If you are a virgin in your mid 20's?

[johnsmithB]

I have this issue.

I have been reading the Bible and there is great stuff in there. In the last year I lost 40lbs to go from chubby to in shape. I started to buy nice fitting clothes, shaved my neckbeard (no joke, got out this summer and tanned etc etc. I even manscape now.

Confidence wise I'm doing well, and I got a girl into bed last week for the first time, then I encountered a problem. I'm a virgin and sex is harder than I thought it would be...

I have had this problem for a while because I knew obviously I was going to be pretty crap. Foreplay seemed to go fine and then when it came down to business I put her on top which was fine and I was laying there thinking "finally" . but after like a couple of minutes she wanted me to go on top and let's just say my inexperience showed. It wasn't a premature situation which surprised me but it was just the mechanics of the situation that confused me. You see it in porn but the actual rythm and movement didn't come naturally to me.

Anyway I pretty much blamed it on alcohol and stress but I certainly blew it with her which is frustrating as she could have been a good FWB. She said the next day "we are better as friends, we just didn't connect in bed" well duh cos I sucked.

So my question is wtf do I do about This inexperience. It's nice to have the knowledge that I can get a pretty cute girl into bed but thinking I'd just "wing it" didn't work. The obvious answer is "have more sex" but who with?

I live in a small town so don't want a rep for being crap, you CAN'T tell girls you are inexperienced or they will laugh and tell their entire social circle.

So do I just do fugly girls I don't know off tinder for a while?

I don't really want to do that but it's probably the only way to get experience without getting a bad rep or ruining the attraction of girls I actually like, such as the last one.

BTW this is no troll I'm dead serious

 

[Mike32ct]

I have this issue.

I have been reading the Bible and there is great stuff in there. In the last year I lost 40lbs to go from chubby to in shape. I started to buy nice fitting clothes, shaved my neckbeard (no joke, got out this summer and tanned etc etc. I even manscape now.

Great.

Confidence wise I'm doing well, and I got a girl into bed last week for the first time, then I encountered a problem. I'm a virgin and sex is harder than I thought it would be...

I have had this problem for a while because I knew obviously I was going to be pretty crap. Foreplay seemed to go fine and then when it came down to business I put her on top which was fine and I was laying there thinking "finally" . but after like a couple of minutes she wanted me to go on top and let's just say my inexperience showed. It wasn't a premature situation which surprised me but it was just the mechanics of the situation that confused me. You see it in porn but the actual rythm and movement didn't come naturally to me.

A few points here....

1. A guy isn't likely to finish prematurely his first time. It's a television myth and stereotype. In reality, it is much the opposite. He may be too nervous to release and "let go," and he might not cvm at all the first time.

2. The rhythm of sex IS natural, but I think you just got too nervous and/or tried to go too fast. I would advise you to SLOW DOWN. Once you are more comfortable, then you can pick up the pace.

Anyway I pretty much blamed it on alcohol and stress but I certainly blew it with her which is frustrating as she could have been a good FWB. She said the next day "we are better as friends, we just didn't connect in bed" well duh cos I sucked.

Sorry to hear that, but let it go. You have to F up in order to learn and improve.

So my question is wtf do I do about This inexperience. It's nice to have the knowledge that I can get a pretty cute girl into bed but thinking I'd just "wing it" didn't work. The obvious answer is "have more sex" but who with?

I live in a small town so don't want a rep for being crap, you CAN'T tell girls you are inexperienced or they will laugh and tell their entire social circle.

So do I just do fugly girls I don't know off tinder for a while?

I don't really want to do that but it's probably the only way to get experience without getting a bad rep or ruining the attraction of girls I actually like, such as the last one.

BTW this is no troll I'm dead serious

Telling a girl that you are inexperienced is generally a bad idea. I think it's best to use the "dry spell" excuse, without actually calling it that. Just say, "Uhh it's been a while." She might ask how long since you've had sex. Say a year or two. Women can understand and forgive a "dry spell" more than inexperience or virginity.

 

[johnsmithB]

Telling a girl that you are inexperienced is generally a bad idea. I think it's best to use the "dry spell" excuse, without actually calling it that. Just say, "Uhh it's been a while." She might ask how long since you've had sex. Say a year or two. Women can understand and forgive a "dry spell" more than inexperience or virginity.

Thanks for the practical advice.

Funnily enough it actually didn't bother me that much that I messed up.

This girl actually turned me down just over a year ago and it was about that time I decided to sort myself out. I didn't see her for about a year and then met her at a party. She was all over me and actually kept saying "I don't just like you now because you lost weight" haha then was making excuses about turning me down but I just laughed it off.

To be honest it was a good confidence boost to go from being flat rejected to her suggesting that we get a taxi straight to mine rather than go clubbing with everyone. Shows me I progressed.

Just need to get more practice at sex, as easy as it is to say don't let it bother you, it is an aspect I'm underdeveloped in and it's important especially to attractive girls to be good at it.

 

[Meisterman]

There's really nothing you can do to prepare other than gain experience, which is what you did. If I were you I would consider buying a decent fleshlignt so at least you can be accustomed to what a vagina *sorta* feels like.

Go slow, seriously if you try to do what you see on pornos you're gonna have a bad time. I'm not a huge believer in the experience excuse. There's no reason you can't go out there next time and not give her the best fu*k of her (or another woman's) life. Only your fear and inseurities are holding you back.

In other words, you're so scared of messing up that you manifest it into existence because all your energy is focused on the fear of messing up. You need to stop caring what happens and have the mentality of "This is for me not for her so I'm gonna do what feels good and im not worried about what she thinks" and then once you get that in your head you can focus on pleasing her. But until you overcome your fear it's useless.

You're a different person than you used to be. The pale, overweight, basement dweller neckbeard persona does NOT define you. Your past does NOT define you. You only define yourself in the present moment.

So let go and drop the idea of "What if you're a virgin in your mid 20s?" The answer is it's no different from any man who's ****ed from 1 to 100 women. We're all in this together and we're all learning and none of us are perfect so don't be afraid to **** up and make mistakes.

And the paradox in this is once you adopt the mentality of not caring about messing up, you will find yourself messing up much less than before. Because all that fear based energy can now be redirected and used to guide you as a man to know what to do in the moment, instead of always saying "What if" or "I can't" you just do it. You. Just. Do. It.

Also*: You say the mechanics of sex didn't come naturally to you, and then you proceed to compare it to what you saw in pornos. That's your problem. You didn't ALLOW it to come naturally to you because you were so caught up on what you "Thought" it should be like.

 

[johnsmithB]

There's really nothing you can do to prepare other than gain experience, which is what you did. If I were you I would consider buying a decent fleshlignt so at least you can be accustomed to what a vagina *sorta* feels like.

Go slow, seriously if you try to do what you see on pornos you're gonna have a bad time. I'm not a huge believer in the experience excuse. There's no reason you can't go out there next time and not give her the best fu*k of her (or another woman's) life. Only your fear and inseurities are holding you back.

In other words, you're so scared of messing up that you manifest it into existence because all your energy is focused on the fear of messing up. You need to stop caring what happens and have the mentality of "This is for me not for her so I'm gonna do what feels good and im not worried about what she thinks" and then once you get that in your head you can focus on pleasing her. But until you overcome your fear it's useless.

You're a different person than you used to be. The pale, overweight, basement dweller neckbeard persona does NOT define you. Your past does NOT define you. You only define yourself in the present moment.

So let go and drop the idea of "What if you're a virgin in your mid 20s?" The answer is it's no different from any man who's ****ed from 1 to 100 women. We're all in this together and we're all learning and none of us are perfect so don't be afraid to **** up and make mistakes.

And the paradox in this is once you adopt the mentality of not caring about messing up, you will find yourself messing up much less than before. Because all that fear based energy can now be redirected and used to guide you as a man to know what to do in the moment, instead of always saying "What if" or "I can't" you just do it. You. Just. Do. It.

Also*: You say the mechanics of sex didn't come naturally to you, and then you proceed to compare it to what you saw in pornos. That's your problem. You didn't ALLOW it to come naturally to you because you were so caught up on what you "Thought" it should be like.

the main problem, I'll try to explain this..

so when she was on top it's fine, first she's grinding then I start to do her from underneath, all going well so far.... then when I flipped her over and I was on top I was like OK this is fine I know what to do, then she was trying to like. .. and this is the hard part to explain, instead of her just lying there she immediately started trying to thrust her hips upwards as I was obviously thrusting downwards and the result was just awkward.

So I actually told her to just relax and I wanted to kind of take control of the pacing but she kept trying to thrust upwards and it was just awkward as all hell.

as one other poster said I didn't end up finishing. But I've never seen a woman doing that on a porno (which I know isn't real life) but yeah it just threw me off.

I don't know if that's normal or what. I talked to a buddy and he said it sounds like she was inexperienced too or just got carried away.

I just wish I got these first few awkward times out of the way when I was younger and it was explainable.

I dunno

 

[Meisterman]

the main problem, I'll try to explain this..

so when she was on top it's fine, first she's grinding then I start to do her from underneath, all going well so far.... then when I flipped her over and I was on top I was like OK this is fine I know what to do, then she was trying to like. .. and this is the hard part to explain, instead of her just lying there she immediately started trying to thrust her hips upwards as I was obviously thrusting downwards and the result was just awkward.

So I actually told her to just relax and I wanted to kind of take control of the pacing but she kept trying to thrust upwards and it was just awkward as all hell.

as one other poster said I didn't end up finishing. But I've never seen a woman doing that on a porno (which I know isn't real life) but yeah it just threw me off.

I don't know if that's normal or what. I talked to a buddy and he said it sounds like she was inexperienced too or just got carried away.

I just wish I got these first few awkward times out of the way when I was younger and it was explainable.

I dunno

That's really weird dude. I've never heard of a girl doing that. Don't get me wrong I'm not an advocate of star fish sex either, but how you explained it did seem a little odd. I just wouldn't sweat it. Until you either have more sex with her or any sex with another woman, there's not much you can do but just try better next time and hope it works.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I have a feeling I might know why it felt so awkward...

Many women have an abysmal sense of rhythm and instead of thrusting up to meet your downthrusts they thrust in exactly the same direction as you do, thereby canceling it out.

I hate it when they do that, I've had more than my share of these. It annoys me so much thst I'm compelled to fix it right then and there. Could this have been the issue?

 

[Eternal_water]

Well at least it sounds like your not a virgin anymore so your one up on me.

 

[Rival]

If that ever happens again just flip her and ram her doggie style. Ive had girls feel insecure if i didnt finish either. They feel they were bad. If you know shes came and you feel like you cant, just fake it and tell her how good she was.

 

[No.Danny]

..... dude, I think she hurt you.....

 

[johnsmithB]

Well at least it sounds like your not a virgin anymore so your one up on me.

I don't know if it really counts tbh but yeah

My advice if you are looking to at least get to the stage I'm at is work on your attractiveness then get yourself into environment where there's lots of girls and alcohol. Tbh I didn't even have to do much legwork to get her in bed. If you look bad like I used to its game over before you even begin. The difference in how girls treat me now I have a quite good physique and 2 inches bigger arms and look clean as opposed to a pot belly and greasy is just huge. 2/3 of it is appearence Imo

 

[Bingo-Player]

I’m assuming what you mean by she “wanted you to go on top” you
mean she wanted you to assume the standard missionary position

THIS IS A FVCKING SH1T POSITION.....especially if you are new to sex / don’t have a 10” penis

For starters its virtually impossible to get a good angle for penetration because most women don’t really have a fvcking clue how to have sex anyway most of them will just lay there like a plank of wood whilst you search for her hole

Unfortunately with her lying flat with her legs , flat her vagina is curving downwards therefore making it ridiculously difficult to enter her let alone find her sweet spot

Im pretty confident this is why the movies use this position so much ......because its virtually impossible to have sex in this manner unless your both real comfortable with each other

Next time i would advise you to put her in a doggy position and simply sway back and forth gradually changing the deepness of your strokes as you get more confident

Doggy is an easy position for both of you , some women aren’t comfortable with it but tbh those aren’t the type of women you want to be fvcking
Alternatively get off the bed and place her on the edge , lift her legs and let her feet rest on your shoulders , you now have a much better view of her vagina and this position really allows for deep penetration which all women love no matter what they say

These are both easy positions to begin with and allow her to embrace your masculinity and confidence

 

[Willard]

Why not a high quality escort, you can tell her about your inexperience and I'm sure she would be happy to show you what to do. I'm sure you'll have plenty of confidence once you have learned.

 

[BrainDamage92]

Get drunk and **** their brains out

 

[johnsmithB]

I’m assuming what you mean by she “wanted you to go on top” you
mean she wanted you to assume the standard missionary position

THIS IS A FVCKING SH1T POSITION.....especially if you are new to sex / don’t have a 10” penis

For starters its virtually impossible to get a good angle for penetration because most women don’t really have a fvcking clue how to have sex anyway most of them will just lay there like a plank of wood whilst you search for her hole

Unfortunately with her lying flat with her legs , flat her vagina is curving downwards therefore making it ridiculously difficult to enter her let alone find her sweet spot

Im pretty confident this is why the movies use this position so much ......because its virtually impossible to have sex in this manner unless your both real comfortable with each other

Next time i would advise you to put her in a doggy position and simply sway back and forth gradually changing the deepness of your strokes as you get more confident

Doggy is an easy position for both of you , some women aren’t comfortable with it but tbh those aren’t the type of women you want to be fvcking
Alternatively get off the bed and place her on the edge , lift her legs and let her feet rest on your shoulders , you now have a much better view of her vagina and this position really allows for deep penetration which all women love no matter what they say

These are both easy positions to begin with and allow her to embrace your masculinity and confidence

Yeah she wanted missionary which did seem like a clumsy position to me, I agree with what you say about the edge of the bed, would have been easier.

What's the concensus on escorts? I am in two minds about it, I did think if I used one once or twice for practice purposes it may not be a bad thing.