I'm so confused. Advice needed.

Ricochet

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So this girl I used to see, and had sex with, gets back in touch with me after 3 months wanting to know how I'm doing, and asks me if I want to "catch up and go for a drink". I agree. She asks me when I'm free. I say next week sometime. She says she's quite busy that week and that she needs to check her work schedule. I say cool, let me know. She says she will. The weird thing is, last time we met she wouldn't let me kiss her and told me "we're just friends". She once told me she liked me and that I "needed to show her how much I like her".

I removed her from my life after that, and now she's back again. Why is she doing this? What should I do? Does she like me, or was she lying? I'm thinking of dropping her a text saying I can't make it this week, would that create attraction or would it backfire? Thanks guys and gals.
 

Kailex

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Hook. Line. Sinker.

She's probably not going to go out with you. She probably was going through a break up, a rough patch and needed some emotional validation, so she reached out to you, made "plans" and saw you were ready and willing to jump right back at it... and might either set them and flake or go ghost on you or when she shows up she will tell you that you set something up as friends.

Personally, to me you seem invested emotionally. I would just tell her I can't. Not to "create attraction" but to avoid yourself the frustration of being friendzoned again.

You should be going out with women that aren't ready and willing to jump in and out after 3 months.
 

Ricochet

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Thanks for the reply. I'll tell her I can't make it, and just move on. Also, I forgot to mention that we've had sex three times, does that change the story?
 

Harry Wilmington

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Duuuuuude... this level of the game is SO easy.

Were you to play this level of the game right, you could easily end up sleeping with her again. She probably won't end up the girlfriend, but I've been in this same scenario a few times where I was able to, at the very least, get a few more good lays out of the person. Therefore, what I'm about to give you is not advice about how to date her, but how to hook up with her again...

Basically, she's already set up the scenario: she asked you out for drinks. Subconsciously, she's setting up a scenario where, if you act right, she can get herself drunk and use it as an excuse to hook up with you. BUT, here's the kicker: you can't be overly-emotional or over-reactive to her. Meaning: you don't go in there talking about how much you miss her/want her/need her, and if she starts saying things like "yeah, so this other guy's been hitting on me lately, blah blah blah" you act like it doesn't bother you.

So what do you do?

1. Don't call her up to remind her that she mentioned going out for drinks with you. Right now SHE is pursuing YOU, so let her do so. If she doesn't ever hit you up again or forgets to, so what - BUT, assuming she's looking for a hook up or just really wants you, she'll most likely call.

2. Set up the date and time, then say "cool, see you there" or - if you're picking her up - "cool, I'll pick you up at x-time." Once you've done this, DO NOT CONTACT HER TO RE-CONFIRM. For one, it's not necessary - if she likes you she'll show up when she said she would, and if not, she'll flake. And if she flakes, GREAT - you'll know her true interest and don't have to deal with her anymore. And secondly, in keeping with the idea of her chasing you, she'll probably hit YOU up 30 min to an hour before to make sure YOU are going to show up. So much better when it's on the other foot :)

3. During drinks, NO SAPPY TALK ABOUT YOU AND HER.

4. During drinks, DO talk about any improvements in your life (real ones). This will show her that you didn't crumble and fall apart when she wasn't in your life. To a woman, this lets her know you're not dependent upon her for your happiness - which is actually a relief (guys that are end up being the ones that want to commit suicide if she leaves, and no girl wants that on her conscience). Also be sure to keep things lively and funny - no negative conversation.

5. Look for signals from her indicating where's she at with it in terms of wanting to hook up with you. If she's touching/kinoing you regularly, occasionally staring at you for a bit longer than expected, or throwing out sexual innuendos left and right, it's a STRONG possibility. If she doesn't, it's okay - it probably means she's on guard waiting for you to turn back into the AFC she got rid of a few months ago. Do NOT react negatively to her if she's not giving these signals.

6. At the end of the date, do NOT be the one to suggest going to either person's place. Remember, you're playing it cool now, as if your life is fine regardless of if you two are hooking up or not. Simply give her a hug, say "it was nice seeing you, we should do this again sometime" and walk back to your car. Now, IF she says "hey, why don't we hang out a bit at my place" or something else that hints at her wanting to do something more, it's your decision whether or not you want to take it.

Now, if you two don't hook up that night, that's fine - but the fact that YOU didn't even bring it up as a possibility will probably swirl around in her head for a bit. What's usually happened with me is, I'll do these "get reacquainted" dates, go home, and a few days later get another phone call from them saying they want to come over to my place to "hang out for a bit." Yada yada yada, they come over looking much sexier than they did on the "get reacquainted" date; they suggest watching a movie; we cuddle up on the couch; and the next thing I know... BOOM! TOUCHDOWN!

The point is, it may take a bit of patience, but I've seen and done this scenario enough to know that, if they're coming towards you, you can only mess it up by being too eager and aggressive; but, if you dial it back a bit and act like you're doing great without her (which you should be), you'll be surprised how effective it is at making them want to re-connect with you physically. Hope this helps!
 

Ricochet

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Thanks for your replies guys, I will keep you posted on how it goes later on in the week. Fingers crossed!
 

Ricochet

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So I text her telling her I can't meet her this week because I'll be in Norwich (which is true) and she got back to me with "Hey. It's fine anyway, I'm busy this week :) x". I haven't replied.

So is it a lost cause? You don't reckon she's trying to keep her cool, do you? I've had enough anyway.
 

Ricochet

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Yeah, that's exactly what I'm going to do. If she gets in touch, I'll report back. Thanks!
 

Poop1337

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She's going to do the same **** that caused you to remove her from your life last time. You kicked her to the curb dude when it sounds like you should have just spun that plate. You could have sex with her again easy if I understand your story correctly but you're acting like she was the one who got rid of you when it was you her. I mean who cares if she said you were just friends and wouldn't kiss she was still having sex right?
 

Kailex

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Ricochet said:
So I text her telling her I can't meet her this week because I'll be in Norwich (which is true) and she got back to me with "Hey. It's fine anyway, I'm busy this week :) x". I haven't replied.

So is it a lost cause? You don't reckon she's trying to keep her cool, do you? I've had enough anyway.
Warned you.

Don't reply again. On the regular, I'd agree with Harry said but that applies to certain people and not everyone... in the sense that you two have a history behind this all. It's slightly different.

To me it is a lost cause. It never really sounded like she had any intention of meeting. It doesn't matter if she is trying to keep her cool or not... reality is she has 2-3 other guys who'll be there while you are in Norwich.

If you've had enough, move on. There are other fish in the sea.
 

nismo-4

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Judge nismo knows that your princess is in another castle.

Women who are interested in you won't confuse you. Do you think she'd be quite busy if Brad Pitt or Channing Tatum asked her out? Hell no.

You deleted that woman and she came crawling back to you because Kailex, Mauser, and Poop1337, Harry, and myself didn't want to be "just friends". Or in her eyes, we wouldn't be her beta orbiters.

Staying ghost is the best thing that is for you. And spin more plates.

Case closed.
 

Ricochet

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Yep. Gonna just move on, I've had enough of her anyway. Thanks for all your replies guys!
 

GreyKnight

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This girl has shown no interest in having a relationship with you. Don't go expecting one. Treat her as an opportunity to learn a few things and hopefully have some fun - because fun is what she is looking for - nothing more and nothing less. Remember: no glovey, no lovey. I can guarantee this girl has got around. She just a paving stone on the road to your eventual goal.
 

Don-Kong

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Attention seeking, validation hungry chick wants you to make her feel better and powerful again.

Fvck that.
 
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