships.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Why on earth would being a parent make you beta in any way? And why, for fukk's sake, does being Alpha have to be synonymous with being an ass_hole?

 

[Latinoman]

I am also beta as I have a child to take care of.

Do you truly believe that having children (your own kids!!!) makes you a Beta? Quite the oposite as you have to LEAD your kids by example. You have to TEACH them integrity and character.

That's a HUGE responsibility.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Sweet Mother Mary! I'm more Alpha now after 8 years as a parent than I ever was before my daughter was born. You have to be. You want a recipe for divorce? Puss out and go beta as a father. Nothing would make my wife turn off to me quicker than letting her (actually making her) fill the void I'd leave open by not living up to a positive masculine ideal as a father. I deal with the results of "fathers" who go beta in marriage every fukken day on this forum - I deal with a generation of AFCs fathered by AFCs.

Damn dude! Man up, save the world!

 

[Latinoman]

Sweet Mother Mary! I'm more Alpha now after 8 years as a parent than I ever was before my daughter was born. You have to be. You want a recipe for divorce? Puss out and go beta as a father. Nothing would make my wife turn off to me quicker than letting her (actually making her) fill the void I'd leave open by not living up to a positive masculine ideal as a father. I deal with the results of "fathers" who go beta in marriage every fukken day on this forum - I deal with a generation of AFCs fathered by AFCs.

Damn dude! Man up, save the world!

I agree 100% with you.

 

[BlackWidow]

me too.

 

[grinder]

It just seems that ever since I became a father, my outlook on women have changed a lot, since it's a woman who's taking care of my son most of the time. I love my son, and can't help but show love to the woman who feeds him, changes him, and makes sure he's happy.

You don’t need a woman to take care of your kids. So, you don’t need to owe them anything.

I’ve been a dad for 19 years now. Have 4 kids. For a long time now I have done absolutely everything with no need of a woman’s help.

I enjoy the hell out of taking my youngest to birthday parties, holiday parties, school things. Of course everyone thinks I’m a great dad for this, especially the single moms.
Get it? Being a great dad serves multiple purposes. Schwing!

 

[Last Man Standing]

Been trying to shake it but keep winding up back in AFC mode. I think it has to do with how my last relationship ended, so now I'm really paranoid about hurting another female's feelings. The truth is....

I can give a sh*t about their feelings. I would like to just be who I am, and not worry about what people think about me. I just don't know how to "let go" anymore.

Are you thinking about leaving this girl but are reluctant because she has invested time taking care of your baby and now you feel obligated to her?

This should definitely NOT be the reason why you keep a woman!! Every woman has motherly instincts and they may try to use the child as a way to your heart by portraying their softer caring side to the man.

The woman that you keep must have the attributes that you seek!!! It should not be based on pity or you'll have a disaster on your hands in the future.

Your solution, if you don't want to lead them on, is to be upfront with them in the very beginning of the relationship -lay out the parameters and scope of what is to be expected.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

Are you thinking about leaving this girl but are reluctant because she has invested time taking care of your baby and now you feel obligated to her?

This should definitely NOT be the reason why you keep a woman!! Every woman has motherly instincts and they may try to use the child as a way to your heart by portraying their softer caring side to the man.

The woman that you keep must have the attributes that you seek!!! It should not be based on pity or you'll have a disaster on your hands in the future.

Your solution, if you don't want to lead them on, is to be upfront with them in the very beginning of the relationship -lay out the parameters and scope of what is to be expected.

BINGO! How you managed to get all that from my postings, is amazing. :yes:

She has all the attributes that I seek, and some that I didn't seek, unfortunately. It's certainly not based on pity. She is showing me that softer side, but is she playing? I don't think so. She's being a mother, and when I'm being Dad, she sees my "softer" side, my beta side. Not the side that comes and goes, when I wanted to, and didn't care who knew. The side that exsisted before we had a kid together, the alpha side.

All I know is that right now, my pictures still hang on her walls, and I know she still loves me. She's just not "in love" with me.... like how she was before our son.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

You don’t need a woman to take care of your kids. So, you don’t need to owe them anything.

I’ve been a dad for 19 years now. Have 4 kids. For a long time now I have done absolutely everything with no need of a woman’s help.

I enjoy the hell out of taking my youngest to birthday parties, holiday parties, school things. Of course everyone thinks I’m a great dad for this, especially the single moms.
Get it? Being a great dad serves multiple purposes. Schwing!

Awesome! She don't need me to take care of our son, but I do anyways, whether she likes it or not. That's the some of that alpha I mentioned I had earlier.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

This is what I'm thinkin of doing....

I'll call her up tomorrow, or Thursday, and ask her out to lunch. We used to have lunches together alot before our son was born. If she goes out to lunch, it's a good sign. If she goes out, I'll get her to feel comfortable again, and the next time I'll get her to feel more comfortable. When things seem cooler, I'll say "Hey things are getting better... you're smiling, and laughing again... where did it get bad?" I'm not talking about our last fight.. I'm talking when did our feelings changed, that way we get it out in the open, and proceed to work on not letting it happen again. What can I do better, what can she do better? etc.

Maybe it'll work.....?

 

[grinder]

Not often discussed on this forum, but the concept of needing a woman, being needy, extends beyond the simplistic emotional AFC needs; I’m talking childcare. This is a big one and many men assume the passive role, allow the woman to take over, and thus, need her for that role.

Childcare is a set of skills. If you have or develop those skills, you remove one of the last dependencies on women.

It’s very tempting to run away from your kids, leave them with the mom because you assume she’s better at it than you. This is yet another myth of the Matrix, that all women, all the time, are better at childrearing than men. WRONG! I’ve been tempted to run away in the past myself, but I chose to run TO my kids. That has been the most empowering Alpha thing I could have done.

I’m not advocating ripping little children screaming from their mommies. What I am saying is when you meet her for lunch and in the context of this meeting you and she are fully aware that you could leave tomorrow, taking your child with you, and that both you and the child will be perfectly fine, then, and only then, will you be a free man unfettered with this final dependency.

 

[Latinoman]

I personally demanded share custody of my children.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

Not often discussed on this forum, but the concept of needing a woman, being needy, extends beyond the simplistic emotional AFC needs; I’m talking childcare. This is a big one and many men assume the passive role, allow the woman to take over, and thus, need her for that role.

Childcare is a set of skills. If you have or develop those skills, you remove one of the last dependencies on women.

It’s very tempting to run away from your kids, leave them with the mom because you assume she’s better at it than you. This is yet another myth of the Matrix, that all women, all the time, are better at childrearing than men. WRONG! I’ve been tempted to run away in the past myself, but I chose to run TO my kids. That has been the most empowering Alpha thing I could have done.

I’m not advocating ripping little children screaming from their mommies. What I am saying is when you meet her for lunch and in the context of this meeting you and she are fully aware that you could leave tomorrow, taking your child with you, and that both you and the child will be perfectly fine, then, and only then, will you be a free man unfettered with this final dependency.

bingo

 

[KarmaSutra]

One truism I've learned is that women of substance think that men who raise thier kids to be the best li'l DJ's and DJ-etts are the HOTTEST and most alpha men they can bless thier lucky stars to be involved with.

I have a twelve year old who is the light of my life and whom I raise with prosperity and dignity in herself. She won't need to validate herself to any guy, especially AFC losers.