If You're Not Good at Cold Approach After a Month, You Never Will Be

[Mike32ct]

There is no "calibrate your game to continue improving" or girls giving you "clear IOIs" (that doesn't require gut instincts, Mike is talking about). Before you approach, you know which girls will very likely be dtf. If she is (you will know for sure, now), then it's just a matter of gradually building up that sexual tension to the point where she's ready to go. That's it.

Exactly. I’m not referring to reading IOIs. These might be chicks that haven’t noticed you yet. But you sense they are DTF per your instinct, and you have probably pulled a chick similar to her in the past.

When I was at my looks and game peak, roughly 2007 to 2011, I had this unconsciousness sense that short thick nerdy blonds liked me (because that’s what I pulled before), and I was good at reading DTF.

I noticed plenty of hot tall brunette party chicks that were also DTF, but I no longer approached them because I was batting zero with them. They wanted the D also, but probably not mine, so my “metal detector” ignored them like an aluminum bottle tab.

 

[Plinco]

As I stated in another thread, I cannot recall seeing even a single person improve their cold approach skills appreciably. The thing is, by the time you're in your twenties, you are unlikely to improve significantly in intelligence, speaking skills, social skills or other facets of life that will impact your ability to date women.

You can improve your speaking skills with the right kind of practice. I'm in my late 30's and have gone through several stages of improvements.

 

[metalwater]

Your whole message in this is hogwash. Life is a marathon not a sprint.

Agree, have seen guys at 60 learn this and become ok at it.

 

[yuppaz]

As I stated in another thread, I cannot recall seeing even a single person improve their cold approach skills appreciably. The thing is, by the time you're in your twenties, you are unlikely to improve significantly in intelligence, speaking skills, social skills or other facets of life that will impact your ability to date women.

There are certain externals that you have control over: style, grooming and to a certain extent fitness but these factors won't move the needle much unless you were grossly deficient to begin with.

The point is, cold approach is a huge waste of time for at least 80% of men at a bare minimum, and almost all of your success will be determined by your looks regardless of any other factor you invest your time in (scripts, clothing, winging, etc).

If you are new-ish to "game," invest the least amount of time with cold approach possible as the payoff is likely to be vanishingly low for the vast majority of men. It will be fun to "give it a shot," but the payoff will be grossly unequal with a small percentage reaping almost all of the rewards.

Totally disagree. I've seen and helped a lot of guys with their cold approach pickup and have seen them improve a lot and start getting dates / girlfriends. Into their 30s and 40s

 

[DisposableBenchmark]

I've noticed most guys who are in PUA groups that partake in cold approach are on the spectrum. They constantly spam approach with absolutely zero calibration.

This is why they dont get better, it's a very good idea to go out with a wing who can critique your approaches

It's just the ones gullible enough to sign up to a course. I can't imagine many normal people going to a seminar. Better find a wingman and learn via experience.

 

[Barrister]

you should've started earlier where im from men are taught to speak to women at early ages
or your seen as a weirdo or homosexual

I got decent at cold approach walking the malls for 4 to 8 hours as teen

early 20s I was brilliant

I talked to women when I was younger. My point was being good at cold approach is much more than just speaking to women. So much of it is how you speak -- with a lot of it being about body language and appropriate use of kino. That was something that young 20s Barrister did not have down.

And to each their own, but I cannot imagine going out of my way to cold approach at a mall for 4-8 hours. No issue with approaching at the mall in general, but I will do my shopping and cold approach along the way. Then I am done. Too contrived otherwise.

 

[2Rocky]

Multiple approaches and rejections do one thing: Get you over the self consciousness of Approach Anxiety. After that it is a matter of reading non verbal clues and knowing WHEN to be direct, and more importantly indirect for the best chances...

For many of you reading cues is really difficult. Why approach someone and directly ask them out if you KNOW 100% that she will reject you? Learn to see if a woman is intrigued with you and might be curious to know more about you. Don't go rushing in there and put her on the defensive.....

 

[rjc149]

Having "blocks" of daytime cold approaches where you are trying to get as many swings as possible within a given time span has a huge downside -- the negative reinforcement and the resulting burnout.

You have knuckleheads walking around a city all day simply spamming anything with a vagina. Each approach becomes more and more diluted and disinterested until rejection is expected, received, with no real feedback gained on that approach. He's just going through the motions for the sake of hitting some approach "goal." The only feedback is that they approached 100 women, were rejected 100 times, and no woman found them attractive. That's not good for confidence.

You have to read the woman you are about to approach. You have to calibrate to the situation. Walking up to a pretty woman who is clearly not receptive to a conversation (walking somewhere, busy working etc) will usually result in a rejection.

Cold approaches, in my opinion, should be spaced out accordingly, and done on a whim while you are going about your business. At the supermarket? Cute girl moves aside to let you grab something off the shelf and smiles at you? Get one in. Make cold approach an organic part of your routine, not a contrived block of time where you do nothing but "practice" cold approach with a marathon of repetitions and rejections. It will fvck with your self-esteem.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

OP's statements are completely untrue and can be translated into the standard lazy AFC cop out of: "Things that require effort and discomfort will not improve me so I'm justified in whining instead of taking action to improve myself."

I am living proof that it works. It took me 1+ year to get to the level I am today. It is also a muscle - it has to be worked regularly. Each time I exit a relationship, it takes some effort to push myself back into it. But it is like riding a bike in that that it comes back quickly.

 

[Grounded eagle]

The thing is, by the time you're in your twenties, you are unlikely to improve significantly in intelligence, speaking skills, social skills or other facets of life that will impact your ability to date women.

On what authority are you basing this groundbreaking discovery?

 

[Grounded eagle]

Ironically it's the guys who approach the most who are least likely to improve...

Probably because the only thing they’re addressing is approach anxiety.Mindless volume approaching can’t address deeper character and inner game deficiencies.It doesn’t take into account the need to calibrate game depending on the girls he’s approaching or his personality or other prevailing circumstances.

 

[Sam_J]

As I stated in another thread, I cannot recall seeing even a single person improve their cold approach skills appreciably. The thing is, by the time you're in your twenties, you are unlikely to improve significantly in intelligence, speaking skills, social skills or other facets of life that will impact your ability to date women.

There are certain externals that you have control over: style, grooming and to a certain extent fitness but these factors won't move the needle much unless you were grossly deficient to begin with.

The point is, cold approach is a huge waste of time for at least 80% of men at a bare minimum, and almost all of your success will be determined by your looks regardless of any other factor you invest your time in (scripts, clothing, winging, etc).

If you are new-ish to "game," invest the least amount of time with cold approach possible as the payoff is likely to be vanishingly low for the vast majority of men. It will be fun to "give it a shot," but the payoff will be grossly unequal with a small percentage reaping almost all of the rewards.

I disagree, social and speaking skills can be improved with practice, age doesn't matter. I'm 25 and I cringe at my horrific social skills from 18-22, but I improved them with practice and picking up on cues from other people. You're never too old to learn a new skill and most skills take years to improve. I disagree with the point on "intelligence" as well, I can say without a doubt that I am smarter and would perform better on an IQ test after getting a degree in math than I would have four years prior before I started school. There is no study that can be found that confirms anything you're saying, at best it's just an opinion, and one that's wrong for the vast majority of people.

 

[Willie Naylor]

On what authority are you basing this groundbreaking discovery?

Our brain isn't fully developed until age 25.

Ignore the I N C E L S

 

[coyote_astro]

I stopped reading at the point where you said you are unlikely to improve further as soon as you reach your twenties. Everyone ignore this guy he seems to be totally ignorant and/or blackpilled.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Exercise is utter bullcrap.

If you've been at it for thirty days, and you haven't got a six pack yet, it's never gonna happen.

 

[joesbigship]

I stopped reading at the point where you said you are unlikely to improve further as soon as you reach your twenties. Everyone ignore this guy he seems to be totally ignorant and/or blackpilled.

Feel free to prove me wrong! Start up an approach journal and track your results from month to month.

This applies to EVERYONE. Confirm or disconfirm my claim on your own!

I wish you all well.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This makes little sense. Mostly because someone who does something 8 hours a day for a month is going to be appreciably better at something than someone who does it for an hour 2 or 3 times a week for example. So you are putting a timeframe of a month and disregarding the amount of actual time someone has spent on it. Pretty sure there would be a huge difference with someone who spent 230 hours a month on this versus 8 hours.

Everyone has a ceiling to how good they can get but at the end of the day they need to dedicate sufficient time and also focus on the areas they are weakest in to gain maximum benefit from it.
Some suggest that it takes 10000 hours to master anything(to the best of their abilities). I highly doubt anyone has spent 10000 hours picking up women on cold approaches, so based on that I would say that your initial premise that people couldn't improve is invalid and based on the fact they either spend very little time actually working on it, or they don't spend any time working on improving the areas they are deficient in.

Simply doing the same thing over and over again that hasn't gotten any results is stupidity, and not sure how anyone would expect to improve from that.

 

[Velasco]

His original comment was that there are certain individuals that have a 'knack" for it.

A certain personality type

The strange thing is, I've seen very, very few individuals involved in pickup who actually improve their skills. Either they have a 'knack' for it, or they don't

SetinStone made a similar comment

If you are not this person then you will never be GOOD at cold approach.

 

[joesbigship]

This makes little sense. Mostly because someone who does something 8 hours a day for a month is going to be appreciably better at something than someone who does it for an hour 2 or 3 times a week for example.

Not necessarily. This is because your appearance is far more important than your "pua skillset."

So you are putting a timeframe of a month and disregarding the amount of actual time someone has spent on it. Pretty sure there would be a huge difference with someone who spent 230 hours a month on this versus 8 hours.

Not really. PUA techniques have been taught and practiced as such since at least the late '90's and was especially popular from say, '05 to the early 2010's.

That means there have been "instructors" who approached multiple days a week, multiple hours a day, for a decade or longer whose results we can evaluate. Who's the best out of all of those instructors? Probably Neil Strauss. Yet, his best results were the types of women sosuave finds disgusting: purple hair, drug abusers, party lifestyle with high body counts: basically, pump and dump rocker chicks that Neil took on as reclamation projects.

The rest never divulged their results, likely out of embarrassment. Their business models if you could even call them that were destined to self destruct for a whole host of reasons but they got rich in the meantime.

Everyone has a ceiling to how good they can get but at the end of the day they need to dedicate sufficient time and also focus on the areas they are weakest in to gain maximum benefit from it.

A 4' 9" horse jockey can practice trying to dunk for the rest of his life and he'll never succeed. Even the very best women's basketball players rarely dunk and even then they can barely dunk.

Heck, even most grown men in their 20's can't dunk. (As an aside, look up the name Pat Conaughton. He's a white nba player, and I believe he has the highest recorded vertical in an NBA combine. However, he couldn't win the nba dunk contest even though he had the genetics to make him the best leaper in the entire league? Why? He didn't have the reach or the hand size of the other top dunkers. A "genetic limitation" if you will. Add to that, he's probably a below average nba player).

Back to picku: if the "top instructors" can only pull emotionally damaged rocker chicks who mutilate their bodies then what type of success can their nerdy, socially awkward clients expect?

You are talking in a vacuum. But I can point to the history of the PUA movement and show that it was basically fraudulent even with instructors approaching women as a full time job.

 

[joesbigship]

His original comment was that there are certain individuals that have a 'knack" for it.

A certain personality type

You certainly don't have to be "evil" or a drunk to become successful at pickup. It helps immensely to be good looking and to have extensive prior experience developing good social skills.

These guys are usually very ambitious however, with marriage to a hot woman and a lucrative career in their minds and they usually do marry an attractive woman and never have to attempt "pickup" anyway.

This is why you're so likely to see the least attractive and least socially skilled guys who are MOST likely to be involved in PUA. They are the largest demographic because they fail so often and have to take much longer to get any result of any kind.

This is why online dating is likely flooded with older women and less attractive women. They are the leftovers (for the most part). Just as in pua, for the most part, pua guys are the leftovers: guys who could not get attractive girls or even average looking girls to commit to them so they wind up back on the "marketplace" so to speak.

Dating is like any market: the hottest "properties" go first and for the highest price, and they usually don't show up again on the market in the short term.

All of this is self-explanatory.