I'm leaving SoSuave. I learned a little bit.

[DonJuan11]

Do the ol' pick a part a person's post and come to a conclusion, eh?

Your "all about me" attitude will turn off any women faster than you can imagine. Guys get so confused about this, they keep coming here with their issues, their problems, their complaints.

Look at the problem from the girls point of view. What does she get out of it to be with you? To sleep with you? To give you the best sex ever? Does she get a guy who complains all the time and doesnt' like himself and has no friends? Or does she get a guy who's rich, ambitious, in shape, and knows half the city, and can be the father of her kids? She's not going to give up the goods unless she gets something in return, be it a drink at the bar or a lifetime of security.

Life is a negotiation and you don't what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.

 

[thewarrior]

Your "all about me" attitude will turn off any women faster than you can imagine. Guys get so confused about this, they keep coming here with their issues, their problems, their complaints.

Look at the problem from the girls point of view. What does she get out of it to be with you? To sleep with you? To give you the best sex ever? Does she get a guy who complains all the time and doesnt' like himself and has no friends? Or does she get a guy who's rich, ambitious, in shape, and knows half the city, and can be the father of her kids? She's not going to give up the goods unless she gets something in return, be it a drink at the bar or a lifetime of security.

Life is a negotiation and you don't what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.

Girls are "all about me" too!

The sooner I understand life isn't fair, the easier it will be on my emotions.

Is it impossible to find a woman that can like me for who I am and NOT for what I do or who my circle of friends are? If I'm a cool person and can make her feel good, shouldn't that be what matters?

These are my requirements for a girlfriend/wife:

1. Attractive in my eyes, not what society says is attractive
2. Likes to do stuff other than stay at home or go shopping
3. Honest and respectful

But to attract a female, (I'm exagerrating here...) you have to be tall, well-built, make good money or be rich, have lots of "friends" or be in a position of power, etc etc etc.

I make about $41k/year doing a job I like. I'm attractive other than my hangup with the fact I'm slim and not 170lbs (my goal) of muscle. I'm not short and I'm not really tall, height has never bothered me. I'm sociable but just don't keep a lot of friends for various reasons. I'm more of a one or two friend kind of guy. All my life I always had one or two good friends.

I'm not some loser with a low paying job. I should be suitable for lots of women, so why am I still single and get no IOIs from women?

I'm frustrated because I CANNOT approach a woman without at least knowing she'll be open to my approach. Once I feel like she's open to my approach, I do very well in conversation and all that. That's how I got laid in the past. The girl showed some interest, whether it's just a smile or eye contact. It feels like I'm not getting any of that anymore. That's why I want to know places I can go other than bars/clubs that have women my age 21-25.

And I'm interested in not just getting laid. And I'm not desperate for sex. I would like to have a girl whom I can have some fun with for a while. If she turns out to be the one, then it will happen naturally. Like I said, I'll be happy being alone for the rest of my life but who doesn't like to have female companionship? A man can be happy with himself, but there's always a little empty space that only a female human being can fill.

 

[thewarrior]

Oh, I'm 99% sure that ten years from now, other 35 year old women will be fighting over me. But they'll probably be divorced, have a kid or two....

I like to meet and date girls in their 20's while I'm in my 20's...but young girls seem to be so screwed up. I'm not a nice guy when it comes to being a sissified man, but I don't have tatoos, own a motorcycle, or ooze with the very noticeable "i'm a tough ****ing guy" personality. A girl will have to talk with me and see that I'm not a nice guy, but a man with goals who won't take sh*t from a female.

 

[Warrior74]

Girls are "all about me" too!


I make about $41k/year doing a job I like. I'm attractive other than my hangup with the fact I'm slim and not 170lbs (my goal) of muscle. I'm not short and I'm not really tall, height has never bothered me. I'm sociable but just don't keep a lot of friends for various reasons. I'm more of a one or two friend kind of guy. All my life I always had one or two good friends.

I'm not some loser with a low paying job. I should be suitable for lots of women, so why am I still single and get no IOIs from women?

I'm frustrated because I CANNOT approach a woman without at least knowing she'll be open to my approach. Once I feel like she's open to my approach, I do very well in conversation and all that. That's how I got laid in the past. The girl showed some interest, whether it's just a smile or eye contact. It feels like I'm not getting any of that anymore. That's why I want to know places I can go other than bars/clubs that have women my age 21-25.

And I'm interested in not just getting laid. And I'm not desperate for sex. I would like to have a girl whom I can have some fun with for a while. If she turns out to be the one, then it will happen naturally. Like I said, I'll be happy being alone for the rest of my life but who doesn't like to have female companionship? A man can be happy with himself, but there's always a little empty space that only a female human being can fill.

Hey man. Good luck...go out there and see what happens, try different things and see what works for you. Cold approaching, being more social and getting in different social groups/organizations, exploring your hobbies to the fullest (as far as joining groups and going to conventions to meet like minded people) get out there and explore your city, try new places you've never been for lunch for dinner or new clubs and lounges...get out there and see what the world has to offer and you'll see new people you haven't seen before. I've been doing that lately and meeting people from different groups and circles...that should help. And ask people what's going on...see a hot chick...don't worry about hitting on her..ask her what she's into what people are doing these days and whats going on this weekend...and leave the interaction on a friendly tip...just make friends with people and you'll meet more people.

When you do this your social circle will grow. Go to any events they tell you about and do the same...meet more people, eventually you'll meet new girls in your travels.

As for yourself...I don't know how you dress or look...but always dress your best for that occasion...keep yourself in the gym, stay looking fresh and always have some decent shoes on, even if they are just sneakers for hanging out...make sure they are new and clean...

Do the maintenece work... nice hair cut, fresh breath, teeth whitened or at least cleaned...maintian your appearance...

go and have fun and come back later and tell the fellas here what you learned. Good luck man, have fun!


Edit....

as for the part about being skinny...lucky you. If I could loose 25lbs! lol. But serious...take a look at yourself in some pics... how is your posture? Do you give off a strong masculine vibe? And it may be possible you may be intimidating to women. You may have 'hungry eyes' when you see them...I see guys who stare at women like a lion stares at steak, they don't mean to do it but they do. You might be looking to hard for eye contact and scaring them off. Glance at women when you see them, and if you feel a vibe then approach.

I've learned that the whole eye contact, ioi thing...it happen in a matter of seconds. She's looking, looks away, adjust body language to a negative or positive in a matter of one brief move...too quick to analyze live. You just have to have a feel for it, and if your gut feeling says positive, step over and ask one of those question..."whats up? do you know what's going on around here, I'm looking to get into something this weekend.." you know...mindless idle convo.

I noticed that this weekend when I was out...the eye contact stuff is lightning fast, you just gotta go with your gut. And stop worrying about it when your out and just have fun.

 

[edger]

TheWarrior, it's very common that attractive women won't vibe you when they see you. It happens to me all the time, even with the chicks in my scene who are SUPPOSED to be into guys like me. 98% of the time the attractive women in my scene won't throw one vibe my way. And I'm without a doubt an above avg.-looking guy and look confident. Maybe not some Brad Pitt, but definitely up there in the looks department, I can assure you.

Anyway, the classic scenario is: Good-looking guy walks past a hot chick, she looks straight ahead as she passes him, doesn't look his way AT ALL and acts like he's not there. Then a couple months later, that same hot chick is seen holding hands with some below avg.-looking guy, who you know for a fact you're better looking than. This scenario happens all the time, don't worry about it. Your looks mean jack sh*t, women focus on other things. Only with some women do your physical looks play a role, but most of them could care less. So, my advice to you, would be to cold-approach, because I can tell you for sure, if you wait for vibes from good-looking women, you'll be wasting your life away. Maybe sparingly you'll get vibes from attractive women, but 98% of the time, you won't. You have a better shot at getting them if you cold-approach, rather than waiting for them to vibe you and give you that "I'm interested in you" eye contact.