I'm 20, she's 28, it's been 8 months...

[Gamble]

Ahh well let's see, I closed her on the first day. Didn't think I would be talking to her anymore, but since it's been 8 months and we've been together. Throughout our relationship we've had our ups and downs. Basically I got lazy and didn't want to pick her up anymore to come to my house because she lives 30 minutes away. So usually she comes to my house to chill. The problem is, I am 20, and she is 28. Yesterday night she was such a sweetheart and telling me that she misses me blah blah blah all that lubby dubby stuff. So today she comes over because she had the day off work, she was mad about the way her family is and takes her anger out on me. I am a pretty laidback guy and I really didn't care before and just ignored her or did my own thing until she validated herself to me. But today I was trying to comfort her because I know that she just came back from the hospital visiting her Grandpa, and had just dropped her Grandma off at her house then came to see me. She comes over today and we lay down on the couch, and I can tell by looking at her body language that something was up. So I ask her and she tells me something about her family problems. She was pretty angry. Me being a jerk and all. stuck my fingers in her nose trying to cheer her up because it usually works. But then she starts to playback but she was too rough so I yelled at her and said to stop. She then gave me the silent treatment and then said out of knowhere, "You know, I have so many guys that like me, and I come all the way down here for you and you yell at me" So i gave her the silent treatment and didn't care at all. So i just laid there, and then I said 5 minutes later, " You know, I know you are having trouble with your family and all, but it's not fair for you to come here and take it out on me. it happens every single week" So then she gets a hissyfit and says, "fine, I'm just going to leave, I don't need to hear your lecture" So then she left and it's been 8 hours and she did not call me to apoligize. So am I at fault? And what should I do? Thanks in advanced.

 

[WC2]

I think you played it fairly well. There comes a time when it's good to comfort your woman, but you don't want her to become to comfortable in confiding in you for that.

If she's frequently looking to you for emotional support and complaining about other things, she's not healthy for you. I realize some women can have their phases in which they have a bad week (pms) or even a bad month, but you are doing the right thing by showing her that you aren't up for that kind of bullcrap. She's probably astounded that someone 8 years younger than her has the know how of knowing how to not deal with her crap.

I think the ball is in her court. You tried to comfort her and she still shows no signs of paying it back to you. You told it how it was, and you do indeed deserve something better in return. If she can't offer that, you may as well move on. I don't know though, something tells me that she will be back very soon.

 

[Gamble]

hmm, so should I message her right now to see how everything is going? Or just leave it as is, I feel bad for her grandparents because they are pretty darn old :/

 

[WC2]

hmm, so should I message her right now to see how everything is going? Or just leave it as is

I just said the ball is in HER COURT. If I'm reading right, you showed that you cared, but you don't want to be her emotional tampon and you damn well shouldn't be!

If you showed the smallest bit of compassion for her and didn't come off like an ******* when you told her how it is, then you did the right thing.

Like I said, it's ok to become a "friend" to your girl every once in awhile when she needs it, but if she gets used to you being a friend, that's exactly what you'll be.

Give it a day. If she doesn't call, then go ahead and call her. Don't message her, call her and ask her how she's doing. A message is a coward's way out. Ask her how she's doing and tell her that you didn't mean to come off as a jerk last night, but you just can't deny what you feel. You care about her, but you feel as if you deserve to be treated just as well as you treat her. Blah, blah. Whatever you do, hold your ground until she offers either an apology or until she thanks you.

 

[Gamble]

thanks!

 

[iqqi]

I don't think that there is anything wrong with messaging her, to see if she is OK, and to let her know that you ARE her man and would like to be there for her in a positive way. But don't apologize for her throwing a hissy fit!

Also, I don't think age has anything to do with this particular issue. You both sound kind of immature.

 

[KontrollerX]

You're not at fault at all.

You are not the dumping ground for her negative emotions.

Sure like WC2 said every once and a while its fine to show your girl you care when she is having troubles but when she is bringing it up all the time it is disrespectful to you.

Unfortunately she probably doesn't even realize this so she likely feels entitled to your unending sympathy for her bad plight and since you won't give her what she wants and be her doormat in this fashion she may begin to branch swing around on you soon or perhaps she is so angry at you not being her b!tch over this that she intends to hold out until you apologize to her.

Don't do it.

You have done nothing wrong.

And even if she leaves you over this it will be a learning experience for her.

A symp or an AFC will go above and beyond the call of duty to coddle her and kiss her ass over her negative emotions.

A real man ie a DJ won't.

Hold your ground and if she wants to talk like a civilized human being about things then go right ahead and do this but keep your guard up listening for any revenge ploys on you via sh!t testing and other garbage games in the future with you all aimed at paying you back over this.

 

[Grizou]

On a sidenote: if somebody stuck his/her fingers up my nose I might hit him by mistake I don't think you should do this too often...

 

[BMX]

Sounds like the situation I'm in, minus the drama. You are the prize.

 

[MacAvoy]

WC2 gave you the perfect advice. Sounds like she's letting her family get to her a little too much. I'd be wary of that. Is this something new or something that's been going on the entire time you've been with her?

 

[drak_ool]

So i gave her the silent treatment and didn't care at all. So i just laid there, and then I said 5 minutes later...

I never read another post of yours, but from what you write here you sound like a big pvssy. So you gave her the silent treatment for all of ... 5 minutes? At least it seems like she knows what "silent treatment" means since she hasn't contacted you since.

Then, look at your problem: this girl is using you as an emotional tampon, you tell her it bothers you. The girl storms out. and then you re asking "what did i do wrong?" of course you didn't do nothing!

other pple have given you good advice on this particular situation. On my part, i would say stand up for yourself more, don't let this girl drag you into her personal family drama. you re not a captain-sav-a-hoe, are you?

 

[Gamble]

damn big pvssy, i like it. You guys make me want to be single and mingling again. You are all right, I don't really need this sh!t. I'm 20 and still have tons of time ahead of me.