I'm a little confused on how to ask this girl out

[ChalengeGuyFan]

She is a former teacher (laboratory assistant, actually).

We met on the street, we walked for a while, she seemed interested but I didn't ask for the number.

Today she was at the exam where I intended to do something to find out her number. Hesitation = masturbation, right?

I might meet her tomorrow but it's unlikely to get any flirting going since the "real" teacher will be there. (giving -bad- marks and all )
I'd like to send her an e-mail today to make my intentions known but I'm not really sure what I could write there.

Any suggestions?

The only things I know about her:
- she's studying for the PhD
- she's a laboratory assistant at many courses
- we live quite close to each other, in the same neighborhood

 

[Igetit!]

Alright,a couple of questions first...

How long have you known her?

Do you talk to her? And if so,how often and what about?

My hope is that you haven't already spent too much time around her/in her presense without generating attraction in her. Each time you talk with her without doing or saying something to make your interest known,the closer you get to the friendzone,and not only that,but the weirder and more ackward is becomes for you to ask her out.

Actually,the best thing to do if you don't plan on asking her out anytime soon would be to simply avoid her/stay out of her presense until you do.

Oh,and DON'T reveal your interest to her by e-mail. Don't do that.
She won't be impressed by you asking her out like that.

You have to be a man about it. If necessary,the next time you see her,pull her over to the side,and TELL her YOU WANT to see her.

I'd pull her to the side,and go,"Hey look,I didn't get a chance to tell you this other day,but look,I WANT to see you".

That's it.

Now of course,a lot of this depends on whatever it is you already have established with her. That's why I asked the few questions I did at the beginning of this reply. The way I told you I'd approach her and ask her out works better when it's the first time you've ever met and spoken to her.

Nevertheless,answer the questions I asked,and anything else you can come up with about the initial time you two met and any other times you've spoken to her,throw in any info about them as well.

 

[ChalengeGuyFan]

She's been my laboratory assistant this whole semester.

Aside the few witty jokes I pulled along the way, maybe two small conversations about her and school and some smiles+greetings, nothing else happened.

In the last month I saw her a couple of times in the university and I put up some (non-fake) wide smiles which she returned.
The relationship between the student and the teacher at this uni is very cold; there are hardly any salutations between the two of them when they meet on the halls.
I think I stood out and reduced that coldness.


The day before yesterday I was biking back home and I saw her at the same semaphore I was waiting at; again, a wide confident smile and a greeting, which she returned. Then I waved my hand so as to invite her near me; she came and we walked together for a bus station.
We talked about school and what she's planning to do after she finishes the PhD, but really brief. It wasn't a boring convo.

She was the one to apply the kino and she seemed pretty excited to be talking to me, which makes me think she's interested. Even if she's not, I want to try to date her.


I MIGHT meet her tomorrow when the teacher will give us the results of the exam, but there are slim chances that I will see her without the teacher on the sight. I won't try to ask for her number in that situation, since it'd make her really uncomfortable and closed.

So if tomorrow I don't get the number, the only possible interaction is through email. I intend to ask for her phone number in that email, not to ask her out on a date. I really hate instant messaging and email-ing so I try to avoid them at all costs.

Metting her in person another time would be purely by chance (or maybe she'll be an assistant next year as well <- which means nothing)


It's about the whole story. I don't think I can be more specific .

 

[Igetit!]

She's been my laboratory assistant this whole semester.

Hmm. I don't know about this. You say that this girl is your lab assistant which probably means you see her pretty regularly.
Also,this situation is very similiar to an on the job/co-worker situation,which as you already know,is severely looked down upon by the forum...and for good reason.

Aside the few witty jokes I pulled along the way, maybe two small conversations about her and school and some smiles+greetings, nothing else happened.

In the last month I saw her a couple of times in the university and I put up some (non-fake) wide smiles which she returned.
The relationship between the student and the teacher at this uni is very cold; there are hardly any salutations between the two of them when they meet on the halls.
I think I stood out and reduced that coldness.


The day before yesterday I was biking back home and I saw her at the same semaphore I was waiting at; again, a wide confident smile and a greeting, which she returned. Then I waved my hand so as to invite her near me; she came and we walked together for a bus station.
We talked about school and what she's planning to do after she finishes the PhD, but really brief. It wasn't a boring convo.

So on the few times you have spoken to her,it's all been basically just chit-chat,nothing about the two of you possibly hanging out and getting together.

That's not good.

The problem is that with each interaction you have with her,each non-romantic,non-sexual,each platonic interaction you have with her,she gets more used to you being non-romantic/nonsexual with her.

Then one day,when you do finally decide to ask her out,she's going to be completely SHOCKED and throwed off guard because the whole time she's known you,she's never seen anything remotely romantic or sexual about you. Therefore,just out of the blue,randomly showing her that side of you will make her feel uncomfortable. That's why I said the best thing to do right now if you're not ready to ask her out is simply to stay away from her COMPLETELY,stay OUT OF HER PRESENSE.

The more you walk with her,talk with her,the more you hangout chit-chatting with her about anything other than you two dating,then more you LESSEN any chance of you two ever dating.

She was the one to apply the kino and she seemed pretty excited to be talking to me, which makes me think she's interested. Even if she's not, I want to try to date her.

I've said this a thousand times: The ONLY IOI I care about is when I ask a woman out,and she says yes. Other than that,I care nothing about her flipping her hair,eye contact,her touching me,etc. That's just my person preferance. If you want to look at the things you said she's done to you as indicator of interest,that's fine...but you need to do something before the interest wanes.


All you can do is ask her out. If she says yes,then you have a date,it not,you don't. In my opinion,this is sort of a damage control situation.
It would be so,SO MUCH easier if this were a girl who you'd NEVER spoken to,or had any contact with.

You can ask her out however you see fit,but whatever you do,just be bold and confident. How you say is just as (if not more) important than what you say.

 

[ChalengeGuyFan]

I feel there's a sexual tension which is not just one sided.
If I won't try to call her on a date, I'll be left wondering "what if". No more of that

Regarding the "coworker relationship", it's hardly that kind of a situation that is looked down on the forum.

I agree when you say that the start was not one of the best, but, as I said before, I don't want to be left wondering.

I've said this a thousand times: The ONLY IOI I care about is when I ask a woman out,and she says yes. Other than that,I care nothing about her flipping her hair,eye contact,her touching me,etc. That's just my person preferance. If you want to look at the things you said she's done to you as indicator of interest,that's fine...but you need to do something before the interest wanes.

Exactly! I need the guidance here.

It would be so,SO MUCH easier if this were a girl who you'd NEVER spoken to,or had any contact with.

Whoa, tell me about it! This other girl...

---
I must approach new girls tomorrow. I'm already overanalyzing and we all know what that means.

 

[Igetit!]

I feel there's a sexual tension which is not just one sided.
If I won't try to call her on a date, I'll be left wondering "what if". No more of that

I agree when you say that the start was not one of the best, but, as I said before, I don't want to be left wondering.

Agreed. I wouldn't want to be left in a state of wondering either.

I don't understand what you mean by saying "You need help on how to ask her out". You just do it. You ask her out.

There's no specific phrase or set of words you say to a girl that's guarantee she'll go out with you. If there were,it'd have been discovered long,looong ago. However,there are a few things that'll improve your chances of her saying yes.

For one,your emotional state while you're talking to her is very,VERY IMPORTANT. VERY IMPORTANT.

Whatever emotion you're feeling and expressing while you're talking to her,she'll more than likely pick up on.

In other words,if you're nervous and frightened when you ask her out,then she'll feel these emotions too. You'll make her feel uncomfortable.
She won't be able to feel any attraction for you. Instead of feeling attraction,she'll be too busy trying not to hurt your feelings.

She'll be like,"Oh,he's so nervous. I don't want to hurt him."

You DON'T WANT her to be in this state,YOU DON'T WANT HER IN A POSITION OF TRYING TO AVOID HURTING YOUR FEELINGS. To avoid this,you'll need to come at her hard and direct.

Check out this last thread I made. I can't give you examples of how other members approach girls,only what I do and have been successful with.

Let me warn you: My "style" is direct,very direct. I NEVER end up in the friendzone,or end up in a state of wondering whether the girl likes me or not. I get the clear picture immediately by being BLUNTLY DIRECT with women. I've been as direct as saying...

me:Are you married?
her:No.
me:Boyfriend?
her:No.
me:Good,then we can go out.

Yeah,I actually said that to a girl...and we ended up dating for over a year.

I don't have the time and patience for all the "negs","DHVs","the no contacting her for a while",and all the other PUA/DJ tricks and tactics.

I simply want to know if the girl is interested or not...and I don't want it to take 2 or 3 weeks for me to find out.

The next time you see her,just tell her you're going to so and so place and YOU WANT her to come with you...but be bold and confident when you do it.

If she says yes,you'll know.
If she says no,you'll know.

Either way,you'll have the peace of mind of knowing,plus you'll move forward...either by taking her out on a date,or move on to someone who is interested in you and dating them.

 

[ChalengeGuyFan]

OK, let me recap what this thread is about:
I want to ask a girl out, but every time I meet her the situation is inappropriate to ask for the number. Why? Because the teacher (her "boss") is there and she might feel awkward to respond to my advances.

It's close to impossible to meet her in some other places.

The only means of communication is by email, but I don't know how to write a proper one. I don't want to knock her off her feet, I don't want to make and awesome impression.
I want to ask for the number in that email, then call her and set up things.
I just can't think about how to compose it.