I'm Not Who I am Anymore and I-Screw it, I Just Don't Know Who I Am

[Evolution]

There was a confrontation though between me and this best friend of my best friend in the normal locker area this afternoon. I was walking towards my locker and he towards his, and being the stuck-up that he is even though the way he acts towards me and talks about me behind my back, he puts his hand up for a high-five as we pass each other. I'm thinking hell no, so I grab his arm and do a little twist to it and continue to my locker. A few seconds later, he comes back, gets my attention and slaps me in the face. Then he goes back and does what he needs to at his locker, comes back to mine and holds his hand up and is like come on lets do this right. I didn't know how else to react without being stupid, so I high-fived him and he was like there ya go and walked away.

Close, but you have to realize that this guy is not your friend. My friends would never slap me. I don't care even if it was a girl, I'd still slap her back.

Anyway, you lost this battle because you did "suck up" to him. You gave him, what he wanted. Your attention, your validation.

Next time, ignore him. I don't even if he gets in your face, pretend that he isn't even there.


I know a guy just like your friend.


He talks **** behind my back across the room, and I even though I can hear it. I pretend that it doesn't affect me.

In reality, the one who talks **** behind other people are the losers. They lower their social status in front of everyone. They're showing their insecurity to everyone.

"When is it going to be mine turn?" His friends are thinking.


Eventually that kid started being nice to me. But I never considered him a friend, and I never suck up to him. I never gave him MY validation/attention, but never did I disrespect him.

I hate people like that. I think the arm-twist thing I did was a little juvenile, but it was the quickest thought that came to my mind instead of sucking up to him.

You played right into his hand, by giving him your attention. You need to stop that.

Remember: One who cares the least has the higher status.

By ignoring him, he will trying harder to earn your approval.

Any comments on this experience? Basically this guy bends people's minds to get what he wants. For example, he'll act like we are buddies, but in reality we are not.

By supplementing him with your attention, your no better than him. He isn't your buddy and you need to stop acting like it.

Additionally, today, I noticed something about my conversations with people (I have noticed this before), is that when I really get into the conversation, I end up laughing and saying things that make me look stupid. I try to turn it around, but it usually doesn't successfully happen that way.

Any ideas? Thanks!

Are you socially inept? I don't understand why you would sabotage yourself..

 

[someone800]

Thanks for the reply. I get a lot of what you are saying. However, there is another guy I know who is nice sometimes and a jerk the others. He is in a few of my classes and talks to me a lot because we share a lot of the same interests. However, sometimes after a while he makes total ***hole statements at me. Today, in one of my classes with him though, he talked to me about several things. I answered him, but did not try to enhance the conversation as usual. However, what do I do with people like him who are jerks and try whole-heartedly try directly talking to me in a small-medium classroom setting/atmosphere? Surely if I were to ignore them, it would make me seem like a fool to the whole class and teacher. Any suggestions?

Also, what do you mean by this:

Are you socially inept? I don't understand why you would sabotage yourself..

For example, today at lunch I was talking to some of my friends/acquaintances and (this has happened before) I would get really into talking with them and then say some stupid comment as a joke (usually sexual or something like that) to enhance the conversation as far as making it enjoyable for everyone. However, it frequently seems to come back at me for "making that creepy comment."
I am self-diagnosed with social anxiety disorder (thanks Wikipedia) and one of the things it says that I have noticed about myself is that I unnecessarily freak out/worry if I said something wrong (or not wrong at all) in a conversation earlier for hours to days or more.
Additionally, one other thing in speaking of social anxiety disorder, is that I when I am in social situations especially with girls or people I don't know, I blush a ton so that it's noticeable. I feel like this is a big limiting factor to me as people do notice it (I occasionally get comments that I am blushing) and especially with girls; say I want to be friends with a hot girl/girl or get to know her, I would blush when I start talking and probably creep her out.

Suggestions? Thanks again!

 

[Evolution]

Thanks for the reply. I get a lot of what you are saying. However, there is another guy I know who is nice sometimes and a jerk the others. He is in a few of my classes and talks to me a lot because we share a lot of the same interests. However, sometimes after a while he makes total ***hole statements at me. Today, in one of my classes with him though, he talked to me about several things. I answered him, but did not try to enhance the conversation as usual. However, what do I do with people like him who are jerks and try whole-heartedly try directly talking to me in a small-medium classroom setting/atmosphere? Surely if I were to ignore them, it would make me seem like a fool to the whole class and teacher. Any suggestions?

Ignoring people does not make you a fool. Your keeping your own power. Your are not obligated into answering everything people ask you.


Theres is no reason why I should waste my own time, answering to *******s. My high school is full of immature fools, I don't waste my time with them.

But, the ones I'm friends with, have my respect.

it would make me seem like a fool to the whole class and teacher

Nobody really cares. And people will respect you more, if your not wasting your time being a clown. And getting tooled around all the time.

For example, today at lunch I was talking to some of my friends/acquaintances and (this has happened before) I would get really into talking with them and then say some stupid comment as a joke (usually sexual or something like that) to enhance the conversation as far as making it enjoyable for everyone. However, it frequently seems to come back at me for "making that creepy comment."

Then why on earth are you still doing it? Are you trying to get attention? Stop that.

I am self-diagnosed with social anxiety disorder (thanks Wikipedia) and one of the things it says that I have noticed about myself is that I unnecessarily freak out/worry if I said something wrong (or not wrong at all) in a conversation earlier for hours to days or more.

You do not have social anxiety disorder. Its what I call "socially inexperienced", and its curable. Provided you make the effort to go out and socialize, and fix any awkwardness in your behavior/speech.

*Self diagnoses are 99.9% inaccuarate. I use to be a self-diagnosed psychopath, self proclaimed nazi. Rediculous now that I think about it.*

Additionally, one other thing in speaking of social anxiety disorder, is that I when I am in social situations especially with girls or people I don't know, I blush a ton so that it's noticeable. I feel like this is a big limiting factor to me as people do notice it (I occasionally get comments that I am blushing) and especially with girls; say I want to be friends with a hot girl/girl or get to know her, I would blush when I start talking and probably creep her out.

Again, your "socially inexperienced".

Blushing in front of a hot girl is probably is least of your worries. Your "inexperience" is probably whats making you nervous.

 

[SinJester]

Don't worry about blushing, that probably makes you blush more. Some girls will probably think its cute. Don't worry.

My way is to stay nice at these @ss holes unless a direct confrontation comes up, then I use witty comments or just ignore it. The thing is that these guys don't get a lot of respect. What helped me deal with it was realizing that heaps of people felt the same way about this guy (i had my own particular case) and THEY would talk about HIM behind his back all the time. So next time he tries to bring me down I just laugh, a knowing laugh, because while he thinks they are laughing with him, they are actually laughing at him.

Don't take **** but don't be a total douchebag and blow them off when they try and talk to you. It makes you look anti-social. Some might disagree with me but thats how I go.

You have to realize your overanalyzing everything. Are you doing affirmations? You need to be. When you look in a mirror tell yourself that you love you, that your handsome, that people want to know you. Even if it s forced make it habit. Eventually you will mean it.

Stop caring about what people think about you. They are only looking after their own interests. People will ALWAYS be trying to bring you down. There will always be someone in your way. So just do whatever the hell you want. Stop trying to impress girls. Did you read any of Pooks posts? YOU are the prize. You are talking to them because you want to and nothing more. Instead of trying to win them over focus on improving their life just by being there. They should consider themselves lucky that you are even talking to them, because you are an awesome guy who is special in his own unique way just like everyone else on the planet. YOU are the prize.

The sad truth of the matter is that you could get hit by a car and die tomorrow and in a week no one will care apart from your close friends or family. No one will remember you. Don't dwell on it for too long. Just use it to do what you want. Hell maybe if you actually go out and do something some people will care?

I also agree with Evolution that it's inexperiance.

 

[someone800]

Thanks for the replies. I appreciate it. So, overall, in the end, basically this is what I need to do:

-Slap myself in the face (figuratively) every time I act like my old self
-Keep level-headed during conversations-try not to act weird or say things that make me look stupid (any recommended conversation links by the way? I like to make people laugh, but when I do, it is usually at me in the end)
-Reform my relationships with people I know. Get rid of (mostly) the *******s. Severe my ties with my friends I am outgrowing, but keep emotional ties with them (?).
-Ignore my OCD when it acts up (ex. a person coughs around me-I should not react to it) (this I think I mentioned in this or another post, but since I am posting my goals to change myself-might as well list it)
-Step outside my comfort zone even when I am not ready. Talk to girls and people and look them in the eye and have good conversations even though my face may be as red as a cherry and I may start sweating and/or stuttering.