I wouldn't bother with girls you previously messed up with

[Infern0]

Over the weekend had a reconnect with a girl from last year who I AFC'd with, initial high interest when she reached out and managed to convert which was cool.

Anyway I must have done or said something (and i'm struggling her because I held good frame as far as i can tell) and her IL plummeted. I can only think something I did must have bought back memories.

Anyway, after messing with high IL girls it's jarring if you go back to one who knows what you used to be like, because they play all the tricks and try to get you to go back to your old ways, they are hot and cold with their IL because they are trying to consolidate the old AFC version with the new one and it's confusing.

My advice would be don't bother, it isn't worth messing with, because as much as they remember you being AFC, they also remind YOU of it too, which isn't a good thing

Steer clear, leave the past behind.

 

[Infern0]

Plating her should be the farthest you get with a girl like this. I think you handled this situation perfectly. Remember her friends.

I've got to admit it's frustrating. Obviously this one was almost a oneitis back in the day, she's hot and usually pretty cool. I did make ample mistakes back then.

She reached out so I did everything right and hooked up. The next day she was reaching out etc then yeah all of a sudden I could just tell the IL had dropped massively. So I lost her number before it went too far

 

[bigneil]

This is true, but only if you know why you messed up. If you still don't know what went wrong, just wait for her to initiate and try again. Never make reference to what went wrong or it sounds like you are back for more.

That said, according to Robert Greene in Art of Seduction, once disenchantment occurs, there is no going back.

EDIT: Read other post on same girl.

 

[Infern0]

This is true, but only if you know why you messed up. If you still don't know what went wrong, just wait for her to initiate and try again. Never make reference to what went wrong or it sounds like you are back for more.

That said, according to Robert Greene in Art of Seduction, once disenchantment occurs, there is no going back.

EDIT: Read other post on same girl.

I know where I went wrong initially, this time I have no clue whatsoever. I'm in abundance, have another date on Friday with a girl I really like who has high IL, so it beats me. I'm not too fussed due to other options but yeah, mildly peeved would be an apt description.

 

[nismo-4]

Do you know why and how you f**ked up?

I don't go back to chicks I f**ked up with.

 

[Infern0]

Do you know why and how you f**ked up?

I don't go back to chicks I f**ked up with.

Catalogue of errors tbh. She had initial high IL but I was afc lacked confidence so we were friends for ages then I blurted out that I liked her but she was seeing someone and she was like why didn't you say earlier because I was wanting you to etc. It was one of the last two girls that made me get into game and work on my stuff. I was full afc so my own fault

 

[gravityeyelids]

Yea i don;t think it's worth the trouble in general. I think you should do it once just so you can get that accomplishment of "look how far i've come from my AFC days".

Besides, you'll usually find that an old oneitis isn't even that attractive to you anymore once you've become a better version of yourself, and now she's below your standards.

That being said, if you're on good terms with her, it definitely doesn't hurt to befriend her and let her introduce you to her friends

 

[FCB]

I think its probably more or less dangerous depending on your frame. If you are still vulnerable to old insecurities or don't feel internally confident enough it will be difficult when they test you or remind you of past issues. The main issue in these interactions is ourselves, not them, because what drove us to make changes was thinking and beating ourselves up about how many mistakes and how stupid we were for dropping the ball with someone who was trying to make it easy us if we just had a clue how to react. Those thoughts and obsessions are not healthy in the moment, but they did lead to something healthy because it drives us to make changes for the better within yourself.

You have to downgrade the person on the other side of the interaction to someone who doesn't know you and who is not the person you made them to be in your own head while you were pedastalizing your social interactions as an AFC. If you are confident in yourself and have made actual meaningful changes in your life that are about you and not about an image to someone else or the illusion of not being AFC then you will be fine. You are a different person because you broke out of your slumber, don't fear that they will see you as that AFC you were because that person doesn't exist anymore and if you do find yourself caught up in the fear then you know what you need to work on, because fear is what created the AFC state in the first place. If you go into something like this, just do what you want, if you want to date them, date them, if you want to plate them, plate them. The overall mindset should be that you take life by the scruff of the neck and lead it where you want to go, you don't want to be AFC anymore, you make changes and you are not.

Cliffs/ The girl will never actually believe you are not an AFC anymore unless you fully believe it and show that, the time for self doubt is gone. This also protects you because if you are confident and you know you aren't attached to her impression of you, you will walk away easily because you will know its her issues and not yours.