I'm hung up, right?

[mb1978]

It's cool that the forum is back. I wish it had been up and running before the one date I had...I figured I would ask another question.

So I went on a date with this girl (hockey game - she loves sports)...I felt confident, smiled a lot, etc. The game was an absolute blast and everything went great on that end. I tried to throw in some occasional touches, but there were only 2 or 3 of those. She said it was the best time she'd had at a game. I drive her back to her house and before I could even try to kiss her, she already had her seat belt off ready to basically jump out of the car...she shook my hand and that was pretty much that. I suppose that's bad eh?

Well anyway, we kept talking...she has text messaged me, called me (both times for a specific purpose, not just to girly B.S.) and IM'ed me on her own several times about things (normally sports related). I try to be flirty and stuff and she laughs...One time I said we should party sometime and she came back with "but you don't drink" (which I don't and she knows). I suppose that's bad too huh?

Keep in mind this is basically the second date I've ever been on. I suppose I'm hung up on this chick and that her interest in me is pretty low in the romantic sense, right?

 

[S1NN3R]

Sounds like sh!t tests to me. She shook your hand and walked away, primarily to see if you'd do anything else, or if you'd just let it go at that. You ask her to party, and she knows you don't really party, so she calls you on it to see if you actually thought out what you said, or if you were just filling empty space with words.

Sadly, you failed both tests. Letting her walk away without trying for at least a hug or walking her to the door (call me a dork, I walk every single girl that will let me to her door at the very least) relinquished control to her. That told her that either you weren't interested or that you were content to let her take the lead, neither of which is a good thing. Then when you asked her to party, if she knows that you don't drink, then she will wonder how exactly you plan to party. By mentioning that you don't drink, she was basically giving you an opening to tell her how else you'd like to party with her, be it going to a rave or slamming her in the shower with all your clothes on. Doesn't matter, she gave you an opening. What did you say? Please tell me it wasn't "uhhh well, you know, like uhhh, yeah." Please tell me it wasn't that.

You still have a chance, but you're probably going to have to take the reins and drive her like a sled dog (figuratively) to regain control. Turn the alpha factor up to 10 and show her you can take the lead.

 

[mb1978]

Sadly, you failed both tests. Letting her walk away without trying for at least a hug or walking her to the door (call me a dork, I walk every single girl that will let me to her door at the very least) relinquished control to her. That told her that either you weren't interested or that you were content to let her take the lead, neither of which is a good thing. Then when you asked her to party, if she knows that you don't drink, then she will wonder how exactly you plan to party. By mentioning that you don't drink, she was basically giving you an opening to tell her how else you'd like to party with her, be it going to a rave or slamming her in the shower with all your clothes on. Doesn't matter, she gave you an opening. What did you say? Please tell me it wasn't "uhhh well, you know, like uhhh, yeah." Please tell me it wasn't that.

You still have a chance, but you're probably going to have to take the reins and drive her like a sled dog (figuratively) to regain control. Turn the alpha factor up to 10 and show her you can take the lead.

Thanks for the reply, man.

Dangit, I know I should have been more assertive, but she just wasn't giving me good signals...I know she loved the game (since they won with a shutout and played awesome and beat the team she hates the most) so I figured she was just happy with the game and not me when she pretty much ran away.

I believe my reply to the party comment was "You don't need to drink to party...besides, I drive drunk people." She laughed at that one, but I'm sure it wasn't the right answer...at least not the DJ answer.

Oh, I forgot this part (important I'm sure)...I did ask her out again a few days after that...I suggested bowling and a karaoke bar after that, but she came back with "I don't bowl and there are no karaoke bars around here, so I don't think I would do that." I also figured at that point she wanted nothing to do with me...but why the hell does she keep messaging me then...unless she already assumes I'm in friend territory and no threat to ask her out again? I'm thinking that's where I stand...

I'm just sort of confused...mainly because I have no experience with girls. This is probably something lots of friendly girls do, but I just wouldn't know for sure. That's why I'm asking.

 

[Jamo]

well

I think she is playing cat and mouse games with you, and waiting for you to make a strong move. I suggest next time she smses out of the blue tell her to come over to your place and you will "cook" a nice meal for her, and "watch" a movie.

 

[thissucks003]

Oh, I forgot this part (important I'm sure)...I did ask her out again a few days after that...I suggested bowling and a karaoke bar after that, but she came back with "I don't bowl and there are no karaoke bars around here, so I don't think I would do that." I also figured at that point she wanted nothing to do with me...but why the hell does she keep messaging me then...unless she already assumes I'm in friend territory and no threat to ask her out again? I'm thinking that's where I stand...

I definitely think you are in the friend territory. It doesn't sound like either of you relate to each other. You went to hockey game. Everyone likes hockey. But the problem with going to a sporting event, concert, anything live is that it is about the event and not you. You want it to be about you and not an event. You want to be the center of attention. You want to be able to talk to her and seduce her.

You asked her to parties, bowling, and karaoke and she has declined numerous times. I don't think she has the strength to tell you that she is not interested. I would give her one more shot. But this time tell her, "I really had fun hanging out with you at the game. But I feel we never had a chance to be alone to really get to know each other. I think it would be great to go to (X...be it a coffee house, dive bar, or a low key restaurant) and just talk." Make sure the place is low key and not a meat market. You want this to be about you and not the environment. Telling her what is in the quotes put everything on the table. It shows interest. If she responds with, I don't like coffee houses, bars or whatever. She is not interested. I think you were somewhat vague in your intentions and she sees you as weak. Put up or shut up.

TS

 

[Desdinova]

I'm guessing this is your first date with this woman, am I correct?

Although you took her somewhere that appealed to her, the problem I can see is that she's not focussing on you. She was focussing on the game (which is the same situation as a movie date). All you're doing is sitting there watching something. You're not chatting about other things, you can't find legitimate reasons to initiate kino, and you're not the one creating a fun environment.

Action dates are the BEST way to go. You're both doing something together, she's focussed her attention on you (instead of focussing on something else to make the date interesting) and you can freely initiate kino without the problem of distracting her from the game / movie.

Also, just because a woman likes a certain sport or wants to see a specific movie, that doesn't mean you should fulfill that need. Giving her what she wants and when she wants it will incline her to use you. This is one of the many reasons guys end up in the friend zone - from spoiling their woman.

 

[mb1978]

I'm guessing this is your first date with this woman, am I correct?

Yes it was, and it was basically the first date I've ever been on...I once took a girl to a play at college, but that was fairly pointless. Remember that my girl experience is about 0...

Although you took her somewhere that appealed to her, the problem I can see is that she's not focussing on you. She was focussing on the game (which is the same situation as a movie date). All you're doing is sitting there watching something. You're not chatting about other things, you can't find legitimate reasons to initiate kino, and you're not the one creating a fun environment.

Yeah, I knew she would love the game...guess it was sort of a bad move, but I wanted to take her someplace she would want to go. That's why I went with the other stuff the second time but basically got shot down.

More things I forgot - We did go to a "low-key restaurant" before the game...we talked a little, but it was kind of small stuff plus I was eating. I probably didn't do the greatest job of "seducing" her on that one. Also...this girl lives sort of far away from me...like 50 miles...is that too far away to be bothered with?

I really have no idea...I mean, she calls me "buddy" on our IM convos and I keep dropping these hints about doing stuff and she's isn't responding to them at all. Yet I'll say certain ****y things on IM and she'll seem interested, call me an ass, whatever...one time we were talking and she said she had to go and I said, "Well there's no way that'd be better than talking with me but if you have to," and she said, "yeah i doubt it will be...if you're on later I'll talk to you again." I also pranked her pretty hard-core on April Fools' Day (mind you she was half drunk)...she text msg'ed me AND called me while she knew I was at work to tell me about what happened, and when I told her it was a joke she said I was an ass and that no one's ever gotten her that good on a prank before.

Basically she seems like she has fun when she's talking with me, but I just can't tell whether she wants to see me again in real life. I guess I should just be straight out the next time we talk and give the "Hey, I'm having an awesome time talking to you...but I'd like to see you again. Let's meet up again and do such and such a thing, what do you say"...she jogs and I run, so maybe I could suggest going for a jog with her and then dinner? If she doesn't want to do that, I guess that's all and it's friend zone, right?

 

[speedo_meme]

Just keep going out with girls, man, and keep reading things on this site. You'll be fine. Don't fall in love with these girls too quick. It comes with experience....