I'm getting discouraged

[Rubato]

Man, I can't put my finger on the problem.

I have a cognitive knowledge of what this DJ crap stands for.

I'm a very good looking guy. I get told that a lot from girls. And since I've been working on my body, it's becoming fantastic too. I'd say I'm in the upper 25% right now and definitely do not look bad.

I'm gonna be a doctor. And not just a doctor, a heart surgeon. I will be making $$$$$$$

And aside from an accident this past week, I haven't had sex since November. I go to a college with 30,000 kids in it! WTF is going on????

I think I'm still too nice. Really. I meet a girl, and it's fine, but I end up f'ing it up somewhere after the meetup and before we'd actually mess up the sheets. Maybe I'm too serious. I've levied that complaint before. I had a girl tell me I seemed like "I didn't know how to be" while we were out, and she then used the word "awkward" to describe it. Anymore, I don't know what's going on. It's just seriously, this is starting to get to me. I'm wondering why I'm even here and what it's accomplished.

If you come here because you want to be able to do better having sex with women, if you gain a more functional understand of intergender dynamics and the way attraction works, but you don't see better results with women, does it matter? Being able to number close women better is not the goal. Being able to open sets better is not the goal. The goal is sex. And really, it's not gotten any better. Not to understate it, but about the only thing I can say of lasting benefit I've found here so far is the drive to get myself in better shape.

H*ll, right now I don't care if girls use me for sex or whatever. I'm to the point where I would pay one of you who can demonstrate that you are good to go out with me a few times and give me some feedback about what I'm screwing up.

It shouldn't be this hard. The are guys in lower social castes than I am who look worse than me who have infinitely less going for them who are pulling. And I'm not. I don't know what to do. I'm getting discouraged.

 

[Chamber36]

Well Rubato, though you and I are two entirely different people, I know we do have certain similarities.

IMHO sex isn't really the goal. You can get sex with an uggo anytime you want, if you have basic game. Everyone's got a different goal, but sex ain't my goal. My goal really is to have incredible game. Preferably flawless game. People like Adam Lyons, Ross Jeffries, Niel Strauss, Richard La Ruina, they all did it and got their game up to 100%.

What you need to get there though, are incremental successes. What's funny though, is a kiss on the cheek from a HB10 is much much more valuable than a ******* from a UG2.

None of us even really consider the UG2, that's why we're in some type of purgatory when it comes to whether we have game or not. When you go for the ******* from the UG2, you'd only be fooling yourself if you thought that meant you had game. I can go to a prostitute and have sex with an HB9 if I want, it will give me more confidence in my sexual game, but only to a certain extent.

See, what I sort of realised today, is there are certain women, mostly HB9-10's that will recognise game in a man very quickly. They know that you know how to carry a conversation, how to escalate and how to IOI. Sometimes though, the trick is to stall the escalation and the IOI's for a while. Women seem to be turned on by someone who doesn't bite the first chance they get. So now I am trying to figure that out. The flip side of the coin of course, is that buying temperature might decrease, or cause her to run off to another guy.

I hope this helped. But if you don't know how to carry yourself, you just have to carry yourself with pride. Take pride in your knowledge and in your balls. The other day I watched Cleopatra and the way that Caesar carries himself just made me burst out loud laughing at the dominance, competence, intelligence and fairness of his demeanor. He thought himself to be a god, so he really knew how to carry himself.

In this one scene, Cleopatra enters a room with Caesar.
Caesar: You grow more beautiful every time I see you.
Cleopatra: And you grow bolder.
Caesar: And busier!

That made me laugh out so loud at the ****y funny humor. He's really spot-on with everything.

Besides that I say just keep reading up on different sources of PUA material that interest you, take a break from all the Attention *****s, and get your mind straight.

 

[Rubato]

Chamber, I look at your goal of developing game as sort of a corollary to my long term game of becoming a great alpha male.

But right now, I just want to have sex, plain and simple. I had no idea about any of this crap before I was introduced in to this community. When I first got here, I was despondent over a ridiculous oneitis experience, blah blah blah.

Well dude, now I realize the virtue in becoming a better man. A really good man will have excellent game by default. That's a longer term aspiration, I think.

Right now, I'm a very horny guy and just want sex. I guess I could want it more because I'm not willing to go out and lay some ugly or fat chick. And I don't really care anymore about the means by which it takes to get it. If I have to be manipulative, dishonest, whatever.

But you are right, I need to clear my head. Both of them. And now I have to do my work. Life doesn't stop just for me to get better at this stuff.

 

[Mr Wright]

If you are willing to manipulate, decieve and lie to women...then tbh its easy to get a woman into bed. Just tell them you really like them, talk about the future, whisper sweet nothings into their ears and look at them like they're the most beautiful thing in the world.

But at the end of the day, that wont make you feel better, trust me. All you will end up thinking is that you are not good enough and you have to create a load of crap to make a girl go anywhere near you.

You're frustration is coming from a lack of options, so walk before you can run. Just go out and talk to girls, talk to them without any thought of trying to get her number, sleep with her etc. You wont come across as desperate then and as any guy in a relationship will tell you, women can pick up on that vibe. Ive been in a relationship for a week and already ive had more girls throwing themselves at me than i did when i was single.

If you just want sex, go to a bar or club at closing time, take a chick by the hand and pull her to one side and tell her what you want to do to her. It can be that simple.

 

[5string]

If I were you, I'd put the women on the back burner and start studying your a$$ off. Get your MD and then have fun with some women.

Priorities brother, priorities.

 

[SoSuaveDude]

If I were you, I'd put the women on the back burner and start studying your a$$ off. Get your MD and then have fun with some women.

Priorities brother, priorities.

this lol, but becoming an MD is such a gradual thing. Maybe focus all out on school during the school semesters, but if you're out during summer break, you can try to mess with the womens. Remember that you shouldn't appear to horny or like you only want sex from them, because that's being desperate, and a turn off to most.

 

[Serg897]

I think having a life balance is optimal. Sex just for the sake of sex is not fulfilling, nor does it lead to any sort of happiness other than something very transient and impermanent. All of your problems will still be around the day after mind blowing sex. Its guaranteed.

I would do what 5string recommends. By all means take opportunities as they come to you (as in, approach that cutie smiling at you from across the room), but don't make women such a daily preoccupation.

I recently wiped my slate clean. Got rid of a few plates I decided I didn't like that much and was done spending time with them. I am now not seeing anyone, and have more time to concentrate on meeting better women and other things. I guess sex for the sake of sex with average women I don't feel much emotional connections with just isn't cutting it for me anymore. Think about it.

 

[Rubato]

If you're passionate about a career in medicine then how much you're getting laid right now shouldn't matter...at all.

I emphatically disagree with this point. I can't think of a point in my life where I was aware of what a vagina was and I didn't want to stick my penis in it.

But I generally agree with what you guys are all saying.

It's not like you guys don't understand. I don't know why, but in general I have lost my drive. All of it just about, except for my sex drive.

And a sex drive by itself will not get anything better than that bar girl at 2:00 AM that no other guy wanted.

I don't really know what's going on. About the only thing I feel like doing is recording my music and writing new stuff. I have been forcing myself to study, but this semester is going to be very weak for me academically if I can't pull it together. I don't feel like I'm depressed, like I'm sad or anything, but I definitely have a markedly more negative tint to the way I see the world right now. My dad has even mentioned to me that I seem subdued.

My dad is a very religious man and I can't talk to him about sexual problems, unless it relates to abstination, but I did talk to him about everything else over lunch today and he said he thinks I'm in a rut. Basically all I've been doing since school started is eating, working out, studying, and going on dates. And the dates I've been on haven't been extremely successful. There has been a serious lack of connection, I've tried to force it in some cases just because I wanted to get laid, and it hasn't worked. Probably because of this overal negativity that's gotten to me.

Like I said, I can't point to any one specific thing. I just don't have any drive towards anything right now, especially studying. That is very unusual for me. I'm the kid who started his own business in 10th grade and ran for local office as a college freshman, and lost to a 20 year incumbent by 2%. I'm a horribly ambitious person. But right now the only thing I want to do is get laid and d*ck around with music.

My dad suggested I find some other outlet for my life, something I enjoy and start pursuing it. I don't feel like I have time for that. I need to develop a focus, like 5String said, and get my priorities in line. When I get organized and have that focus, we can start talking about activities that are "fun".

I don't know why I feel so driven to sex. It's more the desire to conquer a woman rather than just being able to get off. I talked to one of my buddies about all this and he asked me why I don't just masturbate. And that's not enough. I feel like I need to conquer a woman. I've probably got some sort of self esteem issue I need to work through and am looking at sex as a means of validation... and I'm frustrated because I don't have it.

Time to take some steps back. It's not like I'm getting my MD so I can get laid, but when I have my MD, it will be a LOT easier.

Thanks a lot for the insight guys.

 

[Serg897]

You need to get a grip Rubato. Whining and complaining over what you don't have and aren't getting will get you nothing but prolonged suffering. Its not like you can block these desires on a whim, but you need to keep them under control and keep yourself on track. We all deal with this sort of thing, whether its with oneitis or whatever. We must keep our emotions in check. You control your own reality.

The fact of the matter is you dont have an HB10 right now you are regularly fvcking or conquering. You can either accept this fact or not. If you don't accept it you can continue moping around complaining. Either way it wont change right away. I can guarantee with 100% confidence that if you picked up and fvcked an HB10 tonight it would NOT solve your problems.

In fact, it wouldnt be good for you since this woman would quickly realize you are making her out to be the solution to your problems, and your entire world. She will then eject as soon as this is exposed.

I realize this now that this is what made my last oneitis kick me to the curb after a month. I percieved her as an HB9 or 10 - met her out dancing, made a move, and she responded by giving me exactly what I wanted - her complete sexual submission. Boy was I addicted. Then she realized I was just like every other chump out there, since I perceived her as such high value and made her out to be a source of happiness I couldn't help but treat her differently.

A painful lesson to learn, but an invaluable one. A real DJ is independent. A real DJ wants women and sex, but doesnt NEED women or sex to be happy. Take control of your life and stop being a slave to your animal instincts. Also remember that this is not a unique problem - Im dealing with this **** as well. We are all in this together.

 

[lolwut]

I emphatically disagree with this point. I can't think of a point in my life where I was aware of what a vagina was and I didn't want to stick my penis in it.

But I generally agree with what you guys are all saying.

It's not like you guys don't understand. I don't know why, but in general I have lost my drive. All of it just about, except for my sex drive.

And a sex drive by itself will not get anything better than that bar girl at 2:00 AM that no other guy wanted.

I don't really know what's going on. About the only thing I feel like doing is recording my music and writing new stuff. I have been forcing myself to study, but this semester is going to be very weak for me academically if I can't pull it together. I don't feel like I'm depressed, like I'm sad or anything, but I definitely have a markedly more negative tint to the way I see the world right now. My dad has even mentioned to me that I seem subdued.

My dad is a very religious man and I can't talk to him about sexual problems, unless it relates to abstination, but I did talk to him about everything else over lunch today and he said he thinks I'm in a rut. Basically all I've been doing since school started is eating, working out, studying, and going on dates. And the dates I've been on haven't been extremely successful. There has been a serious lack of connection, I've tried to force it in some cases just because I wanted to get laid, and it hasn't worked. Probably because of this overal negativity that's gotten to me.

Like I said, I can't point to any one specific thing. I just don't have any drive towards anything right now, especially studying. That is very unusual for me. I'm the kid who started his own business in 10th grade and ran for local office as a college freshman, and lost to a 20 year incumbent by 2%. I'm a horribly ambitious person. But right now the only thing I want to do is get laid and d*ck around with music.

My dad suggested I find some other outlet for my life, something I enjoy and start pursuing it. I don't feel like I have time for that. I need to develop a focus, like 5String said, and get my priorities in line. When I get organized and have that focus, we can start talking about activities that are "fun".

I don't know why I feel so driven to sex. It's more the desire to conquer a woman rather than just being able to get off. I talked to one of my buddies about all this and he asked me why I don't just masturbate. And that's not enough. I feel like I need to conquer a woman. I've probably got some sort of self esteem issue I need to work through and am looking at sex as a means of validation... and I'm frustrated because I don't have it.

Time to take some steps back. It's not like I'm getting my MD so I can get laid, but when I have my MD, it will be a LOT easier.

Thanks a lot for the insight guys.

if you are depressed in all aspects of your life you may actually have mood issues, go see a psych or something.

i've actually read alot of your journal, it sounds like your problem is oneitising so much rather than getting women.

maybe DJing has become too much of a job/source of pride for you? how about step back from it for a while and focus on career or something?

you say you aren't going for the MD to get laid, but ask yourself is this actually true? have you actually experienced being a ct surgeon enough to know you love it for what it is and not the paycheck? if it paid 50k a year would you still do it? and on a side note, i don't think ct surgeons do all that well anymore, alot of what they do are starting to be replaced by noninvasive IR procedures and when you actually get there, which take at least another 11-12 years who knows maybe they can even do valve replacements with a cath... but this is just my limited knowledge as an IM resident

are you pursuing your hobbies because you truely love them or do you do it to make yourself more attractive to women?

 

[Rubato]

Lolwut, I really don't want to go see a psych. They prescribe medications and I don't want to take a pill to fix my problems. My dad is a physician and says there aren't any good ones around here anyways. There have been times I've wondered whether a psychologist would say I fit in to any of the 4 cluster be personality disorder categories. I'm going to see my Dr. tomorrow about an unrelated issue, but I do not want to take an antidepressant, mood stabilizer, anti-psychotic, or anything like that.

To your point about medicine, I'm pretty sure that's what I want to do. I've watched a lot of surgeries since my dad is a Dr. I know most of the surgeons. I personally think that's a great field to go in to since the salary has plummeted so much over the last decade and ct surg fellowship enrollments are dropping in favor of higher paying surg enrollments like specialized ortho, hand, and neuro. They have the Da Vinci machine and I think another robotic one, but at the end of the day, those can't do every procedure. You can give someone an angioplastie in a lot of cases, but what if the left main is blocked? It's true, the market may not be able to support an incredible amount of these guys in the future due to technology, but I can still see a lot of reasons why the healthcare industry would need a guy who can work directly on the heart.

And as an aside, my ultimate ambition is to develop a functional artificial heart.

But who knows, when I get in med school and start actually getting in field, I might find out I'm happy with gen surg, or maybe I'm a vascular guy. Who knows. All I know is that right now that sounds like the best option to me. If I wanted to do something just for the girlies out there, I'd be seriously pursuing my music. I told my dad when I was 5 years old I wanted to be a heart surgeon.

But that really isn't the point. You're right. I don't really have much of a problem getting a "date" with a girl, whatever that means. Some sort of one on one activity. It breaks down after that. If I had sex with half of the girls I went on more than 1 date with last year, I would have statistically been at risk for contracting an STD or getting her pregnant. And I didn't.

Maybe DJing has become too much of an egocentric activity for me. It probably has. Like Serg said, you can't make women your source of validation. I am having a hard time coming up with a clear description of how I feel... not necessarily like I have something to prove, but that's about the best I've got so far. Like it's a mission and I'm failing it... an important mission. Socializing has never been anything I've excelled at, and I want to be better at it.

Maybe the reason I don't have any drive or passion in my life right now is because I'm just flat out bored. My classes aren't challenging this semester (with the exception of studying for the MCAT).

Really, it's a problem that I have had enough time today to type all this out. What did Pook say? Real men are busy climbing mountains. What are you doing? Making Spaghetti?

And to Serg. Yes. I need to get a grip. I agree with everything you said. Thank you for the thoughtful response.

 

[Zerro]

Lolwut, I really don't want to go see a psych. They prescribe medications and I don't want to take a pill to fix my problems.

It's true that a lot of them take the easy route and just prescribe stuff, which is why I was surprised when a co-worker told me the story of one he took his son too and rather than prescribing him some pills the shrink literally told his son to just man the **** up.

 

[The_411]

Rubato,

Questing for sex becomes to narow of a focus. The msot successful DJs are successful because sex is merely a possible result from cultivating one's self, enjoying life, living life to the fullest and embracing opportunity, adventure, and risk.

Instead of trying to hook up try to go for maximum fun. Try to have a blast whereever you are and when you are showing that you are having fun women will approach you.

The more you focus on hooking the less likely it happens. Women can sense sexual desperation. They do not sense it when you are more concerned with having a good time and sex is merely a secondary or tertiary objective.

Goal #1 have a good time
Goal #2 be bold, daring, adventurous
Goal #3 be social, live up
Goal #4 talk to women
and then after that you think about a hook up.

 

[zekko]

And aside from an accident this past week, I haven't had sex since November.

I think you're being too hard on yourself. That's just three months between sexual encounters. I bet a lot of guys on here have dry spells a lot longer than that. A lot of guys here are virgins. You're probably not doing as badly as you think you are, especially considering you're busy studying to be an MD. That's a worthy pursuit, and should be your main focus anyway.
No need to kick yourself because you're not picking up chicks at a rate like Mystery. I'd rather be a doctor anyway.

You're probably right about being too serious though. Try to relax and have fun with it a little more, joke around a bit, try to be more comfortable with her (and yourself). If you're relaxed and comfortable, she'll feel more comfortable.

 

[5string]

I think you're being too hard on yourself. That's just three months between sexual encounters. I bet a lot of guys on here have dry spells a lot longer than that. A lot of guys here are virgins. You're probably not doing as badly as you think you are, especially considering you're busy studying to be an MD. That's a worthy pursuit, and should be your main focus anyway.
No need to kick yourself because you're not picking up chicks at a rate like Mystery. I'd rather be a doctor anyway.

You're probably right about being too serious though. Try to relax and have fun with it a little more, joke around a bit, try to be more comfortable with her (and yourself). If you're relaxed and comfortable, she'll feel more comfortable.

Just think. Once he get's his MD, he can examine chicks every day.

 

[betheman]

A good looking doctor, complaining about not getting the ladies???

man, I cant believe this, hospitals are notorious banging shops, the nurses are always f cuking the doctors and vice versa, whats the problem?

 

[Bumsniff]

Paging Dr. Blue Balls! You are to report to this post stat!

A man who's going into the profession of saving lives is worried about not being able to get a chance to 'operate' and possibly create one?

Think about it. Who the hell would want Dr. Rubato to work on them if he's not gotten a piece that day?

Once you put things in perspective you won't drive yourself crazy. You'll become more relaxed and not caring which may lead you to getting to perform that 'surgery'.

 

[Improving]

Rubato: not sure but I think I detect a bit of a "if only" pattern: if only you were an MD already, if only you had achieved this or that. As if you want to become more complete... add more to yourself?

Maybe I'm wrong. Just my own personal experience. Not content with life, with what's happening, bored, always looking for more, but not getting any satisfaction. Then, even dating someone or even a LTR you find out it's not helping: there's still this feeling of emptiness. Does this sound familiar?

 

[women haze]

When you become a Doctor oooooooh boy the ass you are going to be presented with. You wouldn't know what to do with yourself...

I'm actually mad you even posted this? What is this...some way to stoke your own ego? Swing your good looking doctor ****?

you know Damn well you are good. Like Zekko said...there are guys here who haven't had Sex in YEARS..

Betheman is right..What the hell is wrong with you?

You need a good ass kicking maybe that will humble you a bit , because right now you are on some Oasis of Ego tripping.

Nothing and I mean Absolutely nothing is holding you back from getting great women except yourself!!!!!

....You need someone to smack you in the face lol i am sorry some people here got real problems Future Doctor. FOCUS!!!

 

[Kenny Powers]

Hope this wont get lost in the fray but im with you a 110% man! I'm also in the midst of a wicked dry spell right now despite being good-looking (I eat well, workout consistently, and have had HB7/8s show interest solid interest), confident (i got swag son, especially when drunk which helps with night game), a good dresser (fancy coats and sexy shirts all day), solid approach skills, smart, and funny.

Everything in my life is goin pretty well right now and im incredibly thankful and appreciative for the life I have. I wake up everyday feelin pretty good and walk around feeling happy and confident, befuddled by those who don't do the same. Im slowly becoming a Alpha DJ but feel like my inability to get a solid lay, f-buddy or gf at the moment is holding me back. I could easily get a HB6 or below but a want a solid 7 or higher.

Im proud of my refusal to settle but my lack of satisfying sex or a relationship is messing with my psyche a little. A guy like me shouldnt have trouble getting girls. I have a few plates right now and may getting some from a decent girl soon but shes nothing to get excited about.

In nature the alpha males get the females. I feel by not having a hot girl to fvck im not fully an alpha. Im still very satisfied with my life and dont need a girl to "complete me" but feel it would give me a better alpha mentality and boost my confidence.

Guys who say just having sex wont make you happy haven't been in our situation and dont understand how difficult it is to be successful in almost aspect of life except with girls even though your doing so many things right. I know im young and shallow and down the road will look for a meaningful relationship but right now I just want a hot girl to fvck to establish myself as an alpha mentally.