"Im down to hang out but strictly plutonic"

[Sofomore]

Girl didn't even spell the word right. Scroll to the bottom if you want a short version.

A little history:
About 3 months ago I met a hottie on an airplane to LA. She sits next to me (Southwest) and we hit it off, turns out we go to the same college and she is a year younger. Kino, good conversation etc. and as the flight nears its end I tell her to write her number so we can meet up back at school.

I call her up a week or two later and say we should get together and go bowling, she is down. Two days before, she calls and makes some excuse. Doesn't phase me, this is just strike one.

We go on winter break and I forget to call her when we are back. I see her at a party that I was spinning at, both drunk, and we agree to meet up again after she takes her 4 midterms.

The confusing part:
I text her:
Monday Night
Me: How did the hell week go?
Her: It was definitely a hell week. But it's done now thankfully. How was yours?

Tuesday
Me: Great, kicked some ass on my midterms. Ive got some time to meet up this Thursday night, you free?
Her: yeah I'm pretty sure. I get out at four so anytime between then and ten is perfect. At least as far as I know
Me: Great, im free at 8. Swing by for a movie and a glass of wine. My address is ************

Wednesday
Her: What happened to bowling? Haha afraid you'll get beat. I'm down to hang out but strictly plutonic. I'm not trying to do anything now that I'm free. No offense.
Me: Whoa whoa why are you bringing up being more than friends? I'm more in the mood for bowling anyways, just make sure you delete that address of mine
Her: Just came out of left field unexpected. I'm all for a glass of wine or a bottle of tequila. I already gave it out to everyone I know, sorry.
Me: For sure, Ill meet you there at 8. Get ready to get your butt wooped in bowling
Her: I was born ready.


Is this girl insane? I swear some of her texts don't even make sense. I was hoping you guys could help me decide what the hell happened. I'm 99% sure it was just a **** test to throw me off. I don't know what she meant by " I'm not trying to do anything now that I'm free. No offense."

From an objective point of view what do you guys think? We are still meeting tomorrow, and I am just going to act like nothing happened and escalate as usual.

Summary: Meet girl 3 months ago, hit it off well, go on break and eventually run into each other. Text her to meet up again, she is down, but says "strictly platonic". **** test?

 

[JD57]

That's a good question. I'm 50 and I still get that crap with 35-45 year olds. "No expectations" is how they usually put it.

 

[Sofomore]

Sh!t test was my first thought. Seems like she doesn't want to look like she is giving it up too early.

 

[HGKnights]

It's very possible it's just a front, so I'd say go for it. One of my few successful stories started out kind of like that.

I remember I had went to a party with a girl a long time ago, I remember when she dropped me off by my car, she said she had to leave. I asked if she'd like to come in for a bit before she left, and she said she couldn't, so I kissed her goodbye, The kiss goodbye turned into a makeout session, which turned into her saying "oh **** it, I'll come in for a bit", which turned into sex!

I personally think back, she totally had the intention of sleeping with me before I even dropped her off, she was just testing me to see if I'd make an attempt. I don't know the EXACT circumstances this girl you are talking about has, but I'd say there is still a chance of it blossoming into something romantic.

but also don't be too shocked or upset if you find out she's serious.

 

[floydb25]

Any time a girl said anything along the friends line - that's all it ended up being. Or a friends with benefits situation - where the only one benefiting was them. There was a lot of confusion and mixed signals, but they were basically trying to keep me interested in them, so that they could get their way easier, and keep me around as a back-up plan or for attention.

On the other hand, every real dating turned relationship experience started off with dating. There was genuine romantic interest. No excuses, no lines, no not ready, no trust issues... Even though they were just as hurt as the ones who claimed these things.

Do what you want, but you might be facing an uphill battle, and she could just enjoy your company or be using you. Be careful. Personally, I'm done with the BS games and mixed signals. It never turns out good, and they're usually just toying with you.

 

[bigneil]

She's letting you know she is not attracted to you.

If she were, she would be having sex with you face to face and making out with you at the same time.

 

[Sofomore]

It's very possible it's just a front, so I'd say go for it. One of my few successful stories started out kind of like that.

I remember I had went to a party with a girl a long time ago, I remember when she dropped me off by my car, she said she had to leave. I asked if she'd like to come in for a bit before she left, and she said she couldn't, so I kissed her goodbye, The kiss goodbye turned into a makeout session, which turned into her saying "oh **** it, I'll come in for a bit", which turned into sex!

I personally think back, she totally had the intention of sleeping with me before I even dropped her off, she was just testing me to see if I'd make an attempt. I don't know the EXACT circumstances this girl you are talking about has, but I'd say there is still a chance of it blossoming into something romantic.

but also don't be too shocked or upset if you find out she's serious.

Well I am just out of a 2 year relationship so I am not actually looking for anything romantic. I just want to meet as many women as possible and have fun with them. Thank you for pointing out some things I wouldn't have thought about.

I am going to assume she likes me and proceed from there. Even if I get some signals that show she doesn't want me more than a friend, I will proceed until she flat out has to reject me. I don't want to "play it safe" and just puss out.

 

[Sofomore]

She's letting you know she is not attracted to you.

If she were, she would be having sex with you face to face and making out with you at the same time.

What? and making out with you at the same time? People kiss when they have sex? No way....

Go back to the highschool forum please.

 

[nismo-4]

She's just not that into you, but she wants to see just how much attention and gifts she can get from you. She also invited you into the friendzone. You are correct like you said to escalate, but still, this is an uphill battle. I hope you're spinning more plates.

All in all, don't invest more time into this girl than she is into you. Don't let the hopes of getting laid by her control you. Don't give her a pedestal to stand on. If things don't advance in your favor, nolle prosequi. (Don't pursue/ follow) In other words, MOVE ON!!! Judge nismo's ruling.

Case closed. Good luck.

 

[AlexDP]

She's just not that into you, but she wants to see just how much attention and gifts she can get from you. She also invited you into the friendzone. You are correct like you said to escalate, but still, this is an uphill battle. I hope you're spinning more plates.

All in all, don't invest more time into this girl than she is into you. Don't let the hopes of getting laid by her control you. Don't give her a pedestal to stand on. If things don't advance in your favor, nolle prosequi. (Don't pursue/ follow) In other words, MOVE ON!!! Judge nismo's ruling.

Case closed. Good luck.

Not true. The way to that is making people think they still have a chance. So she wouldn't say that. Truth be told, it looks as if she's being sincere, but she's not. A sincere woman would say "I am sorry, but I have no interest in dating you, we can be friends". This one says "we can hang out, but in a plUtonic way". She's an AW, who doesn't even know what she's saying/what she's thinking. The OP has a good chance of having sex with her, but if he's sane, he shouldn't want to.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

You waited too long to re-connect with her after you met her on your flight. Waiting a week to call could have made her completely forget about all the good feelings and vibes you two created on the flight; esp if she is hot and has multiple guys after her.

Then you forgot to call her again, which all communicates that your not that interested. Rather than being rejected, a girl will often then shut off and act like they're not interested either.

With all that said, seeing her at the party def helped bring back some of the good vibes, so your not done yet.

Finally, inviting her over for a movie and drinks was putting the cart before the horse. Her anti-slvt defense went up since she knew exactly what you were trying to do. That's why she said "what happened to bowling."

She needs to feel more comfort/rapport with you before she's going to come to your place and get naked.

Lastly, don't let her WORDS phase you, they don't mean jack. Instead jurge her on her actions. If you two go bowling and she's flirty and all on your nutz, are you really going to be focusing on the fact that she is SAID she only wants to hang out as friends? In either case you shouldn't! Go out, have fun and see if she is giving you the buying signals. If she isn't then you cut her, if she is then you progress. Don't overanalyze or make it more complicated than it needs to be.






PIMP

 

[Sofomore]

You waited too long to re-connect with her after you met her on your flight. Waiting a week to call could have made her completely forget about all the good feelings and vibes you two created on the flight; esp if she is hot and has multiple guys after her.

Then you forgot to call her again, which all communicates that your not that interested. Rather than being rejected, a girl will often then shut off and act like they're not interested either.

With all that said, seeing her at the party def helped bring back some of the good vibes, so your not done yet.

Finally, inviting her over for a movie and drinks was putting the cart before the horse. Her anti-slvt defense went up since she knew exactly what you were trying to do. That's why she said "what happened to bowling."

She needs to feel more comfort/rapport with you before she's going to come to your place and get naked.

Lastly, don't let her WORDS phase you, they don't mean jack. Instead jurge her on her actions. If you two go bowling and she's flirty and all on your nutz, are you really going to be focusing on the fact that she is SAID she only wants to hang out as friends? In either case you shouldn't! Go out, have fun and see if she is giving you the buying signals. If she isn't then you cut her, if she is then you progress. Don't overanalyze or make it more complicated than it needs to be.


PIMP

Thank you so much for that reply. + rep

This is exactly what I was thinking but its nice to read it from someone who is 10 years older than me. I rarely over-analyze specific plates but the texts she sent me just flat out confused me. Next time I will avoid meeting a girl in "too personal" of a setting, and go for more fun ideas like bowling or coffee.

 

[backbreaker]

plutonic, as is your balls will be bluer than the planet pluto before you get a piece of this ass.


move on.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Welcome to the friend zone. You are just another orbiter. Should have cut her loose the first time she flaked with no counter offer.

 

[Sofomore]

Welcome to the friend zone. You are just another orbiter. Should have cut her loose the first time she flaked with no counter offer.

She did counter offer but I was busy.

Also, I don't take advice from scumbags like you....

Nice thread you started: "Important tip: Don't Tell Her You're Married"

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=136529

 

[Aaron B]

"oh ok i'm looking for a sexual relationship. it was nice to meet you"

 

[floydb25]

Even if I get some signals that show she doesn't want me more than a friend, I will proceed until she flat out has to reject me. I don't want to "play it safe" and just puss out.

This is a terrible idea, and I'd advise against doing it. Playing it safe is better than playing it stupid. You're just asking to get used with this line of thinking. If someone is a tease, player, attention *****, or user - they won't flat out reject you. Never, ever. They will string you along with false hope for as long as you allow it to happen. They'll say you're just friends, flirt with you, ask why you aren't interested in them - then pull away and remind you that you're just friends once you show interest again. They want to keep you interested in them - despite having no interest you. It's a sick game, but one many of them will play if you allow it. The expert manipulators are very, very good at this, and always gain something from it.

Also, when you keep trying and coming back for more - they will know they have you, and view you as low status. When you wait around for them to be ready, and keep coming back - despite being rejected - they'll use this against you, and view you as weak / desperate - not as caring and available. You're no challenge; trying too hard; waiting around... They'll view you as a doormat, and treat you like one. If you act like an SO without benefits - well, then you're screwed. Many of them will try to have their cake and eat it too - especially if you allow it, and put yourself in this position. Trying too hard and waiting around has the opposite results that you'd like. Just ask all the nice guy orbiters out there.

There's also the entitlement that comes with a pseudo-friendship. Even if she has minimal to no interest in you, and rejects you (only to come back) - she'll still try to keep you around and sabotage any intentions you may have with other women - only to reject you again. This is where a lot of the confusion occurs, but the only one confused is you. She knows she's not interested. She only acts like she is.

Not to say all of this is going to happen, but with your kind of mindset - its very possible. You don't want to put yourself in a position where this can occur, and that's the path you're going down.

What I find works best after getting rejected is to not try anymore. She might complain that you're not being all over her, or whatever, but that doesn't mean she is interested in YOU. Afterall, all girls like the attention and knowing they're desired. If she tries to lure you in with BS teasing and flirting - only to reject you with some BS excuse - only to come right back, and repeat the same process - she is not interested, and is just playing games / using you. They might say "not ready; not right now", or anything to make a chance seem possible, and keep the false hope alive. There is no chance. They know this - its you who doesn't.

Rather than let them reject you and have all the power - reject THEM. If she complains that you're acting too friendly - tell her SHE is the one who wanted to just be friends - then treat her like one. Don't act like you're dating or a couple if she wants to be friends. This is where you become her doormat, and she gains all the benefits. Don't allow it. Don't be fooled, or played like one. Not everyone is testing you with genuine intentions.

The other side of this is that it shows you are of high value, not accepting of pseudo-friendships in hopes of more, not being a doormat, or holding back on your true intentions. This is why showing interest and dating around / having options is so effective. They know you're of value, won't accept BS, won't settle, and won't wait around. They have to act now - before its too late. People want what is of high value. Not someone acting like a chump.

There is one more possibility: she wants to be friends with benefits - without saying it. I've had countless girls say we're just friends - only to pursue sex constantly. This seems to be their way of not being perceived as *****s - while still being *****s. The situation is the same - only the label / title is different. They'll always have an excuse for "not being ready" - while still wanting sex. Typical anti-slut defense measures to save face - without ever getting involved, and still having random sex.

The best thing to do is play it cool, keep your eyes open, and watch for BS. Don't go into anything with a foolish, naive mindset. Never assume anything.

 

[The_411]

If you're not going to next her I would waste all of 5 seconds dealing with her. Don't waste your time unless you're pressing forward and by forward I mean getting balls deep.

99.9% of women say is BS but what they do is 99.9% the truth.

 

[MasterFuu]

Go hang out with the girl have lots of fun and see what happens. If she didn't like you she would not even hang out with you. Maybe she has girlfriends that are attractive? It's always good to put yourself out there and see what happens...you never know.

 

[JYW]

dealing with a similar situation now. met up with this girl for drinks two weeks ago, it went well. she asked me to travel with her but cancelled due to changed plans... now when i ask her to a 2-day weekend trip she turns me down, saying i'm not her bf...i just straight up ignored the *****

**** being in the bullpen, you should be starting