I'm starting to think like a woman...

[squirrels]

...in that part of me wants to give up sex outside of a steady, exclusive relationship.

I mean, honestly, sex does little for me. The biggest kick I get out of sex is to see the woman get off, to see her eyes rolled back as she bucks and gasps for air. The actual male orgasm is mildly amusing. Even getting head is getting old to me...the sensation is dull. What I really like about getting it is that it shows that she gets JOY out of pleasing ME.

I'm wondering if by "getting it early" I'm also "giving it up early". You know my other post about women who latch on too soon and women who fade away too soon? I wonder if it's BECAUSE I'm making MYSELF "too easy" by overpursuing. They either think that we're already IN a relationship because we're banging, or they think that sex is all I'm after and decide they want better.

I'm starting to consider the possibility that what I'm getting is just a return for what I'm putting in. I always thought, "lock a girl down quick with good sex and then work on building a relationship", but then is it just karma that I get girls who want to either lock me down real quick with emotional attachment...or girls who are hesitant to give me a chance? It can't be...I have to be somehow attracting this situation to myself.

Somehow I wonder if, deep down, I think my sexuality is all I have to offer and that somehow projects at a level women can detect it. I wonder if this forum has poisoned my mind with its constant "be a man, get the 'nani" philosophy. I wonder if somehow, I'VE fashioned this cage for MYSELF, because somehow I keep ending up in it, despite all my improvements. Somehow I ALWAYS end up right back in the same place.

I DO know I need to be able to show sexuality, and the consideration I have of possible celibacy, at least until I'm "into something" with the girl, makes that difficult. I mean there's always kissing and things you can do with your pants ON...maybe build some anticipation.

Yes, I wish women could just look at sex as something simple instead of some big emotional to-do, because that's how they RUIN just about every relationship or potential relationship they get into. I seriously think that this is another way society has toxified women...to think that MEN ONLY WANT SEX. And MEN for that matter, who end up believing it and pursuing it to such an end that they devise tactics and create entire forums dedicated to it.

I've been asked several times, "Why does a guy like you not have a girlfriend?" by a lot of the girls I date. I tell them because I haven't met the right girl yet. Could it be backwards? Could the truth be that I'm not the right GUY for a girlfriend? Which is why the girls who aren't the right GIRLS are so drawn to me, and the girls who may BE the right girls end up flaking away? This is the universal Law of Attraction at work...it can't be coincidence that I can't find a GF-able woman.

Maybe *I* need to change. Maybe I need to feel like I DESERVE something better and allow myself to desire it, and it will reveal itself in my life. Maybe I need to stop listening to society, be it REAL society or PUA society, telling me it's all about porking chicks endlessly, that pvssy is the end-goal.

Because it sure doesn't satisfy me. It feels great at the time, but every one-night stand I have, I drive home feeling this sick, empty feeling in my stomach. The only glory that comes from it is the ability to brag to my friends about how I scored. Deep down, it hurts to know that I could give a woman such a precious gift as an orgasm or a good night's sexing only to have her not give a damn the next morning...to cast last night's events aside like just a cheap fling. Dammit, I DESERVE better appreciation. I deserve to have that gift go to someone who will appreciate it and cherish it for all fvcking eternity.

Go ahead and scream nature-this and nature-that, but in nature, with the rare exception as necessary, men and women come together in established breeding pairs...they don't screw around at random. And the males dont' crave sex from the females 24/7. When they do, they hit it, and when the females crave it, they get hit.

Something's wrong when we're all here at 25, 30, 35 and still ****ing around on forums like this trying to figure out why we can't find relationships when people around us are getting what we desire. If this is "the life", then why does it feel so hollow? Why do I constantly feel like I'm short-change and that a good woman who I can't get in the pants of is going to leave me? Why is it when I finally sleep with a woman, I always end up wanting her to go home and leave me alone?

Why is Sarah not returning my calls, after that night we spend naked on my living room floor making out? Why did I lose Angie, after that night on hers? Why did Tamara run off and marry her ex? These three, when I think back...these were the ones I wanted around. And somehow, despite all the tail that has come my way, these are the ones that just DIDN'T STICK.

What is in common, here? It's just me. Somehow, what I want and what I feel just aren't in line. And somehow I keep trying to excuse this by saying that all these women are just f'd in the head. Maybe they're NOT. Maybe I'M the one who's been mind-fvcked by society. Sure, there are plenty of "damaged" girls out there...but is there a reason that the BEST ones always seem to disappear JUST when I start to catch feelings for them? Is it possible that there are good women EVERYWHERE that we don't see because we haven't learned how to LOOK, or just don't feel that we DESERVE to?

Is there a level BEYOND "Don Juan" or "PUA" that we're not aware of? Some point we can achieve where we're neither chumps nor dogs, but good, HONEST men? The kind that only the BEST women DIE for?

Someone tell me something, here. Because I refuse to believe that, despite all the broken relationships in this world, the 50% of people who DO work out great are somehow delusional.

 

[Nighthawk]

I was single for a couple of years after my nine year relationship ended. While women were still thankfully throwing themselves at me, my standards for what I'd date, or even fvck, had gone right up. I couldn't be bothered to put in any effort or stay at a club past one so I could have another meaningless fvck who would be more trouble than they were worth once they had a taste of my good-loving and fall in love and cause drama. Also condoms are like eating food with the packaging still on.

Though the ONS has it's own dirty charm, for me relationship sex with someone you love, trust AND STILL FIND MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN YOUR OTHER OPTIONS is the best.

Ill post more on your fear that you drive away these quality women in a while. Are you catholic btw? Just a hunch.

 

[squirrels]

Are you catholic btw? Just a hunch.

Ooh, creepy. :nervous:

Raised Catholic, yeah. I don't follow it any more, really. I go to church with my parents for Easter Sunday and that's about the limit of it. You think it has something to do with it?

 

[Nighthawk]

I'm not a psychiatrist but I play one on the internet.

I'm not Catholic either, but my ex was. I'm sensing shame related to your sexuality and a madonna/***** complex regarding women. Am I off-base?

 

[PowertripII]

There's no Catholic guilt at work here; it's actually pretty ridiculous to suggest that.

When I came to this board in 2001 I didn't really need any help picking up women, I just wanted to be a bit better at it. After a year or so of getting REALLY good at it, it dawned on me that I had reached every goal I set and really had no where to go.

So a plan was formed. I put down on paper exactly what I thought would make me happy in a woman and set off to find it. It covered almost everything from body shape to family history and for the most part if they didn't meet the five or so things at the top of the list I got rid of them in a hurry. The rest I had to whittle down.

It's been about four years and the things on that list are just as relevant today as they were then. I recently got back together with the end result of this search after a "haitus" of sorts and I can honestly say that my life with her has more depth and richness than it does without. I just had to find out if I was missing anything (and likewise for her).. my search turned up nothing (but it was pretty fun looking!)

So to answer your question.. yes, there is a level beyond the DJ/PUA. Unfortunately there isn't a FAQ section on it and it requires a massive amount of work, dedication, and soul-seeking. It's not an easy ONS but if you stick with it the dividends are much, much greater.

Good luck.. I've got a good friend who could've written your post and I'm trying to guide him in the right direction (but old habits are hard to break).

 

[drZaius09]

It is the desire that is killing you. It doesn't matter if that desire is for sex with a woman, a fulfulling relationship with a women, a ride in a helicopter with a woman, or a framed velvet portrait of a woman. Furthermore, it doesn't matter if that desire is for nothing even remotely related to a woman. It could be desire for a bowl of cottage cheese. It doesn't matter.

Unhealthy desire is what causes this sufferring. Desire is what drives us-- when it is this unhealthy is drives us to do things we don't want to do. Then we feel like sh#t. Even if we relieve our desire by obtaining the things we crave, it creates an emptiness inside-- because the desire was the only thing there to begin with! Then we still feel like sh#t.

I'm with you on everything you said, squirrels. The solution I proposed to myself is to deflate the unhealthy desires which have thus far ruled my life-- the desire to get sex and attention from multiple sources, the desire to have a monogomous relationship with a quality partner, and so on. This is not very easy to do; in fact, I am somewhat of a failure to this point. But it's really the only way. Happiness will only be ours when we give it to ourself.

 

[Latinoman]

I can flirt with any woman. In fact, I tend to flirt with slutties. However, when it comes to sleeping with a woman (now that I'm in my 30s) I would only do that with a woman that I perceived as one that doesn't give it up to everybody.

That started when I became aware that currently I don't view ANY MAN above me. No Brad Pitt, No President Bush, No the Chipendale dancers...because they might have one or two things MUCH GREATER than me. But I know that they also have a bunch of things WAY BELOW me.

And when I used to go to a night club and watched women go ape for fools or drunks...I simply smiled to myself. When women offered themselves to me (trust me, some women SENSE masculinity) either by asking me to dance or by asking me to take "them home" (yep, has happened)...I either accept or say "no thank you" to the dance...and say "no thanks" to the offer to take them home.

So...your standars are going up.

However, you are making ONE mistake. You are becoming too sensitive about this. Don't over sentisize this...because they will eat you alive...they will play you too.

 

[Latinoman]

There is NO way I can be with a woman that doesn't enjoy ME.

In fact, that's precisely what satisfy ME...MY ability to rock her world.

 

[NewMan]

when people around us are getting what we desire.

thats a great misconception there. You are dilluding yourself if you think people out there are getting what they want - because they are not.

I see it all the time - guy who is not in a happy relationship - with a wife who has gained 30 lbs - who constantly nags him - tells him what he can and can't do.



The bottom line here, is that your not going through anything new. If you eat pizza for dinner every night - your going to get sick of it sooner or later. It's the same way with casual sex - after w while it gets tiring - your going through the same song and dance every Friday or Saturday night trying to get a chick between the sheets.

There is more to it than that - and now your in a different place than you were - but if you had not had the experiences you had (through meaningless sex, broken relationships) then you wouldn't have evolved into who you are now.

I think your over analyizing this. Realize where you are in your life - and what your looking for. Your got experience to back you up and knowledge. I'd be carefull though, not to fall to hard - make sure you maintain a high bar, so that your still meeting women who are quality.

 

[comote]

Alot of men I know, myself included, have the same feelings about our favorite part about sex is how the girl responds to us . . . Don't think it makes us great lovers, although some of us are :box: Why do you think lesbian porn is popular among guys but gay porn is not popular among women.

Women on average get to enjoy sex FAR more than we do . . . .

As for your other sentiments squirrels . . . I don't think you are thinking like a woman, I believe it is a natural instinct to want to pair bond among humans. Most apes don't, but plenty of animals do pair bond, and almost everywhere civilization arose pair bonding grew.

Jealousy is in our DNA . . . relationship sex is far more satisfying than the casual sort, in a relationship you both get to let your guard down . . .

Relationship sex is alot more about acceptance than looks . . .Casual sex is all about looks, it is a great feeling to make a woman moan and know(or at least believe) that she is doing it because of who you are rather than just the size of your schlong or because you look hot(although that contributes to it).

I wish you luck in your quest Squirrels, I think you are on the right path, also I used to live in DC and there are many great women in that area, once you have decided what type of girl you are looking for, I'm sure you will find plenty . . .