I'm 23, will be 24 this summer, and I never had a girlfriend.

[iqqi]

That stuff sounds boring?

What kind of activities do women consider less boring?

I need advice on why women aren't showing interest in me and what I should do and where I should go to meet women. I want to give details about my life so responses are relevant to my personality and situation.

First, I'm a 23 year old black male that lives in a big city. I never attended college. I consider myself to be smart (I'm always reading and self-educating myself). I don't drink or do drugs. I don't go to bars or clubs. I haven't attended a party in years.

Second, I'm not ugly nor am I a stud. If the website hotornot.com matters, I uploaded a rather bland photo and my score averaged at 7.6. I'm 5'10'' and weigh 140lbs. ... I keep my appearance nice. My breath never stinks and I wash daily. I don't have long disgusting fingernails or dandruff flakes in my hair. I like to wear appealing, but affordable clothing. You will never see me in name brand or expensive designer clothing.

All that sounds bland and boring, even the way he is telling it.

The stuff you quoted after that, are deeper things a girl (or guy) will never get to see if they don't get past the boring surface.


right?

 

[MikeYikes122]

For the OP, you say you're goal is to get a girlfriend. I think that is a little misguided and your goals might change if you spend some time reading posts on here, but the best way to find a girlfriend, in my opinion, is to meet girls through your social circle. I know almost every girl I have ever been in a relationship with or exclusively dated, I have met through friends or through my social circle. It's just a lot easier to get to know someone if you can hang out with them first. Not to say you should be friends with a girl before you enter into a relationship with her, but it's beneficial to be acquainted first. It cuts out the middle man so to speak, and dates are a lot more productive in getting to know each other. There are no "games" or potential for flakey behavior. In some cases, dates might not even be necessary. I've had relationships come out of hook-ups before, where a I've gotten to know the girl through hanging out with her and her friends (my friends too), one thing led to another at a party or something and I ended up going home with her. It's pretty easy to develop a rapport with a girl when you are laying next to her in bed.

The girl I am currently dating (I guess you could say it's exclusive), we have known each other since a class we had together in college when I was a senior and she was a junior. We worked on group projects together and stuff and went out to parties a few times. So, when we met up earlier this year and went out on some dates, her IL was already high as hell and it didn't take long for us to catch on as boyfriend-girlfriend.

That said, I think it is best for you to develop a good social circle and not necessarily by calling up your old high school buddies. If you don't like them, then don't hang out with them. There is nothing worse than hanging out with people you don't like. You should try to make some new friends. Are there dudes your age who you work with? See what they are doing after work on a Friday and ask them if they're interested in going out and getting a drink or something. I think you should also join a gym and get into shape. I post this all the time on here, but a gym is a good place to make friends with other dudes because you're constantly running into the same guys there.

Though, I don't think you should make finding a girlfriend as your goal. In my experience, when you intentionally set out looking for a quality girlfriend, that's the last thing you end up finding. With your current mindset of having to be in an LTR in six months, you're setting yourself up for a bad situation. I have a good feeling you'll end up settling for a BPD and you'll be way worse off than you are now. You should instead make your six month goal something like bettering yourself and dating a couple different women. You've never had sex before, and that is something you could shoot for as well.

Truthfully, it sounds like you're biggest problem is just that you're shy and not very assertive. If a guy who is above average in looks and well-dressed puts himself out there in a confident manner, he is bound to get a response from plenty of girls.

 

[specialed]

I usually never post...however i've been in the same boat as you...kind of.

You are a bit skinny...but that shouldn't hold you back. I'm 6'1" and 160-165lbs...i consider myself above average looking. If being skinny makes you unconfident...wear extra layers or things that make you look bigger...but in a classier way. Ex: dont wear a shirt 5 times bigger then you.

What your problem seems to be is that you dont actually go outside or try to initiate anything.

Recently i've called up old friends i haven't seen in YEARS...and now i'm great friends with them and we go out every weekend, while still keeping ties with the ones i've been going out with already.

You can't go into every single conversation over analyzing what's going on. You should talk to a woman just to talk to her, you qualify her after talking if you want her number or not...not the other way around. Focus on what she is saying, up your conversation skills...which is much easier then what people think. It's something you really have to go out and do in order to get better at it. Are you at a restaurant?...hell even mc donalds...talk to the person taking your order and smile when ur doing it, act enthusiastic. Or if that is even too much for you...go to Home Depot (i work there...i'm a college student) the sales people there (if not really busy) should say "hi" to YOU first...and if you asked where something is (make something up) and ask him how he likes his job...if this is a side job, if he goes to school, whatever...they will talk back.

i dunno i could go on and on about conversation but i'll leave it at that. hope that helps!
Oh and most of my friends i have now i've met thru clubs or organizations...i dont hang out with any guys from my college or highschool except 1 and women. So not going to college shouldn't be an excuse...although i highly recommend it (live on campus if you can...meet so many people that way...and it falls into your lap)

 

[aldaris]

a black man with crohn's disease! crohn's disease is very rare among blacks, and fairly common among jews. so when you get the runs is it bloody? do you always have the runs? i hope to god that you drink lots of water. you don't want to get dehydrated. life sucks.

if you just want to bang i think you should find yourself a very large white women (they are normal in america these days). they seem to like black men, or maybe it is the other way around. now, i don't know how you find her "special" place. hard enough with a thin girl. i guess it is one of those, "toss her in some flour and find the wet spot" type of things.

whatever you do, don't be j-setting on us!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=QIbPuC2zroc&feature=related

 

[3countriesPlan]

the op sounds kinda like skywalker

 

[c0nfus3d1ne]

Thank you all for the real and helpful responses! :box:

I shot myself in the foot by not going to college or parties/clubs. I don't know about college at this time in my life but I can fix the party/club thing. Maybe when I start hanging out with people, this will change.

And you're right about not selling myself. I have been staying home or not making much effort to get out there and let women get to know me. This needs to change.

You sound kind of boring, OP.

Are you a bore?

I'm not boring in the activities I like to do, but my activities may be a bore to women. I need to have a conversation sparker. Every movie that I've watched, story I've read, or real life exchanges... the man always has a cool hobby or job.

For the OP, you say you're goal is to get a girlfriend.

I'm not looking to get married any time soon...but... a girl that I can call up, chill with, and everything else that goes along with not being single.

but the best way to find a girlfriend, in my opinion, is to meet girls through your social circle.

Exactly. I think things will be different once I get a social network going.

Are there dudes your age who you work with? See what they are doing after work on a Friday and ask them if they're interested in going out and getting a drink or something.

I'm kinda young in my field so most of the guys are in their 30's. Some are married, with kids. But there are some my age but not necessarily co-workers.

You should instead make your six month goal something like bettering yourself and dating a couple different women. You've never had sex before, and that is something you could shoot for as well.

I've had sex before so that's not an issue. I slept with the Puerto Rican chick. She initiated it the day before she moved to California. There were a few others and all of them was initiated by the girl. One chick had sex with me because I got her an A on the biology exam. Like I said, in HS... girls definitely showed interest in me but I was too damn shy to keep a relationship going. Or too stupid to know how.

a black man with crohn's disease! crohn's disease is very rare among blacks, and fairly common among jews. so when you get the runs is it bloody? do you always have the runs? i hope to god that you drink lots of water. you don't want to get dehydrated. life sucks.

I think my grandmother had some type of IBS and it fell on me. Had it since I was sixteen. I'm living with the symptoms and most of these medicines have terrible side effects. There's no cure.

 

[Shyyhs]

I understand the anxiety thing. I'm doing CBT to get over it.

What is CBT?

 

[TheRealSupreme]

Ok, you have let your illness effect your life so now maybe you should use it to your advantage.

I understand that women get this disease also. So basically what you have now is a simple marketing problem.

If women get it, then who are they and where are they. Is there a organization of people who suffer from this? If not can you start a social group?

I am sure within this group there are attractive women to date. I just wouldn't recommend having kids so that you don't pass it on.

Also I read that our race has a decreased incident of getting this disease but Jewish folks have a increased rate.

" People of Jewish heritage have an increased risk of developing Crohn’s disease, and African Americans are at decreased risk for developing Crohn’s disease."

Your story here makes me wonder how you developed it. And looking at the number of your post also makes me wonder.

Anyways, it would be easier to date someone that you have something incommon by marketing yourself to a female who suffers from this. I am sure they experience the same issues that you have.

So your goal is to find them or find a way to meet other people who have this.

Your smart so figure it out bruh.

 

[c0nfus3d1ne]

IBD also appears to affect certain ethnic groups more than others. For example, American Jews of European descent are four to five times more likely to develop IBD than the general population. IBD has long been thought of as a disease predominantly affecting whites; the prevalence rate (the number of people with a disease at a given time) among whites is 149 per 100,000. However, there has been a steady increase in reported cases of both Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis among African Americans. The prevalence rates among Hispanics and Asians are lower than those for whites and African Americans.

Taken from CCFA.org.

 

[Microphone Fiend]

Man fvck 99% of the advice in this thread.

GET IN THE FIELD.

Its obvious that you are somewhat attractive to girls and you know this. Hence the decent rating on Hot or Not as well as your history of girls THROWING it at you and you chickening out. You've skirted around the issue long enough. Going to the gym or waiting til you can buy some designer clothes is a waste of time. People telling you that you sound boring is a waste of time. You are self-educated and enjoy reading. You have a sense of humor and have various hobbies. Ignore people like Iqqi whose advice is usually just an attempt to up her post count.


Read MikeYikes's post, that is one of the few posts in this thread that are sensible and gets to the root of the issue. getting more social, that is your main problem. If you met girls and had them throwing it at you in HS, when you left high school, and decided to self educated yourself, how are you supposed to meet new girls? Get yourself back into the field. I'm black as well, and I can tell you that there are black girls who are like you (ie: smart and not caught up in what society deems as 'interesting' like going clubbing 3-4 times a week) and like you, they are hard to find. Do you ever see chicks in the activities you do (rock climbing, eating out, etc) If so you got people who are interested in similar things and have a starting point.

If you want to talk more, drop me a pm or something man, imo this thread is full of bullsh!t responses.

 

[whyme2008]

My situation is very similar to yours. 26 years old and haven't had a single girlfriend. Girls don't show interest in me.

Anyways this thread is about you.

Why do you think that you are single? Why do you think you aren't attracting women. What are you doing to put yourself in situations where women are around you?

i am just like that.i went to school for so many years and i never NEVER had a gf.

i never thought i was relationship material.i never believed i was the type of guy that women want.and i still do not believe that.

to some extent i do not want to "work" on myself to attract women,cuz the lifestyle that women enjoy do not appeal to me.

everyone has to be true to himself.if the ways of the external life dont appeal to me,then i dont need to change myself.

so it might probably mean i need to get a different TYPE of woman

 

[whyme2008]

For the OP, you say you're goal is to get a girlfriend. I think that is a little misguided and your goals might change if you spend some time reading posts on here, but the best way to find a girlfriend, in my opinion, is to meet girls through your social circle. I know almost every girl I have ever been in a relationship with or exclusively dated, I have met through friends or through my social circle. It's just a lot easier to get to know someone if you can hang out with them first. Not to say you should be friends with a girl before you enter into a relationship with her, but it's beneficial to be acquainted first. It cuts out the middle man so to speak, and dates are a lot more productive in getting to know each other. There are no "games" or potential for flakey behavior. In some cases, dates might not even be necessary. I've had relationships come out of hook-ups before, where a I've gotten to know the girl through hanging out with her and her friends (my friends too), one thing led to another at a party or something and I ended up going home with her. It's pretty easy to develop a rapport with a girl when you are laying next to her in bed.

The girl I am currently dating (I guess you could say it's exclusive), we have known each other since a class we had together in college when I was a senior and she was a junior. We worked on group projects together and stuff and went out to parties a few times. So, when we met up earlier this year and went out on some dates, her IL was already high as hell and it didn't take long for us to catch on as boyfriend-girlfriend.

That said, I think it is best for you to develop a good social circle and not necessarily by calling up your old high school buddies. If you don't like them, then don't hang out with them. There is nothing worse than hanging out with people you don't like. You should try to make some new friends. Are there dudes your age who you work with? See what they are doing after work on a Friday and ask them if they're interested in going out and getting a drink or something. I think you should also join a gym and get into shape. I post this all the time on here, but a gym is a good place to make friends with other dudes because you're constantly running into the same guys there.

Though, I don't think you should make finding a girlfriend as your goal. In my experience, when you intentionally set out looking for a quality girlfriend, that's the last thing you end up finding. With your current mindset of having to be in an LTR in six months, you're setting yourself up for a bad situation. I have a good feeling you'll end up settling for a BPD and you'll be way worse off than you are now. You should instead make your six month goal something like bettering yourself and dating a couple different women. You've never had sex before, and that is something you could shoot for as well.

Truthfully, it sounds like you're biggest problem is just that you're shy and not very assertive. If a guy who is above average in looks and well-dressed puts himself out there in a confident manner, he is bound to get a response from plenty of girls.

guys i do not understand the abbreviations like LTR and OP etc.i dont even have a social circle,so the possibility of finding people through a group is impossible for me.

like i said,the more i read here,is the more helpless i feel,cuz no one here is really seeing life through MY EYES.

 

[whyme2008]

You sound kind of boring, OP.

Are you a bore?

If that is not the case, then you need to put yourself in the line of opportunity. As one poster said, you won't meet new ppl sitting at home.

hey i dont think anyone is boring,i think that everyone enjoys different things.

for me,i am more of a book person and a tv person.but i am not a people person.

i look at people around me and i see nothing interesting.in fact THEY are the ones who look boring to me.

sometimes i want to believe that I am fine and the whole world is crazy,that i do not need to change anything about me,that its the world that has gone mad.

you guys talking about parties,guys its not safe to go to a party where i live,you are very likely to come out with a black eye.

you can buy the best clothes to wear,i dont think it matters.cuz no girl is goin to come running to you because of your appearance-well not over here.

up till now,no one has answered my question as to whether all the stuff from swingcat and joseph matthews were designed for americans alone???????

i cant stand these guys cuz they only tryin to sell their work but they are not available for personal conversation.

they write about so many different aspects,what is a guy to do with all this info??

i wish someone will answer this for me-URGENT

 

[whyme2008]

Thank you all for the real and helpful responses! :box:

I shot myself in the foot by not going to college or parties/clubs. I don't know about college at this time in my life but I can fix the party/club thing. Maybe when I start hanging out with people, this will change.

And you're right about not selling myself. I have been staying home or not making much effort to get out there and let women get to know me. This needs to change.



I'm not boring in the activities I like to do, but my activities may be a bore to women. I need to have a conversation sparker. Every movie that I've watched, story I've read, or real life exchanges... the man always has a cool hobby or job.



I'm not looking to get married any time soon...but... a girl that I can call up, chill with, and everything else that goes along with not being single.



Exactly. I think things will be different once I get a social network going.



I'm kinda young in my field so most of the guys are in their 30's. Some are married, with kids. But there are some my age but not necessarily co-workers.



I've had sex before so that's not an issue. I slept with the Puerto Rican chick. She initiated it the day before she moved to California. There were a few others and all of them was initiated by the girl. One chick had sex with me because I got her an A on the biology exam. Like I said, in HS... girls definitely showed interest in me but I was too damn shy to keep a relationship going. Or too stupid to know how.



I think my grandmother had some type of IBS and it fell on me. Had it since I was sixteen. I'm living with the symptoms and most of these medicines have terrible side effects. There's no cure.

guys,THE WOMEN WHERE YOU LIVE ARE DIFFERENT FROM THE WOMEN OVER HERE.

FOR example,women here are turned off by a ****y and funny attitude.

why the hell does swingcat want you to buy their work,when they not answering specific questions??

i for one not buying it.

you cant expect a guy to put himself in position to meet others when he dont even know what to say.

 

[whyme2008]

guys,THE WOMEN WHERE YOU LIVE ARE DIFFERENT FROM THE WOMEN OVER HERE.

FOR example,women here are turned off by a ****y and funny attitude.

why the hell does swingcat want you to buy their work,when they not answering specific questions??

i for one not buying it.

you cant expect a guy to put himself in position to meet others when he dont even know what to say.

swingcat and the rest have made their conclusions based on observation of the local women in HIS location.

so where does that leave those who are not there????

SOMEONE PLEASE ANSWER THIS.

 

[whyme2008]

Ok, you have let your illness effect your life so now maybe you should use it to your advantage.

I understand that women get this disease also. So basically what you have now is a simple marketing problem.

If women get it, then who are they and where are they. Is there a organization of people who suffer from this? If not can you start a social group?

I am sure within this group there are attractive women to date. I just wouldn't recommend having kids so that you don't pass it on.

Also I read that our race has a decreased incident of getting this disease but Jewish folks have a increased rate.

" People of Jewish heritage have an increased risk of developing Crohn’s disease, and African Americans are at decreased risk for developing Crohn’s disease."

Your story here makes me wonder how you developed it. And looking at the number of your post also makes me wonder.

Anyways, it would be easier to date someone that you have something incommon by marketing yourself to a female who suffers from this. I am sure they experience the same issues that you have.

So your goal is to find them or find a way to meet other people who have this.

Your smart so figure it out bruh.

only making people spend their money.

WAKE UP,THERE ARE NO AMERICANS WHERE I LIVE.THE LIFE IS DIFFERENT.

YOU TALK ABOUT KEEPING PHONE TALKS SHORT,SOME GIRLS WANT TO TALK FOR HOURS BEFORE MEETING YOU.

I KEEP EMPHASISING THIS CUZ NO ONE IS RESPONDING TO IT.

 

[whyme2008]

That stuff sounds boring?

What kind of activities do women consider less boring?

Why bother?it may be boring for her but its great to him,so why should he change it?

man if i find that reading my favorite books are more fun than people,why change it??

if you cant adapt to the lifestyle of those you feel you want to meet,then why bother?

 

[whyme2008]

Why bother?it may be boring for her but its great to him,so why should he change it?

man if i find that reading my favorite books are more fun than people,why change it??

if you cant adapt to the lifestyle of those you feel you want to meet,then why bother?

again you are asking him to change his lifestyle to suit others.

he loves his sports and his basketball etc.if she dont like it,hell with her,that is my opinion