if you're not exclusive and she lies to you

[joker79]

guys what you do in this case? I recently dated a girl and everything seemed to go well. We were having fun and she was really nice.
I asked her out and she said "no, tonight I'll have drinks with some friends of mine I haven't seen for a while". I said "Ok no problem, we'll go out next time". Then I found out that these "friends" were actually her ex. I called her bluff and left, she was like "he caught me". Then I got a txt after midnight saying that she felt bad about this and that it was just a friendly catch up. What shall I do? I don't trust her anymore.

 

[iamnobody]

Dump her ass. She felt bad about the fact that you caught her, not that she did something wrong. simple as that. Friendly catchup? Do you expect her to say anything else?

Look, mate, she was blowing you off to meet with her ex. Pay attention to her actions, not her words. She's obviously not that into you. If you pursue this, you'll find it's an uphill battle that's not worth it.

There's better pvssy all around you, all you have to do is to go get it.

 

[CHICAGO27]

She disqualified herself. Next!

 

[PlayHer Man]

Wise men know that all women are compulsive liars in their sexual relationships. Yes I said ALL. 100%. :yes:

This is why PUA's have said for years to "focus on what women do.. not what they say". Why would you need to do that if you are dealing with honest people? :crackup: :crackup:

So never be shocked, hurt or surprised when a woman lies to you. It is their nature to lie. A lot of men are harmed by the false pristine perception of women they get from Disney movies. They enter the game unprepared and get run over.

Even on this site.. many men will say: "Well quality women don't lie!" and I would laugh at those men for their pedestalization and ignorance.

 

[joker79]

@PHM: if this is intrinsic in all the women, shall we tolerate it? I think it's unacceptable behaviour! Even if it happens one time only.

 

[Dhoulmagus]

She disqualified herself. Next!

lol

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Devil's advocate time.

Key words here: "not exclusive"

She's dating other people. OP should be dating other people.

"no, tonight I'll have drinks with some friends of mine I haven't seen for a while".

So, he asked her out on a date for that night. She had plans with another dude, in this case her ex, who she's known a lot longer than the OP. I'm curious what she should have said. Would it have been better if she said she was seeing an ex? If the roles were reversed I'm pretty sure 99% of the guys on here wouldn't have been that forthcoming. If it happens to me, I usually just say I already have plans, without giving too much information, or I don't respond till the next day.

What should she have done that would have made this situation okay?

 

[Trump]

guys what you do in this case? I recently dated a girl and everything seemed to go well. We were having fun and she was really nice.
I asked her out and she said "no, tonight I'll have drinks with some friends of mine I haven't seen for a while". I said "Ok no problem, we'll go out next time". Then I found out that these "friends" were actually her ex. I called her bluff and left, she was like "he caught me". Then I got a txt after midnight saying that she felt bad about this and that it was just a friendly catch up. What shall I do? I don't trust her anymore.

Would have just said "OK, talk to you later."

"We'll go out next time" shows assumption.

She only felt bad because you called her out. Notice how she didn't apologize and say "I will never do it ever again, I love you."

Nothing you can do, keep moving on and let her come to you.

 

[Night-hawk]

Ime, a woman (you desire) who you deem as quality is only so to you by the measure of what you provoke in her.

 

[joker79]

guys, what annoys me is not the fact that she met with her ex. Additionally, we are not exclusive, she can do whatever she wants to. What annoys me is the fact that she lied to me to keep another option open and I caught her

@P&V: IMO, she should have told me: "Look, I'm meeting with my ex because bla bla bla, I'll call you later, nothing to be worried about" or something similar. And I would have accepted it, no problem. And the situation would have been weird but ok. Am I expecting too much honesty from a woman?

 

[LP700-4]

I wanted to say something similar to what the guys above said but I thought about it and realized that what she did is merely the same thing we preach about on this website. Spin your plates, keep your options open, blah...blah...blah. You guys aren't exclusive so she's not really under any obligation to really tell you the truth about her whereabouts. Sure she's dishonest but everyone still serial dates and probably still has unfinished business with their ex.

What I WOULD advice you to do is to next her. She exposed her true colors for who she really is. You should be HAPPY and not angry because you caught this before anything serious even developed. Some other guys would be blind to this for months or years before ever finding out.

 

[joker79]

yes, thanks God this happened.
But, you know, the thing is: if she had managed it properly, nothing would have happened. And more importantly, even if she'd wanted just to meet up with this guy and nothing else, why didn't she tell me that. Now I can't trust her any more whatever her intention was

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Ime, a woman (you desire) who you deem as quality is only so to you by the measure of what you provoke in her.

I think I understand this^^^^. (+1)

guys, what annoys me is not the fact that she met with her ex. Additionally, we are not exclusive, she can do whatever she wants to. What annoys me is the fact that she lied to me to keep another option open and I caught her

@P&V: IMO, she should have told me: "Look, I'm meeting with my ex because bla bla bla, I'll call you later, nothing to be worried about" or something similar. And I would have accepted it, no problem. And the situation would have been weird but ok. Am I expecting too much honesty from a woman?

Like you, I sometimes would meet up or talk to some of my exes. But usually only the mature ones I'd had a healthy relationship with. They're ones I've happened to stay relative friends with and are mature enough where we could meet up and tell each other about new things in our lives and the people we now seeing, and it wasn't a big deal. The crazy ones, where it had been either love/hate or head games the whole time, are the ones that I couldn't meet for an innocent cup of coffee. If we did, there would always be some ulterior motive other than "catching up".

It could actually be a good sign she's meeting up with her ex IMO, if you want to look at it from a different point of view. Or it could be that the ex is still laying it down, which does happen....like some of the other poster assumed. Maybe she was. She told you she was going out with friends, yeah, she kinda lied, is her ex now her "friend"? Maybe she wasn't sure if you'd be comfortable with her seeing her ex.

I recently dated a girl and everything seemed to go well. We were having fun and she was really nice.

You two have just started dating, she doesn't know you that well, maybe other guys she's dated get jealous and/or angry at the drop of that hat, and she likes you so she doesn't want to upset you. IMO that's cool that you are okay with it, and like you, if a girl tells me that, I would tell her: "okay, have fun." I show trust, and if I don't get it back, then she's gone.

It's up to you what you want to do about it. She's just a plate right now, I would just tell her exactly what you said here. And that the next time, she should just tell you she's meeting up with whoever but....just don't lie Now you're clear, she had her chance, if it happens again.....then you next her.

 

[buzzin_frog]

You're not exclusive, so you are both free to bang anybody you please....she is not your girlfriend!!

Lying is another thing which should not be tolerated....that is a clear sign of disrespect.....she disrespected you!!

The only reason that she "feels bad" is because she got caught and is shown to be a liar.

She lied to you.....she turned your date offer down to go out with the ex....she thought more of him than she thought of you.

Does that sound like someone who wants to be with you?

If she thought highly of you....she would have gone out with you instead of the ex.

She will do it again if you give her the opportunity

If you already banged her, then you accomplished your goal

Move on to the next chick....you already got your use out of her.

 

[Night-hawk]

This is why I don't give a spit anymore about taking girls all that serious. My trust in them now is no longer the most important thing, because that can be shaken. Surety in myself in their nature is. This is what keeps me sturdy. This whole exclusive not exclusive thing gets rather retarded. She either cares to win your favour by proving you are her only flavour, or she doesn't. You are either ok with it or not. Fact is your trust in her is shot. Not much to run on from that.

During this time in the beginning I'd be seeing how she lives up to my standards and how well me and her flow together.

 

[joker79]

yeah guys, will definitely drop the plate, no more chances to a liar!