I'm engaged, help me

[AF77]

Bottom line; she is "okay" and she does hasn't ****ed up and probably won't.

BUT, she isn't perfect for me and she is hell bent on marriage, and I made the mistake of giving her a ring.
I am not free to do the things I want/need to do in life; prime example, I wanted to try Krav Maga and her response was "Do you have time for that?" with a questioning look (she meant "You don't have time for that").
She wants babies, and she spends money like it is water. Our sex life sucks.

I love her; and I have had 100's of girlfriends.

The best advice I've been given so far is "Make yourself incompatible"; in other words, do more of what you want and let it piss her off.

Anybody have any words of wisdom or experience breaking it off this far along?

 

[DonJuan_DeRosco]

Well that was silly wasn't it!

What you are saying is that you did what she wanted and also:

I wanted to try Krav Maga and her response was "Do you have time for that?" with a questioning look (she meant "You don't have time for that").

Your answer should have been a firm, 'I have time for that'!

You are heading to disaster city my friend!

Also, I can't remember who said it, Roissy, Rollo or someone else, gave a good argument for her 'insistence' at marriage really means the relationship is at death's door. This could be backed up in your case by your doing everything she wants.

Making yourself 'incompatible' is one solution, flat out telling her you ain't ready for marriage is another.

And put it this way, if you tell her you ain't ready and she bails, there's your answer.

What a mess lad, I hope you get it all sorted out. Next time, take a step back and analyze your situation before agreeing to this craziness.

:nono:

 

[r0cky]

Breaking up an engagement is like waxing your chest. The best way to is to peel it off in one pull and deal with the pain right away, rather than in small increments.

 

[AF77]

Thanks guys; I appreciate you helping reinforce the obvious. Sometimes it's all about clarity.

She loves me, she wouldn't cheat; but I can't stand not being free to be all I want to be, and I can't stand how much she costs.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Making yourself 'incompatible' is one solution, flat out telling her you ain't ready for marriage is another.

And put it this way, if you tell her you ain't ready and she bails, there's your answer.

yeah yeah, OP you must flat out draw the line. This will make her angry at you and you'll forever be free from her. There's no going back with a woman (who has options - what woman doesn't these days?) you've expressed clearly with that you are NOT going to be with her long-term, UNLESS she changes a ton of sh!t for you. Then it's on her. She has to make massive attempts to change to get into your heart. This has always driven them away from me, and they may Seriously undergo a change for me, but by then, I'm with another and she's left holding the change for herself, which might be good for her. I, in a sense, improved her so I feel better about that. I showed her the way out of her sh!tty life.

 

[loveshogun]

... she is "okay" ... she is hell bent on marriage ...
I am not free to do the things I want/need to do in life ...
She wants babies, and she spends money like it is water. Our sex life sucks...

I love her; and I have had 100's of girlfriends.

These were your words. The problem isn't her. It's you. You have a lot to work on - specifically, stop fooling yourself. Your engagement is obviously not worth the effort or pain. The marriage will be worse.

This doesn't mean your next relationship will be any better. You need to really step back and get to a position in life where you can walk away from things that make you unhappy. Most people aren't in that position because they have so little going for them that they'd even shack up with a harpy just to avoid being alone. Right now, you're one of those people. That's exactly whom you need to NOT be.

If you hadn't already gotten 65 posts and joined up years ago, I'd have called you a troll. That's how bad your situation is. I wanna wish you luck, but that would give you an excuse to cop out and "hope for the best" instead of working for it.

Remember that the changes that matter in your life are all up to you.

 

[loveshogun]

I liked reading your entire response, and I'd go even further with the response provided above, saving, "DO NOT tell me what I have time for. I determine what I DO and DON'T have time for."

Espi, if the OP was the type of person who had the resolve for such actions and words, do you think he'd have let himself get engaged to such a harpy?

Just a thought.

 

[Aaron B]

grow a sack and tell her you don't want to get married

the short-term pain will be much less than the long-term pain if you go through with it

and divorces suck. really bad.

 

[DonJuan_DeRosco]

If a girl (or guy) ever tried telling me how to invest my time, I'd just say, "DO NOT tell me what I have time for. I alone determine what I DO and DON'T have time for."

Or this.

 

[The_411]

The worst mistake you could do is compound the mistake by tossing good money after bad.

It sucks you gave her the ring but that's nothing compared to the cost of misery, losing half your income for alimoney and child support etc.

As they say cut your losses. Marriage can work but it fails because people don't get married for the right reasons. They get married because they feel pressure to do so, they thing its the right thing to do, they feel obligated, they feel like the owe it to other person, etc. This is why so many marriages fail.

When a woman has no sense of fiscal responsibility she's not a keeper. That alone should disuade you from marriage because you're going to break your back to keep up with Joneses and god forbid should something happen you'll be alone.

 

[Vice]

She spends money like water? Is it YOUR money she's spending? And what is she spending it on?

Either way, that's unacceptable.

 

[irocknike23]

when she asks you questions about Krav Maga, let her know you do and you WILL!

otherwise she will punk you around and you will be like the millions of other men who get punked by their women thinking their happy going to work, then doing chores and in free time doing stuff that she wants to do

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Whenever you find yourself engaged to the wrong woman, then the right move is always to "disengage"---------and almost no matter what the cost!

If she's running you "crazy" BEFORE she "gets papers on you", she'll run your hopes and dreams "off a cliff" once she does get papers on you.

A few months of "bad blood" between the two of you for breaking up with her NOW is better than a lifetime of nonstop "bloodletting" that'll come from STAYING with her, soldier.


VU

 

[Sir Juanalot]

Well its either the cost of a ring now, or half (or more) of your house later.

Your call.

 

[FairShake]

The best advice I've been given so far is "Make yourself incompatible"; in other words, do more of what you want and let it piss her off.

I can already tell you aren't old or mature enough to get married from this statement and neither is she from her actions.

Why not say that?

Edit: And LOL at wanting to break up over Krav Maga. I stand by my above statement if Krav Maga (a fvcking hobby) is a deal breaker. You aren't ready, might as well tell her the truth.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

What do you want? Do you want to marry her? (you gave her a ring) Do you want to take a break from her and maybe get back together later? Do you want to figure out how to improve your sex life? Do you want to break up and part ways?

Look, you say you're in love, AND you want to break up, AND you gave her a ring. You're sending a lot of mixed messages there.

It's time to man up and decide what you want.

 

[Von_S]

Its been 2 weeks since he posted this, I'm hoping its done and he's busy swimming in an ocean of rebound pvssy

 

[HalfAddict]

Russian roulette with three rounds loaded?

Would you do it =P

 

[Masculinity]

You have to do three things:

1. STOP giving in to social pressure; you will be the only one that's going to be stuck in a marriage and get half your stuff stolen.

2. Man the fuk up and give her an ultimatum (not to get married, but to continue in a relationship with her); tell her she either has to change or you're going to find someone else. The one who is the least attached in a relationship is the one with the most POWER. Do you want to have power?

3. Take the ring back to the store, get a refund, and do stuff you want to do with the money (which I'm assuming is at least a few thousand dollars) and
stop being so pvssified.

PS: I rarely curse, but this thread made me upset. This is the reason why we always lose games with women. Get out of pvssy trance while you still can (you ain't getting much pvssy anyway). It'll be 353,753,119 times worse when she's pregnant or with children

May God have mercy for your whipped soul

 

[mustfirstregister]

Spend money like water....oh my god!