If women like confident men, then why do we get rejected so much?

[Droz88]

Up to this point, very few people have commented on your actual approaching technique. Bottom line: it's not coming across as very confident, which is why you're not getting the results you want.

Let's look at what you wrote, shall we?



In the first approach, you passed her and didn't say anything, then went back around. In effect, you circled her like a vulture, which makes women feel creeped out. If you were going to say anything to her, it should have been on the first go 'round.

In the second approach, you made small talk and got her name; then she said "have a nice day," which was her nice girl way of hinting to you that she wasn't interested.

In BOTH cases, the approach was (a) too direct and (b) too weak.

For (a), you went right up to them and said "hey, I'm so-and-so," an approach more likely to get you shot down. Unless you already know them, this approach feels too forceful. You need to make up a reason to talk to them so THEY won't be so weirded out. Something like:

"Excuse me, but I'm trying to get to ____, and I'm lost, which way is it?"

Doesn't matter if you're not lost, it's a conversation starter. Plus, if she likes you, she'll say "oh, it's over there - here, let me show you." Now you KNOW she wants to talk to you.

As for (b), you calling them beautiful makes it sound like you're sucking up to them, which they haven't earned. No need to compliment them until you've had a conversation with them for a bit, which will only happen if you approach them the right way - see (a) again.

If they do agree to converse with you, talk for a little bit, get them laughing and smiling, then tell them you have to be some where but would like to talk to them some other time. Then get their phone number and GET OUT OF THERE.

Hopefully this helps, and you should see better results! :rockon:

Thank you for the feedback, Harry. One thing I've learned so far is that it's better to start with a technique that you are comfortable with and develop/add on to it from there. Like 2 weeks ago I made a lot of approaches basically saying exactly what I did to these two and I got a lot of phone numbers...which tells me that my technique is somewhat effective but, more importantly, I feel comfortable using it. Comfortable=confident. The approaches with these two were awful because I lost all my momentum from 2 weeks ago and got really nervous all over again. Yes you are correct, the technique may not be very good, but I'd rather change a line or two at a time and see what works and what doesn't. If I were to suddenly change it all at once and do something where I'm asking for directions (beating around the bush) then I would feel fake and uncomfortable and get even worse results. I know this because I've tried different techniques in the past that I wasn't comfortable with and women would never give me a number.

I think any technique has to have all of the important elements (confidence, sexuality, etc), but it also has to be tailored specifically for you. One guy may be serious and direct while another guy may be funny and goofy and both may get pretty good results. If they were to suddenly flop techniques then they would get horrible results because they just aren't comfortable using something that doesn't fit their personas.

 

[FairShake]

Here's a secret that guys who sell confidence to other guys won't tell you. If you are a confident ugly guy, confident poor guy, or confident awkward guy your confidence means fvck all.

Girls will often talk about how they like confident men which is true. That separates the best from the pack. But you can't get in the pack if you don't meet their requirements of looks and sociability. And, for some, income.

 

[NobodyCares1]

I think that confidence is really important, even if you're ugly. It's just that when you do cold approaches and you're ugly you will get rejected a lot, because the women doesn't really know you so the first thing she is noticing on you is your looks... I would suggest meeting with women who are friends of your friends or so... and get to know them well, be confident then even an ugly guy can get a hot girlfriend... but in cold approaches you have a huge disadvantage...

 

[Mike32ct]

Fair Shake is correct that looks are much more important than confidence.
Listen to groups of women gossip. You will never hear "I hooked up with this guy last night. He wasn't my type, but he was soo confident." lol

Nobody Cares is also correct. Yeah every guy should be confident regardless of his looks. There's no harm in that. Just know confidence isn't a silver bullet. Lastly, I agree that a less attractive guy will do much better in a social circle than a bar or club. Looks are king in nightlife.

In a social (or work/school) circle, chicks are highly incestuous and will eventually sleep with and/or date some dude she knows in that circle because it's the path of least resistance, even if he isn't the best looking. Or she might sleep with several of them over time in a 9 0 2 10 style rotation.

 

[Who Dares Win]

The concept of confidence regarding dating is a non sense.

If a good looking guy believes in himself thats what you would call "confident".

If an ugly guy believes in himself and approach a girl thats what that girl calls "creepy".

Think of a good looking girl playing with a ice cube on her lips, that would make it hot, now think of a fat one doing the same and you will realize that same action would be ridicolous in that case.

For women is the same, what matters is your look or your status, better yet both togheter.
Humor, confidence,ambition multiply your attractiveness but they cant create any alone.

 

[nismo-4]

Your confidence, game, sense of humor, and personality won't make you look any better when your clothes drop down or bank account comes up.

Who Dares, ambition isn't that sexy. If it really were, MIT students would have groupies. But that's only in the movies. Even in that movie 21 (2008), there were no groupies around the students there, but yes for those going to Vegas and making all that money!

I recommend having a parameter (money, looks, status) to be confident in.

I have yet to see a woman get wet over a man that's just confident with goals and ambitions and is funny.

 

[Mike32ct]

I just meant that every guy should have a general "base level" of confidence. I am not suggesting that an ugly guy be arrogant or ****y or carry himself like some spoiled celebrity. No way.

Be confident but not delusional.

Because if you weren't born with good looks, should you cry in the corner and feel badly about yourself? Of course not. You have to draw your confidence from other things like career, hobbies/skills, etc.

Confidence alone won't get you laid. I agree completely. But don't let some prissy AW make you feel badly about yourself either regardless of your looks. If you do, you are letting Ms. Bully win.

Even without women, if you looked like S h rek III, you would still need confidence to succeed at your job or business.

To summarize:

Start with a base level of confidence (even if it's based on nothing) so that you believe in yourself enough to improve your looks/body (if possible), money situation, and status.

Then you will have something solid to base it on so the confidence will snowball.

 

[VladPatton]

The way I see it is there needs to be 'balance'. You need to be somewhat intelligent, somewhat decently financially capable, educated, confident, good looking. As well as she should be as well. I think whenever one area is way out of whack, things get screwed up. Oh he's good looking but dumb and poor. Oh, he's fat, but ugly and loaded. I really don't think one can complain much about well roundedness.
There also has to be compromises on both parties to make things work in the long run, once again, setting a balance. I don't care how hot a girl is, if she's a rude a$$hole, she's gone.
This is us trying to make sense of this, but in the end, who the hell can say for sure?
These women are like a windsock in a hurricane.

 

[Boilermaker]

Your confidence, game, sense of humor, and personality won't make you look any better when your clothes drop down or bank account comes up.

Ever heard of common genes? Ever seen a ginger without freckles?

The point is, if you are confident, you have game, and you have sense of humor and a good deal of personality, % 99 of the time you will be physically fit and financially stable, in the first place. Same with women: You can't expect a woman who drinks beer all day cussing at football games, burping in front of guys and uses foul language to be a "feminine, affectionate" love ball. Some traits are carried together, that's what renders our pattern-recognition skills so powerful.

You are describing the ideal man, and then doing hypothetical nitpicking from that afterwards. But you can't find very many REAL examples who fit into your "broke" with a "larger-than-life" personality.

Get it?

 

[Droz88]

Ever heard of common genes? Ever seen a ginger without freckles?

The point is, if you are confident, you have game, and you have sense of humor and a good deal of personality, % 99 of the time you will be physically fit and financially stable, in the first place. Same with women: You can't expect a woman who drinks beer all day cussing at football games, burping in front of guys and uses foul language to be a "feminine, affectionate" love ball. Some traits are carried together, that's what renders our pattern-recognition skills so powerful.

You are describing the ideal man, and then doing hypothetical nitpicking from that afterwards. But you can't find very many REAL examples who fit into your "broke" with a "larger-than-life" personality.

Get it?

Great post!

 

[Droz88]

Ever heard of common genes? Ever seen a ginger without freckles?

The point is, if you are confident, you have game, and you have sense of humor and a good deal of personality, % 99 of the time you will be physically fit and financially stable, in the first place. Same with women: You can't expect a woman who drinks beer all day cussing at football games, burping in front of guys and uses foul language to be a "feminine, affectionate" love ball. Some traits are carried together, that's what renders our pattern-recognition skills so powerful.

You are describing the ideal man, and then doing hypothetical nitpicking from that afterwards. But you can't find very many REAL examples who fit into your "broke" with a "larger-than-life" personality.

Get it?

Great post!

From reading this, along with posts by some others, the message I'm getting is that we need to present ourselves as a package instead of relying on just one quality. Being physically attractive or financially attractive isnt essential; what works is using our confidence to fix ourselves and then to talk to women in a way which turns them on and makes them comfortable with us. Ultimately, to me, I think the goal is to fix yourself and be confident enough to the point where it is all just part of your natural process...effectively making you one of those guys is just a "natural" with women.

Nice.

 

[bigneil]

Your confidence means extremely little for one main reason: once they think you are overconfident a woman will unleash all hell. You'll experience this when you get 4 phone numbers in a row and then girl #5 will feel an instinctive need to reject you 500% - all the way back to AFC.

This is especially true as you climb the corporate ladder.

If you show up as a new guy on the job and (because of your skill, 20 years experience and patented products) get promoted past the women who have worked there for a few years (as marketing manager, secretary or janitor), they will have flames coming out their eyeballs when they walk by you - despite how confident you are with your promotion.

Men are not nearly like this, as they will come in your cubicle and look at your product and judge/respect you based on your work (generally). The women don't have that capacity.

 

[Atom Smasher]

The formula that works is to do the best with what you have. Dress neatly, show a sense of style, and that plus confidence will land you plenty of women. In my experience most women aren't looking for Brad Pitt but rather a man who demonstrates a bit of attention to his grooming and projects reasonable confidence.

 

[Quiksilver]

2 weeks ago I made a bunch of approaches and got a bunch of numbers. All but 1 flaked on me and still seeing her (18 year old, hot, virgin). I took the next week off because the high from making all those approaches kept me in kind of a good mood. This week I started again and decided that I would try cold approaches on the street and so far it's just been 2 approaches today.

1st one...was walking through a parking lot and passed her but I wussed out initially. Then I got my balls and went back and talked to her. Holy **** she looked really scared and uncomfortable. All I did was say hi and that she looked beautiful and I wanted to introduce myself. We exchanged names and then she basically ran to her car. I lol'd but at the same time felt like I must of been a creep about it or something?

2nd one...just walking on the sidewalk and saw her sitting in the grass. Said the same things as I did to the first one. We exchanged names and then she told me "have a nice day". To which I replied "oh so you're telling me to leave?" She said well she had to make a phone call and I said ok that's fine and left.

After all my approaches last week I was starting to feel comfortable but man after only 1 week of no approaches I am rusty and nervous all over again but at least I know now that comfort does come with practice.

So I got to thinking...why do confident men have to resort to reasoning like "it's a numbers game, you'll get rejected a lot"? If I dress good, am tall, good physical shape, and have the balls to cold approach good looking women then shouldn't I theoretically not get rejected and flaked out on so much? Like if a man with these traits can expect to only get laid by 1/25-1/100 approaches then what are the odds for an AFC? Like 1/200? Or is it much lower like 1/3 since an AFC won't really approach but will wait until they meet someone through mutual friends or something?

Nature designed male AFCs to get exactly zero ***** in their life. To be ostracized and used as joke material by more substantial men, and eventually killed by his harem of females to gain favor.

If you're an AFC, nature wants you to fail and die quietly while natural selection does its business.

remember that.

 

[Gro0ver]

Judge nismo here to shed some light!

With Post # 2,200!!!

The only way women like a man who's confident is if he's got lots of good looks or lots of money. Confidence, game and personality don't make you any more physically or financially attractive. Those are two dimensions that women are most attracted to. Most of the time, if you're unattractive, a woman will label everything you say and do as such.

There are lots of surveys in magazines that talk about what women want most in a man. They rank confidence, personality, swagger, voice, and style of dress up high usually. What these surveys DON'T TELL YOU is that this applies after the man is physically or financially attractive enough!
I've seen a woman get wet for a confident man, after seeing his Rolls Royce Convertible! But she dried up for the one in the Nissan Altima.

This is why women make men wait for sex, and flake a lot. With all the options and attention women get on a daily basis, and the media helping them out, women think that they're entitled to a top 10% man, and the other 90 is in the friendzone or gay. This is why there's a lot of "Golden Vaginas and Princesses". Most men won't flake on a date, nor will they deny sex. Sadly, the decision of sex happening and when you become her boyfriend is always the woman's.

Oh yeah, why do most men get rejected so much. Easy answer. All women have lots of options, and most men are using this PUA sh*t/ googling how to attract women/ reading books on the subject, and a lot of other stuff. Most men don't have the choosing power women have in the dating game.

Women know what they want.

Case closed.

I always like your judgements Nismo but I have to disagree with the bolded part. Women are the gatekeepers to sex, men are the gatekeepers to commitment, generally speaking. If you're a man spinning plates then the women should be working to get you in the relationship, not the other way round.

It's a powerful bargaining tool. If they're holding out on me for more than a couple weeks, I tell them straight up that I wouldn't considered a relationship until we've fvcked. I tell them it's always been a great part of my "official" relationships so it's important to me, which is true. That gets the hamster wheel spinning and helps her justify spreading in her mind and thus lower anti-slvt defence.

 

[zekko]

Because a woman who is married to a rich man won't ever sleep with the pool boy right?

Women will sleep with the pool boy once they get the money locked down. For instance, Hulk Hogan's wife slept with the pool boy because she knew she was guaranteed big bucks in the event of a divorce. She was going to be rich either way.

Now pre-marriage, given the choice between the rich guy and the pool boy, I'm guessing she'd take the rich guy.

The concept of confidence regarding dating is a non sense.

If a good looking guy believes in himself thats what you would call "confident".

If an ugly guy believes in himself and approach a girl thats what that girl calls "creepy".

I wouldn't go so far as to say it's "nonsense", but I do agree that confidence as an attraction factor is overstated. It's a pretty vague concept to begin with. Basically, if you're confident, you can interact with the woman in a relaxed, natural, and calm manner, without seeming nervous. I don't think there's much more to it than that.

Trying to "act" confident, like being ****y, or walking around like you've got a stick stuck down your back, to me seems try hard and reeks of insecurity. ****y and Funny works because it's done in a joking manner.

 

[bigneil]

Women are the gatekeepers to sex, men are the gatekeepers to commitment, generally speaking.

WRONG. The man can NEVER be the one to ask for a commitment!

 

[Gro0ver]

WRONG. The man can NEVER be the one to ask for a commitment!

I didn't say they ask for commitment, I said men are the gatekeepers, or at least should be if they have Game.

 

[csycpr]

The concept of confidence regarding dating is a non sense.

If a good looking guy believes in himself thats what you would call "confident".

If an ugly guy believes in himself and approach a girl thats what that girl calls "creepy".

Think of a good looking girl playing with a ice cube on her lips, that would make it hot, now think of a fat one doing the same and you will realize that same action would be ridicolous in that case.

For women is the same, what matters is your look or your status, better yet both togheter.
Humor, confidence,ambition multiply your attractiveness but they cant create any alone.

I agree with this. If you're good looking you can get away with actions that she will regard as "confident" whereas an unattractive guy trying the same thing will be considered "creepy."

Nevertheless, some actions are more, let's say, "neutral" than others, in which there's not a huge difference in the confidence/creepiness factor if an unattractive guy does them.

For example, doubling back after passing a girl in the daytime saying you "just had to meet her" will tend to look rather confident if done by an attractive guy and rather creepy if done by an unattractive guy (no hard and fast rules here, just general probability). But a less outrageous action wouldn't have such a hard divide between confident/creepy. Something like striking a conversation at a bar is, of itself, no guarantee of success whatsoever, but even if turned down, there's nothing inherently "creepy" about it.

droz88, I think you're being too hard on yourself. There's nothing really horrible about the approaches you did. Day game you are going to get that "deer in the headlights" reaction a lot, I suspect. That was certainly my experience. But I think it really does come down to practice. I haven't done anything like that for a long time, but when I was giving it a go I noticed myself slowly getting better (even though I was still failing, I was failing "less badly"). I just never had the mental stamina to keep going until I felt comfortable with it. If you're perceptive, though, you will keep noticing areas where you can improve and in time I suspect you will get much better results at it. The key is to persevere. (I'm a fine one to talk, I know, I know. Still, I bet the principle is correct even if I've been a failure at applying it.)