I'm setting myself up for disaster

[vlf445]

For the first time ever, I stopped caring about girls and started caring about me. I see all the advice here, things like "focus on yourself", "get a hobby", and "be decisive, know what you want in life". I am writing this because when it comes to this stuff, I AM A COMPLETE AFC.

I'm with my first serious girlfriend, and I spend A LOT of time with her (we're in college, lots of free time). However, I still have this "incomplete" feeling. I feel so unfulfilled, and I don't know why. It makes me depressed a lot, and that usually only disappears when I'm with her. Basically, I saw that I'm still not happy with myself and my life despite having everything I thought I wanted. I see 2 huge problems with this.

1) I'm setting myself up for a hell of a depression when this relationship does end...I hate thinking about when it might happen because I really don't know what I'm going to do...

and more importantly...

2) I'm still a complete AFC; I don't know what I want to do with my life in the far future, next week, or even tonight.

I'm sitting here bored as hell, feeling the depression slip back in as I write this. Im fed up with this sentiment, and I want to take action against it, but I'm clueless as to how. I WANT TO BE IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE, AND BECOME COMPLETELY SELF DEPENDENT. So all the advice tells me to work on my own life. I genuinely wanna forget all the bull**** with women for a while, and figure out how I make myself a better person. All responses are greatly appreciated, although I would really appreciate more than the typical vague statements I've read everywhere else (eg. "Get a hobby")

 

[Warrior74]

For the first time ever, I stopped caring about girls and started caring about me. I see all the advice here, things like "focus on yourself", "get a hobby", and "be decisive, know what you want in life". I am writing this because when it comes to this stuff, I AM A COMPLETE AFC.

I'm with my first serious girlfriend, and I spend A LOT of time with her (we're in college, lots of free time). However, I still have this "incomplete" feeling. I feel so unfulfilled, and I don't know why. It makes me depressed a lot, and that usually only disappears when I'm with her. Basically, I saw that I'm still not happy with myself and my life despite having everything I thought I wanted. I see 2 huge problems with this.

1) I'm setting myself up for a hell of a depression when this relationship does end...I hate thinking about when it might happen because I really don't know what I'm going to do...

and more importantly...

2) I'm still a complete AFC; I don't know what I want to do with my life in the far future, next week, or even tonight.

I'm sitting here bored as hell, feeling the depression slip back in as I write this. Im fed up with this sentiment, and I want to take action against it, but I'm clueless as to how. I WANT TO BE IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE, AND BECOME COMPLETELY SELF DEPENDENT. So all the advice tells me to work on my own life. I genuinely wanna forget all the bull**** with women for a while, and figure out how I make myself a better person. All responses are greatly appreciated, although I would really appreciate more than the typical vague statements I've read everywhere else (eg. "Get a hobby")

Congrats on realizing you have a problem. That's the first step.

Do some google searches on finding your life purpose.

The main thing to do is to create a plan. Here are some of my favorite quotes on that :

Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire and begin at once, whether you ready or not, to put this plan into action.
Napoleon Hill

Reduce your plan to writing. The moment you complete this, you will have definitely given concrete form to the intangible desire.
Napoleon Hill


Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success.
Pablo Picasso

If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.
Jim Rohn

It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Your plan is the only thing that matters. Even once you reach the goal, you may find it wasn't everything it was cracked up to be, but you will find all the other things you have learned about yourself on your journey. And your woman will respect the fact that you made a plan and saw it through. It will build up your self confidence, because when you start to feel doubt, you can look to you past successes and know that you can complete what you set out to do. You can look at your past failures and learn from them and know life goes on. Then you make even bigger plans that scare the **** out of you and break those down into small steps and conquer that plan as well.

Figure out what you want, make a plan, make it happen. Action brings confidence, contentment, focus, purpose and happiness. Good luck.

 

[vlf445]

Thanks Warrior, your insight really is pretty amazing. I've been struggling with this for a little while now, and I'm beginning to see what I need to do. However, I'm stuck at step 1, "figure out what you want". I spend plenty of time with myself, and sometimes feel like I know myself through and through, and others days feel clueless as to who I am and what I want. I can decide what I want to do on a day to day basis to keep busy, but I feel like I have no ultimate goal. In other words, I no longer feel like I'm working towards something, and I really don't know what it is I want to work for right now. I'm in college, but I feel like I'm not learning anything useful...Im kinda just floating through life, and this lifestyle keeps sticking me with a bad feeling in my gut

 

[Warrior74]

Thanks Warrior, your insight really is pretty amazing. I've been struggling with this for a little while now, and I'm beginning to see what I need to do. However, I'm stuck at step 1, "figure out what you want". I spend plenty of time with myself, and sometimes feel like I know myself through and through, and others days feel clueless as to who I am and what I want. I can decide what I want to do on a day to day basis to keep busy, but I feel like I have no ultimate goal. In other words, I no longer feel like I'm working towards something, and I really don't know what it is I want to work for right now. I'm in college, but I feel like I'm not learning anything useful...Im kinda just floating through life, and this lifestyle keeps sticking me with a bad feeling in my gut

No prob. I've been having that same floating feeling lately, which is why I know its time for a change. Looks like your first goal is to finish college. You are there for a reason, what's your reason for being in college? What's your major? Do you still feel passionate about it? Are you in any clubs related to it or doing internships to test drive it in the real world? Or doing your own projects based on what your learning?

Or just try exploring interest..things you always found interesting but never made time for.

If your off at college away from home try getting out in the area and seeing whats up with where you are. You gotta take some time to explore your environment as well as your mind.

 

[shortie]

1) I'm setting myself up for a hell of a depression when this relationship does end...I hate thinking about when it might happen because I really don't know what I'm going to do...

I just came out of a relationship where i was exactly this way. And kudos to you for realizing this before the relationship ends because it is completely true. I am sitting here and in the past month i realized that i had fallen in line with her plan, and guess what, she didnt have much planned for me once it came down to her pursuing her own dreams.

everything that Warrior is saying it all make sense now to me but its a little late for me. for you, its the right time. Aside from his advice, one of the most important things that i can say in hindsight is "Make your OWN friends." DO NOT and i really do have to repeat it, DO NOT just have mutual friends and thats it. I fell into that trap and i have been struggling to keep myself together because I left my friends behind for her.
second, definitely explore your own interests. Find what you like to do on your own or with friends. again i fell into the rut of just going along with her interests and her desires. In this past month i have realized how I have forgotten about all that i was passionate about.

otherwise sir, i wish you the best of luck with finding the purpose of your life.

 

[vlf445]

Once again, you just opened my eyes up a little further. I didn't realize that I wasn't exploring new interests. Also, a big part of this dissatisfaction is stemming from the fact that I don't have a passion for my major, because I feel like I'm wasting my time and money there. I just don't know what I would rather be doing. I guess it's time to get out there and explore...

 

[everywomanshero]

Well, you need balance.. it's not women versus you, it's about having your own interests and a love life too. Polarizing these extremes is not healthy imo

 

[vlf445]

Do you mind describing what you mean by "polarizing the extremes" a little bit more? I don't really understand what you mean by that.