I'm freaking stuck, need help lol

[backbreaker]

Cliffs

1. i have a friend
2. been dating this girl off and on for last year
3. she is nice wehn she wants, then she gets pissy. is extremely disrepctful
4. friend eventually tells her to **** off, she goes off
5. weeks later she will send an email / call/ text and act like nothing happen, they make up, everything is fine for a few days weeks, then she does it again, just goes into straight A hole mode lol.

I dont' know what to tell this dude. I think she really does like him. never seen anything like this.

 

[DMSR76]

I think it's pretty simple. The two people you're describing are basically on the same (arguably mediocre) level. They match up-- at least for the time being. If either one eventually matures and changes his or her level, the relationship will dissipate. If not, these two could do this indefinitely.

It's kind of a co-dependence that you're witnessing. For better or for worse, a lot of couples are locked into these situations.

 

[backbreaker]

but why? I mean what gets me is the dude, knwos he can do better. I kknow he can do better. He is smart enough to know she treats him like ****, and she puts on the cute girl face and everything is better. is he just freaking stupid? what will make him snap out of it?

 

[DMSR76]

but why? I mean what gets me is the dude, knwos he can do better. I kknow he can do better. He is smart enough to know she treats him like ****, and she puts on the cute girl face and everything is better. is he just freaking stupid? what will make him snap out of it?

If she treats him that badly, then unfortunately the only thing that will make him snap out of it is a situation where he really gets his heart robbed. I get the feeling that eventually she'll do something REALLY disrespectful, and then dump him to top it off. It sounds as though he's destined to walk the path that many have walked before they come to places like this to be enlightened. It's a dangerous thing when a man is happy to be with a woman just because she's "cute".

... And I'm afraid that no amount of advice from you is gonna convince him to avoid his fate. Some people gotta learn the hard way. Many a smart guy has allowed a woman to practically destroy him.

 

[Slickster]

Not sure what is so unusual about this.

A guy letting himself get disrespected for some pvssy. Real original.

Tell her to fvck off for good. Problem solved.

 

[backbreaker]

well when you put it like that lol

 

[Bible_Belt]

Abusive relationships last because abusive people tend to treat their partner extra well between the instances of abuse. The victim is torn down by the abuse, so then later when they are shown care and love from the abuser, that love is experienced with an otherwise unknown intensity. It's like water to someone dying of thirst.

 

[jophil28]

Cliffs

1. i have a friend
2. been dating this girl off and on for last year
3. she is nice wehn she wants, then she gets pissy. is extremely disrepctful
4. friend eventually tells her to **** off, she goes off
5. weeks later she will send an email / call/ text and act like nothing happen, they make up, everything is fine for a few days weeks, then she does it again, just goes into straight A hole mode lol.

I dont' know what to tell this dude. I think she really does like him. never seen anything like this.

I think that we all have to experience one relationship like that to know this - It is not supposed to be like this. It isn't suposed to hurt over and over .

One of the problems for a man is understanding and accepting that he is being abused . Feeling like a victim feels like powerlessness, and that is not a condition that men accept readily, if at all.
IT was enlightening to me to read and acknowledge that abusive women abuse men in the psychological. By lying, shaming, deception, gas lighting and mindfvcking - you may not be able to take a photograph of the injuries but they are inflicted nonetheless.

IF it keeps hurting, fella's, it is not love.

 

[jophil28]

Abusive relationships last because abusive people tend to treat their partner extra well between the instances of abuse. The victim is torn down by the abuse, so then later when they are shown care and love from the abuser, that love is experienced with an otherwise unknown intensity. It's like water to someone dying of thirst.

This is true enough ^^
Abusers know how to abuse and they also understand very well how to act in the "makeup" phase to draw you back in for another round in the future.
Women who act "so cute and sexy " after a breakup are doing exactly that.

 

[grayclif]

Just maybe she has someone else. The episodes of disrespect may occur when that other person is back in her life. Maybe its her way of balancing the two. Also when she is playing nice nice with your friend she may disrespecting that other person. Vicious cycle.

I know for me when I'm hot with one I'm cold with another.

 

[backbreaker]

I think you are pretty close to what i am thinking greycliff. I have seen them together enough to form my opinion of the two, I think she has feelings for him but she is a tad bit, what is the wrod i'm looking for.. i would have put her in her place a long time ago let's leave it at that. i mean she is cute, she's not hot. she doesn't have men lined up at the door, but she's not unattractive if that makes sense.

I think she likes the dude and part of her knows that he's a good cat, but part of her can't help herself.

the biggest red flag to me is she has had like, and i am not exaggerating, 15 jobs in the last 3 years lol. and if you talk to her, all of them were *******s she never does wrong. I don't think she can help herself. I think in between cups of water she goes on dates, but i don't think that's the key issue. I think part of her really does like my friend, but I think this part of her that causes her to job op and to just be so destuctive eventually comes out, and it's killing my friend. he sees the good part of her for a few weeks than bam.

 

[squirrels]

I try not to get involved in friends' relationships. If they like the girl, they will almost ALWAYS resent your opinion.

All you can do is issue a warning...if it isn't well-received, back off.

He will learn his lesson eventually...or he will continue to suffer until he does. That is nature's way of educating men. Some are faster learners than others.

 

[backbreaker]

he actually came to me for advice becuase "your GF and you get along so well i figured i'd ask" I just didn't know what to tell him.

 

[squirrels]

he actually came to me for advice becuase "your GF and you get along so well i figured i'd ask" I just didn't know what to tell him.

Now if he ASKS for advice, the first thing I'd ask him is if he REALLY wants to know what I think, because he's going to get the honest truth, and if he's not comfortable with that, then he ought not ask the question.

If he really wants to know, I would tell him.

And if he starts equivocating, starts saying, "Oh you just don't know here" or "but she's really a nice girl when blah blah blah", then just say, "Look, you asked and I'm telling you what I see...if you're going to sit there and tell me I don't know what I'm talking about, then don't ask my opinion."