If a Person Whats to Speak to You, They'll Contact You

[Maximus Rex]

Real life situation. I reached out to one of my former professors because I needed to have some legal work done and I left a message on his voicemail. Last Thursday, I went to another attorney on the same matter, and after discussing the fee, he'd said he contact me in a week. These incidents were two weeks and a week ago respectively and I have yet to hear from either one of these attorneys. Now if I were to go into the Anything Else forum and pose a question as to whether or not I should call these attorneys back, damn near everybody would tell me to move on and take my business elsewhere.

This morning, I contacted another lawyer, (concerning another matter,) and she returned my call within five minutes. I tell these stories to illustrate this point, whether it's business, personal, or romantic, people return and prioritize the people that are important to them and namely they return your calls. With social media, texting, voicemail, the rarely used actual phone call, it's more likely than not people are getting your messages, and if that person isn't returning your call it's because they don't want to.

With all of that being said, you have to value yourself more. With ya boy Rex, I've taken a zero tolerance policy in regards to unreturned phone calls, texts, voice messages, and e-mails. Be the nature of call personal or otherwise, you'll only get one phone call from me. Now in the case of a business call, I'll give you 24 hours from the time of the call to return it, if not, I'll move on. I just simply don't have time to waste trying to track people down. Case in point, my best friend and my godkids parents. I happened to be in CA for for the Rex family reunion and called to let him know that I was there. Being that this is one of my best friends, I bent my rule a bit and I left him a message with one of his kids, two on his wife's phone, and one on her Facebook, and she hit me back saying that he would call me back in an hour. Three weeks later and dude has yet to return my call. The moral of the story is when a person isn't contacting you, you have to take their lack of an answer as their answer.

 

[MountainSlide]

All you have to do is think back on all those people that we never responded to and why. Most of the time it's cause we don't give a **** but every once in a while it is because we just straight up forget. Just because I'm not talking to someone at one point or another doesn't mean I don't care but it does mean that there is nothing that I want from them at the time or that I think it can wait.

I definitely wouldn't hire those lawyers though because that's what you'll be dealing with the entire time. They won't get the job done right because they are too concerned with helping the people that are more powerful or that are spending more money or bringing the lawyer more prestige because the case is high profile.

 

[Drummer93]

Glad to read this thread. You are absolutely right and i'll admit I am working on myself to stop chasing others and move on to what's next in my life. Most of the chasing is for validation, I will admit it. I can't tell you how many women I have had in my life, slept with and dated but ended up ruining it by my needy validation seeking. I used to blame others and think that they weren't ready but the funny thing is, it was me who wasn't ready.

 

[sharkbeat]

What's annoying is when they meet you after like 10 years of no contact, this is the first thing they say: "Hey man, where have you been??"

"Where have I been?"

"Where have I been???"

"What about, where have YOU been?"

How these people think that it was you who avoided contact. And "Busy" is the #1 excuse for all NCs.

Women are especially notorious to this because they had been conformed that we men should be doing all the approach. You had one of those women telling you "I have been busy, but keep asking me out ok"? Yuck.

They won't put a single effort to make contact with you. I value women who do, and there are only a handful of those.

With friends and family, I used to be all angry and personal about this. Later I realized that some people might really just forgot. Sure, you are not in their mind all the time that they didn't even think of contacting you. You don't need to be. People have their own lives, and so do you. You are no superstar, and even if you are, they aren't obligated to talk to you. Either way, those who don't reach out to you end up useless to you.

 

[ArcBound]

Part of Rollo Tomassi's "The Medium is the Message"

http://therationalmale.com/2011/09/06/the-medium-is-the-message/

First paragraph:

I hate the term ‘Mixed Signals’ or ‘Mixed Messages’. More often than not there’s nothing ‘Mixed’ being communicated and rather it’s a failure (willful or not) to read what a woman is communicating to a man. The average guy tends to ‘get’ exactly what a woman has implied with her words, but it takes practice to read her behavior and then more practice in self-control to apply it to his own interpretation. When a woman goes from hot to cold and back again, THIS IS the message – she’s got buyers remorse, you’re not her first priority, she’s deliberating between you and what she perceives is a better prospect, you were better looking when she was drunk, etc. – the message isn’t the ‘what ifs’, the message IS her own hesitation and how her behavior manifests it. 10 dates before sex? This IS the message. Canceling dates? Flaking? strong interest to weak interest? This IS the message.

 

[DiegoSantori]

Part of Rollo Tomassi's "The Medium is the Message"

http://therationalmale.com/2011/09/06/the-medium-is-the-message/

First paragraph:

I hate the term ‘Mixed Signals’ or ‘Mixed Messages’. More often than not there’s nothing ‘Mixed’ being communicated and rather it’s a failure (willful or not) to read what a woman is communicating to a man.

This is one of the lessons I had to learn the hard way. I spent too much time waiting for women that were just not that interested in me while I ignored those who really wanted me. I guess, the term "mixed signals" has become established because if you are infatuated with a woman, you tend to overvalue the perceived signs of interest and undervalue her signs of disinterest.

In other words, you HOPE that she feels the same way for you as you do for her and consequently, your selective perception only lets you see indicators of interest that, in reality, just might be politeness.

And since your selective perception only focuses on the "good" signs, you are suddenly confused why she is sending you negative signals from time to time. And then you start asking yourself questions: "Why did she say she's too busy to see me?"

And you try to find bs excuses just to avoid the cold hard truth telling yourself: "Maybe she wants to take it slow and get to know me better."

But sooner or later, reality is going to slap you and then you hopefully realize that attraction is a "100% or nothing" thing and that "mixed signals" is a bs term for people unwilling to face the truth.

 

[yungballa]

This is exactly how I've been thinking.

If someone actually wanted to talk to you... then they talk to you.

If they aren't... then they don't. Simple math. And it says a lot about people, too.

This is why I don't even bother trying to both with the people who don't try to talk to me. I just keep moving on.

 

[Trump]

I happened to be in CA for for the Rex family reunion and called to let him know that I was there. Being that this is one of my best friends, I bent my rule a bit and I left him a message with one of his kids, two on his wife's phone, and one on her Facebook, and she hit me back saying that he would call me back in an hour. Three weeks later and dude has yet to return my call. The moral of the story is when a person isn't contacting you, you have to take their lack of an answer as their answer.[/B]

Bro its not that simple. People have their own lives, their own families, their own grandchildren, bills to pay, soccer games to drive to, etc, etc, etc. Plus, if you leave a message with your friends kid, a second and third one with his wife, and a fourth one on facebook, they are thinking: "wow, this guy really needs a wife and family since he keeps bugging us. If we respond to him he might bug us more, lets forget it."

I could understand if you are in the early teens or 20s when you want to have fun and sleep with girls, people have to respond to you right away. But once you get professional, don't expect a call for a few weeks. They also have to a REASON to call you back. You either got to give them: Good money, good sex, or help their image.

 

[Noinfoprovided]

You should never wait for anyone.

Nobody should never wait for you.

Keep your relationships out in the open. Trust me It's the only way to get laid.

 

[yun-j]

Finding a lawyer. You are the customer and its your right to take business somewhere else. When paying money for something you get the options to turn people down.

 

[RangerMIke]

Bro its not that simple. People have their own lives, their own families, their own grandchildren, bills to pay, soccer games to drive to, etc, etc, etc. Plus, if you leave a message with your friends kid, a second and third one with his wife, and a fourth one on facebook, they are thinking: "wow, this guy really needs a wife and family since he keeps bugging us. If we respond to him he might bug us more, lets forget it."

I could understand if you are in the early teens or 20s when you want to have fun and sleep with girls, people have to respond to you right away. But once you get professional, don't expect a call for a few weeks. They also have to a REASON to call you back. You either got to give them: Good money, good sex, or help their image.

I hear what you are saying, and yes, there are occasions where people get involved in other things, but think about what you are saying... it today's world where everyone is walking around with email, VM, and text messaging on their phone, how hard is it to send a quick message saying "Sorry, I'm busy... will get back to you in x days."

One out of a hundred no call backs MIGHT have a good reason, but 99% of the time it is a message that you are not that important to them, OR that that person can not help you.

Someone doesn't answer, leave a message for them to contact you.... that's it. Don't tell them WHY you want them, if they don't contact you then trust me... they are NOT important to you.

 

[Speculator E]

Rex,

This is a little extreme. People are often very busy. I have a job where I have to make constant phone calls. I'd say at least half don't return my calls or email unless I follow up. Sometimes people don't prioritize things unless you make it clear it's important.

 

[yun-j]

This is a little extreme. People are often very busy. I have a job where I have to make constant phone calls. I'd say at least half don't return my calls or email unless I follow up. Sometimes people don't prioritize things unless you make it clear it's important.

People will always prioritize you if they think you offer value. If a better deal can be found elsewhere they'll go there. Simple.

 

[Speculator E]

People will always prioritize you if they think you offer value. If a better deal can be found elsewhere they'll go there. Simple.

True. But you have to be reasonable that a former professor is not gonna have you near the top of their priority when they have their own current students that's more important. Same for contacting a new lawyer that do not know your history when they have their own clients. You haven't even started paying them yet.

And all these leads to

Any new girls that you just met. If anything, I would be worry if they have super high interest in me from the start.

P.S. You know what type of people will always make time for you: Car salesmen. Ever wonder why?

 

[Speculator E]

People will always prioritize you if they think you offer value. If a better deal can be found elsewhere they'll go there. Simple.

Second. Why are there so many posters here with new [fake?] accounts?

 

[stevo]

Once again it shows that the DJ mindset goes way beyond dealing with chics.

I have the same policy. All you get out of me is one attempt.


It's a game of tennis, I wont continuously toss the balls over without waiting for the other person to toss it back.


We set an appointment, you take it for granted (Business/Personal), and its a wrap.

You show low value and low self esteem when you voluntarily give people second chances without them pleading and convincing you they deserve a second chance.

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me once, you dont get to fool me again.