I'm bored with my girlfriend

[Pathgen]

You know what you need to do. Either break up with her or cheat and never let her know. However, if you are bored now cheating and never letting her know is just a distraction. It's not like after you go out and cheat, Your relationship is going to improve, so i would just break up with her. It sounds like a doomed relationship. However, thats just an outsiders perspective.

Besides if you were to break up with her and her IL is high. Then she will probably be back. In a couple of months you might get a text or call from her "seeing how your doing".

The most important thing to remember is to stick to your guns. If you say your breaking up with her, do it. If your going to cheat on her commit yourself to the idea, otherwise it could all blow up in your face.

 

[Razor Sharp]

It is highly unnatural for a male to settle with the first female he chooses. This is an artificial construct of a society that worships romance and unrealistic expectations

Make no mistake, you were engineered to bone as many ladies as humanly possible. It's deeply etched in your genetic material and though the civilized side of you may try to fight it, you will always be what you are.

Right now your blood is coursing with libido-fueling testosterone. You may be getting your sexual needs met from this girl, but trust me it will never be enough. You need to really TASTE life and spread yourself around a bit before you can truly commit to one person. You owe that much to yourself (especially being a late bloomer)

If you stayed with her for the long haul, you'd be 100% justified in asking yourself. "what if I had spent most of my virile years getting a nice variety of ass, instead of playing Romeo for a girl who is admittedly sub-par?" You already know deep down that you could do better, your game was just starting to flourish and then *BAM*, you got domesticated.

I'm not saying that these types of LTRs can't work - just that they tend to pan out better with people who have already scratched that necessary itch in their life.

Case in point:

I have two friends who are married. One guy used to be a wild party-dude who slept with more women than he could count. The other dude played his life by the book. Studied hard, decent job, lost his virginity to his wife,

Guess which one is cheating and going through a messy divorce right now?

Yep, the one who regrets misspending the glory of his prime years, and is now playing catchup at the wrong time of his life where he has kids and way fewer options than he used to have. That's just poor planning with no vision, IMHO

The other dude is true-blue and faithful to his wife. Why? Because he already played the field and picked the best candidate. He sampled a sizeable chunk of the dating pool and can now rest easy knowing that he gave it his all and took home first prize.

It all comes down to this:

Once you reach a certain point with a woman you have 3 choices.

A. Take things to the next level and get "serious"
B. Break it off before it got too deep
C. Cheat

C is for Chumps. Straight up. Sneaking around and making up stories is not only a lot of unnecessary work - it smacks of cowardice and immaturity. Only children want to have their cake and eat it too. Adults know better - there is always a sacrifice for every choice you make.

It really sounds like you want/need to do B, but you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. All I can say to that is a broken heart is a small price to pay for you living life on YOUR terms, not hers, or society's, or your parents.

Remember this is YOU sitting in the driver's seat of your life. Don't let other people's feelings disconnect you from who you are, and what you need to be happy.

We can all give you the best advice in the world but it will mean nothing if you do not clearly have an understanding of what YOU want, and act on that.

 

[Cyberspacerocker]

A little background info:

I had HORRIBLE social anxiety and depression, etc. up to a couple of years ago. No experience with girls, etc. I'm like a totally different person now (I've had several instances where people I haven't seen in a few years literally haven't recognized me) and about a year ago met a great girl on a dating site.

She's my first real girlfriend and the best looking girl I've been with so far (not great looking but attractive) things have been great and I love her and all that, but I'm getting bored with her. I've been becoming aware of this more and more especially the last couple of months. When we first started dating, if we hadn't seen each other in a few days it was really exciting and we had great sex and everything. We were in separate parts of the country over the summer and she came to visit me and I remember picking her up at the airport and not really feeling that excited to see her. Summer just ended and I just got back in town and again wasn't really excited to see her even though I hadn't seen her in over a month.

I'm also getting a bit bored with the sex, to the point where I've started to avoid having sex with her a little. Today she IMd me saying she was horny, and before I would have told her to come over, but instead I made up some excuses about being too busy with stuff. I don't really feel that nervous/exciting feeling during sex with her anymore, I feel like it's always the same thing and I'm just bored with it.

It's not that I'm bored with sex in general because I still get excited when I think about having sex with other girls, and I feel bad about this but even now when we have sex I fantasize about being with someone else. I've also noticed that lately it's been taking a really long time for me to orgasm because I'm just not that excited while we're ****ing.

My last year of college just started, I feel more confident and happy with myself than ever, I have great roommates and a small circle of friends now. I really want to make this a good year and have a lot of fun since I missed out on so much in my life, and everywhere I look I see all these beautiful girls and feel incredibly attracted to them, and feel like I've "leveled up" to a point where I'm actually in a position to meet some very attractive girls instead of relying on the internet to meet average girls like I've been doing up to this point.

On the other hand, my girlfriend's interest level is still very high, she always initiates contact and everything. I do love her, and I like cuddling with her and all that ****, I just don't feel those feelings of lust and excitement anymore. I also know that breaking up with her would really devastate her, plus she just started her program in college with harder classes and everything and I feel like breaking up with her now would make her lose focus there.

Right now I guess I only have 3 options; stay with her, stay with her and cheat on her with other girls, or break up with her. I just don't know what to do. Anyone been in a similar situation?

Make sure that you really aren't interested in her before you do it, maybe you will miss her? It may hurt you too. Give yourself some space and clean your mind and get a clear perspective over your situation.

 

[Kerpal]

I waited a little while just to see how I felt... still pretty much feel the same way. Just bored with the whole thing. I think she's noticed how I'm feeling lately too, a few nights ago she came over and I asked if she wanted to go do something and she said she was too tired and just wanted to hang out. Then she started asking if I was upset that she didn't want to do anything. So I guess she could tell that I was kind of exasperated. We had sex that night, and I couldn't stay hard because I just wasn't that excited sexually. She got really concerned and was asking me what was wrong and everything. I just told her I was really tired.

Yesterday I was sick and had a fever, etc., she came over and brought me medicine and blankets and stuff. She cares about me a lot, I haven't had many people in my life who really cared about me so I'm feeling pretty ****ty about the whole thing right now, almost like I'm betraying her by feeling this way. It's not that I don't care about her, but I'm just craving more excitement and that nervous/excited feeling you get when you first start dating someone, and every time I leave my apartment I see all these beautiful girls everywhere and feel these incredible feelings of lust.

Never been in this situation before, I'm not really sure how to go about ending things with a minimum of suffering to her. I know it would hit her very hard. I almost feel that I should drag it out a while and do things to make her upset so it won't hurt her as much when I end things and it's not like I'm blindsiding her with this since I haven't really made it clear to her very much how I'm feeling.

 

[Bible_Belt]

We agreed to be exclusive about a month after we met, we've been dating for almost a year, her interest level is still very high.

fwiw, if it makes you feel less guilty, if it were not for you then her interest level would be just as high in some other guy. She is at a point in life where she wants to settle down, and she will be a great woman for a guy who wants the same thing. But right now that's not you. All you have to do is tell her this and it will end the suffering for both of you.

If you keep in touch with her over facebook after the breakup, you will notice that she gets engaged in about a year and married within about a year after that. You will be a little sad, but nothing as miserable as what you feel right now.

 

[ThePlayer]

You are young, believe me moving on will be the best thing for your growth. Your story is just like mine and I'm way happier now.

 

[Kerpal]

fwiw, if it makes you feel less guilty, if it were not for you then her interest level would be just as high in some other guy. She is at a point in life where she wants to settle down, and she will be a great woman for a guy who wants the same thing. But right now that's not you. All you have to do is tell her this and it will end the suffering for both of you.

If you keep in touch with her over facebook after the breakup, you will notice that she gets engaged in about a year and married within about a year after that. You will be a little sad, but nothing as miserable as what you feel right now.

I don't know if this is true. She's only 21 and has told me she doesn't plan on getting married/having kids anytime soon. But over summer she called me and was crying because she said she started thinking about me graduating and leaving town before her (I'm a year ahead of her in school). And she has dropped hints about living together after we've both graduated.

Any suggestions on the best way to let her down as easily as possible? I've never been in this situation before. This is my first girlfriend. I'm confused on the whole thing.

 

[ENIGMA16]

Never been in this situation before, I'm not really sure how to go about ending things with a minimum of suffering to her. I know it would hit her very hard. I almost feel that I should drag it out a while and do things to make her upset so it won't hurt her as much when I end things and it's not like I'm blindsiding her with this since I haven't really made it clear to her very much how I'm feeling.

This is bullsh!t Kerpal and you know it. I've been in the exact same situation and I did exactly this and felt terrible about it. Think about it:

1. You hit her with the brick wall. Just tell her that you're not feeling it anymore, you don't have feelings anymore for her whatsoever and you're not interested in continuing the relationship.

This will seal in her mind, without a doubt, that there is no more for her here. She will grieve the loss, sure, but she will be able to move on.

2. You drag it out, make her angry,etc... Not only are you wasting both of your time by dragging this out, you're causing a lot of anger and pain along the way. In the end she'll still experience the same loss of the relationship, just because of how close you two are, but in this scenario you're packing on both the excess anger as well as the idea that it might not be over, which therefore gives her false hopes and prevents her from fully moving on.

You just want the second way out because it seems easier on you. Don't deny it, either; I've been in your shoes, and I've tried to justify it as you are, but we both know that that's just rationalizing bullsh!t. But what you don't know, and I'm speaking from experience here, is that the second way is actually much more stressful and difficult on both of you than the first way.

It's just that the first way takes standing up for yourself, respecting yourself and her, and facing the music directly that makes it seem difficult.

Do both of yourselves a favor and just end it straight up if that's what you're planning on doing; if you drag it out you're just going to cause a lot of excess stress/pain for both of you as well as wasting both of your time. Plus, the sooner you end it the sooner you can hit up all these single girls

In short, grab your balls to remind yourself that you're a man, stop being a pvssy and just do it!!!

How many times have you heard that on this forum?

 

[DJDanny]

It is highly unnatural for a male to settle with the first female he chooses. This is an artificial construct of a society that worships romance and unrealistic expectations

Make no mistake, you were engineered to bone as many ladies as humanly possible. It's deeply etched in your genetic material and though the civilized side of you may try to fight it, you will always be what you are.

Right now your blood is coursing with libido-fueling testosterone. You may be getting your sexual needs met from this girl, but trust me it will never be enough. You need to really TASTE life and spread yourself around a bit before you can truly commit to one person. You owe that much to yourself (especially being a late bloomer)

If you stayed with her for the long haul, you'd be 100% justified in asking yourself. "what if I had spent most of my virile years getting a nice variety of ass, instead of playing Romeo for a girl who is admittedly sub-par?" You already know deep down that you could do better, your game was just starting to flourish and then *BAM*, you got domesticated.

I'm not saying that these types of LTRs can't work - just that they tend to pan out better with people who have already scratched that necessary itch in their life.

Case in point:

I have two friends who are married. One guy used to be a wild party-dude who slept with more women than he could count. The other dude played his life by the book. Studied hard, decent job, lost his virginity to his wife,

Guess which one is cheating and going through a messy divorce right now?

Yep, the one who regrets misspending the glory of his prime years, and is now playing catchup at the wrong time of his life where he has kids and way fewer options than he used to have. That's just poor planning with no vision, IMHO

The other dude is true-blue and faithful to his wife. Why? Because he already played the field and picked the best candidate. He sampled a sizeable chunk of the dating pool and can now rest easy knowing that he gave it his all and took home first prize.

It all comes down to this:

Once you reach a certain point with a woman you have 3 choices.

A. Take things to the next level and get "serious"
B. Break it off before it got too deep
C. Cheat

C is for Chumps. Straight up. Sneaking around and making up stories is not only a lot of unnecessary work - it smacks of cowardice and immaturity. Only children want to have their cake and eat it too. Adults know better - there is always a sacrifice for every choice you make.

It really sounds like you want/need to do B, but you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. All I can say to that is a broken heart is a small price to pay for you living life on YOUR terms, not hers, or society's, or your parents.

Remember this is YOU sitting in the driver's seat of your life. Don't let other people's feelings disconnect you from who you are, and what you need to be happy.

We can all give you the best advice in the world but it will mean nothing if you do not clearly have an understanding of what YOU want, and act on that.

I was pretty much faced with the same problem as OP when I was 23 a few years ago. I chose option A, I was never really that interested but we ended up getting married,her decision of course, the divorce a year later was also her decision because she was tired of our dysfunctional relationship.

I basically became a homebody and played video games all day to avoid her.

Pull the trigger and let her go dude, learn from my mistakes.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Any suggestions on the best way to let her down as easily as possible? I've never been in this situation before. This is my first girlfriend. I'm confused on the whole thing.

Just tell her what you've told us - that you don't feel that you are at a point in your life right now where you can commit to a serious relationship. Tell her that you can't stand to hurt her, but also care about her enough to not lie to her.

She will cry a lot, but will still love you forever. She'll also go on with her life and have a new guy in about a month.

 

[search1ng]

double standard and it's evil and you reap what you sow but...

cheat.


Just don't get caught and don't make it out to be as if you're proud of it or anything.

 

[AAAgent]

you're just tired and want something new.

What I mean is get rid of her and find a new one. There a difference being tired of banging the same chick and just tired of a chick. I've been tired of banging the same chick but after a lapse of time like a few days/weeks we're good to go. You don't even really care for seeing this girl anymore from what it sounds like. What does that tell you? Sure you may have lingering feelings for her as a friend/person you've been connected to but that's probably all.

Branch swing if you want but that's not the best way to learn nor a great position/mentality to put yourself in. I want what I want and if i don't want it, I don't take it.

Branch swinging i see it as a weakness of not being able to be alone which most girls have problems with.

 

[Kerpal]

I guess part of the problem is that I have literally no prospects right now... that makes it a lot tougher to go through with it. I literally don't know any other girls except her and don't really have any way to meet new ones at the moment... My classes are almost all guys with a sprinkling of fat chicks, no girls make eye contact with me on campus, no girls at the gym, I go out to bars/clubs and all the girls just hang out in their little exclusive groups. That's why I've been relying on the internet, but haven't been very successful as it's almost all low quality girls (ie fat chicks).

I feel like I could be very successful with women if I actually had a chance to MEET some

 

[Tesl]

Great post by Razer Sharp, he said everything that needs to be said. Playing the field is an important thing to do, because then when you do decide you have found the right one and want to settle down, you know you made the best choice. Guys that stay with the first girl they sleep with tend to end up in unhappy dysfunctional marriages later on.

So yes, my advice would be to get it over with and split up. It will hurt both of you a lot, but you will both get over it. These things happen.

I wanted to quote the below again, because the mentality of SS really disappoints me sometimes. Cheating is for chumps, a real man would always just split up and then go after someone new. The hypocrisy on this board borders on the unbelievable.

I don't find the monkey-like behavior outrageous (and I'd probably do the same), but the hypocrisy of some is to be pointed out.

Remember this for the next thread when a guy gets dumped for another one!