I'm devestated, first girl I ever had feelings for

[JackAttack]

So yeah, background information. I'm a 20 year old virgin, never had a girlfriend, I've made out with some girls and stuff just being drunk at parties and clubs but have never had a girl actually be a part of my life.

Met this really hot girl who gave me a chance because I like hockey and play hockey and she's obsessed with it. I talked to her for a few weeks on the phone, she would text me allot. I followed allot of the advice from here about not making myself too available, teasing her allot, ****y funny, we joked around that she was my fiance and all that.

We set up a date I took her mini golfing, I took advice from you guys again and made sure I did allot of kino (high five when she got a hole in one, she said something bad so i spanked her, she spanked me back, she starting hugging me after a hole in one and a kiss on the cheek) and then we went into my car and just talked for like maybe 45 mins to an hour. We kissed a few times, she drew hearts on the foggy windows, she wrote i love you on my hand. She said when school is over in April we should go have a road trip to Florida just us two. I dropped her off she asked me what I'm doing friday, unfortunately I was busy though.... she said hmmm I dunno then, kissed me hugged me and went inside her house.

We talked on the phone after a bit more after the date. Then the next week she wouldnt text me as much anymore and didn't call like she always would. I texted her, but I guessed we were past that stage so after like 3 texts i was like anyways loser i'll call you later tonight so we can talk. She said okay, i called she never picked up. She sent me a text after saying "Sorry i was passed out", i said oh its okay, tell me when you wake up tomorrow we'll talk (i was at a midnight hockey game, sent her this when she was probably sleeping). She never contacted me. On the weekend I asked her what shes up to, she never contacted me again.

I tried calling her but no answer. I texted her that I'm feeling avoided, and if shes trying to avoid me then i'll leave her alone and it was nice knowing her. No reply. I call her again yesterday and i think her phones off cuz it rings once. I call again it rings once again. I call one last time then i realize... wow shes ignoring my calls. I texted her yesterday as my last text "I tried... I hope you find whatever you're looking for, the girl I thought I knew deserved someone good. Be good, enjoy life, and it was a joy meeting you". I wasn't expecting a reply at this point, nor did I get one.

Now I can't stop thinking of her, I don't know what I did wrong.. she made it seem like she wanted to be with me long term. I'm an average looking guy at best, probably a bit worse if I'm being honest with myself... I don't know how long till I get another chance with a girl like this. And the fact that she shared so many common interests with me is making me develop a oneitis for her. It's killing me that she won't even say goodbye, tell me what's wrong... or anything.

 

[moduli]

Somebody else here can give you advice on how to bring back this girl that insulted you.

Girls are not part of your life. Period. You get life before you meet a girl. Do you get that? You bring her in. She does not complete you. You are complete before she comes in. She comes to you because you have a life. OK? Forget her. Forget her. Stop being so damn caring. Get angry. Break something. Stop suppressing yourself. Learn to be careless with women.
Be selfish. Learn to be selfish. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself.
Have fun. Always. Be silly. Allow yourself to be silly. Make mistakes. Learn from mistakes. Do fun stuff without any expectations at all. Be calm. Masculine means you are calm when **** hits the fan and everybody else panics. You are calm, not inert or without feelings. Big difference. Don't be needy for anything. Never be needy. Kill any needy attitude. Needy is disgusting to you now. You are leading the way. You are not the follower anymore. Lead and don't look back. Stop playing video games. Stop being inside of your head so much. Action. Your middle name now is ACTION. Less thinking, more action. Action dates, action attitude. Start moving. Kick ****ing ass to bad attitudes, downers, bad friends, missing father, whatever it is... **** its ass and take no names. Move on. You are the best looking man on this planet. Behave that way.

I'm saying this because I care. I love you. If some of this hurts its because I stepped on something that's been inside and hurting you.

 

[Carlos Vendetta]

Somebody else here can give you advice on how to bring back this girl that insulted you.

Girls are not part of your life. Period. You get life before you meet a girl. Do you get that? You bring her in. She does not complete you. You are complete before she comes in. She comes to you because you have a life. OK? Forget about her. Forget about her. Stop being so damn caring. Get angry. Break something. Stop suppressing yourself. Learn to be careless with women.
Be selfish. Learn to be selfish. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself.
Have fun. Always. Be silly. Allow yourself to be silly. Make mistakes. Learn from mistakes. Do fun stuff without any expectations at all. Be calm. Masculine means you are calm when **** hits the fan and everybody else panics. You are calm, not inert or without feelings. Big difference. Don't be needy for anything. Never be needy. Kill any needy attitude. Needy is disgusting to you now. You are leading the way. You are not the follower anymore. Lead and don't look back. Stop playing video games. Stop being inside of your head so much. Action. Your middle name now is ACTION. Less thinking, more action. Action dates, action attitude. Start moving. Kick ****ing ass to bad attitudes, downers, bad friends, missing father, whatever it is... **** its ass and take no names. Move on. You are the best looking man on this planet. Behave that way.

I'm saying this because I care. I love you. If some of this hurts its because I stepped on something that's been inside and hurting you.

Hah!! he's right ^^..!

don't need to worry about bringin' her back. your the man in charge, if she's givin' u a hard time with whatever, ignorin your calls, it's whatever..fvck her! (not in a sexual way) , just move on.. life's too short to stand still and wonder what went wrong... , on to the next one , it's the easiest fix to stop thinkin' about someone.

 

[ENIGMA16]

Met this really hot girl who gave me a chance because I like hockey and play hockey and she's obsessed with it.

Mistake one. If you were in the right mindset you would be the one giving her a chance.

I talked to her for a few weeks on the phone

Mistake 2. Talking for weeks on the phone without going on a date? What's that about?

We talked on the phone after a bit more after the date.

Mistake 3. Why? Don't you have better things to do?

Then the next week she wouldnt text me as much anymore and didn't call like she always would. I texted her, but I guessed we were past that stage so after like 3 texts i was like anyways loser i'll call you later tonight so we can talk. She said okay, i called she never picked up. She sent me a text after saying "Sorry i was passed out", i said oh its okay, tell me when you wake up tomorrow we'll talk (i was at a midnight hockey game, sent her this when she was probably sleeping). She never contacted me. On the weekend I asked her what shes up to, she never contacted me again.

Mistake 4. You're calling/texting way too much. She is supposed to be pursuing you. You were giving her way too much attention and your desperation was painfully obvious.

I texted her that I'm feeling avoided, and if shes trying to avoid me then i'll leave her alone and it was nice knowing her.

Mistake 5. This is basically the nail in the coffin. First, you talked about your feelings to her. Never do that.

Second, if a girl is trying to avoid you then what is the point of telling them that you're going to leave them alone? They already know if they avoid you that you'll leave them alone; you know that, too. The only reason you said this was because you were using it as a last ditch attempt to get her to respond to you. This is your desperation in full force; nothing turns a girl off more.

No reply. I call her again yesterday and i think her phones off cuz it rings once. I call again it rings once again. I call one last time then i realize... wow shes ignoring my calls. I texted her yesterday as my last text "I tried... I hope you find whatever you're looking for, the girl I thought I knew deserved someone good. Be good, enjoy life, and it was a joy meeting you". I wasn't expecting a reply at this point, nor did I get one.

Mistake 6. Seriously, you're still going at this point? You should've realized when she was ignoring you and when you displayed your desperation that it was hopeless. Instead, you let your desperation consume you to the point where you were no longer using your brain. You knew in your brain that this girl wasn't going to contact you back, but you let your desperation cloud that out.

Now I can't stop thinking of her, I don't know what I did wrong.. she made it seem like she wanted to be with me long term. I'm an average looking guy at best, probably a bit worse if I'm being honest with myself... I don't know how long till I get another chance with a girl like this. And the fact that she shared so many common interests with me is making me develop a oneitis for her. It's killing me that she won't even say goodbye, tell me what's wrong... or anything.

Wow dude, after one date? Seriously? That isn't good at all. And you aren't developing a oneitis for this girl; you had it fully developed by the time you two were mini golfing.

And she won't say anything to you because she wants you to go away; you don't mean anything to her so there's nothing to say goodbye to. You destroyed all the feelings she had for you in your desperate attempts to get her to accept you.

Your thinking is completely backwards. You are completely consumed with desperation. You need to learn to accept yourself as you are before you can have a relationship with a woman.

 

[F!DELITY]

Well, its major oneitis if you ask me. But like many before him (including myself), at least he has found this site!

To the OP. Read the dj bible!!!

 

[ENIGMA16]

Yeah, sorry to sound so negative. If it's any consolation I was wayyy worse than you with my ex. Now I'm learning to deal with my desperation and to accept who I am, and because of that women have become a lot less important to me; my life is becoming more complete without them, and so I can make more level headed judgments. You'll get there. Life is a journey.

 

[JackAttack]

Mistake one. If you were in the right mindset you would be the one giving her a chance.

You're right...

Mistake 2. Talking for weeks on the phone without going on a date? What's that about?

First weekend she was out of town with her dad. Second weekend we finally met up, we tried during the week but I'm busy with work and school.

Mistake 3. Why? Don't you have better things to do?

She wanted to talk on the phone, it was late after the date (like midnight) so i didn't really have much better to do. But thinking about it now, maybe next time after a first date I will act less interested to make things work in my favor.

Mistake 4. You're calling/texting way too much. She is supposed to be pursuing you. You were giving her way too much attention and your desperation was painfully obvious.

She was pursuing me, then it stopped. I'm new to this, I should have waited, been patient, let her do it. But I'm an idiot AFC

Mistake 5. This is basically the nail in the coffin. First, you talked about your feelings to her. Never do that.
Second, if a girl is trying to avoid you then what is the point of telling them that you're going to leave them alone? They already know if they avoid you that you'll leave them alone; you know that, too. The only reason you said this was because you were using it as a last ditch attempt to get her to respond to you. This is your desperation in full force; nothing turns a girl off more.

You read me like a book here man, kudos to that, I can tell you are good with these things, I wish I had your knowledge and used my brain during these situations.

Mistake 6. Seriously, you're still going at this point? You should've realized when she was ignoring you and when you displayed your desperation that it was hopeless. Instead, you let your desperation consume you to the point where you were no longer using your brain. You knew in your brain that this girl wasn't going to contact you back, but you let your desperation cloud that out.

Again... you're right.

Wow dude, after one date? Seriously? That isn't good at all. And you aren't developing a oneitis for this girl; you had it fully developed by the time you two were mini golfing.
And she won't say anything to you because she wants you to go away; you don't mean anything to her so there's nothing to say goodbye to. You destroyed all the feelings she had for you in your desperate attempts to get her to accept you.

Your thinking is completely backwards. You are completely consumed with desperation. You need to learn to accept yourself as you are before you can have a relationship with a woman.

I appreciate the reply.

I accept myself as who I am... I don't understand how desperation has anything to do with that? I made stupid mistakes because I'm new to this, my life is perfect, I go to a good school, I come from a wealthy family, I have a job lined up for me, everything is on track. I'm just missing a girl in my life, someone I can have a relationship with and not play stupid games.

Any advice you have I will take gladly.

 

[Snow Plowman]

Jlay put it down real well...

In a nutshell you were DATING this is BS. The killer is when you said a roadtrip to florida. YOU'LL DIDN'T EVEN HAVE SEX!!!! This isn't hollywood, dating shouldn't be so fast especially when you didn't even have sex. If your in a car with a chick for 45mins, I'm sorry sex is happening. None of this fag lovey dovey sh!t.

I'm assuming you were thinking of marrying this chick or something :crackup:

Seriously I'm only hard on you about this because I had a friend who waited a fuking MONTH for ONE CHICK to come back to NY. It was like a Army wife waiting for her soldier to come home. It was so sad and the ending was even more depressing. (similar to your ending)

Next girl you meet don't call, text or do any dating type of things. Have sex but take actual DATING slow...It should be a casual relationship until you've truly come to the conclusion that she'd be a good woman exclusively.

Of course many guys will say "I already knew she was gf material" but they only say that out of scarcity because if you had 20 women to choose from you'll be taking it very slow to make sure you picked the best out of the 20.

 

[ENIGMA16]

First weekend she was out of town with her dad. Second weekend we finally met up, we tried during the week but I'm busy with work and school.

Was this actually "talking on the phone" or were you just calling to set up a date?

She wanted to talk on the phone, it was late after the date (like midnight) so i didn't really have much better to do. But thinking about it now, maybe next time after a first date I will act less interested to make things work in my favor.

Yeah, of course she'll want to talk. Think about attracting women like this. Say that this girl is really hungry, and her favorite food is pizza. Now obviously she's going to want a lot of pizza, and if you give her all the pizza she asks for she's not going to want any more; if you keep giving her pizza after that then she's going to be like "hell no I don't want anymore!" and her interest in the pizza plummets.

If you give someone what they want then there's nothing for them to chase. If you keep giving it to them after they're satisfied then they will be pushed away from it because their interest level will drop into the negative.

So you always want to leave them wanting more.

She was pursuing me, then it stopped. I'm new to this, I should have waited, been patient, let her do it. But I'm an idiot AFC

I have two rules when it comes to learning experiences with mistakes:
1. Take responsibility. Every failure that you have with women is your fault; you f*cked up somewhere.
2. Don't take it personal. You ****ed up, but learn from it and don't repeat it next time.

Don't call yourself an idiot; as you said, you're new to this. You can't expect to know everything in the beginning.

You read me like a book here man, kudos to that, I can tell you are good with these things, I wish I had your knowledge and used my brain during these situations.

I have knowledge because I was once in the exact same situation, but instead of leaving a vm or a text message I was writing numerous Facebook messages and letters outlining my feelings completely. Like I said, I was much worse than you.

I accept myself as who I am... I don't understand how desperation has anything to do with that? I made stupid mistakes because I'm new to this, my life is perfect, I go to a good school, I come from a wealthy family, I have a job lined up for me, everything is on track. I'm just missing a girl in my life, someone I can have a relationship with and not play stupid games.

If you are "missing a girl in your life" then you don't accept yourself because you need a girl to complete you. Your original post showed that fact blatantly; you said that she was the one giving you the chance. If you accepted yourself then it would be the other way around, and this situation never would have happened. You wouldn't have gotten desperate because your life was fine without her so it wouldn't have been a big deal to lose her.

Let's say for example that you had 20 girls that you were seeing; would losing this one have mattered to you nearly as much?

 

[JackAttack]

Jlay put it down real well...

In a nutshell you were DATING this is BS. The killer is when you said a roadtrip to florida. YOU'LL DIDN'T EVEN HAVE SEX!!!! This isn't hollywood, dating shouldn't be so fast especially when you didn't even have sex. If your in a car with a chick for 45mins, I'm sorry sex is happening. None of this fag lovey dovey sh!t.

I'm assuming you were thinking of marrying this chick or something :crackup:

Seriously I'm only hard on you about this because I had a friend who waited a fuking MONTH for ONE CHICK to come back to NY. It was like a Army wife waiting for her soldier to come home. It was so sad and the ending was even more depressing. (similar to your ending)

Next girl you meet don't call, text or do any dating type of things. Have sex but take actual DATING slow...It should be a casual relationship until you've truly come to the conclusion that she'd be a good woman exclusively.

Of course many guys will say "I already knew she was gf material" but they only say that out of scarcity because if you had 20 women to choose from you'll be taking it very slow to make sure you picked the best out of the 20.

I don't know if I agree with the sex in the car thing on a first date ? common dude.

But explain more what you mean by taking dating slow? I was taking it slow, taking my time not skipping school/calling in to work to see her when she wanted. I waited until I was free. I was looking forward to seeing her again the next weekend or something.

I also didn't want to marry her, nor did I think she was my girlfriend. I just enjoyed spending time with her, and wanted more of it.

The one thing I can think of is talking on the phone and texting too much. Is that really an attraction killer? when SHE wants to talk on the phone I'm supposed to avoid it? Also what if you have very good text game, you're supposed to avoid that too?

I think it works in my favor because then on the date you already know all the little things about the person because they tell you indirectly through phone conversations or texting or whatever. You also have some inside jokes and stuff to laugh about, and things to make fun of her about jokingly.

I think I was doing everything right until I started texting her/calling her when she wasn't making an effort to do so. I promise to myself I'm never making that mistake again.

 

[nismo-4]

So yeah, background information. I'm a 20 year old virgin, never had a girlfriend, I've made out with some girls and stuff just being drunk at parties and clubs but have never had a girl actually be a part of my life.

Now I can't stop thinking of her, I don't know what I did wrong.. she made it seem like she wanted to be with me long term. I'm an average looking guy at best, probably a bit worse if I'm being honest with myself... I don't know how long till I get another chance with a girl like this. And the fact that she shared so many common interests with me is making me develop a oneitis for her. It's killing me that she won't even say goodbye, tell me what's wrong... or anything.

Jack Attack, you weren't defeated by the girl, you were defeated only by yourself.

I will give you the best advice on getting this girl back. Are you ready? Good.

Move the f**k on! Let her go! Delete her #! Talk to more girls! Do it now!

You aren't developing a oneitis, you already did and now your confidence is poisoned.

Stop crying! It's not very effective. This response is only beneficial to you.

A girl ain't just gonna fall into your goddamn lap! Get off your ass and go meet some new girls. And you think a girl completes you? Bullsh*t. You complete a girl. That's a man's job. Get a life and invite a woman into it. Show her your hobbies and interests and the girls will want to get involved.

Wipe them damn tears from yo face boy and taste reality in the game!

You can't be handcuffing girls either, as that's an AFC desperation move. It displays the guy has no options. Did you really think you were the only one going for this girl? You were not. You were the 1 in 1 vs. 100. And you put this woman on a f**kin' pedestal like she's the princess of f**king Agrabah or the f**king Mushroom Kingdom!!! Oh, hell no!

Your Princess is in another castle.

You better start making yourself the prize to be won. Do it. It's super effective. Girls will dump you and just use you for attention if you don't.

Read my thread on 99 things that attract women. It's in the tips section. It's super effective.

Now remember a DJ shouldn't be catching feelings for a woman like what you did. Take this as a lesson learned and move on.

You are guilty of 1st degree oneitis. Don't dwell on this case as it is closed and you're paying the fine of blue balls, hurt feelings, and poisoned confidence. Going after other girls and listening to what moduli said will alleviate you from this fine. You better let what Jlay said too and let all this sh*t marinate.

Case closed. Court is adjourned. Show us that you learned your lesson.

 

[moduli]

I'm just missing a girl in my life

You have no life... unless you are form a country where these expectations are the norm. I think most people here are from the USA and our society and culture are a little different. Where are you from?

I'm asking you that because this situation could be like peace loving hippie asking a Spartan for his opinion about peace. Give us some background.

 

[JackAttack]

Was this actually "talking on the phone" or were you just calling to set up a date?

Some calls were to set up a date. Others were just to talk, get to know her, sometimes she would be in the bath telling me dirty stuff so obviously that kept me on the phone

Yeah, of course she'll want to talk. Think about attracting women like this. Say that this girl is really hungry, and her favorite food is pizza. Now obviously she's going to want a lot of pizza, and if you give her all the pizza she asks for she's not going to want any more; if you keep giving her pizza after that then she's going to be like "hell no I don't want anymore!" and her interest in the pizza plummets.

If you give someone what they want then there's nothing for them to chase. If you keep giving it to them after they're satisfied then they will be pushed away from it because their interest level will drop into the negative.

So you always want to leave them wanting more.

Makes perfect sense bro. But when applying this concept, you also need to have them something to want, so I needed to have talked to her on the phone in the first place. Secondly you also can't leave them wanting more for too long or the interest drops again. So I will need to find a perfect medium, but you're right.

If you are "missing a girl in your life" then you don't accept yourself because you need a girl to complete you. Your original post showed that fact blatantly; you said that she was the one giving you the chance. If you accepted yourself then it would be the other way around, and this situation never would have happened. You wouldn't have gotten desperate because your life was fine without her so it wouldn't have been a big deal to lose her.

I don't know if I understand this... of course I need a girl, I'm a man, I want sex, I want love, I want kids in the future, I need all this it's nature. Besides not having those things I am proud of who i am

Let's say for example that you had 20 girls that you were seeing; would losing this one have mattered to you nearly as much?

I think not. unfortunately I have allot of work to do before I can have 20 more girls interested in me. I need to learn how to approach, instead of waiting for a girl to do the work for me.

 

[JackAttack]

Jack Attack, you weren't defeated by the girl, you were defeated only by yourself.

I will give you the best advice on getting this girl back. Are you ready? Good.

Move the f**k on! Let her go! Delete her #! Talk to more girls! Do it now!

You aren't developing a oneitis, you already did and now your confidence is poisoned.

Stop crying! It's not very effective. This response is only beneficial to you.

A girl ain't just gonna fall into your goddamn lap! Get off your ass and go meet some new girls. And you think a girl completes you? Bullsh*t. You complete a girl. That's a man's job. Get a life and invite a woman into it. Show her your hobbies and interests and the girls will want to get involved.

Wipe them damn tears from yo face boy and taste reality in the game!

You can't be handcuffing girls either, as that's an AFC desperation move. It displays the guy has no options. Did you really think you were the only one going for this girl? You were not. You were the 1 in 1 vs. 100. And you put this woman on a f**kin' pedestal like the's the princess of f**king Agrabah or the f**king Mushroom Kingdom!!! Oh, hell no!

Your Princess is in another castle.

You better start making yourself the prize to be won. Do it. It's super effective. Girls will dump you and just use you for attention if you don't.

Read my thread on 99 things that attract women. It's in the tips section. It's super effective.

Now remember a DJ shouldn't be catching feelings for a woman like what you did. Take this as a lesson learned and move on.

You are guilty of 1st degree oneitis.Don't dwell on this case as it is closed and you're paying the fine of blue balls, hurt feelings, and poisoned confidence. Going after other girls and listening to what moduli said will alleviate you from this fine. You better let what Jlay said too and let all this sh*t marinate.

Case closed. Court is adjourned. Show us that you learned your lesson.

That was an awesome post man, I feel like saving it on my phone and reading it every time I think about her again.

I need to talk to more girls, but I have probably approached less than 5 in my entire life, I suck at it, I'm willing to learn though. I can already tell this forum is a fkin awesome resource.

You have no life... unless you are form a country where these expectations are the norm. I think most people here are from the USA and our society and culture are a little different. Where are you from?

I'm asking you that because this situation could be like peace loving hippie asking a Spartan for his opinion about peace. Give us some background.

I'm from Canada. I play hockey and watch hockey allot, very knowledgeable in that aspect, could probably have a career in it if I wanted. I go to the gym often too, I go to bars and clubs with friends (not to hit on women but to have a good time, don't get to see my friends during the week so weekends we have a good time).

I go to school full time (commerce degree), and minoring in IT (Telecommunications) I like MMA, I'm awesome at poker (holdem, over 2k bankroll on full tilt), i'm a good swimmer, I like to read about cars, I'm trying to save up money to build an awesome beautiful fish tank right now (small hobby i'm learning about). I've traveled to Europe before, and hope to travel more when school is done. but in all this I've never had a relationship.

Anymore background questions?

 

[CarlitosWay]

That was an awesome post man, I feel like saving it on my phone and reading it every time I think about her again.

I need to talk to more girls, but I have probably approached less than 5 in my entire life, I suck at it, I'm willing to learn though. I can already tell this forum is a fkin awesome resource.



I'm from Canada. I play hockey and watch hockey allot, very knowledgeable in that aspect, could probably have a career in it if I wanted. I go to the gym often too, I go to bars and clubs with friends (not to hit on women but to have a good time, don't get to see my friends during the week so weekends we have a good time).

I go to school full time (commerce degree), and minoring in IT (Telecommunications) I like MMA, I'm awesome at poker (holdem, over 2k bankroll on full tilt), i'm a good swimmer, I like to read about cars, I'm trying to save up money to build an awesome beautiful fish tank right now (small hobby i'm learning about). I've traveled to Europe before, and hope to travel more when school is done. but in all this I've never had a relationship.

Anymore background questions?

Everything you wrote right here you should remind yourself about when you're talking to a chic. You...enjoy a sport/working out, you like poker, so you enjoy taking risks. You like traveling so you enjoy adventure. You like mma, cars and fish tanks sweet! (lmao fish tanks and deuce biggalo movie comes to mind)

Sounds like you're not a boring sap. You just have to find that chic who'll feel lucky to be a part of your life and when you do oh boy is it great. Sex is fu*kin great and everything goes well.

 

[moduli]

I'm from Canada.

I knew there was something wrong with you. Just kidding. It's a joke. Ghee.

Internalize my first post. You will be fine. Good luck.

 

[ENIGMA16]

Some calls were to set up a date. Others were just to talk, get to know her, sometimes she would be in the bath telling me dirty stuff so obviously that kept me on the phone

I think texting works better for this, because you can hit her up at any time with any random thing without being obligated to stay in conversation; i.e. it's not as much of a commitment so you don't have to respond right away, which can help in getting a girl to chase you.

Makes perfect sense bro. But when applying this concept, you also need to have them something to want, so I needed to have talked to her on the phone in the first place. Secondly you also can't leave them wanting more for too long or the interest drops again. So I will need to find a perfect medium, but you're right.

Yeah, I learned that lesson the hard way with the last number I got; this girl seemed really into me but I kept trying to reschedule a week later (her reasons for not being able to schedule a date on the time that I picked were legitimate), partly because I was busy and partly because I was too worried about not coming off as needy. In the end this backfired and we never even made it to the first date.

So yeah finding that balance is key, and I think that balance is different with every girl so it's just something you probably pick up on with experience.

 

[Snow Plowman]

I don't know if I agree with the sex in the car thing on a first date ? common dude.

But explain more what you mean by taking dating slow? I was taking it slow, taking my time not skipping school/calling in to work to see her when she wanted. I waited until I was free. I was looking forward to seeing her again the next weekend or something.

I also didn't want to marry her, nor did I think she was my girlfriend. I just enjoyed spending time with her, and wanted more of it.

The one thing I can think of is talking on the phone and texting too much. Is that really an attraction killer? when SHE wants to talk on the phone I'm supposed to avoid it? Also what if you have very good text game, you're supposed to avoid that too?

I think it works in my favor because then on the date you already know all the little things about the person because they tell you indirectly through phone conversations or texting or whatever. You also have some inside jokes and stuff to laugh about, and things to make fun of her about jokingly.

I think I was doing everything right until I started texting her/calling her when she wasn't making an effort to do so. I promise to myself I'm never making that mistake again.

A chick is 1 on 1 with me ANYWHERE she knows there is a chance that something can go down. Anything less than that is you limiting yourself. Your in a car with her for 45mins and it wasn't to talk about healthcare...

Dating slow as in don't do anything that could be considered BF/GF. All this communication is too much when you don't even know this chick. This is what I call the hollywood effect where people assume sex = dating because in the flicks the guy has sex with the girl and all of a sudden it's assumed there together.

THAT IS NOT REALITY!!!

Let me put it in perspective for you, I generally meet a chick 1-2x a week. Many times I won't even be in contact for a good two weeks to a month. It's so obvious were not dating that she can't even interpret it as dating.

I'm probably a guy you don't want to hear talk about text/phone stuff because I don't call chicks. If they contact me then it means they want to have sex so I'll create the opportunity for her. Other than that its just nonchalant invite to come along into my life. (Creating an opportunity for her)

I've learned that all that talking and texting leads to nothing and actually sets up more of a dating frame which is too fast because you don't even know the woman. Why should you guys meet up when you can talk/text all day???

Personally when a chick meets up with me again it's an event because there isn't any other way for them to get contact with me. I've had chicks texting saying if they'd be able to meet me in this century because they want some face time with me.

Best way I can put it is...

Say you were a dude from one of those reality shows where 20 girls are competing to win you over. Do you think you could contact them that much? You'd get nothing in life done. It reeks that you have nothing better to do because alot of your time is focused on her.

Women like to play things in there head especially when they notice they have no control of how much contact you two can have. It creates that great psychological thriller for them...

Is he with other women?
Is he training for his MMA fight?
Is he studying?

I remember texting a chick "I'm with my boy hitting my fav dessert place..." and for a good 4 hours she was wondering if I had a son haha. She wasn't used to contact so every message that came to her phone was important.

Hope this gives you an idea of where I'm coming from and how I see things...

 

[Kailex]

We kissed a few times, she drew hearts on the foggy windows, she wrote i love you on my hand.

She did you a favor.
If my first date was mini-golf with a woman and she did THAT.
And THEN followed by severe NC a week after...

Yeah, you want to avoid that.

Like I said... she is doing you a favor.
MOVE ON.

 

[Annapolis Sailor]

Somebody else here can give you advice on how to bring back this girl that insulted you.

Girls are not part of your life. Period. You get life before you meet a girl. Do you get that? You bring her in. She does not complete you. You are complete before she comes in. She comes to you because you have a life. OK? Forget her. Forget her. Stop being so damn caring. Get angry. Break something. Stop suppressing yourself. Learn to be careless with women.
Be selfish. Learn to be selfish. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself.

Amen to that!

And I will just add that women do not pine away like men do. Women take a week or two to get over a relationship and they move on like it never happened no matter how long the relationship was. You had better take care of yourself because no one else will. Never let you emotions rule or control you, because they will and make you a prisoner and a slave. You need to have an abundance of women and friends. No one, and I mean no one should ever take center stage in your life or you, as a man, will regret it.