I'm having issues with my girlfriend and a guy she used to like

[AthletesRun24]

Her excuse for deleting convos with guys in her phone is one of these two...

"I didn't mean to delete it"

"I don't leave those convos in there because it takes up space on my phone"

Hahaha...

 

[floydb25]

Just dump this girl B. You shouldn't have to or shouldn't be worrying about a girl and having her stress u out. Find someone else.. Would u rather be with a girl who gives u no reason to be suspicious or with a girl that raises your suspicion

Man, so this. But I have no more patience for this ****. All of the girls who ever did this - to me, or others I knew - were *****s and players. They claim everyone is their "friend" - only to **** or date them all eventually. They also get super defensive and make you seem like a jealous control freak - when theyre the ones jumping on everyone's ****, and trying to get away with it. Then they caught and play the victim, claim it was an accident, cry to their fat girlfriends in the *****-hen house - only to repeat the process over and over. Theyre always in contact with these people, and there's a lot of secrecy, denial, lying, and excuses going on. ALWAYS. :nono:

But generally, there is a REASON for feeling this way - even if they try to turn it around on you. Like when there's a lot of drama, mind games, mixed messages, or whatever. It pisses you off, causes stress, and makes you want to throw them off a balcony, right? Same thing here. If there was no reason, doubt, or suspicion - these feelings wouldnt exist. Better to not have them, and you SHOULDNT have them.

Your gut is telling you something is amiss, and its usually right. Now if only I listened to mine back in the day. But noooooooooooooo... Had to follow my **** instead. :cuss:

 

[Naughty Ninja]

Bottom line is you need to treat that chick like the text message convo she had with her "friend" and delete her from your life without a trace. No replies. Period. No conversations No "Ammo" for her to use and tell her friends about. Straight Gone-zo.

But. You won't. Because you want to rationalize and "hear her out" for your own "perfect fantasy" you want to cling to in your mind. Good luck with that.

 

[The Gambler]

I'm slow to panic and to believe that the sky is falling....

But in this particular case, it probably is. No woman I ever met has "settled down" and changed their ways at the age of 22. She's at least five years away from settling down in her HEART, even though her head is probably saying it's time to do so with a nice guy like you. Any time the head and heart are at conflict with each other, the result is uncertainty for both you and her. Everything you have posted clearly points to this.

At a bare minimum, you need to make yourself less available. Being with her all the time is not a good thing. She'll take you for granted and even start resenting you for putting her on a pedestal. If you're afraid of letting her out of your sight, for whatever reason, you're playing on borrowed time.

The Gambler

 

[floydb25]

Bottom line is you need to treat that chick like the text message convo she had with her "friend" and delete her from your life without a trace. No replies. Period. No conversations No "Ammo" for her to use and tell her friends about. Straight Gone-zo.

But. You won't. Because you want to rationalize and "hear her out" for your own "perfect fantasy" you want to cling to in your mind. Good luck with that.

Man, stop reminding me of how I used to be. ALL OF YOU. :crackup:

 

[Plutoman]

There's so many red flags here.

Please, listen to the people here and dump her BEFORE you get too attached - and before she dumps YOU.

Her 'excuses' for deleting conversations are entirely lies. The reason she did it is because she knows that you seeing them would be worse than you being suspicious.

You aren't going to catch her, and you don't need to. Judge her by her actions, not her words. Do you have any innocent reason to text girls, and then cover up your conversations?

I'm seeing lots of "I'm a sweet little innocent angel that has been burnt by horrible men" ploys here that are just that - ploys.

 

[AthletesRun24]

The reason I shared this is because I needed good advice and I trust this site. I really appreciate the feedback and I am taking it very seriously when making a decision about this relationship.

Here's an update. We hung out today and talked about everything. I tell her that I am not talking to any girls behind her back because why would I? I tell her that I'm with her and I don't need attention from other girls and would only want the same from her in return. Any time she feels like I'm going to leave her she cries. She tells me she loves me and wants to be with me for a long time, possibly be my girl forever, and like I said, she is with me all the time which is why I didn't understand why early on in our relationship she was texting guy friends(guy friends she has a past with)

It should be important to note that we started dating in October. I first looked in her phone in the middle of November and saw a lot of convos with guys. They were not convos about hooking up or ****ing or anything. They were just normal convos. But it still annoyed me and ever since I was always wondering why a girl who is with me all the time and tells me she wasnts nobody but me needs guys to talk to. Like I said, if she was out partying, had her own place, this situation would be a no brainer. I would never trust her. But she isn't out partying, she is with me on her free time, she is with me all weekend. She works and hangs out with me. Thats why I stay with her because a girl wouldn't spend that much time with me if she wasn't that into me, right? She obviously likes me.

She tells me that she no longer talks to guys. She told me she did it early on in our relationship because she didn't know how serious it was going to get. She says she liked me but she didn't know how serious I was about her because guys have played her in the past. She told me she would delete them out of her phone back in November not because they were bad convos but because she knew I would get mad about her talking to these guys, and the past month or so I will look in her phone before she leaves me and there are no texts coming from guys so it makes me believe she is telling the truth. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt because she likes me. She swears that she doesn't talk to those guys anymore, and I want to believe it because they aren't texting her when she is with me.

As my first post said, I was annoyed about her texting that guy and I was with her all weekend so it makes me feel like nothing is going on and she is not lying because if something serious was going on I feel like he would have hit her up on the weekend. No texts from him came in, and we were together ALL weekend.

As you can see I'm stuck because I really like her, and all I have is her word. Should I believe her or just end this madness of not knowing if I can trust her? I want more feedback please!

 

[floydb25]

All the fluff aside... The main problem I see throughout all of this - and something a lot of us deal(t) with - is that, you went in at full-speed, got too attached too soon, made it all about her, expected her to reciprocate everything you were doing (ie, you dont talk to any girls, only care about her, make her your world, and even TELL HER THIS).

This is all wrong. Now that you got these suspicions, you're too attached to leave. ALREADY. And just by wearing your heart on a sleeve like this - to where she knows she has you (since you keep TELLING HER OVER AND OVER) - she's almost bound to lose interest and leave... Sooner rather than later.

You put too much trust and faith AND your heart into someone you didnt even know. You dont give your heart out so easily, and you dont want to be thinking with your emotions this early. That just causes everything to go haywire in your mind. So, you end up viewing her as perfect and worthy - when reality is painting a different picture. These warning signs are the cracks of reality peeking out, and mustn't be avoided in favor of the fantasy, head in the clouds, infatuation **** going on in your mind. This causes major problems, gives away too much power, puts too much trust into someone who could very well use it against you, causes desperation, clinginess, and one-itis. All bad.

So now, since youre already attached and thinking only with your heart - red flags are excused, multiple chances are given, lies are omitted, everything can be worked out, serious conversations like you're married, she's a Godess, the "one", and worth the energy, anything for her. Blah blah.

You cant just "leave" - even when things go bad - and thats a problem. Especially THIS EARLY - when you dont even know the *****. You only assume she's just as good, honest, faithful, etc, as you - based on her words, and how you WANT things to be. Words mean ****, anyway.

Assuming this works out, or whatever... Dont do this again, or expect the same kind of overblown, obsessive, pushy behavior on your end. As well as your emotions being all over the place... pretty much running the show, women running for the hills, *****es taking advantage of you, etc. It'll definitely be a lesson learned, though.

Been all up in there before. The results are usually not pretty.

 

[zinc4]

The reason I shared this is because I needed good advice and I trust this site. I really appreciate the feedback and I am taking it very seriously when making a decision about this relationship.

Here's an update. We hung out today and talked about everything. I tell her that I am not talking to any girls behind her back because why would I? I tell her that I'm with her and I don't need attention from other girls and would only want the same from her in return. Any time she feels like I'm going to leave her she cries. She tells me she loves me and wants to be with me for a long time, possibly be my girl forever, and like I said, she is with me all the time which is why I didn't understand why early on in our relationship she was texting guy friends(guy friends she has a past with)

It should be important to note that we started dating in October. I first looked in her phone in the middle of November and saw a lot of convos with guys. They were not convos about hooking up or ****ing or anything. They were just normal convos. But it still annoyed me and ever since I was always wondering why a girl who is with me all the time and tells me she wasnts nobody but me needs guys to talk to. Like I said, if she was out partying, had her own place, this situation would be a no brainer. I would never trust her. But she isn't out partying, she is with me on her free time, she is with me all weekend. She works and hangs out with me. Thats why I stay with her because a girl wouldn't spend that much time with me if she wasn't that into me, right? She obviously likes me.

She tells me that she no longer talks to guys. She told me she did it early on in our relationship because she didn't know how serious it was going to get. She says she liked me but she didn't know how serious I was about her because guys have played her in the past. She told me she would delete them out of her phone back in November not because they were bad convos but because she knew I would get mad about her talking to these guys, and the past month or so I will look in her phone before she leaves me and there are no texts coming from guys so it makes me believe she is telling the truth. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt because she likes me. She swears that she doesn't talk to those guys anymore, and I want to believe it because they aren't texting her when she is with me.

As my first post said, I was annoyed about her texting that guy and I was with her all weekend so it makes me feel like nothing is going on and she is not lying because if something serious was going on I feel like he would have hit her up on the weekend. No texts from him came in, and we were together ALL weekend.

As you can see I'm stuck because I really like her, and all I have is her word. Should I believe her or just end this madness of not knowing if I can trust her? I want more feedback please!

I am really shocked no one has said this sooner, but you have been together for only 3 months and you are with her all the time and are already talking about engagement/marriage!? You get way too attached way too easily and that is why she is talking to others, I would be too if a chick I was only.seeing for 3 months was acting like you....you lost all your challenge and mystery....the roles should be reversed and you should never fully committee yourself after only 3 months....you should still be flirting with other women at this point like what she is doing, but she is acting more like man in this relationship......you need to get a grip and back off and stop freaking out about her texting other guys and see this for what it is, a learning experience...you already screwed up big time by being so needy and insecure in general.....you can still see her but you would be crazy to commit yourself to her at thus point until later on if your neediness hasn't already killed your chances. But I would say don't view thus as a ltr.....just casual dating....even if she did settle and married you, she would be fantasizing about her guy friends at best and cheating more realistically......start seeing other women immediately until you can get your frame back if possible...but really man...3 months in and talking about marriage???? That just smells dead .in the water to me.

 

[Trump]

Ive done the same the OP...stick with something thats not good for me, just sucks my energy because I may get sex out of it.

When confidence is low, feeling down, blue, no one likes us we will sacrifice our integrity. We don't want to start over, introduce ourselves, go back out there, get beat down, get laughed at. It's easier to stick with something we are used to even though its bad for us, our mind, our health, our well being, our image. Only after we realize everyone sees that weak image, we start to think differently.

The thinking that a girl showing us some affection and sex while putting us down is better than nothing at all, at least you are getting some and don't look bad in front of your friends, is a popular one but thats no way to live your life. You don't want to win the battle and lose the war.

 

[pinkfl]

I first looked in her phone in the middle of November and saw a lot of convos with guys. They were not convos about hooking up or ****ing or anything. They were just normal convos.

She tells me that she no longer talks to guys. She told me she did it early on in our relationship because she didn't know how serious it was going to get.

As you can see I'm stuck because I really like her, and all I have is her word. Should I believe her or just end this madness of not knowing if I can trust her? I want more feedback please!

Normal conversations with guys genuinely CAN be just that. However it's the fact that she deleted the conversation that is suspicious. That is what makes me feel like she is hiding something. That's just WEIRD. If I were talking to a guy about a homework assignment or whatever, I wouldn't delete it from my phone.

And it makes perfect sense for her to talk to guys early on because again, you're not serious. But you just laid the cards on the table, you told her that things were exclusive and she needs to fix her behavior from here on out. Which makes me want to say "give her a chance" especially since you qualify that she spends all her free time with you.

But what really bothers me is your trust issues...the fact that you continuously check her phone. That's something you need to work on because that will poison ANY relationship even if the other person has nothing to hide. She might honestly be deleting the conversations (which may be innocent) just to avoid setting you off.

So the real question is: Is it that you can't trust ANY girl, or is it that you cannot trust THIS girl?

 

[Naughty Ninja]

All the fluff aside... The main problem I see throughout all of this - and something a lot of us deal(t) with - is that, you went in at full-speed, got too attached too soon, made it all about her, expected her to reciprocate everything you were doing (ie, you dont talk to any girls, only care about her, make her your world, and even TELL HER THIS).

This is all wrong. Now that you got these suspicions, you're too attached to leave. ALREADY. And just by wearing your heart on a sleeve like this - to where she knows she has you (since you keep TELLING HER OVER AND OVER) - she's almost bound to lose interest and leave... Sooner rather than later.

You put too much trust and faith AND your heart into someone you didnt even know. You dont give your heart out so easily, and you dont want to be thinking with your emotions this early. That just causes everything to go haywire in your mind. So, you end up viewing her as perfect and worthy - when reality is painting a different picture. These warning signs are the cracks of reality peeking out, and mustn't be avoided in favor of the fantasy, head in the clouds, infatuation **** going on in your mind. This causes major problems, gives away too much power, puts too much trust into someone who could very well use it against you, causes desperation, clinginess, and one-itis. All bad.

So now, since youre already attached and thinking only with your heart - red flags are excused, multiple chances are given, lies are omitted, everything can be worked out, serious conversations like you're married, she's a Godess, the "one", and worth the energy, anything for her. Blah blah.

You cant just "leave" - even when things go bad - and thats a problem.

Assuming this works out, or whatever... Dont do this again, or expect the same kind of overblown, obsessive, pushy behavior on your end. As well as your emotions being all over the place... pretty much running the show, women running for the hills, *****es taking advantage of you, etc. It'll definitely be a lesson learned, though.

Been all up in there before. The results are usually not pretty.

What Floyd just said. And as far as OPs last post....

Here's an update. We hung out today and talked about everything. I tell her that I am not talking to any girls behind her back because why would I? I tell her that I'm with her and I don't need attention from other girls and would only want the same from her in return.

A chick who's been "played" by numerous dudes in the past is either a complete moron and or willingly let herself be "played". She is now soon going to play YOU. Like it or not. I don't buy that nonsense period. Perhaps when I was a teen. A chick like the one you've described doesn't take what you told her as a statement of trust nor really cares. The type of chick you are describing takes what you told her as a weak, lovestruck dope who she now knows from your own words she can manipulate and use YOUR words against you when she "fvcks" up and gets caught.

"Your" chick took what you told her as you handing her your azz. You showed her your hand. With the chick you described she only sees herself as your only option. (That's how this type of chick operates. Another chick who's not like her would take what you said to heart and care for you as well by actions and not "clearing things up" with you after she was caught.)

Any time she feels like I'm going to leave her she cries. She tells me she loves me and wants to be with me for a long time, possibly be my girl forever, and like I said, she is with me all the time which is why I didn't understand why early on in our relationship she was texting guy friends(guy friends she has a past with)

She is playing you with the crying game. Crying is only an emotion and she is going to use that emotion as part of her manipulation game. She's your "GFF" now that she's confronted.

It should be important to note that we started dating in October. I first looked in her phone in the middle of November and saw a lot of convos with guys. They were not convos about hooking up or ****ing or anything. They were just normal convos. But it still annoyed me and ever since I was always wondering why a girl who is with me all the time and tells me she wasnts nobody but me needs guys to talk to. Like I said, if she was out partying, had her own place, this situation would be a no brainer. I would never trust her. But she isn't out partying, she is with me on her free time, she is with me all weekend. She works and hangs out with me. Thats why I stay with her because a girl wouldn't spend that much time with me if she wasn't that into me, right? She obviously likes me.

She's may like you but she is keeping her options open for when she bails if you her fool dares to smarten up and keep catching her = "He's jealous" or a better dude comes along to which she'll use ANY justification and ANYTHING you've said or "done" against you. She most likely gets off that she knows you are jealous adding to her power in your "relationship". Dudes and or chicks who REALLY like someone don't bother with "friendly" texting different guys or "old" crushes. They focus their attention on the relationship. If they aren't truly committed..They keep their options open even if it's behind the other persons back or "hiding" by doing it "innocently" in your face.

You can't be with someone 100% of the time unless you are being paid to stand armed guard right outside while they sit in a cell 24/7/365. I'm sure there are more than a few on here who realized that fact the hard way. I learned it BAD when I was 19.

She tells me that she no longer talks to guys. She told me she did it early on in our relationship because she didn't know how serious it was going to get. She says she liked me but she didn't know how serious I was about her because guys have played her in the past. She told me she would delete them out of her phone back in November not because they were bad convos but because she knew I would get mad about her talking to these guys, and the past month or so I will look in her phone before she leaves me and there are no texts coming from guys so it makes me believe she is telling the truth. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt because she likes me. She swears that she doesn't talk to those guys anymore, and I want to believe it because they aren't texting her when she is with me.

Doesn't matter if they aren't texting her when she's with you. How do you know she doesn't tell them to text her when she's not going to be with you? So now after she's a suspect by you she "comes clean" and has "learned" from being "played" so often in the past? So she just "guessed" you would get mad from "innocent" conversations she had to delete when you first got together because she's been "played" so many times in the past because she didn't want to "lie" to a dude (you) whom she just started dating and didn't know if you would play her like the rest? This chick is straight up BSing and working that manipulation BS on you. Wake up dude.

As my first post said, I was annoyed about her texting that guy and I was with her all weekend so it makes me feel like nothing is going on and she is not lying because if something serious was going on I feel like he would have hit her up on the weekend. No texts from him came in, and we were together ALL weekend.

It doesn't matter being HE is HER crush and SHE was and most likely IS still after him. You kept her company. He could text her after the weekend or whenever you're not around and who's to say she wouldn't respond? Who's to say she wouldn't text him when she's not around you? She could have told him that and he didn't text her. Which shows in her mind he's "trustworthy" to not get her busted.

Just from POF alone in itself. People take time out during the week to show up and straight fvck. (Not saying that's definitely happening but it's an example of how quick in a few texts from meeting someone random ONLINE you can set up a time to fvck.) She already admitted this dude is her "past" crush. What's to stop people who already know each other from getting a quickie or meet up? You don't have all her phone call text records so how do you REALLY know? Because she told you?

As you can see I'm stuck because I really like her, and all I have is her word. Should I believe her or just end this madness of not knowing if I can trust her? I want more feedback please!

Stop giving all the power to her and showing your hand everytime. You don't want to do anything to "upset" the "perfect fantasy" in your mind as we all know you are slowly if not completely already her puppet.

Be aware. Don't show your hand. Look at your situation from an honest 3rd person view.

I'd have bounced on this chick as soon as I'd heard she'd been "played" most of her life. Those chicks aren't fooling dudes who know the deal and have some self respect. Good luck.

 

[LiveFreeX]

guy, as a general rule, if you even have to come to sosuave to post a problem about your broad, she's not the one.

I don't get any problems from mine and I don't have to worry about my actions. That's what you want, not some drama/game filled crap relationship.

 

[floydb25]

Ive done the same the OP...stick with something thats not good for me, just sucks my energy because I may get sex out of it.

When confidence is low, feeling down, blue, no one likes us we will sacrifice our integrity. We don't want to start over, introduce ourselves, go back out there, get beat down, get laughed at. It's easier to stick with something we are used to even though its bad for us, our mind, our health, our well being, our image. Only after we realize everyone sees that weak image, we start to think differently.

The thinking that a girl showing us some affection and sex while putting us down is better than nothing at all, at least you are getting some and don't look bad in front of your friends, is a popular one but thats no way to live your life. You don't want to win the battle and lose the war.

WORD. Low self-esteem, approval-seeking, and over-eagerness to be loved and accepted causes a LOT of these problems and behaviors. Cant let it be this way, or you'll be co-dependant, desperate, insecure, clingy-obsessive, and miserable for a long time. Most people suck, and will only disappoint you - if you put all of your faith and trust into them, like this.

Also, what the 3 guys above said. Good ****; very true.

 

[spiegel549]

guy, as a general rule, if you even have to come to sosuave to post a problem about your broad, she's not the one.

I don't get any problems from mine and I don't have to worry about my actions. That's what you want, not some drama/game filled crap relationship.

+1

The fact of the matter is every female we have ever dated, if you have to think this much into a situation, she is not the one. I dated a girl for 2 years, and delt with the same issue of "guy friends" now that I look back at that relationship I should of dumped her 3 months in instead of 2 years later lol. I passed on A LOT of girls I met over those 2 years. Do not be afraid to dump her. The faster you weed out the wrong girls, the faster you will find the right one.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Let's focus on what is important -- the TS, not the girl. This relationship isn't going to last. TS you didn't just f*ck your girl, you f*cked yourself. You made this girl far too important in your life, you let her know this, and you did not keep her emotions swirling around about you. Punch yourself in the face six times, then punch a wall twice, then headbutt your desk until you pass out. My guess is you won't enjoy this punishment and the only way to avoid it in the future is to not go AFC like you did.

So, going forward, what are you going to do? You're going to use this girl as a learning experience. She isn't special, she is just a girl, there will be others. Next time you are going to keep the new girl as the 4th on your list of priorities -- that means you need to have three things ahead of her. This keeps your emotions under control and keeps you from screwing things up. When you are with the girl you're going to be the reason she is happy and having a great time. When you are not with her she is going to be wondering what you are doing. She is not going to think that she has any power over you.

Are we clear on this?

 

[youngmack]

Yeah Man U fucced up already. Call it quits dude. You keep saying you don't trust her ok cool, but why would u wanna be with someone you don't trust? It's obvious u got this broad on a pedestal.

This reminds me of my "relationship" a year ago. It was my first so I rushed into it. Getting attached to fast, wearing my heart on my sleeve. She too had a bunch of guy friends ..barely any girl friends she was a histrionic. Guess what happened? Yep couple weeks later she dogged my sh1t and dated and got fucced by one of those "guy friends" And i caught oneitis.If I was in the same place as you(being on sosuave) sh1t woulda Neva went down like that

 

[Aristippus]

Naughty Ninja said: "A chick who's been "played" by numerous dudes in the past is either a complete moron and or willingly let herself be "played". "

There's also another thing that I never hear guys mention. This is another common thing I notice. Sometimes a woman who claims she's been taken advantage of hasn't been "played" or "used" at all. And sometimes the men these women call "jerks" aren't really jerks. I understand, yes, there are situations where one person can manipulate or deceive another person intentionally.

There is also another common pattern I notice in female behavior. For so many women, the story is always that in some way they are a VICTIM. If the man doesn't kowtow to her every demand, he's a "jerk" and she's a "victim". If he wants to take his time and isn't ready to marry after dating for a couple of years, suddenly he's "playing games". If they are both enjoying sex but he isn't paying her bills, suddenly he's "using her for sex".

Or if the relationship is serious but it isn't moving along on HER timetable, he is "taking advantage" of her or "using her for sex", etc etc. If he doesn't put up with her disrespectful b.s. and puts her in her place and corrects her when she misbehaves, he's "controlling". Yes, there are men who are genuinely insecure and controlling, but lots of times women will use a broad brush to paint a picture like they are always some kind of victim on the receiving end of an injustice.

What this means is you can't always take what women say at face value because in their minds anyone who doesn't cave in to their demands 100% of the time and who stands up for himself and who won't tolerate her b.s. and who progresses in a relationship at a pace he feels comfortable with is called a "jerk".

What you have is 2 definitions for the same word, but with their limited brain power, any women who use these terms interchangeably can't or won't see the difference. So it goes like this. "You don't cater to my ridiculous demands and give me everything I want the way I want it, when I want it, therefore you're a jerk." AND "You lie to me and deceive me and are dishonest and cheat on me, therefore you're a jerk.". The first definition is based on a self-deluded fantasy. The second is more realistic. The problem is, so many women want to group both types of men together. This is how screwed up and how "entitled" many women feel these days. Sometimes, people just view life differently and you CAN'T always have it your way. That doesn't instantly make you a victim.

Another thing. Sometimes the women who play men get played themselves. Then they complain because the men that played them were just better at it than they are. They've played their share of suckers but all of a sudden when it happens to them, when they run across someone who can beat them at their own game, they whine and cry about it. These kind of women get no sympathy from me. It's like the bully who picks on the wrong person, gets his teeth knocked out and then complains that it isn't fair. It isn't that it wasn't fair. He just didn't like the fact that he lost. It was okay as long as he was the one dealing out the punishment..... Don't fall for the b.s. and don't buy into the hypocrisy.

 

[AthletesRun24]

Hey guys. Thanks for the advice. I agree with most of it. Keep it coming. I know you guys have made it clear how you feel but I want to give one more background on this chick so you can comment back and let me know if you still feel the same way.

She's 22. She used to party but does not party anymore and I know that for a fact. She spends her free time with me. She spends her weekends with me. It is important to know that these guys who were texting her were all guys who had been with her before. She appeared to be a party girl who was boy crazy. I can't say she is like that anymore because she spends most of her time with me and tells me she wants to settle down. She says all the right things to me. She appears to be crazy about me.

She told me she felt bad for deleting convos from her phone and only did it because she knew I would get mad and think something was up. She swears there was nothing bad being said in these convos. She has told me repeatedly that she felt bad for deleting them, and that is was early on in our still young relationship, and that it means nothing to her and these guys mean nothing to her. She swears she does not text them anymore, and every time I hang out with her she is NOT getting texts from these guys so it makes me want to believe her.

If she does get a text from a guy she tells them that she has a boyfriend. If she gets messages from guys on facebook she either doesn't respond or says she has a boyfriend. I am going to type this in CAPS because I think it is very important: I BELIEVE THAT THE ONLY REASON SHE STOPPED DOING IT(IF SHE'S TELLING THE TRUTH) IS BECAUSE SHE SAW IT MADE ME MAD, OR BECAUSE I CAUGHT HER DOING IT. I FEEL LIKE IF I WAS AN USUSPECTING, NON-JEALOUS BOYFRIEND WHO NEVER CHECKED HER STUFF THAT SHE NEVER WOULD HAVE STOPPED. It bothers me that it took me acting jealous and crazy for her to stop, assuming she actually has stopped.

As you can see, my feelings for her are getting in my way. I am having a hard time knowing if I have an actual reason to not trust her, or if I am just being paranoid and insecure about stuff. Maybe it is both. Please keep the advice coming as I am trying to make a solid decision that I will not regret.

Remember, my first post was that I did not like that she text a guy she had a crush on to talk about the game. It still kills me that she took the convo out of her phone. She may very well have had an innocent convo with him but I never will know. I have to take her word for it. What angered me the most was the lame excuse of "It frees up space on my phone" or "The reason I keep your convos in my phone is because I talk to you every day." Are these legit reasons or lame ass excuses?

I keep hoping someone can give me some miracle advice or some sneaky way that I could catch her talking to guys behind my back but I realize that probably is not going to happen. I have to either choose to trust her or move on. I will never know if she is talking to dudes behind my back, right?

 

[AthletesRun24]

Does the fact that she used to party and hang out with guys all the time, and have nothing but guy friends, mean that she can never change? She tells me she doesn't want to be like that, and once you meet the right guy(meaning me) it changes the way you wanna be.

Her friends were made aware of our issues and even told me that she is no longer talking to anyone but me. Girls tell their best friends everything, right? Should I just take their word for it?