really?Mate, this sounds almost like something of a moment of clarity/realisation. I wasn't expecting it and I'm pleased to see it.
The effort is one thing, the only thing you have left now is to learn to compromise sometimes. I think that's going to be the hardest thing for you.
I think next time a 22 year old cute bartender who smokes pot hits on you, you should just f***ing go for it. Ditch thinking about yourself and just give someone imperfect a try. You might be very pleasantly surprised and realise in a few years that actually what you thought you wanted wasn't what you wanted.
Even though I am mr super disciplined, straight edge, successful, etc...
I always thought of myself as marrying like a very good, smart and sexy school teacher type, an italian or greek babe with beautiful black hair and olive complexion