I'm having issues with my girlfriend and a guy she used to like

[AthletesRun24]

Ok. So I've been dating this girl for 3 months but it has gotten very serious. We are with eachother all the time and she seems to be happy with me and tells me that she loves me and could one day get engaged and live happily ever after. I think it's new territory for both of us but I feel the same about her and when you know you just know, right?

Well the biggest issue I had with her was early on with our relationship a lot of her guy friends didn't seem to catch on that she was in a relationship with me. It annoyed me because I used to always joke with my friends that it is a red flag to date a girl who claims to be friends with more guys than girls but I gave her a chance anyways. Here's the thing. Once she realized it was bothering me she did tell them to back off, and if she is on facebook and a random guy messages her on there she tells them she has a boyfriend. That should make me happy, right?

Well, one of the guys she talked to drops his daughter off at the daycare she works at and I asked her about him because she has his number and she played it off that he was just a friend. She said the only reason she had his number was because his baby momma is a mess and is not allowed to pick his daughter up so she communicates only to him on a work basis. No personal convos. Well, I then find out that he would text her talking about football and stuff, just innocent convos like that and one time I saw he text her about a game the other night and she was like "I didn't respond, did I?" Well she didn't but it still bothered me and then I discovered that she used to have a crush on him right before she met me, and that she wanted to be with him before she met me, and I found out that she had asked one of her friends if she should feel bad about texting him about a game because their two favorite NFL teams were playing and her friend was like "No, you need guy friends". So she text him but I never found the convo because she deleted it out of her phone and she just tells me that "nothing is going on why should I keep the convo in my phone when we talk about nothing important?" Well, this annoys me because she keeps my convos in her phone, she keeps convos with her girlfriends in her phone, but there is never any convos with other guys in her phone and she says it's because she doesn't talk to any guys anymore now that she is with me, and she even tells me she is fine with that because I'm all that matters to her now. Should I just relax and stop being paranoid and jealous or do I actually have a reason to have my guard up? Do you think she is using the delete button more than she would want me to believe?

 

[donking]

dump her

 

[alpha_ash]

You are showing a lot of insecurity in front of her. You really should let her do her own thing and find out what she does casually. Otherwise she will lie straight out of her ass and into your face.

Never confront a girl about the wrong things she is doing. Once you find out, you say goodbye without saying it and break it off with NC. Otherwise she will continue playing games with you.

 

[betheman]

what are your ages?
women with lots of guy friend = women with lots of options and guys who wil f ccuk her at the drop of a hat!
she wont tell you everything, you wont see the naughty texts, they maybe one way, from him to her, she may have deleted them without responding and may genuinely be keeping this guy at arms length.
what is her past like> has she cheated before? lots of short term flings?

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Ain't no reason this girl should be texting any dude unless the dude is related to her. Only exception is if it is about work. But in this case I don't see a good reason for this dude to even text this girl. She told you that she doesn't have personal convos with him then you find out that she deleted some convo with him and they talk about football. That's personal convo because it has nothing to do with work.

Your in the early part of your relationship where you got to check her on $%iT so it won't build up. You need to check her on this and tell her straight up that she shouldn't be texting any other dudes. It is very disrespectful to you and you wouldn't be sitting her texting other females unless they were related to you.

If she feels the need to talk to dudes about football do that mess on Twitter or Facebook. (We all know 100% of girls have this for their attention fix). But exchanging and having numbers is a little too much personal. This is very disrespectful and if she can't get this through her head then you shouldn't be exclusive with her.

 

[AthletesRun24]

I'm 26 and she is 22. A quick background on her: She has told me that I am her first real relationship in a couple of years. She has been cheated on. She has been with guys who looked at her as just someone to sleep with. She has cheated before but when she was 15 so that doesn't really count. She says she has slept with 7 guys and that only once it was just a hook up. She says if she has sex with someone it is with someone she is talking with, likes, or is dating. I do think I'm the longest relationship she has had. It is also important to note that her mom had an affair on her dad and she swears that she never wants to cheat or be like her mom.

I mean she says all the right things and she is with me all the time. She tells me no other guy means anything to her. She says she has told guy friends to back off. She says they don't talk to her anymore. She says I'm all she wants. She does hang out with me whenever she is free. She even still lives at her moms, although she is looking to move out. She used to party but doesn't anymore. With all that background I just gave it probably makes me look like I'm just an insecure and jealous guy but I can't help it.

It also is important to know that when I ask her about a guy friend that texts her or messages her on fbook it seems like they always have a past, whether its kissing or whatever, but she swears it's not like that anymore because she is with me. I just wish she had normal guy friends and I try to explain to her that guys can look at their friendship with a girl a lot different than a girl does cause guys think differently. I don't know what to do cause I do like her a lot and I do want to trust her and if she was out partying and stuff it would be a lot worse, but like I said, she is with me all the time.

 

[betheman]

I'm 26 and she is 22. A quick background on her: She has told me that I am her first real relationship in a couple of years. She has been cheated on. She has been with guys who looked at her as just someone to sleep with. She has cheated before but when she was 15 so that doesn't really count. She says she has slept with 7 guys and that only once it was just a hook up. She says if she has sex with someone it is with someone she is talking with, likes, or is dating. I do think I'm the longest relationship she has had. It is also important to note that her mom had an affair on her dad and she swears that she never wants to cheat or be like her mom.

I mean she says all the right things and she is with me all the time. She tells me no other guy means anything to her. She says she has told guy friends to back off. She says they don't talk to her anymore. She says I'm all she wants. She does hang out with me whenever she is free. She even still lives at her moms, although she is looking to move out. She used to party but doesn't anymore. With all that background I just gave it probably makes me look like I'm just an insecure and jealous guy but I can't help it.

It also is important to know that when I ask her about a guy friend that texts her or messages her on fbook it seems like they always have a past, whether its kissing or whatever, but she swears it's not like that anymore because she is with me. I just wish she had normal guy friends and I try to explain to her that guys can look at their friendship with a girl a lot different than a girl does cause guys think differently. I don't know what to do cause I do like her a lot and I do want to trust her and if she was out partying and stuff it would be a lot worse, but like I said, she is with me all the time.

so fu cking around at 15 and cheating? I dont buy the number 7 either, if she started that early, Id at least double the number, she isnt like that now she is with you???? how many of us have heard that one!!
she is 22 and maybe looking to settle down and have babies and she is saying all the right things and her behaviour seems to have toned down..for now! trust your gut, dont overreact, play it cool but keep your guard up

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

It also is important to know that when I ask her about a guy friend that texts her or messages her on fbook it seems like they always have a past, whether its kissing or whatever, but she swears it's not like that anymore because she is with me. I just wish she had normal guy friends and I try to explain to her that guys can look at their friendship with a girl a lot different than a girl does cause guys think differently. I don't know what to do cause I do like her a lot and I do want to trust her and if she was out partying and stuff it would be a lot worse, but like I said, she is with me all the time.

Why the hell is she talking to dudes she used to hook up with or like? That's mad ass disrespectful. She is testing you and you need to check the hell out of her. I wish a girl I was dealing with would come in contact with someone in the past. I would dump her ass so ****ing quick. This is nonsence. How could you think that anyone would deal with this. and she shouldn't be having male friends PERIOD

 

[dadmonson]

If she has guy friends you can have girl friends.

 

[-Gripz-]

If your gut is telling you something is wrong; its usually right.
I agree with PrettyBoyAJ in the fact that she is being very disrespectful in the fact that she is texting other guys. I don't think you have been keeping the frame with her enough so she is starting to stray, and the fact that you are around each other all the time didn't help matters. learn to do your own thing, be unavailable. Either dump her or give her an ultimatum such as for her to either stop texting this dude or she's out the door.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Ain't no reason this girl should be texting any dude unless the dude is related to her. Only exception is if it is about work. But in this case I don't see a good reason for this dude to even text this girl. She told you that she doesn't have personal convos with him then you find out that she deleted some convo with him and they talk about football. That's personal convo because it has nothing to do with work.

Your in the early part of your relationship where you got to check her on $%iT so it won't build up. You need to check her on this and tell her straight up that she shouldn't be texting any other dudes. It is very disrespectful to you and you wouldn't be sitting her texting other females unless they were related to you.

If she feels the need to talk to dudes about football do that mess on Twitter or Facebook. (We all know 100% of girls have this for their attention fix). But exchanging and having numbers is a little too much personal. This is very disrespectful and if she can't get this through her head then you shouldn't be exclusive with her.

I take my last comment back. That sht would still be disrespectful if she even talked to dudes on Facebook or Twitter. It's just disrespectful for a girl to be commited long term relationship with a dude and to talk to other dudes unless it has to do with business or school work.

 

[AthletesRun24]

The issue is I will never know if she has really stopped texting this guy or other guys. She can easily still delete convos with him or any other guy and I would never know. We all know the player game and what it is like to delete stuff out of your phone before you are with a girl, anything you wouldn't want her to know about. It's just as easy for the girl to do it and lie and tell you that you are all she wants.

The problem is I don't know if it is my paranoid and jealous personality making me believe that she is doing stuff behind my back or if my gut is really telling me the truth. I have no proof either way and I don't think I will ever catch her.

I will say I was with her this past weekend. All weekend. And no dude text her so that should be a good sign, right?

 

[AthletesRun24]

What I really would like to know is how will I know if she is really doing anything behind my back when she can easily just delete stuff out of her phone?

 

[dadmonson]

I dunno, I guess you are just going to have to trust her.

 

[pinkfl]

7 guys and she is younger than me and THREE MONTHS is her longest relationship?!

This girl does not know how to keep a relationship together and puts out way too easily.
The fact that she deleted the conversation is suspicious enough in my opinion. Not really grounds for a break up but you need to make it clear that she needs to act trustworthy if she wants to be trusted.

 

[youngmack]

Just dump this girl B. You shouldn't have to or shouldn't be worrying about a girl and having her stress u out. Find someone else.. Would u rather be with a girl who gives u no reason to be suspicious or with a girl that raises your suspicion

 

[Naughty Ninja]

Ok. So I've been dating this girl for 3 months but it has gotten very serious. We are with eachother all the time and she seems to be happy with me and tells me that she loves me and could one day get engaged and live happily ever after. I think it's new territory for both of us but I feel the same about her and when you know you just know, right?

Well the biggest issue I had with her was early on with our relationship a lot of her guy friends didn't seem to catch on that she was in a relationship with me. It annoyed me because I used to always joke with my friends that it is a red flag to date a girl who claims to be friends with more guys than girls but I gave her a chance anyways. Here's the thing. Once she realized it was bothering me she did tell them to back off, and if she is on facebook and a random guy messages her on there she tells them she has a boyfriend. That should make me happy, right?

Well, one of the guys she talked to drops his daughter off at the daycare she works at and I asked her about him because she has his number and she played it off that he was just a friend. She said the only reason she had his number was because his baby momma is a mess and is not allowed to pick his daughter up so she communicates only to him on a work basis. No personal convos. Well, I then find out that he would text her talking about football and stuff, just innocent convos like that and one time I saw he text her about a game the other night and she was like "I didn't respond, did I?" Well she didn't but it still bothered me and then I discovered that she used to have a crush on him right before she met me, and that she wanted to be with him before she met me, and I found out that she had asked one of her friends if she should feel bad about texting him about a game because their two favorite NFL teams were playing and her friend was like "No, you need guy friends". So she text him but I never found the convo because she deleted it out of her phone and she just tells me that "nothing is going on why should I keep the convo in my phone when we talk about nothing important?" Well, this annoys me because she keeps my convos in her phone, she keeps convos with her girlfriends in her phone, but there is never any convos with other guys in her phone and she says it's because she doesn't talk to any guys anymore now that she is with me, and she even tells me she is fine with that because I'm all that matters to her now. Should I just relax and stop being paranoid and jealous or do I actually have a reason to have my guard up? Do you think she is using the delete button more than she would want me to believe?

Special Breaking News Bulliten: The guy she "used to like" she still does.

So her friends told her she "needs guy friends". I'm sure her friends would LOVE it if the guy they really liked and were dating had a "need" for a ton of girlfriends. GTFOH. Her friends would tell any of their friends if a guy was doing that. "Dump him! He's playing you!"

So her "innocent guy friend/ex crush" is "just a friend" yet she felt the need to delete the conversation to "not make you jealous". Why even bother with a "friend" in the first place if you didn't want to make your boyfriend/girlfriend jealous?


Keep emotions under control but be aware. If you keep confronting her about sh1t you don't like she's just going to be more secretive and eventually "blame" you for being "controlling and jealous". Keep ticking off red flags while not mentioning anything and then bounce when the red flags start to seem like your dating a gang of Bloods.

In the end just from you posting this thread it's easy to see you're scared of losing this chick as you have no better options at the moment. You want affirmation here to "stick it out" or only to hear positive things to shift "blame" for what you know you may eventually need to do (bounce no contact and stay ghost). IE: you rationalizing: ("Oh those dudes on SS gave me bad advice and "I" wound up screwing things up after a conversation with my "princess". She cleared everything up with the "truth" but doesn't want me anymore and is now with her "innocent friend" because she can't "trust me" and "I'm jealous".)

Once the Kingdom crumbles you'll attempt to blame the advice given on here or second guess it when you know this situation didn't look good as you posted it. She'll BS out of her azz once completely busted and you'll "believe" her just to keep the fantasy of the two of you "perfect". That is if she doesn't bounce on you first and never come back as she's testing the waters with her crush to see if he'll "take her" from you.

I'd play the dumb role. Aware of what's going down..but never letting on to her or anyone till I'd had enough and just disappear for good. No texts, emails, calls, explainations, Facebook, NADA.

Let her hang herself. And don't need anyone to "complete" you as if you are a broken person by yourself.

You're going to need to put her azz in her place. And by doing that I mean taking off and going ghost. Meeting more chicks and not giving a damn even if she DOES wind up with her "innocent guy friend". At that point no matter what her azz will be pissed she wasn't the "perfect chick" she thought you thought she was and even if she's with that dude it'll burn her up and she'll keep trying to contact you which should fall on deaf ears NO REPLIES. Period.

 

[SemperDJ]

I've been in the same situation, it didn't end well
she lied her ass off, kept things more secretive and eventually the relationship ended
cause the problems became real and she cheated while I was away
I'd say listen to ninja's advice, my relationship didn't end well but yours could go on
One thing I learned from all this is females lie, never trust em

 

[Trump]

Ok. So I've been dating this girl for 3 months but it has gotten very serious. We are with eachother all the time and she seems to be happy with me and tells me that she loves me and could one day get engaged and live happily ever after. I think it's new territory for both of us but I feel the same about her and when you know you just know, right?

Be careful bro....when girls say they love you and miss you and can't live without you...its only until they get distracted by the other guy. Emotions are fleeting.

So she text him but I never found the convo because she deleted it out of her phone and she just tells me that "nothing is going on why should I keep the convo in my phone when we talk about nothing important?" Well, this annoys me because she keeps my convos in her phone, she keeps convos with her girlfriends in her phone, but there is never any convos with other guys in her phone and she says it's because she doesn't talk to any guys anymore now that she is with me, and she even tells me she is fine with that because I'm all that matters to her now. Should I just relax and stop being paranoid and jealous or do I actually have a reason to have my guard up? Do you think she is using the delete button more than she would want me to believe?

You seem confused. You get upset when she has male conversations, and you get upset when she doesn't have any male conversations. What did you want her to do?

 

[LiveFreeX]

Eject!

American women are such garbage. Why is there not a sticky warning men from dating american/westernized women altogether?

OPS can you please make a sticky about dating western women?

They ALL have issues, please take dating SERIOUSLY and pick quality women from non-westernized countries.