Darth said:Hey snowdog,
I appreciate you doing this, and I hope it'll help other people realize what I (and you too) had to figure out on your own, and that is...get your own insecurities and past/childhood straightened out first. No matter how bad you are at certain things, you, as a person, don't need to be FIXED. This idea that my identity was faulty translated into paralyzing insecurity for me.
I didn't realize how much energy and effort my brain was expending trying to hold everything together until after I overcame the problem. All this brainpower devoted to trying to "fix" oneself and project a different outer self than you really are. Basically a lifetime of acting.
Yea, I like how you put it that way, the "brain power" part. I devoted actually a relatively big part of the book to it. Here's a little teaser for you guys:
That's the writing style of the entire book by the way. I use examples for everything, and I try to be funny every now and then.When you’re talking with a girl, you’re probably thinking something like: “Awesome, I’m talking with a hot girl. Yea! It’s going well, she’s smiling. Check out those eyes, she’s hot. Oh look, she plays with her hair, that means she is into me. Oh wait, she didn’t smile when she talked to me, that’s not good. Should I put my hand on her shoulder when I say the next sentence? Should I kiss her after ten minutes, twenty minutes or thirty minutes? What will I do when she wants to have sex with me? Where do we go, her place or mine? Would she have a landing strip, a bush or a shaved *****? (you know you think about **** like that while you're talkling about the weather with her, you horny bastard) Nah, can’t be a bush.” Etc. etc. etc.
Well you got to stop it, and stop it now. Shut it off, kill the process. Your brain is not a dual-core processor. You can only do one thing at a time PROPERLY. And you probably know this without even realizing it. You know that when you’re watching TV, you can’t really have a good conversation with someone. You just can’t do both at the same time with all your attention.
Playing movies in your head or talking to yourself while talking with a girl is the exact same thing. You lose the connection with her and she feels this. So here’s a weird one:
Do not think.