Here are some thoughts
First of all from your write up on the situation I get a feeling that this is the first and only woman that you've been involved with since your divorce. Is this correct? If so, that's your first mistake.
You're in your forties, the best time of your life by the way, and not long divorced; in my view you should be out there screwing the ass off as many woman from thirty-five to fifty-five as you can get your hands on. That should be you're goal for the first two or three years after coming out of a long term relationship; get it out of your system. If you haven't done this, I think you should.
If you insist on getting back into a long term relatinship with anyone, do it on your terms. You still have a life to live. Nobody should get all of your attention or your time. You have a job, friends, recreational activities, hobbies. If there's something you want to do, do it. If you have a chance to take another woman to lunch some day, do it. Your life is about you.
On another note, she just came out of a divorce herself, perhaps she has some things to get out of her system? It's quite likely that she may not yet be ready for a long term relationship. You may have crowded her. The only thing you can do at this point is to take a step back. Give her some space and see what happens. There are no guarantees in this one. If you want to let her know you're there fine, but don't spend your time waiting for her to come around, get on with your life; she has to know that you're fine with getting on without her. Otherwise, she'll know that your balls belong to her, and that's exactly what you don't need at this stage of your life.
If this was the first relationship for the both of you after your divorces, I don't see it happening long term. I really don't. The good news is that the world is full of middle aged women just waiting to spread their legs.
