I'm new here... And a woman is that ok?

[Tryingtofindmyself]

Hello, what a great forum. Excellent advice, great psychology that works.

My story is a two year relationship ended one week ago on the 19th December. Not my choice. My partner ended it. I found this forum yesterday and read all about the no contact rule, it does seem to be aimed at men being dumped but I think it would work for both sexes.

I am devastated and still love him. I have gone one week and the pain is growing inside me. I want him back.

He called me three days after I left and I found the missed call hours later I called back the next day but as it was early in the morning he was probably asleep. I left a message to say I was returning his call.

I have heard nothing since. Now it is day 8.

I am a ver attractive woman in her forties, slim and turn heads. My ex partner is overweight. Looks have nothing to do with it when you love someone.

 

[zekko]

I found this forum yesterday and read all about the no contact rule, it does seem to be aimed at men being dumped but I think it would work for both sexes.

The no contact rule is not about getting the other person to come back. It is about getting away from that other person, accepting that he/she is gone, and giving yourself time to heal. The idea is to cut out the cancer and move on with your life.

Sometimes going no contact can lead to the other person trying to contact you, or even get back with you (although this should not be counted on). Even in those cases, the chances of success are minimal, because usually the problems that led to the breakup are still there, and were an indicator of incompatibility. That's why it's better to just move on.

To answer your other question, I think you will find that a lot of men here will treat you with a good deal of hostility, just for being a woman.

 

[Tryingtofindmyself]

Thank you

Thank you for you replies.

It is about overcoming an addiction and right now I have withdrawal symptoms.

I am doing the no contact and I actually have no desire to contact him as I know it will result in pain for me. But God knows I still love him like crazy.

I am in pain and I make no apology for being a woman. I have been dumped just like the men on here and my pain is just as real.

For the men who men who might hate me as a woman I say this to you. It s not women that treat men so bad, it is people who treat people so bad. Regardless of gender there are just men and women out there who seem to have no heart. They go through life telling their lover lies and disposing of them when they have had enough.

But I do believe they also feel pain at dumping a loved one and that they regret and reflect. Some more than others and when it really kicks in is when they start dating other people and they begin to compare.

I will not change who I am. I am loyal and committed with god moral values and I will always treat the man I love with respect. I do not believe in affairs, one night stands or rebounds. No matter how much I hurt now I will not alter in the future.

 

[abe0]

Welcome....just keep in mind and I do not want to sound like a cliché....as the book is titled.."Man are from Mars and Women from Venus" that we communicate and process information differently as you know.
I am curious to know if there is an equivalent site to this for women....Abe

 

[Tryingtofindmyself]

Hello Abe

Thank you and I do believe the same as you that men and women think very differently.

I think however that the no contact rule applies to both sexes and is why it is so successful. I agree that it helps the person who has been rejected because they will continue to feel rejected and humiliated if the partner does not welcome the contact. Secondly it will almost certainly create a desire in the ex partner to want know what is going on in their life. Attachments are difficult to let go of even for the person pushing you out the door.

When my ex announced last week that he wanted to end our relationship I went into shock. I kept asking him everyday leading up to my departure if he was sure. To the point where he said I should stop asking as I was making it worse for myself and I should stop pining for him. I went to a friends house one night and he phoned and asked if I was coming back and how long I would be. I felt great as he cared. He still did not change his mind and I continued to hurt myself by asking if we were ever going to have sex again and if he would marry me. He replied no and no and i felt even worse.

On the day I left he was very very detached. He was cold and angry. I know it was because he was confused and put up a barrier to protect himself.

Two days earlier he had been asking me to stay friends and saying that we can still go on holiday together and the cinema. I was thinking he did not want to let go of me. He said we have become really great friends now and I would like to keep it that way.

He also said he wanted to keep the relationship status on Facebook.i have done this as I still love him so much it hurts everyday

 

[Atom Smasher]

It s not women that treat men so bad, it is people who treat people so bad. Regardless of gender there are just men and women out there who seem to have no heart.

Unlike some men here I'm not falling for your sob story. We in fact do not know the role that YOU played in his leaving, and even if you try to describe it, you will paint a picture that will not accurately reflect the actual circumstances, because you can't.

You do not understand what I just said.

If you want to discover what men are facing today, hold off on your lecturing and correcting us and instead spend a few minutes watching this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6SHOTHW92I

What role did YOU play in the breakup? I'm not asking because I want to know, but rather to make clear that in any breakup it took 2 to tango, and you undoubtedly played a role in all of this.

Finally, beware of using our own tactics in your dealings with men. They do not work in reverse, and usually will exacerbate your problems. I guarantee that if you utilize the methods we need to utilize, it will come back to bite you.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Moved to general discussion. Read the rules.

 

[user name]

Well, i think this thread highlights that it is less about gender than it is about the balance of power.

The more one gives their power away the less attractive they become.

And this all boils down to how one values themselves. For if one does not value themselves they are prone to giving their power away and thus perpetuating this cycle of rejection.

In short - the more value you place on the other person, the less value you yourself will hold and the more likely you will be rejected.

(My ex BPD is a case in point. Beautiful, 5'6 tall, size 6, body of an 18 year old (she's now 39) and by rights she should have men hanging off her...but she has a very low self-image of herself (even though she denies this) no doubt due to constant put downs from her very lovable but negative father. It is her denial that will keep her imprisoned like this.)

 

[LandingWood]

OP visit redpillwomen subreddit. More for you there.

 

[Perroloco]

Speaking just for myself, I don't have a problem with a woman posting here. That is, as long as we are not subjected to a "femsplaining" lecture as to why we need to be more sympathetic to the poor long suffering women. This website is NOT about female validation, and if you think it is you've mistaken it for every other relationship website on the internet.

 

[Tryingtofindmyself]

Unlike some men here I'm not falling for your sob story. We in fact do not know the role that YOU played in his leaving, and even if you try to describe it, you will paint a picture that will not accurately reflect the actual circumstances, because you can't.

You do not understand what I just said.

If you want to discover what men are facing today, hold off on your lecturing and correcting us and instead spend a few minutes watching this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6SHOTHW92I

What role did YOU play in the breakup? I'm not asking because I want to know, but rather to make clear that in any breakup it took 2 to tango, and you undoubtedly played a role in all of this.

Finally, beware of using our own tactics in your dealings with men. They do not work in reverse, and usually will exacerbate your problems. I guarantee that if you utilize the methods we need to utilize, it will come back to bite you.

I do agree with you atom smasher that it takes two to tango. I wish I could go back in time and do things differently. I understand that men have a hard time of things and that they have more stress in keeping up with being the strong man and having to protect and work had etc. i totally get this. I am interested in you saying do not use the same methods on a man to win him back. Is there any advice you can give me ?

 

[Tryingtofindmyself]

Advice

Please advise me atom smasher on how to get my ex back.

I would value your help as I do not want to follow the rules of men trying to get an ex back. I would hate to push him away even further.

I don't mean to write a sob story I am just in pain at my loss. I always loved my man and still do.

 

[_sideways_]

It's over girlie....u have oneitis....your prince is in another castle....spin more plates. Go ride the cuck carousel...ill help you with that.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Please advise me atom smasher on how to get my ex back.

I would value your help as I do not want to follow the rules of men trying to get an ex back. I would hate to push him away even further.

I don't mean to write a sob story I am just in pain at my loss. I always loved my man and still do.

You'll be welcome here if you refrain from the usual "straightening us out" attitude we get from most women who end up here. This does not fly with us because we have knowledge of social dynamics that are infinitely deeper than any woman can grasp. We are not the "simple" creatures that women have been brainwashed into thinking we are. We simply verbalize less to them, for we know our words will be filtered through their internal paradigms and therefore misunderstood.

For starters, you need to tell us what happened in detail, and we need you to be BRUTALLY honest about your own role in the matter. We're not going to use that against you, but rather to help you to understand what is going on. We will be able to tell if he is a complete douche that you are fortunate to get rid of, or on the other extreme, if you drove him away. If the truth lies in the middle, we will be able to discern this if you are honest with us.

My desire is to help you if you show proper respect around here and are honest.

 

[Solomon]

I am a ver attractive woman in her forties, slim and turn heads. My ex partner is overweight. Looks have nothing to do with it when you love someone.

And my name is Phil Lachio

Please post a pic or I call troll

:crackup:

 

[HoneyHitter]

I am a very attractive woman in her forties, slim and turn heads. My ex partner is overweight.

We could give you all the REAL and RATIONAL advice to help you improve your situation, but here's the kicker:

You're a woman. You only listen to what you FEEL. No matter what we say.
And that's okay, there may be another man out there who's perfectly fine with the way you are


Now, based on how you portray yourself, only a few things could be happening here:

1) He's a wealthy man and found another younger or more attractive lover
Conclusion: Find a new, more attainable man. Forget about him.

2) You're driving him crazy.
Conclusion:Any sane men is better off WITHOUT you. Forget about him.

3) You cheated on him.
Conclusion: He found out about it. Find another IDIOT. Forget about him.

4) You're lying to us.
Conclusion: Call a girlfriend, if you have any. And stop posting your problems here.


By the way, I don't expect or even want you to answer. I don't care. This is just a summary for the rest of the guys in here.


The bottomline is this:

Why do you want someone who doesn't want YOU?

There's only one reason why anyone would desire something like that. And that says a lot about you.

 

[abe0]

"advice on how to get my x back".....I guess this thread is going to be very short. Its over ...you can't ...and if you do it will be doomed to fail again. Sooooo, the advice everyone is going to give is to forget....move on...and find another prince (or 2 or 3). I think that a better question would be how did I loose my x and if you give us honest information then some of us can help you so you do not make the same mistake again. That is what I have learned on this site.....how not to f=ck it up again (and again, and again). Abe

 

[Tryingtofindmyself]

"advice on how to get my x back".....I guess this thread is going to be very short. Its over ...you can't ...and if you do it will be doomed to fail again. Sooooo, the advice everyone is going to give is to forget....move on...and find another prince (or 2 or 3). I think that a better question would be how did I loose my x and if you give us honest information then some of us can help you so you do not make the same mistake again. That is what I have learned on this site.....how not to f=ck it up again (and again, and again). Abe

Ok thank you for you replies . By the way to some of the replies i am not made of elephant skin and perhaps you could consider that.

I have been in a two year relationship, he told me at the start that he wanted to marry me and have kids. I gave up my job to relocate and move in with him. He changed his mind about both of these things. We argued he physically handled me. I forgave him. We argued he got very angry and handled me again. I found out he was watching porn on a regular basis sneezing out of bed at night. He stopped having sex with me. He was actually asking very kind to me, he gave me money to buy food for the house as I went back to study to get a better job. He could be very sweet and kind and loyal, apart from porn. He did love me and I loved him. I still do. Now let the comments rip lol

 

[Epimanes]

Read stuff in married guy section. I have posted a lot of useful long term stuff in there.

 

[VladPatton]

The infiltration has begun, man the harpoons! All hands on deck! lol