I'm a newbie =), here is my story, comments appreciated

[specv1331]

ok guys heres the deal i have known kalvin for like two years now and he has been nothing but miserable with this stupid girl. I mean the ***** hit him with a car that he was paying for shes crazy. Me and my friends have been trying so hard to get him to forget about this crazy chick but every time he gets drunk he ends up calling her and fighting with her. He needs to drop this chick and move on. He just wont though no matter how much we make fun of him and tease him he just wont leave her alone. So tell me this, what can i do to help this sorry sap.

 

[sux2bu]

es_mer8 -- I admire your deductive reasoning skills. Best advice thus far for this Jerry Springer episode waiting to happen. I couldn't imagine Hell being much worse for KALVIN, should he happen to write another chapter in this "love/hate" saga. What is the allure? What is your fixation that you can't break away from this girl? Is she THAT good in the bed? Please..

 

[KALVIN]

one of my good friends told me this really messed up analogy about this kind of relationship a while back, it sounds weird but really makes sense

lke when a crackhead takes his first hit of crack, it will never be the same as that one "first time", so he keeps chasing that time, trying to feel that way again, trying more and more etc.

same thing with a relationship, when u first meet a girl, it is great, you love it, it feels awsome, but after a while you find yourself remembering that time, and even though the relationship is fvcked you try to feel that way again.

i dont know that made sense to me

she's not that GREAT in bed, though i feel like i love her so it feels better with her. It is jerry springer, i am stupid. I dont know what my problem is. I know her family real well and they realy like me, we've been together for a long time, im used to it, i think i love her, and that is why i havent broken away. I did break away a couple of times for a couple of weeks, maybe month, but i end up back with her.

It makes a person wonder, if you're with someone for a long time, they know you as a person, why would they want to make you feel misareble, maybe im not that kind of person, but if i have other priorities other than being with a girl, i will move on and it will be known. I dont waste time playing games if i have no interest left.
that is just me

i think its time for someone to hit me in the head with a metal pole. so i realise im being an idiot and act on it.

Im working on reading a lot of stuff on this site, and trying to see how it can be used in my life. so we'll see what happens.

my response
-kalvin

 

[KALVIN]

Originally posted by es_mer8
ISU = Iowa State University or Illinois State University? I go to the former.

Illinois State

 

[KALVIN]

Originally posted by es_mer8
Another big red flag there. She tried to control you in your life. You submitted. I think from that point on, you were officially her b1tch. This was even more evident when she basically did not like you messing around with racing and all that. I often times do not get why both girls and guys try to forbid their others for doing their hobbies. I would never do that to a girl (unless her hobby was banging other men) and the minute a girl tries to do that with me is the minute her ass is dumped.

I think this case is a little different.
I think that at hat point in life she could not do a single thing without me, she felt like her whole world was over if we did not live together. It was almost like we were acting out a marriage when we werent.

She said that for a long time she was so attached to me she couldnt think/act on her own. That really annoyed me. Now she says she wont ever do that again, and is scared to get attached to me b/c i will hurt her.


I dont even know if this matters, this is more drama than Jerry springer, as mentioned above

 

[HollowHorizon]

OMG DUDE~~

COMEON MAN!!!!!!!! OBVIOUSLY THIS GIRL IS PLAYING HEAD GAMES WITH YOU AND YOUR PLAYING RIGHT ALONG.........SECOND OF ALL DO U WANNA LIVE WITH A DRAMA QUEEN.....SHE DUMPED U AND FVCKED A GUY NAMED JASON...AND YOU REGRET CALLING HER A SLUT...JUST BE FVCK FRIENDS...FVCK HER AND HER BULL**** IF I WHERE U I WOULD HAVE SHOT HER WITH RETRACTING BULLETS ALREADY...

 

[KALVIN]

too much emotional baggage to be fvck friends

tried it, played cool for a while, then got too attached, then boom something like this.

when im on top of my game (thanks sosuave) and i play my own role, she wont let go, she'll be around etc., she'll chase me, but then i get comfy again, and boom she's gone.

 

[HollowHorizon]

Originally posted by KALVIN



when im on top of my game (thanks sosuave) and i play my own role, she wont let go, she'll be around etc., she'll chase me, but then i get comfy again, and boom she's gone.

Listen dude, she is playing games once again...So what if she leaves make her think that it really dosen't bother you, When she wants to be around u...Make a point to be somplace without her..She will miss you more...Lay your foot down, if u let her play games and be a dumb B!TCH your giving her unessisary power and she will always win!

 

[DonCruez]

one of my good friends told me this really messed up analogy about this kind of relationship a while back, it sounds weird but really makes sense.

lke when a crackhead takes his first hit of crack, it will never be the same as that one "first time", so he keeps chasing that time, trying to feel that way again, trying more and more etc.

This makes sense indeed. And the only way a crackhead is able to stop his habbit is to go cold turkey... think about it.

 

[BreeInAtlanta]

There's too much damage to get things back to good here....best just to move on and learn from the experience. She can't get over having the abortion, the cheating and quite frankly, you probably can't either. These things will always be in the back of both of your minds and will never lead to a healthy future together. Just remember that you were in love once, and you will be in love again. When a healthy relationship finally does hit you, you may not know what to do with it....be careful. Love should be fun, not a chore.

 

[KALVIN]

yeah i guess you're right

i had a brief moment to speak with her today.
and id ont know if im plain stupid or what but i guess, she said that the guy who was very interested in her is back with his x-gf who he has a baby with. She tries to tell me that she just likes hanging out with his family... but for some reason doesnt want to bring me around.

not looking for compassion, just hoping to clear up this mess a lil

in anyways im going to the halloween bash tomorrow, gonna try out some of the new things i learned from the bible

 

[Borgia]

I personally am not a fan of early longterm relationships. Why? well, they normally cause a lot of heartacke. I was in a relationship spanning just under 3 yrs from 16-19. I know how you are feeling man, i went through pretty much the same thing but i tell you something. You have to let it go - cut all communications and everything. Thats the truth of the matter.

Once me and my ex did, it was very difficult. For a good 6 months, i had no desire to be with a girl. Nothing. After that - i started learning more about myself and the way i wanted to live my life and what i want then i could have imagined possible. I understand what you mean when you talk about the smell etc, i can still remember the same thing but i now remember it in a dissasociated way from my ex.

Thats what will happen to you. I mean for f*cks sake, you have been with this girl for all your adult life. You grew up and developed into a man while you were with her. Their are area's in your personality which you would have repressed in the process and being on your own will make u explore them. Take this oppurtunity, in my opinion - i don;t think u should get a gf straight away as i think you need time to figure out who you are single. Then when you get the girls - you won't be using them to fill up emotional holes.

Whatever you decide to do - i wish you the best

Borgia

 

[es_mer8]

I dont know what my problem is

Your problem is that you are pu$$y whipped by her. Nothing else. She has you by the balls and she knows this. Otherwise she would not be playing all these stupid little games. This is also why she is never going to give you the respect you once had nor are you going to have the same relationship you had in your HS dating years (the time when you said you're getting engaged)

So tell me this, what can i do to help this sorry sap.

There is nothing you can or anyone here can do. He has the resources (this site and the almighty DJ Bible) to break it off 100% with her and he chooses not to. The way I see it is that the only way this relationship can be broken off is if this girl dies, goes into witness protection, or disappears without him knowing.

why would they want to make you feel misareble, maybe im not that kind of person

Women can be cruel people sometimes. Just see a lot of the AFC stories we all have to say. She does not care about you. Thing is, you should not care about her. You two will never get back together. If you do get back together, its just more drama in your life and more wasted time. Do you realize how you wasted 3 or so years of your prime dating life? 3 years. She is not worth it anymore. Cut your losses.

I think that at hat point in life she could not do a single thing without me, she felt like her whole world was over if we did not live together. It was almost like we were acting out a marriage when we werent.

That was her problem. Surely she had the mental capabilities to make friends. She could have changed but didn't because she knew her personal b1tch would be right by her side to supplicate out the ass in case she felt lowly about herself that day. You were a tool to her when you submitted. This is the truth and notice how the relationship really slipped and fell after this point.

lke when a crackhead takes his first hit of crack, it will never be the same as that one "first time", so he keeps chasing that time, trying to feel that way again, trying more and more etc.

Yes and some crackheads realize he is in a world of failure and seeks rehab. The DJ Bible is your rehab. Wean yourself of her. Now. Cut off all contact. If she talks to you, keep it short and end it quickly. Or else you will be 40 years old, she will find someone else to marry and you will look back crying wondering what the hell you did with your life besides chasing a skirt around for more than half of your life.

in anyways im going to the halloween bash tomorrow, gonna try out some of the new things i learned from the bible

Good. I wish you luck. I can't go to any parties tomorrow as I have an art project that will take me all night Friday and probably Saturday. Just put that girl out of your mind completely or else you will fail with your new attempts.

she said that the guy who was very interested in her is back with his x-gf who he has a baby with. She tries to tell me that she just likes hanging out with his family... but for some reason doesnt want to bring me around.

********: I do not want you around this other guy or me for that matter for you will only drag me and my chances down. Plus I got to make myself more available to him so he can bang me all night long. Damn it, he has a child. With a little hope and perseverance, I can get him to stick his c0ck in me.

By mentioning other men, she is trying to also tell you that she has moved on...away from you.

-----------
I think you have two choices here:

1) Continue being her b1tch and thinking that this is some phase that will pass.
2) Cut your losses, cut her from your life, and pursue other women from now on. If you see her by coincedence, say hi and leave it at that.

Good luck.

 

[KALVIN]

any helpful insites of how not to think about her?

i basically ended it with her tonite, and i wasnt a gentleman about ti, which i regret. I was pretty mean. and i feel bad. but something had to happen and this way she will hesitate to contact me in the future. b/c that's the last thing i need.

thanks everyone

 

[Befuddled]

Originally posted by KALVIN
see what i dont understand is when we are together she acts like we are together, she is the nicest sweetest person. she wants to be with me, she'll call me and ask me to come over, and then there are days like this?

Im going to entertain myself at lunch(im at work) and stop by her work and see what lie or excuse she has.

probably shouldnt but its eating me up right now

what goes around comes around. you and her are doing exactly the same thing to each other.