Basically I'm completely f** up, like the biggest loser that ever lived, even though this is anonymus I'm ashamed to write it, but I need to do somehting about it so here it goes.
I've always been a weird, never social person. Up until 4rd grade my classmates thought I was deaf since I never said anything.
Then it got a little better on juinor high, I was able to make two friends (more like acquantainces), but was always left out, I was a foot taller than everyone else and fat, nerdy, specky, etc. I don't have to say that my experience with women was inexistent here, and other people didn't take me seriously.
Now to high school, I went to a different school, I started talking a bit more, lost weight, pretended to be 'normal' and people started liking me and giving me some respect. But the problem is I'm unable to hold a conversation one-on-one for more than 40s, even with other guys. So my interactions have always been artificial, I never hung out with anyone. I just talked to them at school, and only about school stuff (i.e. boring)
This lack of social life gave me a lot of free time, so I started lifting weights and got pretty built (at least for hs), and I'm tall.
On my last year of high school(2011), I started cutting and getting ripped, my face changed completely, plus I got rid of my severe acne with accutne, and girls started noticing me a lot. I remember this one I was walking and two girls (6s-7s) were openly staring at me while gossiping at each other.
The problem was I didn't know what to do with them(f*cking pathetic...) seriously, it made terrified to start a conversation, I was probably going to talk about physics or the weather and ruin it in the first 30 seconds, I still have the experience of a 10yr old nerdy fat muted kid.
The last straw was when, in the last two months of class (summer), this extremely gorgeous blonde, like 9.95/10, hottest girl of school, was hitting on me, she kept eye****ing me and giving obvious body language signs, obviously wanted to get approached. I did nothing...
Then my classes were over(6 months ago), I didn't keep in contact with anyone (btw, I don't have any form of online interaction service, other than e-mail). I thought my life was bad then, but things escalated so fast.
I abandoned the gym, picked up two eating disorders, put on 40lbs, got addicted to pr0n(4h everyday), this guy I used to talk to threw himself off a bridge (serious), I stopped all my activities, just slept all day, my social anxiety went up the roof, and I felt very suicidal trying to cope with all the regret.
About 3 weeks ago I decided that I wanted to give another chance to my life, I'm only 17, I'm still young and I want a life. I disconected my bedroom pc, started doing my hobbies again, haven't thrown up in a month, and started exercising and on a healthier diet. I read some articles at succeedsocially.com, they seemed useful but I havent applied anything yet.
If anyone read this, and could maybe tell me where I could start on the social aspect part. I don't know if I should try to fix my social anxiety first, and invest in women afterwards, or do all at the same time? Where should I start?
ps: I'm posting in this section because I finished hs last year and I'm not in college yet, idk if there's another section for this.
ps2: I currently have one friend that I can talk to, we live on the same building, but he doesn't have much of a life either and he just came off some heavy depression medication, had to go to several psychiatrists, I don't think he can help me with this.
I've always been a weird, never social person. Up until 4rd grade my classmates thought I was deaf since I never said anything.
Then it got a little better on juinor high, I was able to make two friends (more like acquantainces), but was always left out, I was a foot taller than everyone else and fat, nerdy, specky, etc. I don't have to say that my experience with women was inexistent here, and other people didn't take me seriously.
Now to high school, I went to a different school, I started talking a bit more, lost weight, pretended to be 'normal' and people started liking me and giving me some respect. But the problem is I'm unable to hold a conversation one-on-one for more than 40s, even with other guys. So my interactions have always been artificial, I never hung out with anyone. I just talked to them at school, and only about school stuff (i.e. boring)
This lack of social life gave me a lot of free time, so I started lifting weights and got pretty built (at least for hs), and I'm tall.
On my last year of high school(2011), I started cutting and getting ripped, my face changed completely, plus I got rid of my severe acne with accutne, and girls started noticing me a lot. I remember this one I was walking and two girls (6s-7s) were openly staring at me while gossiping at each other.
The problem was I didn't know what to do with them(f*cking pathetic...) seriously, it made terrified to start a conversation, I was probably going to talk about physics or the weather and ruin it in the first 30 seconds, I still have the experience of a 10yr old nerdy fat muted kid.
The last straw was when, in the last two months of class (summer), this extremely gorgeous blonde, like 9.95/10, hottest girl of school, was hitting on me, she kept eye****ing me and giving obvious body language signs, obviously wanted to get approached. I did nothing...
Then my classes were over(6 months ago), I didn't keep in contact with anyone (btw, I don't have any form of online interaction service, other than e-mail). I thought my life was bad then, but things escalated so fast.
I abandoned the gym, picked up two eating disorders, put on 40lbs, got addicted to pr0n(4h everyday), this guy I used to talk to threw himself off a bridge (serious), I stopped all my activities, just slept all day, my social anxiety went up the roof, and I felt very suicidal trying to cope with all the regret.
About 3 weeks ago I decided that I wanted to give another chance to my life, I'm only 17, I'm still young and I want a life. I disconected my bedroom pc, started doing my hobbies again, haven't thrown up in a month, and started exercising and on a healthier diet. I read some articles at succeedsocially.com, they seemed useful but I havent applied anything yet.
If anyone read this, and could maybe tell me where I could start on the social aspect part. I don't know if I should try to fix my social anxiety first, and invest in women afterwards, or do all at the same time? Where should I start?
ps: I'm posting in this section because I finished hs last year and I'm not in college yet, idk if there's another section for this.
ps2: I currently have one friend that I can talk to, we live on the same building, but he doesn't have much of a life either and he just came off some heavy depression medication, had to go to several psychiatrists, I don't think he can help me with this.
