If you're out of school and don't have a solid social circle, it's pretty much over

[Zimbabwe]

Inspired by @Jesse Pinkman I decided to provide my own spin on the topic.

Think about it - even after you had improved your looks, got jacked, or whatever the **** you wanted to do, you will still be in the exact same postion as you are now.

You simply don't have a way of making friends - that might be because your social skills are poor, but what's more likely is that you dont even have an opportunity. There's no place for you to make friends.

The most important thing you need to have in order to form a new relationship (romantic or platonic) is TIME. You simply need to spend enough time together to become familliar.

Ever wonder why in HS even the most unprobable relationships happen? How the below average guy ends up dating the hottest girl? How the nerd befriends the football team captain?
Its because they are forced to spend time together for YEARS. Its no wonder relationships happen. They are forced to really get to know each other - not just surface level bull****.

Why is it, that as you get older, every relationship you have is pretty much just an acquaintance? It's becasue as you get older, your life get busier, so if you want to interact with a person you need to MAKE TIME for them. And that simply is nothing like HS where wasting hours on trivial bull**** is not an issue, where the environment is set up in such a way that there is 0 pressure on you - after all youre spending the next day with them, next week, next month...

In adult world, when you make time to see someone, there's immense pressure for that social interaction to be 'good' or 'enjoyable'.
But it takes a rare level of social skills and extroversion to be able to enjoy a social interaction with a person that's not familliar to you.

Let's look at the most common places people make actual lifelong friends:
Highschool
Sport
Religious groups
Extracurricular activities

What do they all have in common?
1) you join when you're young, and stay there for years
2) there is an underlying activity you do together

Now, is there a place like this but for adults? Not really in my opinion.
You have the gym - but for some reason its an unwritten rule to not talk to strangers in the gym. Especially women.
Workplace? Probably not going to be your age group, the amount of people you meet is low but nevertheless, this will be the place where you make most of your social connections
Army? Could work, but it's not for everyone, ****s up your entire lifestyle and you wont meet any women anyway.

So you dont have a place or an opportunity to meet anybody, but thats not all - there's the fact that almost everybody already has a solid friendgroup that they have had since middleschool or HS or basically since they were young. You will never reach that status with anyone. Even if you did find a compatible person, and did have the opportunity to spend enough time together, you still will be just an acquaintance to him. Why? Because he doesent exactly need a "best friend" he already has one - multiple actually. A whole group.

One more thing - lest say there is an opportunity, lets say there is a compatible person (that's looking for a friend), theres another problem - what you want to do is very likely different from they want to do. Think about it, they have spend theur entire teenage years partying, chasing girls, hanging out and doing random bull**** - so the exact thing you want to do. But they have already lived that life, how are you going to convince a 25 yo to pack his bag and go on a roadtrip with no plan and no cash to make memories? You wont. They have already done it, they are past that life chapter.

So by now there's a ****ing lot thats holding you back - weak social skills from loner teenage years, no opportunity to improve them or to even meet people, huge disconnect in values (because you are essentially a mentally stunted 15 yo) and them already having friends with years of history.


This is the biggest problem 90% of users on this site have. Not looks, looks can only speed the process up, but there is no replacement for the process of creating a bond.

 

[corrector]

Inspired by @Jesse Pinkman I decided to provide my own spin on the topic.

Think about it - even after you had improved your looks, got jacked, or whatever the **** you wanted to do, you will still be in the exact same postion as you are now.

You simply don't have a way of making friends - that might be because your social skills are poor, but what's more likely is that you dont even have an opportunity. There's no place for you to make friends.

The most important thing you need to have in order to form a new relationship (romantic or platonic) is TIME. You simply need to spend enough time together to become familliar.

Ever wonder why in HS even the most unprobable relationships happen? How the below average guy ends up dating the hottest girl? How the nerd befriends the football team captain?
Its because they are forced to spend time together for YEARS. Its no wonder relationships happen. They are forced to really get to know each other - not just surface level bull****.

Why is it, that as you get older, every relationship you have is pretty much just an acquaintance? It's becasue as you get older, your life get busier, so if you want to interact with a person you need to MAKE TIME for them. And that simply is nothing like HS where wasting hours on trivial bull**** is not an issue, where the environment is set up in such a way that there is 0 pressure on you - after all youre spending the next day with them, next week, next month...

In adult world, when you make time to see someone, there's immense pressure for that social interaction to be 'good' or 'enjoyable'.
But it takes a rare level of social skills and extroversion to be able to enjoy a social interaction with a person that's not familliar to you.

Let's look at the most common places people make actual lifelong friends:
Highschool
Sport
Religious groups
Extracurricular activities

What do they all have in common?
1) you join when you're young, and stay there for years
2) there is an underlying activity you do together

Now, is there a place like this but for adults? Not really in my opinion.
You have the gym - but for some reason its an unwritten rule to not talk to strangers in the gym. Especially women.
Workplace? Probably not going to be your age group, the amount of people you meet is low but nevertheless, this will be the place where you make most of your social connections
Army? Could work, but it's not for everyone, ****s up your entire lifestyle and you wont meet any women anyway.

So you dont have a place or an opportunity to meet anybody, but thats not all - there's the fact that almost everybody already has a solid friendgroup that they have had since middleschool or HS or basically since they were young. You will never reach that status with anyone. Even if you did find a compatible person, and did have the opportunity to spend enough time together, you still will be just an acquaintance to him. Why? Because he doesent exactly need a "best friend" he already has one - multiple actually. A whole group.

One more thing - lest say there is an opportunity, lets say there is a compatible person (that's looking for a friend), theres another problem - what you want to do is very likely different from they want to do. Think about it, they have spend theur entire teenage years partying, chasing girls, hanging out and doing random bull**** - so the exact thing you want to do. But they have already lived that life, how are you going to convince a 25 yo to pack his bag and go on a roadtrip with no plan and no cash to make memories? You wont. They have already done it, they are past that life chapter.

So by now there's a ****ing lot thats holding you back - weak social skills from loner teenage years, no opportunity to improve them or to even meet people, huge disconnect in values (because you are essentially a mentally stunted 15 yo) and them already having friends with years of history.


This is the biggest problem 90% of users on this site have. Not looks, looks can only speed the process up, but there is no replacement for the process of creating a bond.

Both @MatureDJ and I went to all boys high school. Knew it was a stupid idea all along because all emotional issues would be better thrashed out in high school rather than University where you are paying money and taking student loans where you could derail yourself. They said girls would be a distraction for high school learning. Seeimg where I am now on life I dont see how that would have made anything worst to go coed. For anyone to end up as incel or escortcel after spending formative years in an all boys school is sick.

 

[RangerMIke]

Going from college to normal adult living is ALWAYS a challenge. I went through this in the late 80s going from college to the Army. You are competing with men that have 10-15 years of professional existence, they have resources and time. Back then however, there was a active clubbing culture. Now... I honestly have no idea what men in their early 20s can do to meet women. My only advice I can give them is what I did.... work on self-improvement... focus on you career... make money... abandon bad habits and bust your @ss.

Bide your time and things will get better, it takes about 5 years before you settle into this new normal.

The biggest difference between social circle in college and social circle post-college is that when you are in college you are with people your own age - same environment - built in rapport, after you are all mixed in with people that may or may not be anything like you. It take some getting used to.

 

[Murk]

Think about it - even after you had improved your looks, got jacked, or whatever the **** you wanted to do, you will still be in the exact same postion as you are now.

You simply don't have a way of making friends - that might be because your social skills are poor, but what's more likely is that you dont even have an opportunity. There's no place for you to make friends.

Nope. If you're social and outgoing, you will make friends and keep making them throughout life. Opportunity is subjective here, you've probably had 10 opportunities in the last year to make friends but didn't see them, let alone had the chance to take them (and probably fail).

Ride or die's are hard to come by because that takes time and shared experiences. But friends, social circle, I made a new one on Saturday while out for a friends Bday. A tall black, David, 6'7, semi above average (imo) not ugly, plays basketball (in the UK but still pro level). We are now going out next weekend with his friends (whoever the fvck they are). He's an acquaintance of a friend, I've accosted him, he's alpha and can dance and we hit it off no homo. We will have a good time and more importantly, he's about his business, whether that be numbers or sports, he's doing his thing and I only chill with above average at a minimum.

Please be self-aware enough to know if you're not sociable, so you can work on it, living in delusion is truly the death of potential, I just coined that term myself.

 

[HaleyBaron]

Think about it - even after you had improved your looks, got jacked, or whatever the **** you wanted to do, you will still be in the exact same postion as you are now.

You simply don't have a way of making friends - that might be because your social skills are poor, but what's more likely is that you dont even have an opportunity. There's no place for you to make friends.

I'm going to stop you there. I'm the example of why this argument is wrong.

Post college, I had a set client of friends. However, due to the 2016 bomb that was the culture election, suddenly all my leftist friends became crazy. I attempted to talk to them like human beings in adult topics cause I held them at higher standards: they instantly cut me off for having different opinions. They assumed I was an enemy, and all the love and time we had together did not mean a thing as they disconnected me from their lives. I was alone for a good time after.

But thanks to my hobby, I slowly built up back a network. I showed the merit of my skills and it attracted men and women. Now I have a strong circle of friends again. Anyone that can't build up a network of friends is their own fault.

 

[SW15]

what's more likely is that you dont even have an opportunity. There's no place for you to make friends.

I’m not going to be as black pill as you are being & say that it is over if you don’t have a social circle by the time you finish your educational phase of life. I am going to say that it is going to be a more difficult & a more unpleasant experience experience in the mating environment, especially if you’re seeking some sort of extended, committed relationship. This is important because these extended, committed relationships are the ways that most men get their regular sex. You’re at a distinct disadvantage if you don’t have a social circle. With all this said, you’re going to have to work a lot more for a similar outcome. You’re also going to experience worse female behavior if you’re approaching random strangers in any venue or swiping on an app. You’ll get ghosted more, flaked on more, judged superficially, and experience the worst of female entitlement & delusional attitudes. Women will treat you more shabbily if there are no consequences to them for doing so. If you’re a woman & you treat a random stranger from a swipe app, social media DM, or random in-person approach like shiit, your social circle is never notified of your bad behavior.

So you dont have a place or an opportunity to meet anybody, but thats not all - there's the fact that almost everybody already has a solid friendgroup that they have had since middleschool or HS or basically since they were young. You will never reach that status with anyone. Even if you did find a compatible person, and did have the opportunity to spend enough time together, you still will be just an acquaintance to him. Why? Because he doesent exactly need a "best friend" he already has one - multiple actually. A whole group.

You’re really overstating this. I think this could be true in a state or province that doesn’t receive a lot of transplants & the population isn’t more than about 500,000. In a transplant heavy large US city, this won’t be as true. It’s true that there will be social circles of natives & near natives. I mentioned this in my initial post in the “Observations on Dallas’ Scene” thread. I can’t imagine this is relevant at all in Sydney or Melbourne in Australia either.

 

[SW15]

Let's look at the most common places people make actual lifelong friends:
Sport
Religious groups
Extracurricular activities

What do they all have in common?
1) you join when you're young, and stay there for years
2) there is an underlying activity you do together

Now, is there a place like this but for adults? Not really in my opinion.
You have the gym - but for some reason its an unwritten rule to not talk to strangers in the gym. Especially women.
Workplace? Probably not going to be your age group, the amount of people you meet is low but nevertheless, this will be the place where you make most of your social connections
Army? Could work, but it's not for everyone, ****s up your entire lifestyle and you wont meet any women anyway.

Sports, religious groups, and extracurricular activities are all options for adults for making friends.

Co-ed sports leagues can be considered a form of weak social circle game. It’s pretty difficult to swoop into a co-ed kickball, softball, volleyball, or soccer league & directly arrange dates. First, there are more men than women in all these leagues. Nearly every other guy in these leagues is an unattached guy who is trying to get his penis wet in league because he read some advice article online or in a printed copy of a magazine about doing this. The only exceptions are the men who join teams with their girlfriends or wives. You can make friends in these leagues but chances are that the other men need sex as much as you do. If you’re able to develop a social circle from a co-ed sports league, realize it will take multiple seasons of participation in the league. So you’d better actually like that sport because playing that sport is often the only benefit of it.

There are religious groups for adults. Participation isn’t stellar. Also, most religions are against pre-marital sex. This won’t solve a short term sexual need & it’s debatable about whether you can get an LTR from this. The statistics are showing it’s becoming less common.

The general gym floor is not a place that you’ll make a lot of male friends & doing approaches there to get dates will be tough. Fitness classes offered by your gym or a boutique studio type business are better for ratios. Even with good ratios, women aren’t that sociable in the 5 mins before & after classes. I’ve gotten numbers & dates from doing this but relative to the number of classes I had to attend to do this, I was inefficient.

If you’re 22-26 & new to a city, you can likely link up with other adults who are fairly new to the city as a result of your apartment complex & activities around the complex sponsored by the company that owns/manages the complex. This is common in large cities & from larger landlords. The problem is that these men are transplanted adults like you are & not likely to be useful in terms of arranging dates via social circle. I have seen men make this path work but realize that this is a difficult path for having a social circle capable of arranging dates.

Making male friends isn’t that difficult. Making male friends who have pre-existing useful social circles is much more difficult.

 

[RangerMIke]

.... However, due to the 2016 bomb that was the culture election, suddenly all my leftist friends became crazy. I attempted to talk to them like human beings in adult topics cause I held them at higher standards: they instantly cut me off for having different opinions. They assumed I was an enemy, and all the love and time we had together did not mean a thing as they disconnected me from their lives. I was alone for a good time after.

Let's be honest... it worked the other way as well. I had liberal friends that went nuts: I had conservative friends that went nuts. 1/3 of the country was conservative crazy: 1/3 of the nation was liberal crazy. The 1/3 of us in the middle that really didn't care one way or the other just laughed at both.

My method for navigating this was to completely avoid talking about politics. I also never talk about religion... None of this is any fun... why would someone spend their free time agonizing over miserable sh1t. The result is that I lost ZERO friends and family since Trump, when they start talking about Trump over never-Trump, I just joke about it and change the subject.

 

[Plinco]

Inspired by @Jesse Pinkman I decided to provide my own spin on the topic.

Think about it - even after you had improved your looks, got jacked, or whatever the **** you wanted to do, you will still be in the exact same postion as you are now.

You simply don't have a way of making friends - that might be because your social skills are poor, but what's more likely is that you dont even have an opportunity. There's no place for you to make friends.

The most important thing you need to have in order to form a new relationship (romantic or platonic) is TIME. You simply need to spend enough time together to become familliar.

Ever wonder why in HS even the most unprobable relationships happen? How the below average guy ends up dating the hottest girl? How the nerd befriends the football team captain?
Its because they are forced to spend time together for YEARS. Its no wonder relationships happen. They are forced to really get to know each other - not just surface level bull****.

Why is it, that as you get older, every relationship you have is pretty much just an acquaintance? It's becasue as you get older, your life get busier, so if you want to interact with a person you need to MAKE TIME for them. And that simply is nothing like HS where wasting hours on trivial bull**** is not an issue, where the environment is set up in such a way that there is 0 pressure on you - after all youre spending the next day with them, next week, next month...

In adult world, when you make time to see someone, there's immense pressure for that social interaction to be 'good' or 'enjoyable'.
But it takes a rare level of social skills and extroversion to be able to enjoy a social interaction with a person that's not familliar to you.

Let's look at the most common places people make actual lifelong friends:
Highschool
Sport
Religious groups
Extracurricular activities

What do they all have in common?
1) you join when you're young, and stay there for years
2) there is an underlying activity you do together

Now, is there a place like this but for adults? Not really in my opinion.
You have the gym - but for some reason its an unwritten rule to not talk to strangers in the gym. Especially women.
Workplace? Probably not going to be your age group, the amount of people you meet is low but nevertheless, this will be the place where you make most of your social connections
Army? Could work, but it's not for everyone, ****s up your entire lifestyle and you wont meet any women anyway.

So you dont have a place or an opportunity to meet anybody, but thats not all - there's the fact that almost everybody already has a solid friendgroup that they have had since middleschool or HS or basically since they were young. You will never reach that status with anyone. Even if you did find a compatible person, and did have the opportunity to spend enough time together, you still will be just an acquaintance to him. Why? Because he doesent exactly need a "best friend" he already has one - multiple actually. A whole group.

One more thing - lest say there is an opportunity, lets say there is a compatible person (that's looking for a friend), theres another problem - what you want to do is very likely different from they want to do. Think about it, they have spend theur entire teenage years partying, chasing girls, hanging out and doing random bull**** - so the exact thing you want to do. But they have already lived that life, how are you going to convince a 25 yo to pack his bag and go on a roadtrip with no plan and no cash to make memories? You wont. They have already done it, they are past that life chapter.

So by now there's a ****ing lot thats holding you back - weak social skills from loner teenage years, no opportunity to improve them or to even meet people, huge disconnect in values (because you are essentially a mentally stunted 15 yo) and them already having friends with years of history.


This is the biggest problem 90% of users on this site have. Not looks, looks can only speed the process up, but there is no replacement for the process of creating a bond.

I think it would benefit you if you spent some time away from this forum for a while. There is a lot of negativity here and I've noticed that your posts are getting more and more negative.

If I were you I'd stop listening to other people and go out and do things that make sense for you to do.

 

[HaleyBaron]

Let's be honest... it worked the other way as well. I had liberal friends that went nuts: I had conservative friends that went nuts. 1/3 of the country was conservative crazy: 1/3 of the nation was liberal crazy. The 1/3 of us in the middle that really didn't care one way or the other just laughed at both.

My method for navigating this was to completely avoid talking about politics. I also never talk about religion... None of this is any fun... why would someone spend their free time agonizing over miserable sh1t. The result is that I lost ZERO friends and family since Trump, when they start talking about Trump over never-Trump, I just joke about it and change the subject.

I was still naive then and didn't think it was a bad thing to speak my mind. The tribalism that followed left me rather shocked for a long time. It seemed all that talk in school about being able to critically think and discuss your viewpoints was for nothing with these groups of people.

 

[corrector]

I think it would benefit you if you spent some time away from this forum for a while. There is a lot of negativity here and I've noticed that your posts are getting more and more negative.

If I were you I'd stop listening to other people and go out and do things that make sense for you to do.

I have unignored him recently and his posts are brand new as far as I am concerned. He really gets how things operate.

 

[RangerMIke]

I was still naive then and didn't think it was a bad thing to speak my mind. The tribalism that followed left me rather shocked for a long time. It seemed all that talk in school about being able to critically think and discuss your viewpoints was for nothing with these groups of people.

It's okay to state your mind and debate friends.... just make sure it's MALE friends you don't care about losing.

Never, NEVER, EVER do this with women you are dating or trying to seduce. Completely unproductive. It takes them out of a positive emotional frame that will never work for you.

 

[Barrister]

OP,

What you will find is that you make friends "along the way." There isn't some magical, set destination to find a social circle at. You will eventually run into 1-2 people here or there you hit it off with. They then invite you along to something else and you meet more like-minded people. This is how socialization works and building a social network for yourself. Since i graduated law school ten years ago, this cycle has happened to me about 3-4 separate times and I have garnered essentially three separate (and completely different) social circles out of it. Live your life, remain positive, and good things happen. Avoid your tendency to be overly negative about everything and stop buying into the black pill. It isn't good for your mind. And stop listening to the people who tell you otherwise.

 

[Barrister]

I have unignored him recently and his posts are brand new as far as I am concerned. He really gets how things operate.

Wow. I am absolutely shocked that is your take! You agreeing with someone being unreasonably negative about things. Who would have thought?

 

[Kotaix]

It's okay to state your mind and debate friends.... just make sure it's MALE friends you don't care about losing.

Never, NEVER, EVER do this with women you are dating or trying to seduce. Completely unproductive. It takes them out of a positive emotional frame that will never work for you.

Yes to this.

As to the Original post, if you have social skills you will make friends no matter what age you are if you put yourself to it.

This is a case of getting what you give. If you sit at home all day and mope about how your friends never get back to you, then you will be alone. If you make an effort to engage in social activities, you will make new friends if you're open to doing so. But they key is being open.

 

[SW15]

Never, NEVER, EVER do this with women you are dating or trying to seduce. Completely unproductive. It takes them out of a positive emotional frame that will never work for you.

Agree. It’s necessary to avoid the political & religious discussions with romantic partners. Life will be better that way.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Assuredly it isn't.

These threads are just ridiculous.

No wonder some people accomplish nothing in life with women, their careers or their finances.

 

[corrector]

Wow. I am absolutely shocked that is your take! You agreeing with someone being unreasonably negative about things. Who would have thought?

He is not incel though so he has allot of credibility. He posted lay reports with fat lady so he is a don juan seducer. He is realistic based on his experience rather than being a key jockey blackpiller. At least people can say I am making up blackpill as cope but OP has hard earned experience to back it up. You can see he is trying and is not a happy camper.or luxuriating in his blackpillness. Someone has to put on the work so others dont have to waste their time.

 

[HaleyBaron]

It's okay to state your mind and debate friends.... just make sure it's MALE friends you don't care about losing.

Never, NEVER, EVER do this with women you are dating or trying to seduce. Completely unproductive. It takes them out of a positive emotional frame that will never work for you.

Agree. It’s necessary to avoid the political & religious discussions with romantic partners. Life will be better that way.

I do not do it now, but none of my college friends were considered romantic to me. I saw them as students that I thought were on my level when we all graduated. I found out quickly they were not. It also explains that I went through harder courses than they did and that was just another naivety I had to accept.

However I will say that back during these debates, the men were far more reasonable to debate compared to the screeching women. My mistake was treating the women as if they were as civil as men. You can realize this was during my bluepill days when I still had no idea about gender differences. It also explains why I was getting no sex even in college.

 

[RangerMIke]

However I will say that back during these debates, the men were far more reasonable to debate compared to the screeching women. My mistake was treating the women as if they were as civil as men. You can realize this was during my bluepill days when I still had no idea about gender differences. It also explains why I was getting no sex even in college.

It's not really about women being 'civil', it's about the fact that many women come to decisions based in large part how they feel. This is especially true about relationships they get in. Don't get me wrong I am not saying ALL women are like this, many can and do make rational decisions. Also, it's not like men are immune to emotional decision making.. Case in point... buying a new car... if you are making a purely RATIONAL decision, explain how financing something expensive that loses 20% of it's value immediately after you purchase is logical?

It's just that this appears more common in women, because it tends to happen more frequently and women also tend to get caught up in group think with their friends... liberal women will get together and feed off each other and come to irrational conclusions about liberal causes: conservative church ladies do the same freaking thing in the other direction. Never try to argue rationally with ANYONE that has made an emotional decision. The only way a person that has come to an emotional decision, can have their attitude changed is if they go through a significant emotional event. If you try to rationally argue with someone that has an emotional position, all you are going to do is p1ss them off.

Never argue with anyone that has made an emotional decision about something... it's a waste of time. If you are correct, all you can do is wait until reality hits them in the face.