if she asks you about other girls

[danthemann]

I met this chick about a week ago and weve hit it off pretty well. Ive been pretty successful so far in getting around her mind games but she keeps asking me if im getting with other girls and stuff. Now my gut instinct is to avoid answering it directly because if i say no it might lessen my value and kind of giving the impression that i cant get anther girl but if i say yes it might make her think shes just another fling.

I know she likes me and all but we arent even in a relationship and shes asking me if im hooking up with other girls? I dont even care if shes talking with other guys and she knows that. but someones gotta have some insight....

 

[Aaron B]

evasive action ala David Deangelo

"What do you think?" with a sly grin

If she is highly attracted to you she will assume other women are as well. This is good because it implies a confirmation of her beliefs, but in reality you've given her no actual concrete information.

Never give her a direct answer unless its "no."

Always observe the tactics women use and use them yourself.

When women don't want to answer a question, they either avoid it completely, change the subject, or answer with nonsense. These are valid tactics at your disposal as well. We can feel compelled to answer directly because of our notion of integrity. This is an internal belief that women generally do not have, so they have no problem being evasive, misleading, etc.

Women typically will not communicate in a linear and logical fashion and you shouldn't either unless it's intentional on your part to benefit you.

She's going to take her cues about you seeing other women based on how you yourself feel about it. If you act like you've done something wrong, she will pounce on it and you will be "in trouble" and she will seize the opportunity to turn the tables on you.

The fact is women throughout history have shared men with other women. If she finds out you are seeing other girls it can actually make her more interested in you provided you are 100% congruent that you are doing nothing wrong (and you aren't).

This is a good time to examine your internal beliefs with respect to seeing more than 1 woman at a time to see if they are consistent with reality.

The fact is that it is normal and natural for a young single man to take multiple women on dates. After all, how is he to decide which girl is right for him if he wants to have a long-term, committed relationship in the future?

You may want to check out this article for more info:
http://www.upperhanddating.com/never-act-busted

 

[Sh0t]

I've always relied on some variation of "I'm keeping my options open..."

Learning how to deal with that question and ones similar to it is critical. The best way is to answer it indirectly before she ever asks.

 

[danthemann]

thanks for the replies. some really good stuff. I remember running into this same question with my last girlfriend when i was a complete afc but now i know my value and just wasnt sure of the best way to answer it this time around. and next time ill remember to answer it before she asks.

 

[Aaron B]

ask yourself this: is it really any of her business?

 

[CuriousGirl]

When women don't want to answer a question, they either avoid it completely, change the subject, or answer with nonsense. These are valid tactics at your disposal as well. We can feel compelled to answer directly because of our notion of integrity. This is an internal belief that women generally do not have, so they have no problem being evasive, misleading, etc.

You come up with some noteworthy points but then you say things like this that completely devalue your post.

She's going to take her cues about you seeing other women based on how you yourself feel about it. If you act like you've done something wrong, she will pounce on it and you will be "in trouble" and she will seize the opportunity to turn the tables on you.

No I don't think this is the case at all. Men and women ask this question because with the given answer they want to determine how the person feels about them and their relationship. If they like you then they'll match what you do, I think, too.

If you say you are seeing other women she'll generally be thinking you're not that serious about her and so different girls act in different ways:
- If she likes you and she isn't seeing other men she'll think you're not that serious about her, in some cases this would put her off you, in others she might just think she has to do the same (date others) to keep you interested or to seem laid back about it or whatever.
- If she isn't interested in anything serious with you she'll probably be glad, maybe sexually jealous of the other women (because everyone likes to think they're always The Chosen One), but still probably glad you're not serious.
- Yeah it'll add value to you in terms of sexual competition but in any case where you like this girl a lot or want to be exclusive with her, in the majority of cases it won't benefit you. So many times I've heard girls and women talking about the guy they like, the doubts are usually to do with him dating other women and they are generally persuaded not to pursue a guy for anything exclusive if he's thought to be seeing a lot of women.
- In short if you don't want to be exclusive with her, do tell her you're dating other women, if she does want something serious then she'll know the score, if she doesn't then it reaffirms to her that you both are on the same page.

If you say you aren't dating other girls...yes I can see how you might be reluctant because you're launching the ball into her court and this is where you feel vulnerable but if you do want something exclusive or serious with the girl then you're going to have to take that leap of faith/trust at some point.
-If she doesn't want anything serious with you then she'll probably still like to hear this, it's good for the ego if she thinks you're only interested in her, but she might worry that you might want more from it. She might put an end to it to avoid complications or she might carry on safe in the knowledge she has control and won't be the one getting hurt. Be careful because a lot of men and women are happy to do this, this is the one to watch for for saving your own skin.
If you aren't seeing other girls and you don't want anything serious then either just say you are seeing other girls (personally I wouldn't lie but if you want to play the game then do this) or you could just set her straight saying this has nothing to do with you wanting anything more from the relationship.

**** Don't forget men and women always assume the answer to this question means something about how you feel about them and the situation you have with them. Always. *****

-If she does want something serious with you and you tell her you're not seeing any other women then she'll automatically take this as a good sign. So if you're not interested in anything serious then set her straight. It's not worth the hassle complicating things and stringing her along, if not for her sake then for yours, yeah you might get what you want from her but with a whole load of other bull**** so personally I'd say you should stop things there.
-If she wants something serious/exclusive with you and you do with her then really I think you need to just swallow your pride and say you're not dating other women, it's the only option that would move things forward. Saying otherwise yeah might add a bit of sexual competition but also add doubts and an extra layer of misunderstanding between each other and fannying around.

So really, when you've decided on what you want you can match your answer to the probably outcome you want.

 

[Aaron B]

You come up with some noteworthy points but then you say things like this that completely devalue your post.

Your premise is flawed. My posts are not designed to have value to you as a female. You don't have the capability to judge my posts on its merits because you are not a member of its intended audience.

I'm not writing it for how it plays to a female on a message board that is geared towards teaching men how to meet and date women and have relationships with them.

Style points on a message board is irrelevant. How one lost woman who has wandered onto the wrong part of the internet perceives my ideas is immaterial to me.

I don't expect women to agree with my writing. I don't agree with most of what I read by women on the topic.

Why are you here? Are you a lesbian? Are you so desperate that you are trying to meet men here? Are you trolling? Do you seek attention?

Please explain to me how its not valid for a man to observe the tactics used by women and then to use those tactics for his benefit.

I have a lot of experience posting on message boards then having women come in and say its bad and wrong for men to use tactics and games. Face the reality that the only way women can have the upper hand is by convincing the men that its wrong for the men to play games.

Because when men employ tactics of their own, the men have the upper hand in the relationship. I'm the most important person in the relationship, not her.

You are laboring under the false notion that the relationship should be conducted in a way that benefits the woman primarily. This is false.

If my statement that women are not socialized with a notion of integrity like men are bothers you, don't get mad at me for saying it. Its simply reality. Women in general do not accept responsibility for their actions and seek instead to blame others and make excuses.
They do this in part because they are not constrained by a notion of integrity, obligation, and responsibility in the way that many men are.

Contrast that with so many of a man's actions in a relationship being motivated by his notion of integrity, and those actions causing him direct harm.

 

[Jariel]

The way I see it, if you say yes, there's really not much to gain from it. She's not going to like you more because you're banging other chicks, but she is likely to lose interest from it.

If you say no, then she feels content and doesn't worry so much about catching diseases or feeling like a number. Personally speaking, if a girl told me she was banging other guys, it would be an instant deal breaker. I have too much value to be one of her numbers and if you find a chick with any value, she'll feel the same way.

A lot of guys here focus way too much on creating tension, causing jealousy and distance, and not enough on the basics, such as making a woman feel good when she's with you. The greatest players have mastered this art. They make a woman feel really special and it's that feeling that gets them addicted and obsessed, allowing the guy to then change the rules as he chooses.

 

[danthemann]

wow thanks jariel i like your take on it

 

[Alex DeLarge]

The way I see it, if you say yes, there's really not much to gain from it. She's not going to like you more because you're banging other chicks, but she is likely to lose interest from it.

If you say no, then she feels content and doesn't worry so much about catching diseases or feeling like a number. Personally speaking, if a girl told me she was banging other guys, it would be an instant deal breaker. I have too much value to be one of her numbers and if you find a chick with any value, she'll feel the same way.

A lot of guys here focus way too much on creating tension, causing jealousy and distance, and not enough on the basics, such as making a woman feel good when she's with you. The greatest players have mastered this art. They make a woman feel really special and it's that feeling that gets them addicted and obsessed, allowing the guy to then change the rules as he chooses.

Spot on. I agree with this so much. I have a friend that fvcks a lot of girls, and he was telling me about the number of girls that wouldn't sleep with him JUST BECAUSE he's known to sleep around. The only girls he really gets are pretty low value, but their bodies are usually HB7-8.

I also agree with not fvcking or dating wh0res. It's not worth catching diseases and it's also not worth a bill from the clinic.

 

[Scars]

Generally, I just lie and tell them what they want to hear. "Nah baby, you know you're the only girl I want to be with" etc.. But because of my indifference and the fact that I'm busy and sometimes hard to get a hold of deep down it makes them second guess themselves. I still get accused of seeing other girls and then I continue to tell them what they want to hear. It's the art of saying one thing through words and then your body language saying something completely different.

-Scars

 

[CuriousGirl]

Your premise is flawed. My posts are not designed to have value to you as a female. You don't have the capability to judge my posts on its merits because you are not a member of its intended audience.

I'm not writing it for how it plays to a female on a message board that is geared towards teaching men how to meet and date women and have relationships with them.

Style points on a message board is irrelevant. How one lost woman who has wandered onto the wrong part of the internet perceives my ideas is immaterial to me.

I don't expect women to agree with my writing. I don't agree with most of what I read by women on the topic.

Why are you here? Are you a lesbian? Are you so desperate that you are trying to meet men here? Are you trolling? Do you seek attention?

Please explain to me how its not valid for a man to observe the tactics used by women and then to use those tactics for his benefit.

I have a lot of experience posting on message boards then having women come in and say its bad and wrong for men to use tactics and games. Face the reality that the only way women can have the upper hand is by convincing the men that its wrong for the men to play games.

Because when men employ tactics of their own, the men have the upper hand in the relationship. I'm the most important person in the relationship, not her.

You are laboring under the false notion that the relationship should be conducted in a way that benefits the woman primarily. This is false.

If my statement that women are not socialized with a notion of integrity like men are bothers you, don't get mad at me for saying it. Its simply reality. Women in general do not accept responsibility for their actions and seek instead to blame others and make excuses.
They do this in part because they are not constrained by a notion of integrity, obligation, and responsibility in the way that many men are.

Contrast that with so many of a man's actions in a relationship being motivated by his notion of integrity, and those actions causing him direct harm.

Ok you've taken one thing I've pointed out and have jumped down my throat and made all these assumptions about me, I'm not annoyed at you I merely pointed out why your post lost some value...(yes as a woman I was insulted, but primarily as someone interested in historiography, you gave me reason to doubt your reliability). Also you didn't say women don't have the same notion of integrity, you said they don't have it. Which is quite a brash statement to make; suggests you're coming from a very anti-woman stance, which further suggests you haven't looked at this from other angles. Yes it's good to be very confident in what you believe but when you leave no room for different ideas then it becomes arrogance which becomes ignorance.

- No, no, no and no, I'm here because some of it's interesting, and I see some posts and I want to give my opinion. This very moment I'm here because my sister is watching boring **** on tv.
-I didn't say men can't use the same tactics as women.
-I think both men and women should benefit from a serious relationship, it can be done.

I'd quite like examples of this theory of female (or lack of) integrity etc, that's not a snide comment, I'd like you to elaborate on it because I'm interested to see.

 

[Zodiac]

If this question is asked I just tell them "Yeah" When I'm with a girl we tend to not have discussed being exclusive since we aren't 'dating' seriously and if they want to I tend to explain to them "That's not what I'm looking for and I am sorry if that is what you are. I had fun and I hope you did too." Then her and I part ways.

If you are dating a girl seriously then you should have no problem telling her the answer she most likely wants to hear otherwise be honest as eventually lies come back to bite you.

 

[Ease]

evasive action ala David Deangelo

"What do you think?" with a sly grin

Evasive action is good, but you are over-analyzing heavily. Over analyzing can be picked up by women using hidden antennae.

If you say no, then she feels content and doesn't worry so much about catching diseases or feeling like a number. Personally speaking, if a girl told me she was banging other guys, it would be an instant deal breaker. I have too much value to be one of her numbers and if you find a chick with any value, she'll feel the same way.

The opposite end of the spectrum. This answer is also not sufficient. There is wisdom that they wont teach you in school, you learn it on the field and from a wise elder. Here it is:

Dont let a girl get too comfortable. Especially in the early stages, it is never a good idea to let her get too comfortable.


The answer to this question varies too much on the situation. A girl that already thinks your a player way above her league will be taken aback and take it too heavily if you straight up suggest to her, 'i have several girls', whether it is true or false. In this case you need to balance it out and show her some love to keep her happy.

However if you have been showing a lot of love already, and she is already quite comfortable in the knowledge she has you hooked in, it is not a good idea to say, 'no babe just you'. It wont make her dump you by any means, but you need to balance it out so she isnt too comfortable. This is where you can dodge the question and play up a little james bond persona.


My personal move is 'that is none of your business...'.