I'm having issues with my girlfriend and a guy she used to like

[floydb25]

Art: IME, these girls HAVE been played / abused. The problem isnt that they're lying / manipulating per se, but going though those experiences is what turns them bad. So they basically end up doing the exact same **** that was done to them - and for the same exact reasons. Whoever they tried loving / saving / whatever was a complete ****bag, which in turn makes them complete ****bags. Thus, the jerk cycle is created.

What more - they learned all of those tricks along the way (being as it happened to them), and use it in their arsenal. Now they're the ones with all the power, playing games, whoring around, lying about everything, using people, etc.

But a jerk is a jerk is a jerk. They do a lot of these things intentionally - including playing the victim for manipulative purposes - because its effective and works to get what they want. And since jerks dont give a **** about anyone else, they're completely ok with that. Anything to hold all the power, having their needs met, etc. All of this is what makes them jerks.

Behind it all, though, there's a lot of hate, anger, bitterness, and a revengeful mindset thats running the show, which is why they're so evil.

This is why you DONT sympathise with jerks, recognize them for who they are, and remain on high alert for those with a history of associating with, or dating them. Not only do they become a product of their environment, seek after what is familiar, attract what they are, etc, but there's usually an underlying reason (or 80) for WHY they get involved with this type in the first place. And its usually not pretty, and still prevalent to this day. Like, say, being CRAZY.

**** all that noise. Not even worth bothering with these damsel lunatic party ***** drama queens.

 

[allen2000]

Hey guys. Thanks for the advice. I agree with most of it. Keep it coming. I know you guys have made it clear how you feel but I want to give one more background on this chick so you can comment back and let me know if you still feel the same way.

She's 22. She used to party but does not party anymore and I know that for a fact. She spends her free time with me. She spends her weekends with me. It is important to know that these guys who were texting her were all guys who had been with her before. She appeared to be a party girl who was boy crazy. I can't say she is like that anymore because she spends most of her time with me and tells me she wants to settle down. She says all the right things to me. She appears to be crazy about me.

She told me she felt bad for deleting convos from her phone and only did it because she knew I would get mad and think something was up. She swears there was nothing bad being said in these convos. She has told me repeatedly that she felt bad for deleting them, and that is was early on in our still young relationship, and that it means nothing to her and these guys mean nothing to her. She swears she does not text them anymore, and every time I hang out with her she is NOT getting texts from these guys so it makes me want to believe her.

If she does get a text from a guy she tells them that she has a boyfriend. If she gets messages from guys on facebook she either doesn't respond or says she has a boyfriend. I am going to type this in CAPS because I think it is very important: I BELIEVE THAT THE ONLY REASON SHE STOPPED DOING IT(IF SHE'S TELLING THE TRUTH) IS BECAUSE SHE SAW IT MADE ME MAD, OR BECAUSE I CAUGHT HER DOING IT. I FEEL LIKE IF I WAS AN USUSPECTING, NON-JEALOUS BOYFRIEND WHO NEVER CHECKED HER STUFF THAT SHE NEVER WOULD HAVE STOPPED. It bothers me that it took me acting jealous and crazy for her to stop, assuming she actually has stopped.

As you can see, my feelings for her are getting in my way. I am having a hard time knowing if I have an actual reason to not trust her, or if I am just being paranoid and insecure about stuff. Maybe it is both. Please keep the advice coming as I am trying to make a solid decision that I will not regret.

Remember, my first post was that I did not like that she text a guy she had a crush on to talk about the game. It still kills me that she took the convo out of her phone. She may very well have had an innocent convo with him but I never will know. I have to take her word for it. What angered me the most was the lame excuse of "It frees up space on my phone" or "The reason I keep your convos in my phone is because I talk to you every day." Are these legit reasons or lame ass excuses?

I keep hoping someone can give me some miracle advice or some sneaky way that I could catch her talking to guys behind my back but I realize that probably is not going to happen. I have to either choose to trust her or move on. I will never know if she is talking to dudes behind my back, right?

oh man...

I am not even trying to say that I am a 100% ace with women because i still make lots of mistakes.

and, i have def. made many (if not all) of the mistakes you are making here.

The simple fact that you are typing so many letters and paragraphs in all your messages about her shows that you are WAY over invested in this. You are still in your 20's and this girl is barely out of her teens. If you let this kind of behavior rock your world at this stage of the game you are destined for a lifetime of misery with women.

so much good information has already been shared, and i feel that you must be getting the point that something is generally amiss in this relationship. most of the guys here have already given this situation a hearty , but you continue to come up reasons to hope things might just go well someday.

i think you need to cut your losses on this one. you are turning into a paranoid case just letting this continue to play out. get a new hobby, get some new friends, and let this chick sink back into the abyss.

 

[AthletesRun24]

Here's an update. I've expressed to her how I feel about the texting other guys and she continues to say she doesn't do it anymore and that I am completely wrong and paranoid about everything. She continues to say she wants to settle down and wants a real relationship with me and that she even wrote me a letter the other day after we had a fight to tell me how she feels about me. She says she wrote a letter because it's sometimes easier for to say how she feels by writing then saying it in person. I'll admit it made me feel better to see her take the time to write me a 2 page letter. She hasn't given it to me yet but I'm assuming she will if I see her this weekend. It definitely doesn't make my situation easier now.