I'm a Walking Contradiction (long)

[MikeYikes122]

Everything I do with girls completely flies in the face of all the advice you all give. Well maybe not. I guess I just need your opinion because somehow I am a nice guy, and I get tons of girls. Just hear me out, and tell me what you think about me. I either need to make some major changes, or you all should do a study on me or something.

I'm a nice guy, and I probably get more girls than most of the guys with a thousand plus posts on here. Me and two of my closest friends do this, and we get more girls than anyone in our group of friends. People describe us as "pimps" all the time. And when I say get girls, I mean more girlfriends than anything, but like maybe 2-3 hookups a month between us three. I don't really know how to explain us, so I will just give an example.

Today in one of my classes one of the two girls I usually sit by needed a worksheet, and I needed one too. I've been talking to this girl a lot everyday. I haven't really got her number yet, but I like her a little bit, and I can tell she likes me. I looked at her and said "Oh I will get one for you while I'm down there." Her eyes lit up and she thanked me. On the way out of class I made it a point to hold the door for her, and I got the same response from her. And what do I get out of these responses? These two talking about how sweet and cute I am whenever I'm not around. I don't know if this the best or even a good example; this is just the freshest example in my head, but is this what you guys consider AFC? Because this has gotten me girls since my senior year of high school.

This look where the girl's eyes light up - I see it all the time. I think this look means something, and I don't just see it from certain types of girls. I see it from all kinds. I even see it from bosses and teachers. I think this may be like a look of awe like "Holy sh!t you're hot and not an a$$hole", and immediately I'm their brand new boyfriend prospect. I had some girl who I just did something trivial for in one of my english classes. Like I smiled at her and held her door, and now she won't quit sitting next to me everyday and conveniently forgetting her book, so she can use mine with me. This all started for her after she gave me that look.

And I'm going to be bluntly honest in this post too. I don't have the best body in the world. I just have a six pack, and I can probably bench a little more than I weigh, but I'm not muscular in my arms at all or defined or big or anything. But I have been told that my face is flawless. When I was 17 and still insecuse as sh!t I posted my pic just once on HotOrNot.com (and I know this doesn't mean sh!t), but I got a 9.5. I was being rated by people probably way older than me, and I have grown a lot, matured a lot since then, and I dress and keep care of myself real well now, so I know I've improved in the face department. We're all like this: we all have perfect faces.

Don't get the impression that me or any of my friends are pushovers either. We fight and engage in conflict when we need to. We all are also extremely polite, and we smile at girls when we talk to them. We do lots of sh!t like this, and to be honest with you I thought this was what you all called "DJing" for a real long time until I read a lot on this site and discovered this is really more AFC. I'm really the only one out of us who can make the girls laugh, so I guess I attract them with this, but my other two friends aren't really funny at all. They just basically act like me, but they're not really all that funny.

Ok this is going to sound extremely stupid, but if you've ever watched Real World my friends and I act a lot like Ace does. Girls say the same stuff about me and my friends as they seem to say about Ace.

Another interesting thing I want to bring up is I've never had a problem with the friends zone. It's like it doesn't exist for me. I think just about any girl I talk to could become my girlfriend easily.

I'm just trying to help you guys understand my demeanor a little better.

You all want to give me some thoughts on this? Sometimes it sounds like everything I do flies in the face of this website. That's the main reason for my cynical posts.

Sorry this is extremely long, but I'm not posting this because I'm in fear of being an AFC. I know I'm not an AFC. I just kind of want to know what the deal is. I also think there may be more of us. I looked around past posts, and there are some that pertain to this subject, but not so personally or in depth.

A Pook response would be great here because I think I violate his cardinal no niceguy rule.

 

[Cheiradawg]

If it ain't broke don't fix it.

 

[MikeYikes122]

Yeah I'm not trying to fix anything. I don't know what the hell I'm trying to do. I guess I just want to hear what you all think about this. Like will I run into problems indefinitely?

 

[Cheiradawg]

You are thinking way to much. What do you want to do?

 

[MikeYikes122]

I think this is the rare occassion where I need to think too much. Thinking too much is bad when you were worry about girl not calling you back. When you're trying to decide the way you're going to deal with girls the rest of your life then you should probably think until your head hurts.

And what do you mean what do I want to do?

My friends I named and I have discussed this. This isn't just me.

 

[Cheiradawg]

You want to know if some of your actions are AFC or DJ? You want to know weather you are acting correctly or if your game can be improved? You want a full proff be all end all way of evaluating your relationships with women for the rest of your life?

No matter what anyone says to any of these questions, it all boils down to wether you are happy with your reationships with women or not.

There is no problem here. You are worried about something that isn't tangable.

 

[Atratus]

Originally posted by MikeYikes122
Like I smiled at her and held her door, and now she won't quit sitting next to me everyday and conveniently forgetting her book, so she can use mine with me. This all started for her after she gave me that look.

Dude, you're doing fine, but you've got to realize you're treading a really thin line here. You're like a child too innocent to be punished yet, yet capable of causing great damage. Now i don't want to scare you or anything, 'cause for you and the child it's probably just a game. And that's fine.

But what happens with REAL afc's is that they start Supplicating; You say she conveniently forgets her book, so really she is going to school to meet you, not to learn. And i hope for you that you don't give a **** if she gets into trouble for it somehow, because if you cross to the otherside of the line, you'll soon be 'conveniently forgetting' to bring your books, from then on your lost. Why would you do such a thing? I DON'T KNOW!!! I just seen too many Real Afc's do stupid **** like that to themselves thinking it's funny or something. For example ME, before i got the 'recovering'-prefix ! As though we aren't having enough fun... or afc's.

I'll say that i can be exactly like you. It's quite disarming for a girl when i suddenly change from a detached zen person to some sort of a courting artist, just 'cause i'm passing through the same door as her. And it's quite fun for me

But if i were you, i'd treat them with that same detachment for all their shiny eyes. Read the zen article on the main page.
What you do to chicks, it's called 'common courtesy', and that's because it's the normal, functional thing to do. Though judging from your post and sosuave, what seems to be common courtesy on first glance might turn out to be something else (hence your doubts about your AFCness?). It can often turn out not to be so commonplace, or not to be courtesy but a pick-up in intention. People get worked up and start overanalyzing it, so let me state the bottom line common courtesy is NOT flirting in the same way that flirting IS NOT sex, ESPECIALLY when you haven't been flirting just before, or haven't had sex before.

You COULD call it flirting, but that's because you MIGHT want to get it on. Same goes for her. If your INTENTION is to bag her, then your completely spot on with your suspicions: you are on big fat AFC who 'flirts' forever. If you want to bag her, rid yourself of you AFC doubts and do it, instead of holding the goddamn door. What? Don't know how get her in the sack? Welcome to sosuave, fine fellow rafc.

So as you can see, plenty of chicks does not a DJ make. I boldly, as an (r)afc, claim and am willing to demonstrate in response to the right demand, that i can get all the chicks i want do what i want with them. That's right you heard me. But will it make me happy? No, and frankly i don't see why i wouldn't look for afc in me if i find myself surrounded by chicks, but with a feeling of NO-DJ running up and down my spine. Hearing you rant (or whatever) about it really makes me wonder about you and all the other, let us say, PIMP DJ's with tons of chick, wether you're more interested to proving to yourself you're a dj or finding the chick you like. Just like, courtesy=/=flirting=/=sex, then DJ=/=#chicks=/=#chicksbanged. It's all good you know, but don't confuse that **** for yourself.

RIGHT?! I hope so.
Good hunting brotha. See you around the chicks

 

[iqqi]

you sound soooosuave to me.

you should only worry about why you are doing it. if it is because that is just the way you are, and it yields only positive outcomes, what is the problem?

if you are doing it for someone else, for some reaction or specific outcome, then maybe there would be a deeper issue.

it is good to show different faces of reality to the guys on this board. some of them know this, but some really don't.

welcome, mikeyikes.

 

[drixsa]

mikey

the problem here is that many guys are used to getting stepped on and disrespected that they retreat and become the opposite.

you could argue very well that a neg-hit and buying a girl flowers on the first date are one in the same things. and are both AFC.

there is nothing wrong with being a gentelmen, opening up doors etc.

this is the way i was raised and think that people should gravitate more towards this.

the problem is that most people only see extremes.

some have trouble being, say polite, and doing what they want.

they see polite= nice guy, aka a tool and they see doing what you want=a jerk, a guy who gets layed.

instead the man would be polite and do what he wants and instead of worrying about doing what is "tool-like" or what is "jerk-like" he just does what he feels is the right thing to do.

i dont think that your advice is contractive what-so-ever to this sight.

its just people are so set in their ways that they could not imagine that others way can work just as well.

it looks to me that your pretty happy in the way you live and i dont see any reason to change that.

 

[salthepal]

hey ...

it's like i said in another post .. AFC is Another Frustrated Chump, with the emphasis on CHUMP, so whatever you're doing, if ur not being a CHUMP then ur cool ....

 

[MikeYikes122]

All great advice guys thanks a lot. I dont have time to write a response write now as I am about to go out, but I will write one later tonight if I'm not too messed up for it.

And Artatus I think I kind of understand what you're saying, and I do realize that being from the Netherlands makes your first language probably not english, so I need you to clarify something. It sounds like you think that I may have a problem with being able to flirt with them all and not hook up with them, and this really isn't the case. I'm pretty content there. I also think you're assuming I'm younger than I actually am. Just to clarify for you I am in my junior year of college. I would appreciate it if you just like outlined your main ideas for me though because I think what you are saying may be of some worth, but I can tell you're having a hard time articulating it.

 

[Deep Dish]

I'm a Walking Contradiction

For the longest of time, I had the phrase 'I walk in contradiction' in my profile, hence for a millisecond I thought it may have had something to do with me. And oddly enough...

In regards to your post, in which you describe yourself very similiar to myself, even about the friends and being called pimps (even when I'm not doing anything!); all I can say is that what you do is not so important as who you are.

A Pook response would be great here because I think I violate his cardinal no niceguy rule.

I'm not him but he has repeatedly said along the lines of he's 'nice as can be'. His 'Secret of the Jerk' explains why jerk get girls, that it has to do with high sexuality, not with being a jerk.

So, to recap, here we have three guys (You, myself, Pook), good-looking guys, who are nice, who aren't particularly 'doing' anything, who are getting chicks. Guys get too caught up in their actions, thinking that it's what they're doing which is doing them right or wrong, but you are you not from your actions but from who you are. Viola!

 

[duke007]

I think that looks will take you a long way. Also living in a European culture probably helps. From what I hear these girls are not so stuck up.

For the longest of time, I had the phrase 'I walk in contradiction' in my profile, hence for a millisecond I thought it may have had something to do with me.

It's a great older Green Day tune.

 

[KevM2]

There is no single style that automatically gets girls. The inexperienced will attempt to give you one single formula, as if it's the only formula. The end result is what matters.

Imagine the case of two millionaires: one a doctor and the other a lawyer. The lawyer walks up to the doctor and says,"You're not really a millionaire because you don't have a law degree and haven't gotten any big cases." Does the line of logic that the lawyer just used make ANY sense to you? Even though that story sounds absurd, you'll have a lot of people using the line of logic when it comes to seduction. The doctor isn't a lawyer; he's a doctor. So then, he doesn't need a law degree and big cases to get his milliions. He makes it by being a doctor. The point of the little analogy is that there are multiple ways to get things done. The lawyer and doctor have two totally different 'styles' so to say, but they both have a million dollars.

What makes someone an "AFC" is when women continually have their way with him and he keeps letting them. If you're being a nice guy and getting what you want from your relationships with females, then you probably aren't an AFC. If you're getting what you want from a female on your terms, where does the 'frustrated' part enter into the equation? Being '****y' and 'funny' is just a common and fairly easy way of getting laid, but by no means the only one.

 

[MikeYikes122]

Yeah Kev, those were my thoughts too. I think I may have confused some of you. It's not that I think I am an AFC; it's just that I do things that I guess are stereotypically "AFC.", and somehow they workout for me. I guess I was more just thinking out loud with that post. I wasn't asking if I was an AFC (even though it did kind of sound like that) - I was just more wondering if somehow these AFC tendencies will come back and bite me in the a$$ at some point in time. I guess I was asking you if I could really do the exact opposite of what this website preaches and get girls with it, but I think I have kind of answered my own questions in my own thoughts. Tell me what you think of them.

Basically, I think way too many people on here have extremely narrow definitions of AFC and DJ. I have heard other people criticize this popular notion on these messageboards, and I think I completely agree with them. It seems almost as if a lot of these newer people seem to think AFC is synonymous with niceguy, and DJ is synonymous with ****y and funny. (That is the best one or two word summation I could come up with.) And don't get me wrong guys - there are certaintly exceptions on here. Some people think outside of this frame of mind, and I think Kev's example is a perfect analogy for these two different types of DJ's.

There are plenty of different ways of becoming a DJ or a millionare as Kev puts it. So does that make it impossible for guys to give one another advice about girls which would completely destroy the purpose of this website? No, not at all.

You see, I think people who post on here (especially the "newbies") are just looking for a quick fix or solution with girls when in fact they need to look at the bigger picture and quit worrying about stupid sh!t like their posture and their braces. They just need to realize that the answer to everything is confidence, and the only way to get it is by putting their head in the game, grabbing their balls, and risk getting rejected or risk feeling awkward in a social situation with a girl. I once read that conquering your fears is the only way to eliminate insecurity, and I think that this is the only way for an AFC to become a DJ. In the quest to become a DJ an AFC has to fight all his fears and eliminate all insecurities to the point that he knows just inherently how to stand or how to deal with the fact that he has braces or on a much more serious level beginning an LTR or getting a girl in the sack. Once all insecurities are gone total confidence is reached, and the AFC becomes a DJ. So therefore, there are no right and wrong actions, and everything is relative. I feel like I'm having trouble articulating what I want to say, so I'm going to toss an example out there for you.

My best example is going to be myself because you all know a lot about me from my posts, so let's start with that. I remember the years that I like to refer to the Dark Ages of my life: roughly ages 14-18. (I'm now almost 20.) I had tons of friends, and everyone liked me because "I was a really nice and funny guy." People still describe me as that, but it is ironic because I am a completely different person. You see, when I was an AFC I always had a voice in me that would say, "Hey dude, hold her door." or "Dude she needs a worksheet, and you need one too, so go down there and grab one for the both of you. I bet she will love it." But everytime this voice spoke up another voice would try to talk over it. It would say, "But what if she thinks I'm trying to make a move on her?" or "What if someone sees me do this - everyone is gonna think I like her, and I may get teased." These were my insecurities talking to me. I eventually just realized I would have to deal with being teased or getting bad responses from girls. So essentially I think this post is almost my last insecurity talking to me. It's saying, "What if I'm jaded and this niceguy sh!t really isn't working out for me like it seems? Is it really possible that I can do the exact oppsite of what Sosuave.com says and get girls?" I think I'm going to have to answer this question by dealing with these hot girls who play games with me and don't call me back and do hot-cold sh!t with me. I noticed I am worrying about them less and less. I think I am almost a "DJ." While this transformation may be easier for some, no one is ever born a DJ.

So to sum it all up I think a DJ is just a person who has totally fulfilled himself and has become the person that he truely is. He has learned from trial and error what aspects of his personality need to be worked on to attract girls. He learns to take what peronality traits he has been given and find the ones which he can sell or appeal to girls.

The one thing that me and all my friends that I told you about have in common is that we all have real good relationships with our mom's, and they have molded us into the people we are. I still maintain a relatively poor relationship with my dad - he was barely ever around when I was a kid, and when he was he just spent most of his time telling me how worthless and stupid I was. I will show him how worthless I am one day when I'm writing for a major magazine, and he is still owning a business in nowheresville Michigan and living an unhappy life. But that is a totally different post for a totally different web site. As you all can see I didn't have a normal childhood, and this is one of the main reasons why my tactics are so different.

It's fvcked up how much a kid's environment affects him.

So I hope you all understand the point that I'm trying to make as I did get a little long winded here. To sum it all up everything is relative in this game. There is no such thing as a right or wrong move. If a niceguy like me makes a neg hit, obviously he will look like a punk because it's contradictory to his personality, and if a ****y and funny guy tries to act nice and surpresses his personality he is going to look unconfident and unworthy.

So fvck all this bullsh!t about your braces or your posture or anything else. Just go out there and conquer your insecurities, and you'll be fine.

 

[One on One]

I don't think you did anything AFC. You were nice...big ****ing deal. Lots of people on here read the forums and think, "oh okay, I gotta be mean to girls." That's bogus! You just don't supplicate to them...that's all. You live your life for your own goals, not for her. The fact that she comes to sit next to you every day is great...it's only a problem if you come and sit next to her every day. As long as she isn't sucking up to you and sticking her breasts out asking you to do her homework for you, I don't see the problem.