If being needy, to available and begging are a turn off then why am I single now?

[Thundernuts]

See the DJ bible can tell us how we need to get our mind in the right place and what we need to stop doing.

One thing it doesn't tell us is what we need to do in every situation. It sets us on a path and we have to gauge our actions depending on whats going on around us. Its cool to be cool all the time but showing emotional investment doesn't hurt either, just do it in moderation.

You see these guys screwing it up with women when thats all they do is discuss how emotionally attached they are to the girl. Thats what you don't want to be doing.

I believe this girl wanted you but she knew she wasn't going to control you. Some women want the beta around as a safety net while they go and screw all the other guys.

You can do better, just put that notch in the belt and move on this woman is a waste of time even to think about.

 

[zekko]

How many women out there know what they really want?

Do the PUA's know what they really want?

I mean, we know that if you're willing to walk away from her, you're showing alpha traits, hence you attract her. On the other hand, we know woman like to feel absolutely UNIQUE, SPECIAL and IRREPLACEABLE for you. Which is contradictory, as if you show yourself willing to walk away from her then you're showing her she's replaceable.

Let me quote from Mark Manson's book Models: A Comprehensive Guide to Attracting Women. He says NO ONE truly knows how attraction works for women:

"Anyone who claims that they have the
definitive answer to what drives and motivates female attraction and
sexual arousal is lying to you. The jury is still out. Psychologists,
sexologists and biologists have been studying it for over a century,
and there’s still not a clear answer."

He does touch on two aspects of attraction, however: The man's status, and her desire to be desired. The following quote goes along with ForeverAFC's story about the woman who liked being raped:

"Suddenly, seemingly disconnected events that arouse women -- a
romantic marriage proposal in one instance, and a rape fantasy in
another -- make sense. Both indicate an extreme display of desire in
her by a man. A man who’s willing to sacrifice everything to be with
her.

When women say that just because they have rape fantasies doesn’t
mean they want to be raped, this is what they mean. What they want
is to be desired. They want to be desired to the point that a man
loses complete self-control."

Sometimes what PUAs would call beta game works. But they don't teach it because it isn't the best strategy to get laid. While it does work sometimes, it isn't the highest percentage approach to get sex, especially for short term mating.

 

[Dhoulmagus]

Because you weren't born with a mystic aroma that only girls can sense. I've seriously come to this conclusion because I struggle to get **** while I see guys that break every exception in the book have no problem finding women.

 

[cfdagola]

See the DJ bible can tell us how we need to get our mind in the right place and what we need to stop doing.

One thing it doesn't tell us is what we need to do in every situation. It sets us on a path and we have to gauge our actions depending on whats going on around us. Its cool to be cool all the time but showing emotional investment doesn't hurt either, just do it in moderation.

You see these guys screwing it up with women when thats all they do is discuss how emotionally attached they are to the girl. Thats what you don't want to be doing.

I believe this girl wanted you but she knew she wasn't going to control you. Some women want the beta around as a safety net while they go and screw all the other guys.

You can do better, just put that notch in the belt and move on this woman is a waste of time even to think about.

you may be right. Because as I said she didn't like her closeness to me. She wanted me to be the one following her. After our initial distance i don't think we ever really recovered obviously...

but she would start throwing out **** test. She's like I wanna see you. And I would be like come over to my place then and we'll roll out and do something. She's like I dunno...

and then i would tell her ok well text me when you know and we'll roll out cuz i wanna see you to. And she would complain that I'm to easily put off that I need to fight for her more and not give up so easily. So basically she wanted me to keep asking her with like c'mon!!! come out please!!.

I never did that. And when i didn't and she got pissed she'd run to her ex who would accept her with open arms and do whatever it is she asked and said whatever it is she needed him to say.

And at the end of the day. That's what won her back. She still communicates with me in a muted fashion though. She likes all my status's on facebook and she'll even go into my pinterest and like various post there. I deleted my instagram after our fallout because one i didn't want to keep poking in her instagram and two i didn't want her to have an avenue where she could get her fill of me without being a bit more open and direct like facebook would allow.

If she likes a status everybody will see that he will, her friends and mine.

So...

Number 3?

Yeah although its a hard pill to swallow probably number 3 was the best and maybe a little bit of complacency on my part

doesn't mean i didn't care about her either way.

 

[Anargyros]

Let me quote from Mark Manson's book Models: A Comprehensive Guide to Attracting Women. He says NO ONE truly knows how attraction works for women:

"Anyone who claims that they have the
definitive answer to what drives and motivates female attraction and
sexual arousal is lying to you. The jury is still out. Psychologists,
sexologists and biologists have been studying it for over a century,
and there’s still not a clear answer."

He does touch on two aspects of attraction, however: The man's status, and her desire to be desired. The following quote goes along with ForeverAFC's story about the woman who liked being raped:

"Suddenly, seemingly disconnected events that arouse women -- a
romantic marriage proposal in one instance, and a rape fantasy in
another -- make sense. Both indicate an extreme display of desire in
her by a man. A man who’s willing to sacrifice everything to be with
her.

When women say that just because they have rape fantasies doesn’t
mean they want to be raped, this is what they mean. What they want
is to be desired. They want to be desired to the point that a man
loses complete self-control."

Sometimes what PUAs would call beta game works. But they don't teach it because it isn't the best strategy to get laid. While it does work sometimes, it isn't the highest percentage approach to get sex, especially for short term mating.

Alledgedly, the approach for getting a short term mating is the same as if you were looking for a LTR with a certain girl. I'm wondering what's good advice if you're pursuing a relationship and not just an ONS

 

[6stringer]

I think I can offer some insight here. There are alot of men who can get away with being very beta for a time, because before that they were very abusive/alpha/dominant. As an example, a guy cheats on his girl, he's blowing her off, he's even abusive.. this gets her going and triggers her attraction for him- we know how much will will take from an abusive alpha, etc, and still "love" him. So when she gets fed up, or he goes too far she leaves... but she is still hooked.. he can then make the most dramatic beta displays in the world and it won't affect her attraction because he has already established the dynamic.
It's kind of like a rock star who sings sappy love songs. He can get away with for a good while because his position, his fame and his status keep him alpha in her mind. the ilpied dread of her being replaceable is still at work to keep her attracted.
That is one possibility, the other is this:
Power. She enjoys a power position in a relationship in order to feel security. For some women, being with a man who take or leave her fills her with too much dread, a man who isn't always showing his love to her scares her, so she goes to be with very beta guys who she can feel safe with. This may be the case here. Note that she is free to cheat on him and screw and he still takes her back. In these cases the beta bf doesn't keep her because he turns her on, so much as because he doesn't.
Not being turned on as much by the guy is a form of safety, if he leaves, he doesn't hurt as much. If it ends, she can easily go screw somebody else, etc. Women like this can be a headache in the long term. Be glad you dodged her

 

[cfdagola]

I think I can offer some insight here. There are alot of men who can get away with being very beta for a time, because before that they were very abusive/alpha/dominant. As an example, a guy cheats on his girl, he's blowing her off, he's even abusive.. this gets her going and triggers her attraction for him- we know how much will will take from an abusive alpha, etc, and still "love" him. So when she gets fed up, or he goes too far she leaves... but she is still hooked.. he can then make the most dramatic beta displays in the world and it won't affect her attraction because he has already established the dynamic.
It's kind of like a rock star who sings sappy love songs. He can get away with for a good while because his position, his fame and his status keep him alpha in her mind. the ilpied dread of her being replaceable is still at work to keep her attracted.

That is one possibility, the other is this:

Power. She enjoys a power position in a relationship in order to feel security. For some women, being with a man who take or leave her fills her with too much dread, a man who isn't always showing his love to her scares her, so she goes to be with very beta guys who she can feel safe with. This may be the case here. Note that she is free to cheat on him and screw and he still takes her back. In these cases the beta bf doesn't keep her because he turns her on, so much as because he doesn't.

Not being turned on as much by the guy is a form of safety, if he leaves, he doesn't hurt as much. If it ends, she can easily go screw somebody else, etc. Women like this can be a headache in the long term. Be glad you dodged her

Your first theory is way off this guy weaseled his way into a relationship with her by being the shoulder to cry on while her rebound relationship was going south. he scooped her up in a moment of opportunity and never let go.

Essentially I did the same thing however I was not a shoulder to cry on. He treated her like a princess. all around decent dude so her choosing to cheat was not him being less than what he was from the start. Which is telling me that EVENTUALLY she will have the same issue once more. only this time she'll hold some reservation given that she acknowledges she should have never said "yes" to the engagement to begin with. I estimate that when he pushes her to wear the ring again is where things will start going south for him again. When that time will be honestly is in the air.

He won't do anything to endanger his standing. which makes him a pretty good fallback guy simply because she can and HAS dictated what he can and can't do.

Lets put it this way. My car broke down. and SHE SENT HIM to pick me up even though at that point he realized she was cheating on him with me. He still came and picked me up and took me home.

But apparently that's an "attractive" trait to her being a fu*king puppet.

she openly stated to me she hated how i challenged her because all the other guys she's dated never did that they just followed her around like sheep. she hated how much she liked me and she hated how i wasn't showering her with affection. She also over the phone our last conversation. I asked her why him. like legit why. She's like because we have history but more than that its comfortable. Which i think was a pretty loaded answer. She basiclly said he'll never leave me no matter what i'll do. And you will. She didn't like how i don't associate with any of my ex's either. (imagine that! a Chick who DOESN'T LIKE when you're NOT friends with your ex's)

now i did slip into beta territory but i still held up some form of a resistance because that's what made me break it off with her in one last huge fallout when i realized her guy was sleeping over at her house.

had i not done that she would still be hooking up with me right now. But that wasn't enough I wanted to be the center of her universe not some side line bi*ch.

I still miss her. its been a full week no contact. however i'm not doing it to get her back i'm doing it for me. I just want to move on. Although she's using social media to manipulate me in some fashion. by liking status's or things i put up for inspiration on pinterest. Which mind you takes more effort to like something on a certain person's board than facebook.

 

[Dgwizdal]

She'll be back...

 

[cfdagola]

She'll be back...

yeah i know. I know her better than she thinks. ANd this i know for sure.

hell after she told me to kick rocks after catching her. THE NEXT DAY she sent me a video of her doing cute **** and kissy faces saying how much she was thinking about me.

when the reality slips in that i have in fact gone she will reach out again. and i already know it'll be when she's drunk. because even 7 days into no contact she went out to the bar with her guy on saturday. ended up posting a bunch of "i miss you" quotes on Pinterest and liked a ton of my stuff. later that night.

she's already told one mutual friend we have that she misses me a lot.

and sunday she was religiously logging into facebook all day. when in retrospect she hardly ever uses facebook.

the evidence is already there. i just hope i'm ready for the impending comeback. I don't want to fall again. but i'm not sure if i can totally ignore her either. which sucks.

 

[Anteros]

Did she suffers Stockholm Syndrome?

 

[cfdagola]

Did she suffers Stockholm Syndrome?

lol no. at least i hope not. jesus haha

also just an UPDATE

so i wanted to reconnect with friends again so i remade my instagram and posted a bunch of new pics of friends of mine including some new friends. within minutes. My ex followed and proceeded to like every single picture and made a comment on one where she was acting jealous/angry because one of my friends grace who's very pretty made a funny comment about me snapping a picture of her middle finger in front of my drink.

then promptly went on Pinterest and posted a handful of i miss you quotes. No calls or text's though. which i feel will come down the pipeline. She ditched me for her lame ass fiance. i'm not understanding where she's coming from with all this. unless she's beginning to realize I was serious about cutting ties.

 

[Anteros]

She doesn't seem to know what she wants, dude. You're better of without her. The "wound's still to fresh" for you to just do it, but you eventually will realize it and be grateful you're no longer in that situation.