i'm becoming an AFC loser over an ex

[mongoose]

Long story short. GF broke up with me recently (we've been dating a year). She put up with alot of stuff from me (anger, jealousy, drinking, etc) and she has finally had enough (she's not perfect either).

I've seen her twice this week. She let me have sex with her a few days ago, but not yesterday. I wanted to visit her tonight (she doesn't call, I'm always calling her). She told me she is busy until next week. I can't let her go (physically or mentally). She looks great (tall dark skinned and skinny with a nice body). Sex was outrageous (i spelled that wrong).

I'm now in my mid 30's and just don't want the time to date and all that. It's killing me that she might start seeing someone else. I'm in depression now too. I don't have to much motivation to do anything except drink.

She won't go anywhere with me?

She says that my actions prove that I don't love her, which I do. I don't know man. She claims that she does not like me anymore and not really sure if she loves me! That's fvcked up.

I've read similar posts and not calling is easier said than done.

To be honest, I think I just can't find another woman up to that type of caliber. I'm really down on myself.

 

[mongoose]

One more thing.

We've broken up several times in the last 6 months, but have gotten back together. Either I've contacted her or she contacted me (me contacting more). She says she started having ill feelings toward me around April. I saw the signals, but she would let me come over (we went out often) and she would always tell me that she loves me, etc, etc.

So I kind of thought everyone thing is cool. She doesn't really seem to care. She can break up with me with no remorse. She also likes to point out all my short comings when we're in breakup mode (sometimes it would last 3 days to a week).

I fvcking devastated (is that spelled right).

I feel like a fvcking tool.

 

[Lost Savior]

To be honest, I think I just can't find another woman up to that type of caliber.

Well you have a problem there. You shouldn't be comparing other women to her.

 

[Starman]

dude this girl sounds like a byatch and very immature

she is trying to blame YOU for the entire breakup..she wants you to carry all the emotional baggage because she is too weak to carry any of her own..

she has gone into "angry" mode to force herself to hate you, not care about you, etc..because its the only way she can cope

not only that..she is selfish and sadistic..most women say "I care about you alot, but the love isnt there"..but she flat out told you she doesnt care about you nor love you? Thats COLD BLOODED

kick her to the curb where she belongs man..get Angry AT HER..for dumping this all on you and making YOU feel bad about yourself

go punch a heavy bag, pretend its her, and let out everything you have inside about her

then CUT her OFF..everytime you Miss her..go punch the heavy bag again..and try to meet more girls

trust me..everyone thinks some girl is some special unique gift from god..SHE ISNT, and you will realize this someday, and think "geez what the fvck was all the fuss about??"

 

[mongoose]

your right. she just called me and told me some more stuff about myself. she felt that was envious of her and her sh!t (which i wasnt). I was jealous about other guys though. I always find a way to ruin her good fortune (she got a new job). because i brought a problem that my daughter was having while we were talking about her new job. maybe it was bad timing.

 

[HavM]

i'm in a breakup myself right now also. we've dated her for 2 years, and i love her. it's been 2 weeks since she gave me the boot. told me that she didnt' care about me the same way anymore, and she wanted it to work out but it didnt', and she's unhappy with her life, and me. She looking for a new relationship. i've havent' really gotten any sleep, and haven't eaten during the past week. stay away from drinking, that doesn't help. All i can say it's going to take time...a week, a month, a few months.....i'm taking it day by day. read this forum during the weekdays, and head out to the clubs on the weekends. meet new people. that's what i've been doing, and so far it's helping. The emotional pain in my heart is still there everyday, but it comes off and on sometimes. At least that's better than staying in the "on" position all the time. good luck. stay away from her..she's bad news.

 

[mongoose]

yeah your right. i'm not gonna call anymore.

i'm not sure how old some of you guys are, but after awhile being single at a certain age isn't cool (or tell me otherwise). you should always have one in your camp. i don't have sh!t. that depresses me too.

i really don't want to go out to clubs. i will find another way to spend my time. i'll probably just go to movies.

i really did act like an ******* on occasions with her. it doesn't feel good to know you drove someone away. she did sh!t too, but nothing to the extent that i did. i been thinking about therapy, has anyone done that (for anger and jealousy issues).

another thing, i live alone too. that sh!t is lonely and depressing.

 

[Starman]

man I should start a national support group for people who break up..I would be filthy rich!

did you guys expect to marry these girls?? sure you did somethings wrong..but DO NOT FOCUS on what YOU did wrong..Focus on the stuff you hated about your ex and the stuff they did wrong

stop letting these chicks make you feel like you didnt live up to HER standards..they would have probably left you if you were nice or a jerk..

thats how life is ..relationships come and go..you will meet another girl..and probably break up 100 more times before you finally settle

its hard to see now..but this is a little spec in your LONG LIFE ahead of you

whenever I experience a breakup..I try to focus on other breakups in the past..the old "oneitus"'s if you will...and I dont even think of them anymore..or could care what they are up to..this too will be your same thoughts in the future with said girl

 

[Player_Supreme]

The pain fades over time. Go out and have fun. Date lots of new women. I did it at 41, several years ago. Shyt happens we end up single for what ever reasons.

I read watertigers snypsis on breaking up and got something out of it:

When she says "Goodbye"
It breaks my heart everytime I see one of you guys post a "How do I get her back?" thread. The saddest thing is you probably didn't even do anything wrong. Let me tell you something that might help you move on. She ain't coming back. She's already made up her mind and cut the ties. It's not fair, it's not pretty, but the truth rarely is. Here's a few items that may help explain things.

Women think about their relationship 90% of the time.
Especially since we are told from the cradle that men don't understand a damn thing about love & relationships. We wonder where the relationship is going, where it is, where it was and about every possible direction it can go. She thinks about you as a potential husband, father, lover and will you dump her if she gets cancer. She'll question you IL ever second you're with her, and more so when you're not.

Women NEVER forget...never, never, ever!
You said something as a joke, she SAID she's fine with it and that should be your first warning. In "Woman-speak" the word FINE is defines like this F-furious I-inside N-never E-ending. She will be dragging crap up from thirty years ago to throw in your face now. (Does this mean walk on egg shells to prevent upsetting her? Hell no! But when she says she's "fine" with something and you suspect otherwise CALL HER ON IT. Tell her (don't ask, TELL HER): "So you're REALLY all right with this. You aren't pissed at me, and you aren't going to drag this up later. Is that right?." If she says yes, then don't tolerate her dragging up that item. She agreed she was fine with it and would move on from it.

Women don't like to hurt your feelings.
Really! We really don't like hurting you. That's why the "I think we should break up" line always hits you from out of left field. You never saw it coming, because she never mentioned two weeks ago that she was thinking about it. She didn't want to hurt your feelings. This is especially true if she thinks it wasn't your fault for the break up. (ie...she met some one else, she's having personal problems) This is also why we go to Car Shows (BORING!) and Monster Truck Rallys (LOUD and BORING) then tell you how much fun we had with a big grin!

When she says it's over, IT'S OVER.
By the time she decides it's over, it's over. She has thought up 197 reasons that you two shouldn't be together any more. She has cut the ties and made herself ready to move on. The only thing left to do is tell you. The more you hang on, stay in touch, & try to "win" her back the more fuel you give to her reasoning. The best thing you can do is kiss her on the nose and say: "Well Babe, it was fun while it lasted. Good luck!" and walk away. This doesn't mean she just didn't rip you heart out of your chest and stomp it to a greasy spot on the carpet. It just means that nothing else you can say will help the situation. Not pleading, not screaming and not threats. Don't call, don't write, don't e-mail, don't hire a 25 piece band to play her favorite song in her front yard. Walk away and let it go.
WaterTiger

One good thing about you is that you admit your faults ie drinking and shyt. Next time you know how to do better. In my situation I felt the same way...she was high quality and would I be able to replace her at this stage of my life. her 25 me 41...after time I realized I didn't really love her the person but the thought of her if that makes sense. I loved having this hot model and make up artist who was years younger than I was more than the person.

Since then I've dated better and worse. I no longer judge by looks alone.

 

[NewMan]

Been there...

I've been there dude - 2 months into a break up of an LTR for 4.5 yrs.

I thought I would never replace her. She was so Fvcking hot. So sexy. The clothes she wore, the way she looked. She was perfect.

I didn't think I'd ever recover - and deep down inside to some extent I hope that we can get back together and work our sh#t out. It's not going to happen though and I've come to relaize that.

I also relaize there was sh#t I could have done a lot better - but there was even more sh#t she could have done better. This is not about me though.

Time is a healer. Realize that what you are doing through is that natural part of greaving - greaving over the loss of her.

Don't fight it though - go with it. It will come and go like waves - sometimes hitting harder than others. I still get it hitting me, but you've got to pull through it.

Listen cut off ties all together. Thats the only way your going to get through this in one piece with your self respect intact. When you feel like calling - call a buddy. Go out. Run. Hit the gym. But keep busy.

If you need to cry, cry.

Make yourself busy. Take up all your time. Visit family and friends.


I won't tell you it's easy - it's not. It's the hardest thing I've had to do. But it gets better.

Me, I've Banged 3 girls since - and it was hard. They were not a patch on my ex. I don't even know if I'll ever get a chick as hot.

But Player_supreme is right. I was in love with her beauty. In love with being with a girl that every guy in the room wanted to be with. Being with a girl that had so much energy - that was exiting. I was not in love with her as a person. But her body. Looks.

You may discover the same thing.

It's a journey brother - so buckle in and enjoy the ride.

 

[Starman]

Watertiger is 1/2 right

60% of my ex's..came crawling back..ONLY when I didnt want them back..so some of them do return, once they realize they have nothing better going in their lives, and how much better you were than she originally estimated.

Most younger girls are always looking for the BBD (bigger better deal)..so they will dip their hands in several pots and more often than not come running back

and dont read that Garbage about "Women dont want to hurt your feelings"

most women when angered, rejected or infuriated will tear your soul to shreds as revenge, they will say/do ANYTHING to make you feel miserable

The irony is this: Even when women are doing the dumping, they still feel a sense of rejection, anger, failure..and will blame it on YOU

ever think of where the word B1TCH comes from?? a Female DOG. Female dogs are one of the most vicious, hostile, ferocious animals..when you instigate them.

dont give me this "women are innocent little angels and wont hurt your feelings" crap

 

[WatchMeWalk]

Originally posted by Starman
dude this girl sounds like a byatch and very immature

she is trying to blame YOU for the entire breakup..she wants you to carry all the emotional baggage because she is too weak to carry any of her own..

That is typical of women to deny responsibility for failed relationships. It is totally up to the guy to live up to her "Mr. Right" ideals while she uses her "helpless victim" image to sanction her own nasty behavior.
My mother was the same way.

 

[ZeeOwl]

I sympathise with you man. These kinds of situations can turn the average guy into an emotional wreck. Here's a similar one which happened to me:
http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=35951
http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=36298
Both threads are about the same woman. Might provide some insight into what you're going through, and your ex's behavior. Btw, I was 35 then. Don't let her put all the blame on you, it takes two to tango, including failed relationships.

Oh boy do I agree with this:

Originally posted by Starman
and dont read that Garbage about "Women dont want to hurt your feelings"

most women when angered, rejected or infuriated will tear your soul to shreds as revenge, they will say/do ANYTHING to make you feel miserable

The irony is this: Even when women are doing the dumping, they still feel a sense of rejection, anger, failure..and will blame it on YOU

 

[mongoose]

you guys got some good advice. i didn't call yesterday, nor am i gonna call today. i'm gonna lift weights tonight.

i bought this mix tape by kanye west yesterday (rap producer) and it has this song on called 'just to get by'. that sh!t made me feel better.

hopefully if i can muster enough energy up i can start working this graphic novel submission next week. i gotta pencil and ink 5 pages of art.