I'm breaking down now (long vent)

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I'm getting so sick of everything, mostly just school. I'm a senior in high school (I started school a year early though so I'm still 16). Up until 8th grade, I went to a private school with a 50-60 kid graduating class (they separated boys and girls from 6th grade and up though, hence why I had trouble with women). I left that hellhole and went to a public school where I knew absolutely no one. Over the course of 3 years, I built myself up over there from a nobody to being the kid that people knew without me knowing them. I had a good group of friends that I hung out with and we weren't the bad kind of kids who smoke and drink and stuff like that. We played soccer, built random crap, went to 6 flags and stuff, it was great.
Well, my dad decided last minute to move this past summer. We had already registered on school at my old school so I still could have been going there right now, but he didn't want me to. It's stupid because we still didn't sell the old house either yet, which even he admits is far nicer than our current house.
So 4 days before the school year starts, we move (I was in a weeklong camp in another state so I never witnessed the move though). The movers end up being thieves cuz they stole my wallet. I wasn't gonna bring it with me because what if someone stole it at the camp, right? So I hid it inside of a huge winter coat that was the same color as my wallet and put a bunch of stuff on top. Well, my box was busted when I came back and my wallet gone. They mailed my wallet back without money and without a sender's address either. The money I had was just an accumulation of birthday and holiday savings from about 9 or 10 years or so, needless to say it was quite a bit.
So I started off the year without knowing anyone all over again, and I do have friends here, don't get me wrong or anything, but I don't chill with them outside of school. We talk inside of school but we aren't close enough friends to do anything outside. We're are basically just mere acquaintances.
The school system in the US sucks because the Pythagorean theorem is supposed to help me pay taxes along with logos, ethos, and pathos teaching me about the cost of living expenses if I were to buy a specific house and whatnot (sarcasm). I know school is important, but it isn't even schooling anymore, it's just training, and I feel like another mindless pawn forced to participate. We don't learn true practical wisdom, rather just useless trivia. That's all school is nowadays. I've had to write about 13 essays and 3 powerpoints so far out of the 3 - 4 months of being in school. This excludes the 2 essays and powerpoint I'm currently working on. It's a lot of stress for something that I don't even care about. I mean, I want to be an orthopedic surgeon, but learning the inverse secant won't exactly teach me how to cut someone open and fix their bones, muscles, and ligaments. Even in college I know there are required courses to take to get accepted into medical school, which from what everyone has told me, is complete and utter bull****!t and has almost nothing to do with what you do in med school. I mean for God's sake, the medical advisors FOR med school are post graduate students who didn't even get accepted themselves, yet they are fit to give advice?
I have swim practice from 7:15 - 9:00 PM (5 days a week, Saturdays its from 1:00 - 3:00 PM). By the time I get home it's like 9:30 or 9:40 if my parents are late. The team practices at 2 different schools depending on the day of the week and age group you train with, and usually it's just one parent picking up me and my sister. We usually practice at different schools too so the coaches end up having to wait for us and they get mad after it happening on a consistent basis. I eat after swim practice to refuel my system, so that's like another 45 minutes. It's 10:15 by the time I finish eating and then I have to finish my homework if I have any left, but I usually just go to bed. I wake up at 6:15 everyday because me and my brother are the first to get picked up at school, but the last to get dropped off at home, which is dumb. The path the bus takes to drop people off is extremely convoluted so it goes within 200 yards of my actual house at one stop, yet if i wait for my actual stop thats an extra half hour on the bus. I just get off at an earlier drop off and walk through people's yards to get home cuz it's quicker. I get home at about 3:40 ish. The bus driver is annoying because even though she has a list of names of the people who take that bus, she only accepts the school IDs to be sure that I'm actually who I say I am. It's dumb because she won't accept my state ID which is even more official than a damn school ID. Sometimes I work out after school and take the activity bus to get home, but lately I've been demotivated to do so, plus I feel like I'm getting too bulky which is bad for swimming. If I do work out after school, I get home at ~5:15.

I go on my phone or computer and play a game or something for an hour and 15ish just cuz some games are fun for me then I go eat for 45 minutes to an hour. That's if I decide not to lift though. If I do, I usually eat on the bus and do my homework right away when I get home. As much as I hate to say it, I just look forward to playing games on the computer nowadays which I know is bad, but I can't help it. I hate this school, I don't get enough sleep, my dad always picks on me for stupid fvcking **** while he never does that to my brother, he talks out of his ass when it comes to college advice because he never went to college, my mom doesn't talk about her college days because she used to party a lot (but was somehow still a virgin according to my dad), my older sister is a complete idiot and asks ME for college advice when I'm not even in college. I need a car but I don't get my license until March because my irresponsible sister lost my parents trust through being an airhead. Why does her being dumb affect me getting my license? Well here's how the conversation went 2 years ago when:
"Mom, can I get my permit?"
"We can't even trust your older sister to get her driver's license. What makes you think you can get your permit?"
Like wtf man. I don't get it. But whatever, I finally got my permit, but can't drive cuz I don't have a car or license yet. That's why everything moves so much more slowly for me. To top it all off, I want to work. I want to get a job so badly. But I can't because of swim practice and the time it takes to get to places along with not having a car. I've never had a job other than random miscellaneous stuff for my dad's business or landscaping type work around our yard. I never got payed to do it either so I don't really consider that as a job.

I made this post because today I wanted to sleep in and just miss one day of school as a break cuz I'm getting sick of the bull**** of life. My mom kept and yelling at me and screaming and I couldn't fall asleep because of that so I just lost it and was like "Fine! I'll go to fvcking school!" and just had a meltdown and freaked out. The weird thing is, right after I was done flipping sh!t, I felt really good. Like the endorphins kicked in and adrenaline was actually pumping and I actually felt awake and alive for the first time in a while. Like normally I'm in a daze and just get through the day but its like I was finally out of that daze for the first time in a long long time. Then after a few minutes it faded and I went back to normal.

I just feel exhausted, physically but mostly mentally. If I get like 10 hours of sleep somehow (which rarely happens cuz even on my free days, we have construction workers making noises cuz my parents bathroom is being renovated), my body feels strong and powerful, energetic and everything but my brain still feels fried. I don't know what to do. Cuz I'm so tired and stressed nowadays.

 

[Tictac]

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[Tictac]

Poor baby!

Hey, school, especially high school, is the easy part of your life. You live at home. Everything is taken care of. You likely can't cook a meal or wash your own clothes because Mommy does. You don't work, Mom & Dad got this!

What a p*zzy!

Buckle up. This is life. And you haven't even started yet.

 

[dustmuffin]

I agree with the gtumpy voice or reason. School is easy. Wait till you have to be responsible for yourself.

 

[Anima]

Poor baby!

Hey, school, especially high school, is the easy part of your life. You live at home. Everything is taken care of. You likely can't cook a meal or wash your own clothes because Mommy does. You don't work, Mom & Dad got this!

What a p*zzy!

Buckle up. This is life. And you haven't even started yet.

I suppose life is much harder with that spare, unwasted nine to ten hours now that highschool is out if the way. I also suppose that living at home is very easy. Even when the culinary arts major has to cook for himself and clean his clothes because Mommy is working two jobs to keep tapping the bottom of the bottle and smoke cigarettes, and is in fact not even around because you can't stand being around her. Not to mention when you have two jobs to buy clothes, groceries, and gas because the $50k claim Daddy just got for his cancer is going towards shrimp boats. I rarely do cook a meal, though, you're right, because there's never food in the house, and I can't afford to eat lunch at school.

I understand there's more legal responsibilities as an adult, but that doesn't mean that teenagers don't have it hard. In fact, I found that working 40-50 hours a week and supporting myself completely was easier during the summer because school wasn't there. I mean let me give a rundown of what I have now:

6:30-3:45: when I wake up for school to when I get home from school. That's literally half of my day already gone, because my curfew is 10:00.
5:00-8:30: work
9:00-10:45: gym. Working out for the first hour and a half and 15 minutes to get back home. 8:30-9:00 is me getting home to change and get my preworkout in, then driving to the gym.
So firstly, I'm already past my curfew. So there's a problem. Looking back, I have 1:15 (an hour and fifteen minutes) of free time. So now let's consider the hour each of my classes require for homework and studying, so four hours. If we assume I don't go to bed at like 11:30 (which I do), then I theoretically have a full schedule until 2:30, or 2:45 with 15 minutes of free time before work. Then, with 2:30, I get exactly four hours of sleep before I have to wake up for school again. So we're just throwing the eight to nine recommended hours out of the window.

Sure, I've personally found some withdrawing changes to set this up a bit better, such as not working Sunday through Thursday so I can make the gym by curfew. My point isn't that teenagers legally have it harder than adults, because that's untrue. What I'm saying is that school cuts out literally half of our usable time, almost a third of our 24 hours, and renders us helpless to do extra curricular activities and hobbies, socializing, or even jobs for those of us who need them. It's a struggle for time. In the summer, I can wake up at around the same time and hang out with my friends all morning, work a long shift, hit the gym, turn up with friends at night, even be to bed at like four in the morning, and I'll still wake up feeling fresh able to live another full day.

 

[Tictac]

.school cuts out literally half of our usable time, almost a third of our 24 hours, and renders us helpless to do extra curricular activities and hobbies, socializing, or even jobs for those of us who need them. It's a struggle for time. In the summer, I can wake up at around the same time and hang out with my friends all morning, work a long shift, hit the gym, turn up with friends at night, even be to bed at like four in the morning, and I'll still wake up feeling fresh able to live another full day.

What is you think work is going to do for your 'usable time'? Summer doesn't have breaks.

 

[Anima]

What is you think work is going to do for your 'usable time'? Summer doesn't have breaks.

In that quote I actually mention working during the summertime and still having time to pursue hobbies, interests, and a social life. I still have plenty of time even though I work full time. Even if, say, I work those eight hours school normally takes up, I'm able to not have to be up by a certain time or be asleep by a certain time.

 

[logicallefty]

You may just have situational depression. Talk to your doctor and maybe get a low dose anti depressant. nobody has to know you are on it other than you, your doctor, and your parents. I had to do that in early college. was overloaded and I felt very similar to what you described. it won't solve your problems but it will take just enough of that mental drag off that you have that you will be able to cope with your problems, tasks, and environment easier without feeling like crap.

I also think there is some truth to what you say about school coursework. I had this conversation with my 12-year-old daughter about a month ago. she was saying she didn't understand why she had to take certain subjects that she hated. I told her that there are a lot of school subjects that are bullsh!t but she had to wade through the bull to get to the good stuff which would be whatever she choose to do as a career later in life. I told her just to suck it up and deal with it now and she would be happy she did so later and that is also applicable to you.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I'm trying to find a purpose. Like what the hell am I doing right now? I can't go do something that will help me out with a future occupation or learn something practical because I have to go to school. I never learn anything truly interesting and except in sociology or something related to either the mind, body, or something hands-on. What is the point of this? My role in nature is to find a purpose, and as of right now, I don't have a real purpose. My brain is just fried. It seems like I can't get enough rest.

I hate talking about this kind of **** but I don't feel free at all when I know I can be.

And Tictac, I know how to cook and wash my own clothes. I also want to work so badly, but I can't. Who the heck is going to hire a kid just to work for 2 hours a day?

 

[marmel75]

That is a hell of a lot of swimming. Wondering if your body is simply breaking down from the constant hours in the pool and lack of needed rest and/or enough calories.

Do you really like swimming, or are you just doing it because you've been doing it for so long, that's all you know?

 

[Leaf]

I am sorry buddy and may sound like an ironic broken record when I myself have gone through what you have and posted something similar but as one of my mates told me I tell to you, 'Harden the f**k up'. I have a soft spot for aspiring medical students so I am going to lay it out for you.

Education:
You are young and by the sounds of it a high achiever. So I tell you this now that none of what you learn will make sense. Heck I'd be surprised if anything you learn in highschool is still of relevance when you hit university. But what it does is provide you with a firm basis in developing your critical analysis skills and understanding of the world. You'll need this firm basis and trust me, you'll be missing those assignments and school life when it's 1 in the morning and you are sitting in the library after a 12 hour day trying to revise the intricacies of reconstructive surgery of the hand and the relevant rehabilitation processes. Education is discipline and a hard slog. Take what you're given and know that it's all about reaching that end result. DO NOT and I say DO NOT let yourself go. Many of the lads here say the same. It all starts in highschool and contrary to what many say, you screw up in highschool and you're on the back foot for the rest of your life. No such thing as you can start all over again with the same opportunities as your friends whom did well in school and went on into university.

Life:
Life in general is hard. Get use to it. No winging is going to change or help anything. Maybe post about it or talk to a friend but at the end of the day. Actions speak louder than words. It's the same typical deal; knuckle down and keep at it. Friends come and go and you'll find yourself re-developing yourself into a new person with every foreign place you end up.Don't let it get to you. Like education; it's just a hard slog. Sounds like you've got a few things in your life outside of education that has you down and out. Change it. It may be time to talk to your parents and negotiate things. After school trainings etc or things of not relevance to you, it may be time to drop them and find things that you are passionate about to chase like musical instruments or what not. If you don't have a means of finding or achieving them, then find a way. You're smart enough to. When discussing with your parents like getting your licence, be respectful and be dogged in convincing them. Don't raise your voice and keep the persistence going. Sooner or later they will have to relent; let them raise their voice but remain calm. You have to show them maturity. And lets be honest; your parents are your parents; cherish them. They are and will be the only ones who will love you unconditionally - your sister included. You may not realise it now but when you're older and they're getting older you'll understand and I hope you don't regret how you treated them while you were young.

Gaming:
The last thing that's a red flag I read and which you should cut off before you let it take over. You game because it is an escape from the problems you're facing. But you cannot. Gaming is a made up universe that holds no relevance and when you get that level 100 warlock and sit back in your chair, ask yourself, in life, what have you really achieved by that? Find a passion, a hobby of some sort you can stress relief and replace gaming. Gaming is no good.

I apologize for the waffle as I seem to have a knack of that. But I hope that there might be a morsel of something informative in there that can help you out. At the end of the day, life is like an endless wave to the surfer. You're going to get sh*t sections you have to navigate, you're going to have times where it is bliss. What you have to do is take the bad with the good and keep pushing yourself to make sure you make it through.

 

[El Payaso]

As twisted as it may sound to you, enjoy this time. This will probably be one of the easier times in your life.

 

[parkthebus]

School years being easy depends on who you are. If you hate school, then it can't be easy. I'd much rather work a boring factory job, earn a living and feel like my time was worth it than have to do something I have no desire to do. And if you have a bad relationship with family members you live with, you don't have the option to just get your own place and take power over your life to make yourself happy. You shouldn't assume everyone enjoys going to school and enjoys their situation at home. Being of an age that you can't leave school and support yourself, and being unhappy, can leave you feeling powerless to improve your situation and takes away your hope.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

You're at the age where you want to spread your wings, and this is the only way you know how to.

We have all been there. Trust me.

You'll leave home soon, go to college, and experience independence for the first time.

At some point, you will miss being 16. Also, trust me on this.

Problem is, my parents, especially my dad, doesn't want me to go AWAY to college. He wants me to commute. Which is fine in hindsight because my choice of university is actually relatively close by. But I want to swim in college, maybe get a scholarship or grant if possible. Waking up at 3 or 4 AM to get to a 6:00 practice would really suck which j do t want to do. But my dad doesn't seem to want me to actually spread my wings and fly.

That is a hell of a lot of swimming. Wondering if your body is simply breaking down from the constant hours in the pool and lack of needed rest and/or enough calories.

Do you really like swimming, or are you just doing it because you've been doing it for so long, that's all you know?

The way swimmers deal train is dependent on what the end goal is and how long it takes to get there. But the general consensus is it starts off hard to get you back in shape if you aren't already, then get even harder by breaking your body down and [during winter break] blasting it. The really good teams change up the practices based on your best events, almost like circuits (if someone is good at the 200 yard breaststroke, then they would train differently from someone who is good at the 50 or 100 yard freestyle), although oftentimes the entire team does practices together of it's sole purpose is to condition. Then we have taper. In high school, two weeks before your biggest meet, you start to ease up on the practices, do less yardage, have easier times, and other things. Practices range from 5k - 8k yards a day, depending on the training style. On taper, we taper off to about 600 yards on the last day. Then we have the big meet the day after and are in tip top shape. Most of the season sucks haha but the end meets are unforgettable. You get so much faster and stronger than you ever really thought possible, almost as of we took a hard stimulant.
The thing is, swimming is my best sport, I used to do soccer and hockey, still play soccer w/ friends given the chance, and I can skate really good too, but I quit doing those competitively because I want to focus solely on swimming.

 

[Dhoulmagus]

Lol, I'm a senior in college and think about the good old high school days back in the day. My dad was away on the week days and I had to deal with just my ocd stepmom all week lol. You should try having to pay your bills in college because that is so much fun. Unless you are on the path to be some sponsored olympic swimmer than swimming is a hobby not a major concern. I'm not saying you should ditch it, but it should no way in hell be your top priority unless you get a scholarship to a decent college to your state. DO NOT GO to Haynes state college over the University of Nebraska because they offered you a swimming scholarship. Also, college is only good for kids that have their parents pay for every cent of their expenses. If this does not apply to you than it will suck after Freshman year and only be worse since you commute from home. What are your college choices anyway lol?

 

[Tictac]

You said that you want to be an orthopedic surgeon. If you think you're working too hard now (you aren't) you haven't the first clue.

To get into college, much less medical school, you'll need stellar grades (in those courses you gripe about being un-necessary). In college/university, you will need a 4.0 in a bioscience field. Then you'll apply to med school which you will work your ass off and sweat the results of. IF you get in, you'll get to the tough part of your education. If you survive that three years, you will (after you work your ass of to get it) do a minimum 3-year residency (more like 5 for surgery) during which 100-hour weeks will be the norm.

After you get out of high school (which you find exhausting 'to the breaking point'), you will spend 10 years and several hundred thousand dollars to be that surgeon.

Meanwhile, right now, you let mommy and daddy handle everything in your life except school and swim practice. What you can do and what you actually do are two different things. It's nice that you can boil and egg and maybe run a washing machine. But I'm betting you rarely do either.

You want something? Figure out what it takes to get it and pay the price. That's what men do.

Drama queens don't make it to the OR.

 

[logicallefty]

I am surprised the Admins have not moved this one to the high school forum. cough cough

I see no need to do that. I think we "older folk" are better able to advise the OP than the HS forum would be.

 

[Konada]

Seems like you want to do too many things at one time, you'll have to sacrifice giving up something if it isn't making you progress in the direction you want to be. For starters, let's rank your activities in priority:

1. School (since you want to be a surgeon you just have to suck it up)

-Swimming
-Working out
-A job

I would say swimming is taking WAY too much up of your time for you to be effective. Honestly, are you swimming because you like it or just because you are good at it? Take a step back, re-evaluate why you are swimming. If you are doing it for the sake of being good, see how can you put that time you invest into swimming to better use. Because honestly, unless you are going to be a full time olympic swimmer/scholarship, there's no reason to put in so much effort.

Its a tough decision to make because I myself was in that position a few months ago. I was decent at fencing but no where near olympic level despite it being my best sport. I had invested way too much time into it for anything substantial and it hurt me alot in my grades and general progression in my life. Bottomline is, are the things you are doing leading to your intended results? Otherwise what are the things that you need to put down in order to free up yourself to pursue your dreams?

 

[dustmuffin]

Seems like you want to do too many things at one time, you'll have to sacrifice giving up something if it isn't making you progress in the direction you want to be. For starters, let's rank your activities in priority:

1. School (since you want to be a surgeon you just have to suck it up)

-Swimming
-Working out
-A job

I would say swimming is taking WAY too much up of your time for you to be effective. Honestly, are you swimming because you like it or just because you are good at it? Take a step back, re-evaluate why you are swimming. If you are doing it for the sake of being good, see how can you put that time you invest into swimming to better use. Because honestly, unless you are going to be a full time olympic swimmer/scholarship, there's no reason to put in so much effort.

Its a tough decision to make because I myself was in that position a few months ago. I was decent at fencing but no where near olympic level despite it being my best sport. I had invested way too much time into it for anything substantial and it hurt me alot in my grades and general progression in my life. Bottomline is, are the things you are doing leading to your intended results? Otherwise what are the things that you need to put down in order to free up yourself to pursue your dreams?

Fencing rocks, fenced epee competivly for years.

 

[Yewki]

I'd much rather work a boring factory job, earn a living and feel like my time was worth it than have to do something I have no desire to do.

After a year of your "boring factory job" going no where in life you would trade your left nut to be back where you are now. But by all means, find out the hard way.