If you're not red pill yet, keep this in mind

[mrgoodstuff]

...



Sociopath logic.

Yeah. Let me keep lying to and manipulating this person cause they keep falling for it.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I'm dating someone who has been known to break up with the express purpose of fvcking someone else. Only to go back and reconcile the relationship.

The stringer is isn't any more at fault than the person who allows him or herself to be strung along.

I wish there could be an easier way for those of us who deeply value honesty, integrity and being straightforward, to simply date and partner up with others who are like-minded, while leaving those who think nothing of deeply deceiving people, to only play and interact with others of their own kind.

 

[lamath]

It's no surprise, I just reject and oppose it as some sort of moral truth.

Yes I know, I'm fairly certain I pointed that out a few times.

I agree, but our way to cope is to judge and remove such women from our reality for anything other than the shortest term fling.

What you are seeking is our blessing, which you will never get from me, anyway.

...



Sociopath logic.

Completely agree here.

Sometime i wonder how i should approach dating and relationship a different way, ppl with sociopathic tendency tends to attract more ppl of the opposite sex

Am i the only one not only thinking about myself?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I wish there could be an easier way for those of us who deeply value honesty, integrity and being straightforward, to simply date and partner up with others who are like-minded, while leaving those who think nothing of deeply deceiving people, to only play and interact with others of their own kind.

They are who they are. Find out about how they are from others. They wont tell you.

 

[Dash Riprock]

I wish there could be an easier way for those of us who deeply value honesty, integrity and being straightforward, to simply date and partner up with others who are like-minded, while leaving those who think nothing of deeply deceiving people, to only play and interact with others of their own kind.

I've been in the dating game a long time, sans a 9-year break from 2007-2016 when I was exclusive with a woman, but never married (smart, huh?). So yes, prior to 2007 there were dating sites which go back to about circa 1998 with something called Love@AOL.com as the early adopter of online dating of which I was a member. The technology didn't even exist to upload photos, it was all text-based. Once you exchanged email addresses, then you could send a few as an attachment. Pretty funny compared to what we have now.

The point I'm making is I've been on both sides of the fence: Dating BEFORE the influx of dating apps and sites and AFTER in today's modern world of dating.

There's a lot wrong with today's dating environment, but if I had to name ONE THING more so than anything else, it's the concept of the Paradox of Choice. Too many choices and "someone better always just around the corner", means nobody really tries anymore. Oh, people "say" they do but the effort is lame and LTRs and marriages are very short-lived these days. Any person (more so any woman who's a 5+) can fire up Tinder, Bumble, POF, whatever and have 100 messages in their Inbox by noon the next day. How can that NOT affect a person's mindset in a relationship, even on a subconscious level? It can and does.

That's why the dating scene is so, so f*ucked up, IMO.

So the counter is what @Glassguy promotes in this thread and I've subscribed to for years now: the Abundance Mentality (which is a "mindset" not an actual number of current plates) and IDGAF, where you're just not affected or tied to some sort an absolute outcome. Next batter up is my mantra.

You just cannot, under any circumstances, take 98% of the women out there today and the dating scene as a whole, seriously. Sure there are the upper 2% of women that probably are the real deal and actually worth committing to, but the work and ROI it takes to find a good one just isn't even worth my time anymore. I'm too busy. So personally, I'm all in on STRs, FWBs, and NSAs, only. Sure, the door is always open if Mrs. 2%'er walks through. But the effort I'm putting in these days in minimal.

Since I've jumped back in the dating scene the past 2.5 years, I've heard more BS than the previous 25+ years combined.

A true DJ always, ALWAYS, keeps his own best interests in mind, first.

Ciao,

~Dash

 

[mrgoodstuff]

One truly disappointing thing is seeing the SAME girl that was just kinda the typical girl, circa 2012 or so, now completely destroyed by the new Game. It's horrific. While I've become a kinder and more open minded person and theyve become as jaded as one can fathom.

In 2012 they were already "demons"

 

[lamath]

One truly disappointing thing is seeing the SAME girl that was just kinda the typical girl, circa 2012 or so, now completely destroyed by the new Game. It's horrific. While I've become a kinder and more open minded person and theyve become as jaded as one can fathom.

Depending on what you want its prob better for some to not go the OLD route.


On a positive side think ppl living in smaller town are less affected by OLD because you run thru options really fast.
In my immediate 50miles there is about 20k ppl so alot less choice and alot less occasion to become jaded.
Its still a problem but not as bad.

 

[lamath]

I don't even date from online dating because my value is just so much higher in real life. Once in a blue moon.

Again i think in a place like where i live it actualy devaluate your smv going the OLD route.
I did have a look at what was out there with a no pic account and i was not impress at all.

 

[BeExcellent]

I wish there could be an easier way for those of us who deeply value honesty, integrity and being straightforward, to simply date and partner up with others who are like-minded, while leaving those who think nothing of deeply deceiving people, to only play and interact with others of their own kind.

Why the assumption that deceit is going on? I mean for starters much of the content on this site advocates deceit. That approach is best avoided. It doesn’t lead anywhere healthy.

It’s interesting to me that people think Im seeking approval (I’m not) and also that so many here aspire to the lifestyle that they think the player archetype affords them.

What men who haven’t been there don’t realize is the hollowness and meaninglessness inherent in that lifestyle after a while. It gets old. Sure there’s another person around the corner...there always is for high SMV folks. For what? I have half a dozen male friends who I’ve known well for years. My BF knows more than that. These men burn out after a while. Sometimes it takes many years. They get jaded and then they reach a place where what’s the point? Some pick a woman (often for qualities beyond looks) and settle down, some go MGTOW, some bang floozies the rest of their days and expect nothing more than STRs and a good time. They give up on meeting the need for a partner to grow with. I’ve seen men go each route.

The happier men are the ones who sort themselves out and learn and grow and become better men. They tend to use what they learned along the way to make better choices and do things differently as they evolve.

That’s the path my guy is on. His drinking is greatly reduced, he’s more comfortable alone, he’s learning to feel and deal with painful things in his life without automatically retracting into impulsive self destructive behaviors. He’s remaking himself. He’s happier. More stable. For him. I’m an influence he freely admits, but he’s doing it for HIMSELF. As it should be.

I don’t care what anybody thinks about me. It’s a front row seat to someone who is doing the tough work to grow and evolve. It’s kind of awesome to be quite frank. And his growth exposes my liabilities, which in turn motivates me to improve, grow & evolve.

It’s not an easy process. People want to take pot shots? That’s fine. Just check the mirror before you criticize another. It’s always easier to criticize another as opposed to face whatever liabilities stare back from the mirror.

I’m relatively frank about things because what if it helps someone else improve and face their own shadow. Make no mistake we all have one. As for the BF and I? The further we go the better it gets. Not an easy journey so far. But a worthwhile one. And nobody is getting taken advantage of unawares. Trust me.

He is very red pill. So am I. If people bristle at some of what I say? Fine. It’s no less true.

 

[Glassguy]

I've been in the dating game a long time, sans a 9-year break from 2007-2016 when I was exclusive with a woman, but never married (smart, huh?). So yes, prior to 2007 there were dating sites which go back to about circa 1998 with something called Love@AOL.com as the early adopter of online dating of which I was a member. The technology didn't even exist to upload photos, it was all text-based. Once you exchanged email addresses, then you could send a few as an attachment. Pretty funny compared to what we have now.

The point I'm making is I've been on both sides of the fence: Dating BEFORE the influx of dating apps and sites and AFTER in today's modern world of dating.

There's a lot wrong with today's dating environment, but if I had to name ONE THING more so than anything else, it's the concept of the Paradox of Choice. Too many choices and "someone better always just around the corner", means nobody really tries anymore. Oh, people "say" they do but the effort is lame and LTRs and marriages are very short-lived these days. Any person (more so any woman who's a 5+) can fire up Tinder, Bumble, POF, whatever and have 100 messages in their Inbox by noon the next day. How can that NOT affect a person's mindset in a relationship, even on a subconscious level? It can and does.

That's why the dating scene is so, so f*ucked up, IMO.

So the counter is what @Glassguy promotes in this thread and I've subscribed to for years now: the Abundance Mentality (which is a "mindset" not an actual number of current plates) and IDGAF, where you're just not affected or tied to some sort an absolute outcome. Next batter up is my mantra.

You just cannot, under any circumstances, take 98% of the women out there today and the dating scene as a whole, seriously. Sure there are the upper 2% of women that probably are the real deal and actually worth committing to, but the work and ROI it takes to find a good one just isn't even worth my time anymore. I'm too busy. So personally, I'm all in on STRs, FWBs, and NSAs, only. Sure, the door is always open if Mrs. 2%'er walks through. But the effort I'm putting in these days in minimal.

Since I've jumped back in the dating scene the past 2.5 years, I've heard more BS than the previous 25+ years combined.

A true DJ always, ALWAYS, keeps his own best interests in mind, first.

Ciao,

~Dash

Good post Dash.

My analogy of the dating game regarding options:

Prior to the 1990's here in the US we made and manufactured goods. Those goods were very well made but they were not the cheapest goods since they were made by US workers.

During the Jimmy Carter era we went from a country that manufactured our own goods to a country that serviced goods being shipped in from other countries that were made cheaper.

As those trade deals tilted more on the 3rd world favor, the goods brought into the US became cheaper and cheaper. They were eventually so cheap that they became throwaways and we then had no need to service them because it was cheaper to just go buy a new one.

I remember as a kid (80's) when a TV, refridgerator, etc would stop working correctly, we didnt throw it away. We loaded it up and took it to the repair shop and they gave us a (smaller) loaner. A few days later it was fixed.

Now if the TV stops working its cheaper to throw it away. We can just head to the local Wal Mart or any other store with electronics and buy a new one.

Several points that I will make from this:

1.) Relationships (LTR's) are much weaker now than in the past because of options. At the first signs of difficulty it becomes a game of who is going to dump who first. Its much easier to "throw it away" than to work it out. What most dont understand is that a true relationship becomes stronger after the people involved have worked through their differences (communication). The option abundance of social media, OLD, etc., makes it easier to just go find someone else. Its the throw away mentality. Its easier for the people who dont have it in them to be stronger and stick it out.

2.) The social media days have continued to make the world a smaller place but that also comes with the negatives such as what I just stated above.

3.) Women, for the most part, have went from one extreme (the pre 1990's loyal wives) to the other (the movement to become a more independent woman and fend for themselves). The new mantra is they are just as good as men in all facets of life. While I respect all different types of opinions regarding this, one thing is certain: The woman is the new man and the man is the new woman in today's dating world.

I too remember dating in the 90s and 2000's. Things have drastically changed and there are a lot of men who have failed to adapt along the way. Gone are lengthy phone calls during the evenings and have been replaced by texting and all of the rules that come with it. Gone are the days when women pursued men as much as men pursued women. Now women have the mentality that they can have anyone they want because their inbox on POF is littered with men who want to fvck them. That translates to an abundance of men that want to date them, which is a false intuition in itself.

I think MOST guys on here would like to have a LTR with a chick who was super cool, loyal, easy on the eyes, didnt shyte test, wouldnt cheat, etc etc etc. But that is no longer reality with most female candidates because they have changed and we have yet to adapt (most men). I surely have done so, which is why I do not take dating seriously. It was easier to treat the field with the throw away mentality and if a unicorn does come along I can decide if I want to get serious about things at that point. Most guys didnt choose dating to be this way, but we must play the hand we are dealt. I see today's forms of dating ever changing until the women price themselves out. Just like those junk goods coming from overseas back in the 80s that werent repairing. They too are easily replaceable but given their false abundance mindset through social media and OLD, where non sexual attention and validation is around every corner for even the ugly women, they havent realized their true worth yet, which is very little.

 

[sazc]

I wish there could be an easier way for those of us who deeply value honesty, integrity and being straightforward, to simply date and partner up with others who are like-minded, while leaving those who think nothing of deeply deceiving people, to only play and interact with others of their own kind.

IMO (and it's not popular here) the way to do this is to find a person whom is willing to let you in, connect with you on a vulnerable level and their actions match their words (so you know you are avoiding someone with serious issues). This method of foraging for a partner will not lead to immediate gratification, but at least the drama is minnimal along the way, and if you do find someone, you may feel more fulfilled.

Brenee Brown has done really good books and Ted talks on trust, shame, vulnerability and other essential topics, to give anyone a start on knowing what to look for.

 

[lizardking82]

The signs aren't actionable really. I mean even when you pre-empt they just go on best behavior for a while. I guess it ends more quickly when you can read the tea leaves which is always a good thing. In the marriage context of course you can financially pre-empt.

Hit the nail in the head with this one. Because a lot of times around SS it is said one should notice the signs, she starts getting colder and all that, but often times they don't. Often times they keep 75-80% their best behaviour. Had this happen with my ex. Practically nothing changed at the time, we kept having sex as often as always, I kept coming inside of her and she kept coming like crazy several times in one "session", we kept going out, no less talking, she even organized my birthday party 1 month before she left LOL so it's not as easy to distinguish a woman checking out of a relationship as some guys here make it.

 

[sazc]

Idealization phase. Eventually you will suffer narcissistic injury, then the devaluation and discard. I predict domestic violence.

So scary

@LARaiders85 you should check out the brene brown video on anatomy of trust. She talks about building trust using 'common enemy intimacy' This is when she tries to bond with you over her sh1tty ex/other life relationships. (She/he/they, lots of ppl do it) anyways, it has a label (finally) and brown explains why it's a shallow attempt to build intimacy. Interesting shiz.

 

[sazc]

Oh I've lived it, actually even worse with us men is they do it with their parent(s) so it triggers all the white knight instinct PLUS in their mind they warned you they had a bad background so youre naive to trust them(see: BeExcellent's false belief that the victim always has "fair warning."). You spend a ton of time pointlessly trying to help them reason through the parent's manipulation(the girl has a codependent attachment to the parent even if she herself is NPD and trying to make you her codependent). All healthy men have a protective instinct and are vulnerable to this sort of manipulation if not educated otherwise.

Right, I understand that. But, for me, knowing, educating myself, that this type of conversation has a label - 'common enemy intimacy' - and is an unhealthy mechanism, on the storytellers part, to build intimacy, gives me insight and power to know the playing field of the storyteller. I am immediately alerted that, if this person can't shut up, they have a better chance of being generally unhealthy and someone I may be better off avoiding.

Then the idea of white knighting never comes into play, as I can identify an unsavory personality trait up front.

 

[sazc]

Do men do this? Maybe with the ex wife or something. I've never dated a female codependent/caretaker type that would even care about my past, wouldnt even work. Of course, they are comparing themselves to my exes on the superficial traits like looks.

Yes. Two I am recently talking to two from bumble. Both have dropped the narcissist word about their exes and both have droned on and on about how wronged they were by them. To the point where I've had to gently say 'stop, please''

You may have not been so wronged by past relationships that you still need to vent, or you are over all that bvllchit and don't need to rehash it anymore.

I just find it fascinating that there is a label for the behavior, and that, when it appears, it's now classifiable as 'a mechanism to create quick, but shallow, intimacy', even tho the storyteller probably doesn't realize this.

Another way to screen them.

 

[lizardking82]

That translates to an abundance of men that want to date them, which is a false intuition in itself.

Abundance of quantity, but scarcity of quality. That I promise you.

They take the fake confidence that the fact low value men wanna bang them gives them and they try to sell it to higher value man as "Hey, I got options, I'm cool".

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Abundance of quantity, but scarcity of quality. That I promise you.

They take the fake confidence that the fact low value men wanna bang them gives them and they try to sell it to higher value man as "Hey, I got options, I'm cool".

A high value man devalues someone whose so freely available. So it doesnt work. It shows she requires extensive external validation. It will be a problem being in a relationship with this type of person.

 

[guru1000]

Oh I've lived it, actually even worse with us men is they do it with their parent(s) so it triggers all the white knight instinct PLUS in their mind they warned you they had a bad background so youre naive to trust them(see: BeExcellent's false belief that the victim always has "fair warning."). You spend a ton of time pointlessly trying to help them reason through the parent's real manipulation(the girl has a codependent attachment to the parent even if she herself is NPD and trying to make you her codependent). All healthy men have a protective instinct and are vulnerable to this sort of manipulation if not educated otherwise.

All of this is largely irrelevant to men of strong character (and thus frame) and awareness, who won't be duped into anything. Womens' attempted tendencies (whether that be hypergamous or genetic/social proclivities) fall flat on its face when dealing with such a man.

Only men who can get duped get duped. Has little to do with her sociopathy or narcissism or any XYZ proposed mental disorder, but rather your awareness of human tendencies and your strong character not to invest beyond what's necessary.

It's a very straightforward approach to life and very effective, as instead of pointing outward to people you cannot control, you instead, point inward to someone who has 100% control of how much he can and will invest. If you invest haphazardly, the disorder lies within yourself, not them.

 

[Spaz]

You guys are making the whole thing sound like something bad out of a horror movie.

It's not that bad.

Despite what you're seen or heard, there's lots of women out there that does want the same thing as you do.

Yes...yes...women operate on a different level then men, so what ? It's not something new.

Go out and mingle around, stop using OLD, increase ur social skills, ur dominance, ur influence etc.

Play the game until you come across some chick who you feel treats you like a king, respects you and admires you...consider her for an LTR and if all goes well in 2-3 years, wife her up.

 

[guru1000]

it isnt intuitive that another human being would try to do something like this to you if you didn't grow up in an environment of abuse and manipulation. Therefore first you must learn what is happening and then you adjust and screen it out.

I was raised in an excellent environment free of “pollution” if that is what you were alluding to. Reality taught me differently. With enough experience, all will be conditioned the same.

And guess what? The most “evil” acts committed upon me were by men, not by women. Women are children in comparison.

If you’re just learning that’s cool, but you have been here for some time, so it’s about that time ... ACCEPTANCE of human nature. And there’s nothing “evil” about it as Nature has created in such a way unless of course you do believe Nature is evil too.