Hi guys,
I've been by here before, but have never actually posted. One of my girlfriends (25) just ended things about 2 weeks ago with a guy(30yrs old, Muslim, or one of the stricter religions or something like that so we'll say Muslim, but not practicing -this is important later) she was seeing for the past few months. She's a bit confused about the whole thing and I'm kind of scratching my head to so I can't really offer up any opinion to her. I love her and I’d like to shed come light for her. What I'd like to do is get feedback from a guy's perspective. Please help out on this one, I’d like as many different opinions as I can get since I know everyone will have something different to say about it. Preferrably older guys. Try not to be too harsh. I'll describe what happened and you guys can tell me your opinion of what the guy was thinking and how you would've behaved (as the guy) in the same situation. I know you can’t read his mind, but just tell it like you see it. Please help it out and don’t just post a snide remark, genuine opinions only. Ok, here it is.
My friend had been single for about 2 years after a serious relationship. She's cute and had dates during that period, but the guys were clowns so she'd only go for a date and then that would be it. Then she met a guy in a club when she was out with some of her other friends. He seemed like a non-player (approach was kind of shy) and he wasn't just trying to dance up on her and use some cheesy lines. He was talking to her and was actually an interesting person. Anyway, they continued to talk the night and ended up getting food with her friends and his friends present. They exchanged numbers and hugged goodnight. They went out the very next night and hit it off. They continued to see each other every weekend from that point on. She lives in a little town 40 minutes outside the big city that he and I both live in so she would drive up to see me like she's always done and at the same time make plans with him for later on, on the same days (every Friday and Saturday basically). They mainly communicated through email during the week and sometimes msn and se each other on the weekends. Two or three times she drove up to see him for one day during the week because she had days off.
Everything was going just fine. For about a month after their first meeting they went on many dates, she met all his closest friends(most of them Muslim as well) who they would do things with and even a few of their birthdays and some dinners, they were sexually intimate a few times(after about 3 weeks or so of dating) and she felt like he was really into her. Then things started to go kind of weird.
The following weekend one of her friends in her town was having a small gathering so she thought this would be the perfect time for him to come down and meet them. She told him quite a few days in advance and he seemed interested to do that. On the day of though, he called to tell her that he had had a crazy tiring day and he wasn't sure if he could make it and to try him a bit later. He was still tired later, so he didn't end up coming. She was a bit disappointed because he has only met me (her best friend) off all her friends, but she understood.
The next weekend they were on a date again and he mentioned that his sister was visiting from out of town and that he would be going to see her. My friend thought they might all be able to do something, but he said it was better they didn't since she didn't get to come down and see the family(it was just him and his grandmother, his brother was overseas, parents were killed years earlier in car accidents) all that often. Again she understood, but was curious if maybe the religion difference was an issue after talking to her cousin who once dated a Muslim guy.
Anyway, she sat him down before their next date and asked him if it bothered him that she wasn't Muslim. He said no, when she questioned him further he said it kind of bothered his family because they were very religious. She asked if she would meet them ever and he said "they have the problem, but I don’t, but isn't it kind of soon to be talking about this?" and "does it have to be this serious right now?" She told him that it didn't have to be serious right away, but she wanted to know where things were going and said that it wouldn't work if he knew it was going nowhere. . He said he didn't know where things were going because how could anyone know so early on (they’d been seeing each other for about a month and 3 weeks or so.). She was ok with that, but she said the family thing would always be an issue. All he could say was, “but you’re really cool, so we can still hang out. It’s a problem for them, not for me.” She found that things were going in circles and was a bit upset with him because he had said that he was a non-practicing Muslim in the beginning, but things were clearly a problem if there were family issues. So she told him that she guessed things were over since things with his family would never change. So she just gathered her things and said “well, bye” started walking out. He didn’t stop her, he looked really confused and said bye like he didn't understand what was going on and stood in the doorway watching her leave.
Anyway, that was the last she heard of him. But then about 2 weeks later he sent her an email(this is how they would normally communicate during the week) talking about all the things that were going on in his life. He also mentioned that his roommate had been asking about her. Then he ended with saying that "we should do something sometime". He never mentioned anything about what they had talked about.
So that's that. The question is - what was this guy thinking? Did he really like her and was just confused? I know that the religions like Muslim or Judaism are more strict, so maybe that had something to do with his ambivalence. She said “it felt so real”. She doesn’t feel like she got played and he seemed to really like her, but wasn’t his reaction kind of weird? She had mentioned that he was a very calm, serious, logical, and unemotional person, somewhat emotionally repressed maybe (maybe it had to do with the fact that he lost his parents), but she’d like to think that he cared about her. I would too because she’s my best friend and a great person who I love. If he didn’t really like her would he go through all the trouble to have her meet his best friends and take her out every weekend and see her all weekend long? You’d think that he would’ve have at least tried to stop her from leaving or call her the next day or in a timely fashion, but at the same time, if he didn't really care about her....he wouldn't be thinking about her let alone emailing her two weeks later. I’d really like your opinion on what was going through the guy's head, or how you would’ve reacted as the guy so I can at least give her the feedback and she can see it from a guy’s perspective. Not having any idea is really getting to her. I think that would help her (and me) put this to rest. Thanks.
Sara
I've been by here before, but have never actually posted. One of my girlfriends (25) just ended things about 2 weeks ago with a guy(30yrs old, Muslim, or one of the stricter religions or something like that so we'll say Muslim, but not practicing -this is important later) she was seeing for the past few months. She's a bit confused about the whole thing and I'm kind of scratching my head to so I can't really offer up any opinion to her. I love her and I’d like to shed come light for her. What I'd like to do is get feedback from a guy's perspective. Please help out on this one, I’d like as many different opinions as I can get since I know everyone will have something different to say about it. Preferrably older guys. Try not to be too harsh. I'll describe what happened and you guys can tell me your opinion of what the guy was thinking and how you would've behaved (as the guy) in the same situation. I know you can’t read his mind, but just tell it like you see it. Please help it out and don’t just post a snide remark, genuine opinions only. Ok, here it is.
My friend had been single for about 2 years after a serious relationship. She's cute and had dates during that period, but the guys were clowns so she'd only go for a date and then that would be it. Then she met a guy in a club when she was out with some of her other friends. He seemed like a non-player (approach was kind of shy) and he wasn't just trying to dance up on her and use some cheesy lines. He was talking to her and was actually an interesting person. Anyway, they continued to talk the night and ended up getting food with her friends and his friends present. They exchanged numbers and hugged goodnight. They went out the very next night and hit it off. They continued to see each other every weekend from that point on. She lives in a little town 40 minutes outside the big city that he and I both live in so she would drive up to see me like she's always done and at the same time make plans with him for later on, on the same days (every Friday and Saturday basically). They mainly communicated through email during the week and sometimes msn and se each other on the weekends. Two or three times she drove up to see him for one day during the week because she had days off.
Everything was going just fine. For about a month after their first meeting they went on many dates, she met all his closest friends(most of them Muslim as well) who they would do things with and even a few of their birthdays and some dinners, they were sexually intimate a few times(after about 3 weeks or so of dating) and she felt like he was really into her. Then things started to go kind of weird.
The following weekend one of her friends in her town was having a small gathering so she thought this would be the perfect time for him to come down and meet them. She told him quite a few days in advance and he seemed interested to do that. On the day of though, he called to tell her that he had had a crazy tiring day and he wasn't sure if he could make it and to try him a bit later. He was still tired later, so he didn't end up coming. She was a bit disappointed because he has only met me (her best friend) off all her friends, but she understood.
The next weekend they were on a date again and he mentioned that his sister was visiting from out of town and that he would be going to see her. My friend thought they might all be able to do something, but he said it was better they didn't since she didn't get to come down and see the family(it was just him and his grandmother, his brother was overseas, parents were killed years earlier in car accidents) all that often. Again she understood, but was curious if maybe the religion difference was an issue after talking to her cousin who once dated a Muslim guy.
Anyway, she sat him down before their next date and asked him if it bothered him that she wasn't Muslim. He said no, when she questioned him further he said it kind of bothered his family because they were very religious. She asked if she would meet them ever and he said "they have the problem, but I don’t, but isn't it kind of soon to be talking about this?" and "does it have to be this serious right now?" She told him that it didn't have to be serious right away, but she wanted to know where things were going and said that it wouldn't work if he knew it was going nowhere. . He said he didn't know where things were going because how could anyone know so early on (they’d been seeing each other for about a month and 3 weeks or so.). She was ok with that, but she said the family thing would always be an issue. All he could say was, “but you’re really cool, so we can still hang out. It’s a problem for them, not for me.” She found that things were going in circles and was a bit upset with him because he had said that he was a non-practicing Muslim in the beginning, but things were clearly a problem if there were family issues. So she told him that she guessed things were over since things with his family would never change. So she just gathered her things and said “well, bye” started walking out. He didn’t stop her, he looked really confused and said bye like he didn't understand what was going on and stood in the doorway watching her leave.
Anyway, that was the last she heard of him. But then about 2 weeks later he sent her an email(this is how they would normally communicate during the week) talking about all the things that were going on in his life. He also mentioned that his roommate had been asking about her. Then he ended with saying that "we should do something sometime". He never mentioned anything about what they had talked about.
So that's that. The question is - what was this guy thinking? Did he really like her and was just confused? I know that the religions like Muslim or Judaism are more strict, so maybe that had something to do with his ambivalence. She said “it felt so real”. She doesn’t feel like she got played and he seemed to really like her, but wasn’t his reaction kind of weird? She had mentioned that he was a very calm, serious, logical, and unemotional person, somewhat emotionally repressed maybe (maybe it had to do with the fact that he lost his parents), but she’d like to think that he cared about her. I would too because she’s my best friend and a great person who I love. If he didn’t really like her would he go through all the trouble to have her meet his best friends and take her out every weekend and see her all weekend long? You’d think that he would’ve have at least tried to stop her from leaving or call her the next day or in a timely fashion, but at the same time, if he didn't really care about her....he wouldn't be thinking about her let alone emailing her two weeks later. I’d really like your opinion on what was going through the guy's head, or how you would’ve reacted as the guy so I can at least give her the feedback and she can see it from a guy’s perspective. Not having any idea is really getting to her. I think that would help her (and me) put this to rest. Thanks.
Sara
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