I Wish I Wasn't Writing This... Missed Opportunites in bar...Facebook?

[wanderlust420]

There was a high-school reunion of sorts last night. People from every year were in this crowded bar in my hometown. I got pretty sauced, was having a jovial time saying hello to lots of old friends that I hadn't seen in years.

Well anyway, there were 1 or 2 younger girls who graduated a couple years after I did who were also at this bar, and I definitely got the eye a couple of times, and possibly some "proximity" indicators of a girl standing near me. (Sorry to get all PUA-speak)

Now, due to my own hesitance and the excuse of talking to my old friends, I didn't talk to these younger girls at all.

I feel stupid about it now. Thing is, if I wanted to, I could track one of them down on Facebook, could probably friend her, and could try to begin something, anything over Facebook, but it just feels so f***ing sheepish to not go for it at the bar and then start messaging on Facebook.

I realize that I could A) Not Contact her on Facebook due to the wussiness of the situation...Which results in 0% success, or I could B) Contact her on Facebook, which obviously has more of a chance of success, but makes me feel like a shmuck.

So - shoot me some advice people, and have a happy thanksgiving.

 

[DJNiceGuy]

It's alright bro we all hesitate sometimes. Ideally you would have approached her at the bar, but now it's time to see what you can do. What I would do is go in strong in this facebook message. I would just send her a message first without adding her as a friend. Because then you'd have to wait for her to accept your friend request before writing. In this message I'd go in strong "Hey Jenny, it was good catching up with you this weekend. Would you like to get a drink with me sometime this week? I always thought you were cute ." That last sentence is optional, but I'd go with a display of intent rather than a friendly "let's be friends" type message. You got nothing to lose...

 

[wanderlust420]

Thanks for the reply DJNiceGuy, but unfortunately a) I didn't catch up with her (we never really hung out in High School or after High School, but since everyone was from the same school at the bar, faces are familiar)

It's alright bro we all hesitate sometimes. Ideally you would have approached her at the bar, but now it's time to see what you can do. What I would do is go in strong in this facebook message. I would just send her a message first without adding her as a friend. Because then you'd have to wait for her to accept your friend request before writing. In this message I'd go in strong "Hey Jenny, it was good catching up with you this weekend. Would you like to get a drink with me sometime this week? I always thought you were cute ." That last sentence is optional, but I'd go with a display of intent rather than a friendly "let's be friends" type message. You got nothing to lose...

 

[wanderlust420]

Here's the result thus far, she seems kind of like a flake...You guys have any opinion on what goes on in here so far? I'm not going to ask her to meet up after this interaction, there is no attraction coming from her end, just curt, kind of weird answers.

Jenny, I don't know you personally other than a pretty face from High School, but I'm glad I found you in Amy's friend box on here to let you know how fresh you looked in your white dress at Crobar during that drunken reunion chaos.

Take it easy,
train

>>thanks...but i think you might have the wrong person bc i wasn't wearing a white dress...

you sure? what color was your dress then... yellow with sparkly things on it? as a disclaimer, i was few drinks deep at that point, we barely made it in after waiting far too long

>>I was wearing jeans...

hah ok work with me here... a dress is not a blouse
were you wearing a blouse that was sparkly and either yellow or white? there's no way i was this drunk...

>>White but not sparkly and had pink and blue things all over it


...?

 

[window]

I'd say you're well and truely dusted here lol so perhaps you should go down in flames and say "who cares what you were wearing I'm sure you look good naked so how about joining me for a cup of tea ?"

 

[window]

try this line see what happens...you have nothing to lose except half her horny mates hitting you up on face book.

 

[squirrels]

It's alright bro we all hesitate sometimes. Ideally you would have approached her at the bar, but now it's time to see what you can do. What I would do is go in strong in this facebook message. I would just send her a message first without adding her as a friend. Because then you'd have to wait for her to accept your friend request before writing. In this message I'd go in strong "Hey Jenny, it was good catching up with you this weekend. Would you like to get a drink with me sometime this week? I always thought you were cute ." That last sentence is optional, but I'd go with a display of intent rather than a friendly "let's be friends" type message. You got nothing to lose...

To quote Cartman..."The f*CK!?"

We DO all hesitate sometimes. But it's NOT "alright bro". It's not something I'd lose sleep over, it doesn't make you "less of a person", it's just a chick. But in the scope of meeting and attracting women, it's NOT "alright" that he found a girl attractive, wanted to talk to her, and p*ssied out.

That's ALL he needs to do right now is start stalking her on FaceBook. In addition to already demonstrating to a girl that was giving him signals that he feels like he's "unworthy" to talk to her in-person, he's going to scour the interwebs for her personal contact information and try to talk to her in an environment where he can avoid being judged by her??

And you don't think that sets off red-flags in a woman's head??

That is not only sh*tty beta behavior, it's downright STALKING.

stalk
2  /stɔk/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [stawk] Show IPA ,
–verb (used without object)
1. to pursue or approach prey, quarry, etc., stealthily.

He is trying to pursue this woman in a way that doesn't require him to reveal himself. He does it because he's afraid of being judged and/or rejected. But she doesn't know why he's sneaking around on FaceBook instead of talking to her face-to-face...maybe because at the reunion it'd be hard to isolate her in a dark alley. That sh*t creeps women out. And rightfully so.

What bugs me even more is that this forum is ENDORSING FaceBook stalking as a reasonable alternative to talking to a girl who's giving you buying signs!! And in the MATURE MAN forum at that! This would be inexcusable in the HIGH SCHOOL forum!

SUMMARY:

- You blew it not talking to her at the reunion. Not a big deal...learn from your mistake and next time at LEAST say hello and make small talk. If she's not buying that's fine, but at LEAST talk to her and find out. That's not even "DJ advice", that's common romantic sense.

- Your FaceBook escapade is a joke in bad taste at this point. You are a creepy stalker. She's "flaking" on you because you are freaking her out. The only reason she's even TALKING to you is because she thinks you have the wrong girl. Again, not a big deal...every one of us has messed up and creeped out a woman, otherwise this forum wouldn't be here.

- Next time, man up, grab your balls, and say hello.

- Is your name really "train"? I'm trying to decide whether that's weird or awesome.


Oh...and to the people who are voting that it's OKAY to wuss out on talking to a girl and then FaceBook-stalk her after the fact...please stop giving advice. If you f*ck a girl, or she gives you her number, looking her up on FaceBook might be warranted, but to stalk down a girl you HAVEN'T EVEN TALKED TO...WHY?!!

 

[jonwon]

To quote Cartman..."The f*CK!?"

We DO all hesitate sometimes. But it's NOT "alright bro". It's not something I'd lose sleep over, it doesn't make you "less of a person", it's just a chick. But in the scope of meeting and attracting women, it's NOT "alright" that he found a girl attractive, wanted to talk to her, and p*ssied out.

That's ALL he needs to do right now is start stalking her on FaceBook. In addition to already demonstrating to a girl that was giving him signals that he feels like he's "unworthy" to talk to her in-person, he's going to scour the interwebs for her personal contact information and try to talk to her in an environment where he can avoid being judged by her??

And you don't think that sets off red-flags in a woman's head??

That is not only sh*tty beta behavior, it's downright STALKING.



He is trying to pursue this woman in a way that doesn't require him to reveal himself. He does it because he's afraid of being judged and/or rejected. But she doesn't know why he's sneaking around on FaceBook instead of talking to her face-to-face...maybe because at the reunion it'd be hard to isolate her in a dark alley. That sh*t creeps women out. And rightfully so.

What bugs me even more is that this forum is ENDORSING FaceBook stalking as a reasonable alternative to talking to a girl who's giving you buying signs!! And in the MATURE MAN forum at that! This would be inexcusable in the HIGH SCHOOL forum!

SUMMARY:

- You blew it not talking to her at the reunion. Not a big deal...learn from your mistake and next time at LEAST say hello and make small talk. If she's not buying that's fine, but at LEAST talk to her and find out. That's not even "DJ advice", that's common romantic sense.

- Your FaceBook escapade is a joke in bad taste at this point. You are a creepy stalker. She's "flaking" on you because you are freaking her out. The only reason she's even TALKING to you is because she thinks you have the wrong girl. Again, not a big deal...every one of us has messed up and creeped out a woman, otherwise this forum wouldn't be here.

- Next time, man up, grab your balls, and say hello.

- Is your name really "train"? I'm trying to decide whether that's weird or awesome.


Oh...and to the people who are voting that it's OKAY to wuss out on talking to a girl and then FaceBook-stalk her after the fact...please stop giving advice. If you f*ck a girl, or she gives you her number, looking her up on FaceBook might be warranted, but to stalk down a girl you HAVEN'T EVEN TALKED TO...WHY?!!

I agree totally.

He is also showing signs of oneitus. Seriously dude get out and meet some other girls, you had a look and proximaty? Get out and get some real IOI's.

Stalking younger girls on face book because you thought she stood next to you and looked in your direction is creepy and I'm a guy!

Is this an aspect of the destuctive side of 'game', when a guy is willing to facebook some girl because she happened to give 2 debatable IOI's? In the sense 1: She could have been just standing near you. 2: She may have looked at you because you where looking at her and it means nothing.

IOI when a girl looks at you, is if the girl holds eye contact for a good few seconds and ideally looks down at the floor, then ideally looks at you again and each time you maintain eye contact.

Proximity, is when the girl puts her self close to you, to try to attract your attention.

I doubt you had either.

But in any case you dont need any IOI's to go and talk to a girl. I'd even go so far to state the OP wouldn't know what a real IOI was if it slapped him in the face with a pair of ti*ts - I suspect he has done a moderate to a little research and put two and two together and came up with 9. Seriously if your going to use game techniques at least know wtf your doing.

 

[wanderlust420]

Squirrels, thank you for *owning* me in that reply. Everything you said was deserved. I absolutely agree with all of you saying or thinking that facebook stalking is creepy. The reason I did it was because nothing was going to happen if I didn't, and all I risk by doing it is coming off creepy, which I can deal with, it's just one girl.

Jonwon, before you get all excited about me misreading signals and not knowing an IOI if it hit me in the face with a pair of tits, understand that we all ***** out from time to time, we all make mistakes, and although I don't want to begin qualifying, I had a pair of tits slapping me in the face this morning. (I swear they weren't my fat uncles)

At this point, I already feel like a creep and I'm not sure it's even worth responding to this girl anymore, obviously she isn't interested in me. I might close the "conversation" by saying "Glad we could work this out, wanna ****?" Only without the "wanna ****" part.

fin.

 

[Die Hard]

I absolutely DISAGREE with the idea that approaching a girl on facebook creeps them out and applying the word "stalking" is just plain RIDICULOUS. You might as well think that doing kino on a girl is sexual assault...

I think the reasoning behind it makes sense, though. It's sort of a desperate move, it shows you have too much desire for her. It shows a guy made too much of an effort. Why would a guy take the effort of looking up a girl who he barely knows and send her a message? It proves that he has a deep unfulfilled desire within him, which he's projecting on someone who just gave him some positieve signals. It's obvious that he doesn't like her for who she is, since he doesn't really know her. So then where does his desire for her come from? It has to be a feeling of emptiness inside of him, which makes him jump at even a small opportunity like some girl giving him looks. This deduction is being made by the chick instinctively, the moment some guy who doesn't really know her decided to look her up at facebook and send her a message. So she's obviously not interested when a guy does this... But that doesn't mean she's "creeped out" by it or feels like he's "stalking" her!!!

 

[Die Hard]

sorry, accidental double-post.

 

[jonwon]

At this point, I already feel like a creep and I'm not sure it's even worth responding to this girl anymore

fin.

Plenty more out there!

 

[MatureDJ]

Maybe I am the wrong person to give advice on picking up schoolmates - as I went to an all boy's school, LOL! - but it seems that you have nothing to lose. Just say that you noticed them at the reunion, but didn't get the chance to talk to them. Heck, you could invite both of them to go back to the very same bar. If they would not want to meet you, they will just simply say that it wasn't them, and that would be the end of it.