I'm in a dark place.

[theunflushables]

So to make things short. My ex and I recently ended a nearly 2 year relationship. We love each other dearly and the only thing that killed it was the sexual chemistry was off. We consider ourselves best friends and decided it was best to end our relationship at that point, so we wouldnt hate each other later.

Now, its going on almost 2 months and I can honestly say I am over her. Love her to bits (as a friend) but I could NEVER be with her again. The problem lies in the fact that she has already began dating, and it drives me nuts! There are 3 main reasons for this.

1. I am crashing at my parents while I save up, who live in a podunk town, where there is no one worth dating or even hanging out with.

2. I work a second shift job, so I have no time to socalize with people in the city I was formerly living in.

3. As she begins dating I feel our relationship as friends will detriorate because face it, how many guys would be comfortable with dating someone who is best friends with their ex?

Does anyone have any advice? (And please refrain from saying anything about being an AFC, this is more about losing a friend issue than a "I still want to be with her" issue.)

 

[PRMoon]

My advice, for what it's worth, is to try not to think about it. Now that your physical relationship with this one is over, you have to move on. That's the first step. Get to know yourself a little bit more since you're going to have some extra time alone. Start refocusing on yourself and your solo life. Now that you're friends with her you're going to be seeing less of her one way or the other and she's dating someone so that will make it all the more so.

Your friendship if you wish to keep it will be much different then your previous relationship so the changing phase you're going through now will be a bit uncomfortable so don't fight it, just ride it out. Soon enough someone else will come your way and you'll want to spend time with that person as well. If you're still talking to this girl after that, then your friendship will have survived. Where things go after that is up to you two and fate.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Your perspective is in error - she is not your friend!!! Friends don't let friends put a penis in them!!! She was you hor and you were her pimp - but only for a season, as all pimp/hor encounters are!! She now found a new pimp and you have not found a hor to replace her - and thus your anguish!!!

Don't compete - hors will always find a willing penis faster than a man will find a willing hor !!!

 

[Blusher]

Your perspective is in error - she is not your friend!!! Friends don't let friends put a penis in them!!! She was you hor and you were her pimp - but only for a season, as all pimp/hor encounters are!! She now found a new pimp and you have not found a hor to replace her - and thus your anguish!!!

Don't compete - hors will always find a willing penis faster than a man will find a willing hor !!!

Give the man a break for God's sake, are you a complete moron or what?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...
1. I am crashing at my parents while I save up, who live in a podunk town, where there is no one worth dating or even hanging out with.

Sounds like an excuse to me. If saving up is more important to you fine, if finding quality women is more important do something about it and stop complaining.

...
2. I work a second shift job, so I have no time to socalize with people in the city I was formerly living in.

Sounds like another excuse. Here's an idea, find some other people the hang out with.

...
3. As she begins dating I feel our relationship as friends will detriorate because face it, how many guys would be comfortable with dating someone who is best friends with their ex?

The whole best friends with the ex thing is mostly the idea of the women and it only benefits them. Women tend to equate their worth by the amount of friends that they have.

Staying friends with an ex also makes them feel that the relationship didn't really fail (even though usually bounce back into the dating world sooner). Unless you have children together, what's the purpose of being friends? Even if you did have children, all you would need to be is civil and respectful, you don't even need to like her.

...
Does anyone have any advice? (And please refrain from saying anything about being an AFC, this is more about losing a friend issue than a "I still want to be with her" issue.)

Why do you consider her a best friend instead of an acquaintance? How about when you decide to start a new relationship, will the new GF accept you being best friends with your ex? Do guys even consider these things when making these post-relationship agreements?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Give the man a break for God's sake, are you a complete moron or what?

Re-read what LMS is saying, censor it if you need to. There's truth in his final assessment.

 

[theunflushables]

No, living at my parents to save up is not an excuse. I had to move home because I had no where else to go as I did not have money saved up for an apt. And this town makes Mayberry look metropolitan.

I would to hang out withother people but being I work second shift its hard to meet people to hang out with as most adults are working first shift jobs and I'm just getting out of work as people are going to sleep.

Why I consider her a best friend and not an acquaintance is because of the length and the depth of our relationship. Having lived with her for just a little shorther than how long we had been together, she knows more about me than my best male friends who have been my friend since elementary school.

 

[theunflushables]

Your perspective is in error - she is not your friend!!! Friends don't let friends put a penis in them!!! She was you hor and you were her pimp - but only for a season, as all pimp/hor encounters are!! She now found a new pimp and you have not found a hor to replace her - and thus your anguish!!!

Don't compete - hors will always find a willing penis faster than a man will find a willing hor !!!

And shouldnt 44 year olds be talking like grown men not like "wankstas" or as like to call them "wankers"?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

No, living at my parents to save up is not an excuse. I had to move home because I had no where else to go as I did not have money saved up for an apt. And this town makes Mayberry look metropolitan.

Did you live with your ex and she supported you? Is this why you feel such a connection?

I would to hang out withother people but being I work second shift its hard to meet people to hang out with as most adults are working first shift jobs and I'm just getting out of work as people are going to sleep.

You're not the only person who works an off shift and are free during the day are you? Small town or not, there are other people out there who are free some time during the day. It may take a little effort to find them.

Why I consider her a best friend and not an acquaintance is because of the length and the depth of our relationship. Having lived with her for just a little shorther than how long we had been together, she knows more about me than my best male friends who have been my friend since elementary school.

Truthfully, if it were really that good, you two would still be together. Get out of this best friend/soulmate-like mentality. It'll hold you back in the longrun. Someone else can easily learn those same things about you if you allow them to.

 

[theunflushables]

Yes we did live together, but no she did not support me. Infact I did most of the supporting. She paid her bills (car, insurance, etc.) and the few small utility bills (under 50 a month) and half rent. I'd buy groceries (around 200 a month on top of my bills) and half rent. On top of that if we went out to eat I generally paid. Thats why I never had money saved up.

I understand the second shift thing. It's just I've never worked it before so I'd say I'm nervous about how its all going to play out.

Maybe we would still be together if there had been good sexual chemistry. But after the inital burst it died, never to return. Thats why I think it went into this friends thing. If I hadnt been trapped in a situation where she needed me for support I'm sure it would have been over a lot sooner and there wouldnt have been this friendship.

 

[Blink]

Why don't you forget about trying to be social for a while since it is such an inconvinience anyway? I say focus on your job and making and saving money. Socialize when you get a chance but don't let it take too much of your focus. Then when you've saved up money, get the fudge out of Mayberry and move to a real city. With a real job market you'll be able to find a job working 1st shift and then you'll have plenty of time to work on your social life and women.

Also, I'm not going to go through and super analyze your relationship with your ex, but if you've been on these forums more than an hour you've read plenty of threads that told you exactly why that sexual chemistry dissappeared. Immediately after a breakup is the best time to read the material here and really soak it up. You'll be able to look back on what happened and see clearly what went wrong since the relationship is still fresh in your mind. I found this place, ironically enough, searching for material on Google about "How to win back your ex" after I just got dumped after 3 years for being a gigantic AFC. I quickly forgot about "winning" anyone back and started focusing on myself.

 

[thefemaleperspective]

The best advice has been given already.

MOVE. It is the best thing an individual can do for their soul.

 

[Last Man Standing]

And shouldnt 44 year olds be talking like grown men not like "wankstas" or as like to call them "wankers"?

I'm just being straight with you kid - most people who come here complaining about how their live-in hor is their best friend and how she left you stranded...need a kick in the ass!! :kick: Wake up!!

Was she your wife? NO!!! So why in the hell are you buying her groceries and dinners out - and why are you living with her? Be emotional with your wife only - trust her and and not a hor who moved in with you!! Why is she so special? Did you think that you were special to her?? You have been bamboozled, led astray, deceived, misled!!! You were just the next pimp in line!! The sooner you understand this the sooner to your road to recovery!!

Living in a small town is tough - your choices are limited!

The next woman that lives with you should be your wife!! When you "play""married" your focus tends to go towards the girl and not yourself, the man; thus, your current dire position!! What did you get from this/her? Where is she now and where are you? Oh yeah, you told us..."I'm in a dark place."

 

[PRMoon]

Yes we did live together, but no she did not support me. Infact I did most of the supporting. She paid her bills (car, insurance, etc.) and the few small utility bills (under 50 a month) and half rent. I'd buy groceries (around 200 a month on top of my bills) and half rent. On top of that if we went out to eat I generally paid. Thats why I never had money saved up.

Wow that's some bad judment right there. You paid full rent? WTF? Everybody I know who's in a relationship pays 50/50. That way if you so choose, you'll both be finacially okay. Realistically at least in the back of your mind you should be thinking that if things don't go okay, you won't have to move back home with mom and dad. You kinda got robbed right there.

 

[theunflushables]

No man, I paid half rent. I may be crazy, but I'm not THAT crazy. As for why we lived together, there was a point where we were engaged and her mom had actually given me the family heirloom ring. So, it was just "playing house".

 

[Oisdog]

I'm just being straight with you kid - most people who come here complaining about how their live-in hor is their best friend and how she left you stranded...need a kick in the ass!! :kick: Wake up!!

Was she your wife? NO!!! So why in the hell are you buying her groceries and dinners out - and why are you living with her? Be emotional with your wife only - trust her and and not a hor who moved in with you!! Why is she so special? Did you think that you were special to her?? You have been bamboozled, led astray, deceived, misled!!! You were just the next pimp in line!! The sooner you understand this the sooner to your road to recovery!!

Living in a small town is tough - your choices are limited!

The next woman that lives with you should be your wife!! When you "play""married" your focus tends to go towards the girl and not yourself, the man; thus, your current dire position!! What did you get from this/her? Where is she now and where are you? Oh yeah, you told us..."I'm in a dark place."

To be honest you sound like a bitter old man! Get fu*king real dude... I browsed this forum before I became a member and your attitude amuses me! (not in a good way)

 

[Last Man Standing]

To be honest you sound like a bitter old man! Get fu*king real dude... I browsed this forum before I became a member and your attitude amuses me! (not in a good way)

Who gives a shyt what you think - get off my ass - HOMO!!!!

 

[Vulpine]

Refocusing on yourself is good.

This "dark place" you are in is probably the brightest place you have ever been. You have to see that. You found SoSuave, so *BOOM* right there, things are 120% brighter.

Develop your mindset, focus on your future, your goals, your hobbies, your job, saving, etc. Become the "prize" you want to be.

We can pretty much all relate, I'm sure. After I found SS, I realized how far behind I was in my personal dreams and fell into a "dark place" as well. Lucky for me, there was plenty of "don't focus on the negative" and "change your perspective" stuff flying around here to snap me out of it. Life is easier than everyone wants to make it out to be. Simplify, don't overcomplicate.

When you take a minute to consider maintaining a friendship with this woman, you'll probably find it to be a waste of time. She already proved to be a bad investment, so pull the plug and redirect your "funds". Simplify.

You'll find that, once you've dedicated yourself TO YOURSELF, chicks just happen along as a byproduct. It's uncanny. Don't be distracted: this is the perfect time to reinvent yourself.

"Her" is a distraction you just flat-out don't need, isn't "her"? Replace that "her" sh!t with "I" and get something constructive done - it feels great.

 

[oakraiderz2]

To be honest you sound like a bitter old man! Get fu*king real dude... I browsed this forum before I became a member and your attitude amuses me! (not in a good way)

Realism is hard to swallow.

 

[theunflushables]

Well, I actually more like re-discovered SS. I first came here about 6 years ago, it turned my whole life around. After the break up I came back to refresh my game.

And once I get my sh1t straightend out this dark place will be no more.