I'm Not Who I am Anymore and I-Screw it, I Just Don't Know Who I Am

[someone800]

Hey,

I haven't posted on here in a few weeks-I've sort of been lazy this Winter Break laying around not doing anything, not being who I want to be...

Anyways, I started getting into one of my semi-depressed but not really moods tonight and started thinking. I use to be a nerd when I was in elementry/middle school and expressed myself without worry thus resulting in me getting picked on for who I was. Now, I have very low self-esteem among other things so I have self-diagnosed myself with social-anxiety disorder. For a time, I was serious about seeing a talk therapists, so much I told my Mom and Dad how I feel and my Mom found the name of one, but I decided not to check it out after I found this forum and other things basically giving me the excerises that I would be told to do anyways by a talk therapist. I never did get my 50 hi's yet-only around 4.

However, I really started thinking about how I am trying to change to what I want to be. Here I am, a social anxiety filled, OCD filled, guy who has potential (I have been told I look cute or hot by girls) but just can't seem to turn into what he wants to. I have even gone to lengths of getting a bunch of new clothes to change my look a few weeks ago which has gone over pretty well so far. It's just my personality I fear. I think of all the situations that can happen and the worst sticks out like a sore thumb. When I started that Boot Camp for the 50 hi's, I was pumped the next day. Well, when I was walking in school, I felt like I was hiding in my own body-like I have been all shy and stuff.

As a person, I feel like there a bunch of personalities tugging at me. Imagine a circle with every kind of personality pulling at me-some harder then others. Now, I am in that circle, not knowing what to do. Additionally, I told a close friend who is a lot like I use to be (and happy with who he is) as in he is I guess a nerd and hangs out with that crowd, but he doesn't care what others think of him and is happy, that I am to far out the door of my old self to turn back into it.

I don't know, these are just my thoughts. I feel like if I were to observe my life and thoughts from a perspective view outside myself, I would just say I had a self-esteem problem. However, sometimes I feel like society won't let me change, or I won't let myself change-I don't know. However, in the end, I just feel like the quiet guy who has all the thoughts and motivation to change himself (not just for girls, but for himself so he can be a better person, the person who he wants to be in life) but in the end, for some reason, doesn't.

Any suggestions? Thanks.

 

[carreyreincarnate1]

i know what ur talking about. i used to get picked on alot for everything i did in middle school, but i didn't care at first. over time it really got to me and i became someone else, someone with multiple personalities fighting a game of tug of war. freshman and sophmore year in high school sucked. but u know what, i realized there is no reason to feel like this. i said to myself, "screw it" and i just started doing my own thing instead of following the crowd. my self esteem improved and i am on top of the world. u see what im saying? just do ur own thing and ur life will get better. stop worrying about what other people think. if u want something or do something, nobody should get in the way of what is yours for the taking if u just applied yourself.

 

[SinJester]

I went through that too. I used to be a nerd I guess, and I would get paid out for everything I did. My big change came more recently. I decided I had enough and just did what I want without caring what other people thought, like carreyreincarnate1 described above. I still hang out with nerdy guys sometimes even though my group of 'real' friends has always been kind of cool. Before I would sit at home rather than hanging with nerdy guys, but now I go out and have FUN and I'm happy. Do what you want if it makes you happy, fvck the rest. People don't care nearly as much as you think they do.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=136961 - I think some parts of that may help a bit.

As for not knowing who you are, well realize that every person just sees you through their own perceptions, with their own filters created by their own memories. Even at 17 years old people have lived for 884 weeks, 6188 days, 148512 hours, 8,910,720 minutes or 534,643,200 seconds. Every person had experianced each of those seconds differently. What they think of you is reflected by each of those seconds they have lived. They don't see you as you are but how they think you are, how the perceive you.

Even you don't really see yourself. You have a perception of yourself too. You are as right and as wrong as every other person that knows you. You see what happens to you through your eyes but you can't see yourself how others see you so you can't really know yourself. You have no idea about your subconcious and the inner workings of your brain. All this spirituel 'finding yourself' stuff everyone talks about is bullsh!t. Make yourself who YOU want to be.

You aren't here to find yourself, you are here to create yourself.

You aren't 'that nerdy guy' or 'that quiet guy'. You are a fantastic being made up of your extremely complicated DNA and 534,643,200 seconds of living. Stop trying to fit yourself into a mould.

 

[JLW]

I'm not in high school anymore (Thank god) but I can give you some advice.

First of all, High School, in my opinion, are probably the hardest years of your life. It is THE HARDEST TIME you will ever have because everyone wants to fit in and its generally a stage in peoples' lives when they have low self esteem. As a result, they just follow the crowd.

If you just try to follow the crowd, I think you will still be unhappy. Also, people will know that you're faking who you are, and you will probably not be "liked" for it.

My advice is to say fvck everyone and just be who you really are. Sure, you may get made fun of for it by a certain group of kids (generally the more popular kids), but even then, I think that they will admire you at least a little bit because you'll be brave enough to be yourself, unlike everyone else in High School.

You will never be able to please everyone, so my best advice is to be who you really are. You will get a group of friends that are similar to you. And STOP TRYING TO BE COOL.

It's so much easier said than done in High School, btu really, the best thing you can do for yourself is to...be yourself. Of course, you want to be your absolute best self and you should want to improve, but don't change your personality or who you are for anyone.

If you're still trying to "find out who you are" don't do things because you want to fit in, do things because you want to do them.

This is so hard to do in High School, with all the pressure you are under, btu really, it will pay off.

 

[someone800]

Wow, thanks guys. Those are some really great tips. I appreciate it.

Stop trying to fit yourself into a mould.

That really opened my eyes more. I have been trying to do pretty much that.

If you just try to follow the crowd, I think you will still be unhappy. Also, people will know that you're faking who you are, and you will probably not be "liked" for it.

Interestingly, I already know I am not "liked" for trying to be someone I *may not?* be. I have heard of people talking behind my back completely knowing I am trying to be someone I am not in their opinion.

I have one question based on these great replies though:
If I end up being myself, wouldn't this make me less likely to be accepted by girls/get girls? Thus totally revoking the point of learning to be a DJ? I know there are girls out there for me that are like me and hot by my standards at the same time, it is just I feel when I was myself, I would end up doing stupid things and girls/other people wouldn't take a second glance my way because they don't want to find out who I really am. Additionally, there was a good quote somewhere on this forum that went something like,"When people say to just be yourself they are lying because when you were yourself, it just plain wasn't working out for you."

 

[Quiksilver]

You have to create yourself in your own image... sounds easy doesn't it? Nah its hard. It involves breaking down old habits and creating new ones, erasing old thought patterns and putting new ones in place, and essentially aligning your conscious and subconscious mind in the same direction.


Right now your conscious mind is saying "This is who I want to be, I want to change" meanwhile your subconscious is saying "This is who you were, this is what you should be to survive(self-preservation)" The subconscious mind controls your habits and is very resistant to change.


Many people try to control their subconscious mind through will-power... I'll spare you the trouble and tell you now that that doesn't work. Accept that your subconscious mind is stronger, and that to change yourself you have to influence, rather than control it.


Some ways to influence are: positive thinking, affirmations, and basically taking baby steps in teaching your subconscious mind. Do many little things right, instead of tackling the entire problem at once. You said you had 50 "hi's" to get? Start with only one a day. You want to be a DJ? Start by writing down all the things you want to be, and HOW to get there, and tackle one at a time.


Remember, start with little things and build momentum from there.

 

[SinJester]

In order to become your new, better self, or a DJ, you have to sacrifice your old self. In order to change you have to sacrifice who you were. In order to become buff you have to sacrifice the skinny you. I thinky you need to realize this. It's scary I know but once you accept this then you can move on. As soon as I did it really helped. Humans' subconcious minds are always geared to avoid change. However if you don't do anything different you never will change, and your subconcious will win, you will always be who you are now, unhappy, mediocore.

This also seems like a must read for you: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=22213

I told you to stop trying to put yourself into a mould. Well this is exactly what every person you ever meet will try to do to you. They don't like it when you act outside this mould, and thats why they talk against you. Like in the link I gave you, they don't want you to succeed. They want you to stay who you are so it doesn't reveal their own failures.

I hate it when people say thing slike "I hate people who act fake". They aren't acting fake, they are just acting outside of the perception you have of them.

So its your choice. You can stay who you are to avoid conflict or do what you want and sure maybe some people might not like it, but eventually you will get respect. I went through the conflict stage and came out as a popular, pimping dude. It's worth it. HS used to be depressing, now I'm loving my life and living it to the full. Now I'm scared to leave. It never would have happened if I didn't accept change. My friends didn't like me changing at first, but now they have accepted the 'new' me. Now when I do something that's not 'expected' of me no one cares, before eveyone would have been up in arms. It's a better place.

At first your that guy 'being someone he's not'. Soon after your that popular guy who does whatever the fvck he wnats and everyone loves you for it. Do you think the popular guys care what people think? Do you think they worry about being cool? No. The true ones don't. They don't care if people think he's acting outside his mould, and that's the secret of his sucess.

 

[dj ben2]

simple but im telling u these things because its worked for me

visit the HandF forum and hit the gym (eat the 1.5g-2g protein no less)
it will boost testosterone make u feel good about yourslef

but the one thing that change dmyt life was always remeber

this is YOUR life, your are the most IMPORTANT person in your life, you are a SEXY beast with LOTS to offer to a woman, you said yourself girls think your cute so ACT on it dont hold yourslef back

 

[someone800]

Thanks for the replies. I appreciate it. There were quite a few great tips and ideas that I have committed to memorization.

Anyways, today for me is the end of the first week back to school from Winter Break. I have some reflections/questions over it:

So far, the new clothes has gone over mostly well. Some people have made comments to me commenting on my nice new clothes. Additionally, I plan to get some more eventually.

Also, this has sorta been bugging me for a while: My friends. It is sad that I am even thinking of this I think, but a large portion of my friends are who I am/use to be. There are only a couple I believe that actually encourage/know what I am really trying to do and don't try to get in my way of it. Sometimes, when one of my friends acts up, I think the sad and horrible thought that I need to get new friends, they are holding me back, but really, I know that I am holding myself back. I feel like when I hang around some of these friends, that other people who know how they are, stereotype me as one of them too.
I just don't know what to do about this situation.

Additionally, this is probably a huge influence of my problems: my self-esteem. I believe it is very low. When I talk to people I know/have known sometimes, I feel like they know I am weak inside and make comments at me sometimes to shoot me down. This makes me feel like an idiot and that I can't become who I want to become. Some of these people are even friends with one of my best friends. I just can't get away from them, they are in my classes, hang out with us, etc. In my opinion, they are some of the people that won't let me/accept me changing. They, including one specific one; a best friend of my best friend, a lot of times makes comments that make me feel like dirt, lower than them. I just wish they would accept me for what I want to become, or even encourage me like a couple of my best friends do. It just makes me feel like they are the ceiling and it is lower than my height and I can't stand up past it. They are trying to keep me down and not letting me get involved. Another one of the big things is, that my best friend is friends with a lot of these people, and he hangs out with them a lot of the time. It's usually either me, or them. It can't be all of us, it has to be one or the other cause I'm a ***** in their eyes.

Also, another thing happened today. A new student came into one of my classes who moved in. She was pretty hot too. A perfect target. During class, I was going through my head how to casually talk to her. I came up with something, got confident, and guess what I did? Yeah, I walked to my next class. Any suggestions/ideas?

One other thing I was thinking about today was that I need to do something stupid. Not something with drugs, alcohol, cutting or crud like that; something that my current/old self would think was stupid. Something that is a big thing to do (not over a period of a while like the 50 hi's), and will vastly improve my self-esteem and social life. Any ideas?

So, after reading my thoughts, any thoughts of your own on my situation?

Thanks.

 

[Evolution]

Also, this has sorta been bugging me for a while: My friends. It is sad that I am even thinking of this I think, but a large portion of my friends are who I am/use to be. There are only a couple I believe that actually encourage/know what I am really trying to do and don't try to get in my way of it.

Part of the maturation process is giving up your old friends. Personally, I've been there. This is probably the point in your life where you have outgrown your friends, and yes the best thing to do is to move on.

Sometimes, when one of my friends acts up, I think the sad and horrible thought that I need to get new friends, they are holding me back, but really, I know that I am holding myself back. I feel like when I hang around some of these friends, that other people who know how they are, stereotype me as one of them too.
I just don't know what to do about this situation.

A year ago when I was still learning this stuff. I was developing into who I wanted to be. But the only thing holding me back, was that I still clung on to my old friends. They told me "We just too different now."

So I let them go, but more people came into my life. These new friends enriched my life, and I have met many many more girls along the way.

Additionally, this is probably a huge influence of my problems: my self-esteem. I believe it is very low. When I talk to people I know/have known sometimes, I feel like they know I am weak inside and make comments at me sometimes to shoot me down.

This is a very self-defeating belief, thats holding you back. I use to be in the same position as you.

I highly recommend you read "The Book of Pook"
www.jbspencer.com/djb/

This will give you a solid foundation of inner game, and cure many of your limiting beliefs.

This makes me feel like an idiot and that I can't become who I want to become.

A year ago, I remember sitting by myself and looking at one of those guys, who were just having fun, with girls laughing all around him. Touching him, flirting and great time.

I became that person. I'm the guy, that I use to look up to.


View all this as a journey. This will transform your life. You can become who you always wanted to be.

Some of these people are even friends with one of my best friends. I just can't get away from them, they are in my classes, hang out with us, etc. In my opinion, they are some of the people that won't let me/accept me changing. They, including one specific one; a best friend of my best friend, a lot of times makes comments that make me feel like dirt, lower than them. I just wish they would accept me for what I want to become, or even encourage me like a couple of my best friends do.

This guy is not your friend. And you the beta male compared to him. Your the playtoy, the clown. Don't conform to earn his respect, he should respect you. Get away from this guy.

The friends that I have choose to keep in my life, respect me. Because they have earned my respect, so I respect them.

The people who toy with me, disrespect me, are not my friends. I do not align with those people.

It's usually either me, or them. It can't be all of us, it has to be one or the other cause I'm a ***** in their eyes.

In my life, I live by a simple rule. Do not do unto others as you would expect they should do unto you.

I choose my friends, those who do not fit this rule are kicked out of my social circle plain and simple.


In your case, I think you just want to be accepted. Rather than to be accepting of others, you chose to be accepted.

Know that its better to be the lone wolf, who has standards. Than to be the clown, who is made fun of in his own social circle.

 

[Evolution]

How did you go on without your friends?

My friends are most of my social life, I would be very lonely and lost without them yet there are holding me back sometimes.

I make friends everywhere I go, they flock to me.

My point was that, sometimes you have to let go of old friends. Its part of the maturation process, you will naturally soon make friends with those who align with you.


Even if today all my friends cut contact with me, I'll be alright. I can still live on. I can make new friends just as easily.

 

[someone800]

Hmmmm...Thanks for the great replies. They have lots of useful information in them and as far as a few of my friends, I have gotten the answer I don't want, but at the same time have known for months it would be that. I'll have to observe the situation a little bit more.

Also, moving on to the last part of my recent post, is there a single thing that I could do that doesn't really need any special preparation besides the mental preparation that my current/previous self would think was stupid, but in reality would socially help me? Nothing stupid involving drugs or alcohol, but something stupid that isn't really in the overview of things and would actually help me.

Any ideas? Thanks!

 

[Technical1]

Any ideas? Thanks!

Affirmations are important. Look on websites about boosting confidence, write down the 'zingers' that you want to take to heart, enough to fill 1 sheet of lined paper double space (about 10-15). Repeat these aloud to yourself twice a day, in the morning and at night. It has real effects after a few weeks. You start to believe them. Crazy but true.

Stop thinking about innate qualities, since you cant change them. Think instead about 1) past accomplishments of yours, and 2) goals in future.
Define yourself by what you do, it is easy and fun and gives a basis for self-respect.

Stop talking about yourself, blah blah, I'm this, I'm that. You are a little blob of flesh, you are unformed, unexperienced: you are not much compared to what you could become. Unformed teenagers who think about themselves are boring and have nothing to offer. You, however, could become someone really cool. And just by doing things, thinking positive, sticking to your goals, and believing in yourself. Doing things is always a choice, being happy and positive is always a choice. Make this choice consistently for 5 years in a row, search out new people and experiences, and you will be AWESOME at the end of those 5 years. You will be awesome after 2 years.

You just need to get the ball rolling and it will pick up momentum on its own and carry you further without you doing much more work. But what is not getting the ball rolling? Any mealy-mouthed mumbling about I-feel-bad or I-feel-sad or I-dont-have-everything-I-want-right-now. Advantages come to men like an avalanche that grows in size as it comes down a mountain: first you get the self-respect, then you get the respect from others, then you start to really accomplish things, then you start to pull ahead, then all kinds of people become interested in you, suddenly you're on top of the world. Each advantage that comes to you will bring with it the likelihood of more advantages. There is almost no ceiling on how much a man can grow and blossom, it will amaze you and you will never even remember the dumb **** that fills your life now.

Just kill that moping inner sop, he has to die in order for this to be accomplished. Try and kick your own ass into motion. Move away from
where you are at, never stay static. Keep moving. Punch yourself in the face.

 

[LostAndConfused]

To apply what Technical1 said, check out ExcelNPrevails post in this thread:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=137543

I hate it when people say thing slike "I hate people who act fake". They aren't acting fake, they are just acting outside of the perception you have of them.

Good post Jester, I've been wondering about comments like this. Some girl said this to me once, when I failed at hooking up with one of her friends, and I honestly never had been more confused before. Why do girls say it, and why do guys say it? The girl who said it to me was "trying to help" but it just made me more confused.

Someone800, has anyone said this to you?

 

[Evolution]

Also, moving on to the last part of my recent post, is there a single thing that I could do that doesn't really need any special preparation besides the mental preparation that my current/previous self would think was stupid, but in reality would socially help me? Nothing stupid involving drugs or alcohol, but something stupid that isn't really in the overview of things and would actually help me.

Any ideas? Thanks!

Try out new things, that your current/previous self wouldn't do.

It seems to me you still have a lot of self-limiting beliefs floating around in your head.

The only way to get rid of those are to start getting out of your comfort zone and defeat those beliefs one by one.

Yes its gonna be a slow process, but if you pull through its going to change your entire life. Your quality of life will improve...you will have the friends you wanted, the social life you wanted, and the respect you craved.


Things that you can do:

(building confidence, self esteem)
Go to the bookstore, and talk to ten strangers, seriously. Girl, guy, mixed sets..doesn't matter. If you can make people laugh, your confidence will rise.

(this is a very extreme example, but I did it. And I now have the kind of the friends that really enriched my life.)
Dump your old friends, and start hand picking new friends.

Stop accepting **** from people, don't be afraid to walk away from those who don't give you respect. But you have hold your end of the bargain and don't treat people with disrespect.

Stop trying to fit in, its better to be alone than to be hang out with a bunch of losers who disrespect you. Girls will likely to approach you, because you have a sense of your self-worth. And that your not trying to fit in.

Smile, have a smile whenever you go out. And whenever you walk into a place. Smiling shows that your enjoy life, that you are there to enjoy yourself. You give value to people's life, not take value.

People will be very happy when you approach with a smile on your face.


Very practical stuff.

 

[someone800]

To apply what Technical1 said, check out ExcelNPrevails post in this thread:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=137543



Good post Jester, I've been wondering about comments like this. Some girl said this to me once, when I failed at hooking up with one of her friends, and I honestly never had been more confused before. Why do girls say it, and why do guys say it? The girl who said it to me was "trying to help" but it just made me more confused.

Someone800, has anyone said this to you?

Not directly. However, one of the reasons I originally made the first post on this thread a week ago was my best friend was talking to one girl of the other group of his friends (that includes the people who I feel are a ceiling to me), and he later told me that they were talking about me and she said that I need to stop trying to be someone I am not. For a while there, I thought she was right, but now after reading these posts, I see she is wrong. I think I may just need to get away from these people, but it's going to be hard. They are in my classes, and friends with a few of my friends including my best friend. They also still talk to me frequently like I am their friend, but in the end, they go back to being ***holes to me.

Thanks for the replies by the way-this is so far the best thread in my opinion that I have been involved in on this forum-it should be put on the useful links thread.

 

[LostAndConfused]

Not directly. However, one of the reasons I originally made the first post on this thread a week ago was my best friend was talking to one girl of the other group of his friends (that includes the people who I feel are a ceiling to me), and he later told me that they were talking about me and she said that I need to stop trying to be someone I am not. For a while there, I thought she was right, but now after reading these posts, I see she is wrong. I think I may just need to get away from these people, but it's going to be hard. They are in my classes, and friends with a few of my friends including my best friend. They also still talk to me frequently like I am their friend, but in the end, they go back to being ***holes to me.

Thanks for the replies by the way-this is so far the best thread in my opinion that I have been involved in on this forum-it should be put on the useful links thread.

This is going to be a long post, but I urge you to read all of this post, someone800. Just typing it is going to help me out too .

Humans in general are VERY judgmental. I have people from my school who talk to my just because I'm a great guy to talk to. Why? Because they could tell me about the stupidest sh1t ever and it doesn't alter my perceptions about them, rather, my perceptions are determined by how they act, and I keep an open mind to most people.

Why am I saying this? Because most people are the opposite. My school goes from first grade all the way to twelfth grade, so this is even more dramatic for me, but assuming you came to your high school as a freshman (your a junior like me, right?), people developed a perception about you within the first couple of weeks as a freshman. The *most* judgmental people in this entire planet are in high school.

They assume that people are changeless rocks. They can only be crushed. Rather, we are all like rivers, always flowing and bending. So when you come to SoSuave.net, and realize that maybe your perceptions on life and that your mindset was a little off, and you decide to change, you end up becoming a cooler guy. But these people at your school have known you for two years, they don't want you to surprise them. People like suspense, but not in the way where they find out that all they believed about you was wrong. No one likes to be proved wrong. So what do they do? They try to bring you back down to where you were. Picture them trying to place you in a filing cabinet in the "uncool guys" folder, and when you prove to them that maybe they are putting you in the wrong folder, they get all defensive. They start saying:

1. "You try too hard."
2. "Over Achiever."
3. "Stop trying to be someone you are not." (This is by far the worst of those).

I say that the third one is the worst because it has ruined me. Do not be like me, someone800! Over the summer I focused on gaming alot of girls. Eventually, the "cool girl who everyone can talk to" approached me about it, as I was spitting game to alot of her friends. Of course, I failed frequently, but my successes were what she approached me about. When she approached me, she told me she wanted to talk about this girl who I failed with, and I made the mistake of believing that. She really wanted to talk to me about how I've defied her. She gives me the "stop trying to be someone you are not" to try to bring me back down to my previous level. What an evil woman!

This same evil will come to you in many different manners, I guess for you its that girl.

Don't listen to that voice!

Do not be like me, someone. I made the mistake of listening, and after I heard her say that, I kept questioning myself before I would approach a girl. In fact, some girl wanted to hook up with me but I backed down because I listened to that voice. Its important that you hear this because you're in high school, and we are trying to establish our identity, trying to become men. The girls in high school who challenge you don't want you to be that way, they want you to fail and stay a little kid, because they are secretly jealous of you. Me and you both, brother, are at a turning point, where we could either become great men or shy little boys. You've come off before as a shy little boy, as have I, and these girls want you to stay that way.

Defy them.


As a side note, that same girl ended up liking me.

 

[SinJester]

Wow LostAndConfused, that was an amazing post. There is a lot of great advice here. I think its something most of us can relate to.

To be honest I'm surprised no one has told me 'stop trying to be someone your not'. I've had a lot of people come up to me a parties saying 'hey, I always thought you were just that smart quiet guy'. They say that because I'm like the smartest guy in school. I'm not trying to float my own boat but I'm always getting the best report card out of anyone and getting academic rewards. Everyone had me tagged as a 'nerd'... and I hated it.

But I've turned that around. I have't been called a nerd in ages. I've been called a pimp a lot, a legend, but not a nerd. It helped when I realized anyone who called me that was just degrading me to make themselves feel better because they aren't as inteligent as I am and they are insecure about it. They are jealous. Now that I stopped letting them get me down I was free to rise.

You guys forgot to mention that you CAN change peoples expectations of you. It does take awhile but it does happen. Sure, you will find resistance. There is resistance in all life's paths, so you might as well take the path you want to take. If you don't crash down the obstacle of people putting you in a mould, if you don't break out, you will forever be who you are now - not content with yourself.

Now I'm a regular on the party scene and no one questions me being there. I'm not a nerd anymore, I'm the smart guy who picks up chicks and likes to party. Don't you see? If I can do it you can too! In year 9 I couldn't talk to girls. The next year I could. The end of the next year I was a full blown pimp, thanks to this site and myself. You can change who you are. You can change your image.

People are selfish by nature. They don't want you to succeed because it will put light on their failures. Sadly, this includes your friends. If you have to you may have to cut them off. Although it isn't always neccesary. I brought mine with me instead, even though they didn't like me changing at first. Maybe you can go off and build your reputation and come back and salvage your friendship as the 'cool' guy. A good bet would be to split your time between multiple groups.

To be honest through all my advice the last day and a bit I've been through a little minor identity crisis. Although I am a confident guy who gets girls these days, life can never be a constant high. My problem is that even though I am pimp, I don't want to hurt girls feelings. Some guys may scoff but being a 'playa' it is hard to get girls to trust you. So I want to avoid a rep where people think I screw with girls, which is what I'm kind of getting now.

What I'm getting at is that there is always challenges at life. Who the hell said "It's not which cards you have in life, it is how you play them"? Fvuck that, go out and take whatever damn cards you want!

 

[Evolution]

Some guys may scoff but being a 'playa' it is hard to get girls to trust you. So I want to avoid a rep where people think I screw with girls, which is what I'm kind of getting now.

No, I hate being seen as a playa too. Now a days I just go under the radar, sometimes its better not to have unwanted attention.

I rather just be seen as a confident guy, not some "playa" status.

 

[someone800]

Wow, thanks again for the great replies. They are very encouraging. Today, I sort of tried putting some of these general ideas to usage by speaking up more, trying to stay away from ***holes, etc.

There was a confrontation though between me and this best friend of my best friend in the normal locker area this afternoon. I was walking towards my locker and he towards his, and being the stuck-up that he is even though the way he acts towards me and talks about me behind my back, he puts his hand up for a high-five as we pass each other. I'm thinking hell no, so I grab his arm and do a little twist to it and continue to my locker. A few seconds later, he comes back, gets my attention and slaps me in the face. Then he goes back and does what he needs to at his locker, comes back to mine and holds his hand up and is like come on lets do this right. I didn't know how else to react without being stupid, so I high-fived him and he was like there ya go and walked away.

I hate people like that. I think the arm-twist thing I did was a little juvenile, but it was the quickest thought that came to my mind instead of sucking up to him.

Any comments on this experience? Basically this guy bends people's minds to get what he wants. For example, he'll act like we are buddies, but in reality we are not.

Additionally, today, I noticed something about my conversations with people (I have noticed this before), is that when I really get into the conversation, I end up laughing and saying things that make me look stupid. I try to turn it around, but it usually doesn't successfully happen that way.

Any ideas? Thanks!