I'm in an Open Relationship. My girl is confused!LOL

[girlsarecrazy]

Me and my girlfriend of 2 months moved our serious relationship into an open relationship to make sure we are still together but less serious. So basically we're allowed to go to parties, not worry about each other, and can hang out with anyone we want to without permission.

We did this because we didn't want to be tied down and wanted to enjoy our summer without being stuck in a serious strong emotional relationship.

She is still acting like my GF. I'm trying to play the game and she's getting attached. Now she's a HB9.0, perfect body, crazy/horny, etc. I don't complain as she gets attached. I'm playing it off and all DJ on her and it's just driving her attraction through the roof.

We've been in this open relationship for 3 weeks now and it's been going great. I don't ever call her or go out of my way for this girl. She's always calling me, always wants to hang out fool around, etc.

But she always remains exclusive to me. She's not seeing/calling/looking for other guys. She told me that she won't have sex without anyone but me. She still tells me everything she's doing, calls me all the time, and acts like my girlfriend.

I on the other hand, don't tell her much, she trusts me as her boyfriend and thinks i'll never go to any other girl. I woke her up a couple of times and told her that, "I can go out with any other chick right now if i wanted to, would that make you feel uneasy?" She told me yes.

Now i recently slipped this out in conversation, "I'm not afraid of a commitment."

She has it plastered in her mind that she doesn't want to be girlfriend and boyfriend because she wants to enjoy the single life.

Our conversation:

Me "Are you happy with us?"
Her "Yes"
Me "Okay, Do you see yourself with any other guys right now?"
Her "No, i like how we are"
Me "Okay but your happy... So what do you think you are going to do when we're in an open relationship"
Her "I dunno... i just don't want a boyfriend right now"
Me "You are a very confused girl... whatever. Just let's not talk about it anymore, Just wing it! Heh"

Deep down, she wants me sexual exclusivity with me. She has very strong feelings for me, etc. I'm playing it off and trying to keep it causal and not get my head involved. She's going out of her game and comfort zone and falling for me. If i left her for another chick, she'd have her heart broken. She's not protecting her heart at all.

How do I make this chick realize a commitment will be best for her?

Right now our only commitment is Prom in 2 weeks and she asked me to be her date at her managers wedding.

 

[abcd_z]

Why, exactly, would you do that?
It sounds like you've got things more or less where you want them (non-exclusive), so why on earth would you make things harder for yourself than you have to? Look out for your needs first, and then hers. Not the other way around.

 

[girlsarecrazy]

Why, exactly, would you do that?
It sounds like you've got things more or less where you want them (non-exclusive), so why on earth would you make things harder for yourself than you have to? Look out for your needs first, and then hers. Not the other way around.

I like our situation now. Based on the way we act, It will run smoother if we had a commitment. I like having the trust and security of a relationship. NEXT'ing her and finding another chick that will commit doesn't seem like an option for me at this point since i'm still content of what's going on between us.

I assume the best way for me to handle it is to take advantage of my situation with her, and find more chicks at the same time.

But based on her feelings, If she found out I was hanging out with multiple chicks, she'd break things off with me completly.

So our relationship is like Open but it's not. That's why I'm here to ask on how I could set her mind straight we don't hurt each other.

It's not one-itis because if i found a chick that was just as attractive and crazy and willing to commit, i'd hop on that.

 

[DJHoolahoop]

I'm just trying to understand why people want to be in relationships so badly or why they need that definition altogether. I find that it IS possible and, a hard feeling to control at first, to be in a "relationship" but not "suffocate" each other by being bf/gf like most relationships usually do to each other. Typically I find that there should be no difference between your life outside of a relationship and the one you're involved in. And I mean that not just in the well-being aspect, but in the independence of it. You become the most centered and in control when your life isn't swayed at all by women.

It will run smoother because you think it will give you a higher chance of keeping her? You run the greater risk of losing her by wanting that as you're not going to be "safe" either way. A commitment doesn't say "you're all mine now!" and it won't smooth out the insecurities or issues that come up in the casual relationship you have right now. As you need to understand where they're coming from so you can fix them yourself instead of looking for an external source.

Maybe things just need to be clearer. Don't think of commitment as the be all to end all. Instead communicate that your investment of time and energy is precious and that if you want to feel like bf/gf just ask her for her definition of what she would want in a relationship that she feels she could only get from being single. Then that can give you some idea into why you two can still have a relationship and where you need to ask yourself if you're going to continue with it.

Really the ideal life is to have continuity from your single life and your coupled life. That means having other girls in your life and hanging out with friends at the bar or doing whatever it is you like doing on your own. Then just do the usual bf/gf stuff like not sleeping with any other girls (having girls around is great as it reminds you that if things don't work out that there's plenty of others) and going shopping and things like that. Find a creative way of overlapping some of your life with hers so that you two can share your time together as opposed to always finding time. Allows you to see each other without forcing you to go out of your way all the time or thinking that you always have to be together at all time instead of blocks of time.

That's why when I invite a girl somewhere, its to a place I was already heading and she's just coming along with me. Its a hell of a lot easier to deal with them not showing up this way than if you went out of your way to wait for her there and she never showed.

Just remember that you must find mature girls to approach this kind of a relationship with, a girl that wants to be immature and screw around with you isn't worth a mans time. I often wonder why people try to be the person they think the other person is looking for, instead of testing this person to see if they're what you're looking for. Or how people try to make the other into the one they're looking for and block out the things that doesn't add up to that image. So they can approach things from a safe distance and still keep that person as an ideal in case resistance comes up. Afterall what benefit could come from knowing sooner than later if this person is best for you, right?

 

[Charm]

It sounds like you are too insecure to live without labels. Pvssy.

 

[girlsarecrazy]

Being in a open relationship: You basically carry the license to cheat. So if she'd hook up with another guy, she could argue that we're not boyfriend and girlfriend and it was okay. I don't want share her with other guys even if i'm on the top of her list.

The other problem is that we see each other A LOT. Most casual relationships, people only see each other I'd say about like 1-2 times a week... If that. We see eachother everyday at school and hang out about 2 or 3 days a week.

 

[girlsarecrazy]

Bump.

 

[Latinoman]

Me and my girlfriend of 2 months moved our serious relationship into an open relationship to make sure we are still together but less serious. So basically we're allowed to go to parties, not worry about each other, and can hang out with anyone we want to without permission.

We did this because we didn't want to be tied down and wanted to enjoy our summer without being stuck in a serious strong emotional relationship.

She is still acting like my GF. I'm trying to play the game and she's getting attached. Now she's a HB9.0, perfect body, crazy/horny, etc. I don't complain as she gets attached. I'm playing it off and all DJ on her and it's just driving her attraction through the roof.

We've been in this open relationship for 3 weeks now and it's been going great. I don't ever call her or go out of my way for this girl. She's always calling me, always wants to hang out fool around, etc.

But she always remains exclusive to me. She's not seeing/calling/looking for other guys. She told me that she won't have sex without anyone but me. She still tells me everything she's doing, calls me all the time, and acts like my girlfriend.

I on the other hand, don't tell her much, she trusts me as her boyfriend and thinks i'll never go to any other girl. I woke her up a couple of times and told her that, "I can go out with any other chick right now if i wanted to, would that make you feel uneasy?" She told me yes.

Now i recently slipped this out in conversation, "I'm not afraid of a commitment."

She has it plastered in her mind that she doesn't want to be girlfriend and boyfriend because she wants to enjoy the single life.

Our conversation:

Me "Are you happy with us?"
Her "Yes"
Me "Okay, Do you see yourself with any other guys right now?"
Her "No, i like how we are"
Me "Okay but your happy... So what do you think you are going to do when we're in an open relationship"
Her "I dunno... i just don't want a boyfriend right now"
Me "You are a very confused girl... whatever. Just let's not talk about it anymore, Just wing it! Heh"

Deep down, she wants me sexual exclusivity with me. She has very strong feelings for me, etc. I'm playing it off and trying to keep it causal and not get my head involved. She's going out of her game and comfort zone and falling for me. If i left her for another chick, she'd have her heart broken. She's not protecting her heart at all.

How do I make this chick realize a commitment will be best for her?

Right now our only commitment is Prom in 2 weeks and she asked me to be her date at her managers wedding.

LOL.

Listen...you two are going to college soon (at least, that's my assumption). If she is an HB-9...you can rest assure that she will take FULL advantage of the "open relationship" thing. Just wait until some of those 21-22 or even the "Graduate students" or "Young Professors" start hitting on her.

 

[digitalrat]

So basically we're allowed to go to parties, not worry about each other, and can hang out with anyone we want to without permission.

This is how an exclusive relationship should work. You don't have to ask for permission for anything. You're your own man.

 

[I'm Joe Dirt]

I agree with the poster, you do want that label if you are into this girl and want to be with her only.

He's absolutley right, if she hooks up with another guy she can always hide it or if its found out she can use the "well we're not in a relationship" excuse. If they are only seeing eachother (at least as it is now) and thinking about eachother and stuff like that, they are in a de facto relationship anyway.

The main reasons I can think of why a girl wouldn't want to be "official" are all bad. Either a) she is already seeing someone else on the side and doesn't want to feel guilty about it if she is in a relationship, or b) she doesn't like you enough to want to be with just you and wants to keep her options open.

The other, possibly good reason, is that she wants to avoid drama that goes in a relationship (once people are official drama usually soon follows), which is good because you don't have to deal with drama. But of course its a self-defeating argument because by not being in a relationship if you are talking to another girl or she is to another guy or something drama will come anyway.

The other possible positive reason is she thinks it makes you happy to be like this and when you ask her if she wants a relationship she thinks you are testing her to see if she wants to change the arrangement which she thinks you are happy with. And she likes you so much she doesn't want to turn you off by trying to change that arrangement.

Oh yeah, and in balanced HEALTHY relationships no one "owns" anyone and everyone can do what they want in their lives. Its really a commitment to stay exclusive to eachother, yes, but as far as you being able to hang out with your guys or do something in your life for yourself you do not need permission. A good, healthy relationship is about helping eachother achieve goals, not standing in eachother's way.

 

[mrRuckus]

Goddamn man.

I don't think either of you have a clue what you're talking about.

No offense, but you're like two mental patients just jabbering at each other in the corner. "we're in an open relationship.. but we're not going to see other people." If that's how the talking goes you might as well be saying "bu dee gah gah goooo deh mwah."


It's all going to inevitably come crashing down since you're in high school anyway so just go see other people now instead of torturing the pure girl and waking her up to tell her "i could **** other girls!!"

 

[Latinoman]

Goddamn man.

I don't think either of you have a clue what you're talking about.

No offense, but you're like two mental patients just jabbering at each other in the corner. "we're in an open relationship.. but we're not going to see other people." If that's how the talking goes you might as well be saying "bu dee gah gah goooo deh mwah."


It's all going to inevitably come crashing down since you're in high school anyway so just go see other people now instead of torturing the pure girl and waking her up to tell her "i could **** other girls!!"

LOL. Good points!

 

[girlsarecrazy]

Oh yeah, and in balanced HEALTHY relationships no one "owns" anyone and everyone can do what they want in their lives. Its really a commitment to stay exclusive to eachother, yes, but as far as you being able to hang out with your guys or do something in your life for yourself you do not need permission. A good, healthy relationship is about helping eachother achieve goals, not standing in eachother's way.

She doesn't understand this. That's the problem. She thinks that if she was in an official relationship she would change too much. When we were going out, she started revolving her life around me. That was the problem. That's why we backed away and gave each other space to think about it.

But now we both worry even more when we act single and don't spend our friday nights with each other.

She calls me up when i'm out at a party of friday night and will ask me who i'm with, what am i doing, and sarcastically say, "Who are you hooking up with tonight". One time i said, "Well, i dunno, whatever happends happends.. "
Then she'll flip out and beg for me to say Just Kidding or try and make me promise to not do anything bad.