I'm facing a rather (for me) complex situation, I need advice please!

[Shivastorm_88]

OK here's the deal. I've known this girl for about a year, she was in a relationship (they were together for a bit over four years in total) when I met her, lived with her boyfriend, and I couldn't help it (obviously) I developped feelings for her... Throughout the year we were physically close (I tried to kiss her once when she was still with him and she denied me), flirting a lot and doing a lot of activities together (I'd often go out a full day with her), etc... Fast forward a year, they broke up, we hooked up. No sex though, only making out and she slept at my house. I tried once to lead it to sex and she politely declined, I figured I'd give her some time she might not be ready, seeing as she got out of a lenghty relationship.

Saw her again today, a bit distant, although she didn't push me back when I made out with her or anything... When I left for work, she sent me a text, the gist of it saying she really likes me and likes what we have going on, but she feels like it's going too fast and she just got out of a long relationship and she has things to sort out, etc.

I would understand it, I mean four years is a long time with the same person, but yeah, how do you guys suggest I take it from there?

 

[justanothernormalguy]

sorry to burst your bubble. but you need to take all of this with a pinch of salt as it were. You are the REBOUND GUY.

Remember that time where you tried to kiss her when she was with her previous boyfriend? well, it wasnt much for her to turn you down. She had the best of both worlds, your attention and no loss of her current boyfriend (just in case she changes her mind).

Now what I predict will happen is, you will overwhelm her. She will use you to get over her short term emotions and, when ready, get rid of you in persuit for a fresh.

OR

Depending on how this guy behaves, he must of done something right to keep her for 4 years previously, she will feel a loss and get back together with him in the knowledge that she had you and didnt want you.

My advice?
Cut off contact with this girl for a bit, show her you are living your own life and dont want her. Make her feel like she broke up with her boyfriend and you decided you don't want her either. This could go two ways, she could chase you, or she could chase him.

Dont get attached to this girl, the rebound guy never wins, believe me, i've been there. Maximum you will get is maybe 6 months to a year before she realises and wants better than the guy who was instantly there when she as soon as she needed to unload some emotional baggage. And you are crushed, you felt like you won when you got her, but really you were just a tool to her. and for a while she might of believed it too that everything was great, but that will soon fade and she will miss her ex and/or find someone new and more exciting to persue a long term relationship. I mean look at this way, if you were a girl and you broke up with your boyfriend, would you really want a long term relationship with a guy thats so sad he can't find someone better than her who doesn't have a boyfriend, and instead waits around for her when she says stuff like 'its moving too fast, can you wait?'. Lets face it, this girl might be ok looking and have a good personality, but there is always better.

However, if you are just trying to get some, make this clear to her and you might be the rebound guy who has no required emotions! hell yeah!
If you want her long term, back off, leave her alone, let her sort out her issues. Leave the door open and make it seem like it was your decision to cut her off, when you come back in a whiles time she will still be there.
You might even be on her to do and keep list by then due to that bold move that left her stunned.

Just my two cents. It might sound harsh, but a little tough love early on saves a whole lot of heartbreak later. However, this heartbreak can sometimes be a good thing, I know it was for me even if I didnt recognise it at the time.

 

[LuisGarcia10]

The above is excellent advice, without boring you with the details I've been in a similar situation, got dumped after 3 months because she "needed to he single" then magically she found a guy a month later and has web with him for about 9 months.
if you have feelings for this girl then trust me when I say it really is not worth it, although as the above poster touched on, heartache is a good thing asnlong as you learn from it, I know for a fact I won't he repeating mymprevipus mistakes again, had I not gone through a pretty f*cling horrible situation, I wouldn't have even been aware that I made any mistakes.

 

[justanothernormalguy]

back off, play a long game, in the future, call her up. she wont forget you if you do it right, might be a bit cold but she just wants to see you persist a tiny bit, but not too much to scare her off as a needy guy. good luck

 

[DonGorgon]

if she declines sex you are wasting your time.. go get a girl who will let you F you will be much happier..