****, I was not dominant, again.

[Tortendieb]

Situation:
So I went to the town fair with a girl tonight. Both of us are working tomorrow, so it was clear that it would only be 2-3 hours. She's an acquaintance from work, we've had a casual coffee before, this is basically the first time we're on a proper-ish date.

About her:
She's very interested but also very passive. So nothing will just "happen" if I don't initiate it. She is my practice girl for becoming more aggressive and dominant. On this date I specifically wanted to practice that.

Things I wanted to do:
- Tight hug at the beginning
- After some light convo, increase eye contact, and some light kino
- Grab her hand walking, start holding hands
- Kiss her at the end (should have been easy after holding hands walking)

This is a sequence that I've done with many girls before - but I DIDN'T MAKE IT. Now I'm angry because she was super interested... she would not have refused me, I'm sure. There's no excuse. We hugged, convo was OK, we had lots of fun running around the fair. But I didn't go any farther. We had some drink, some food, then left. I was intending to grab her hand soon™, before I knew it we were about to leave. DAMMIT IF THERE IS NO OPPORTUNITY I SHOULD HAVE CREATED ONE! She mentioned she was cold, I could have just taken her hand and commented about how cold/warm it is. Instead I intended to pull her in some direction and grab her hand while doing it. Thing is, she was cold and had folded her arms, so I ended up just pulling the sleeve a bit.

And the worst thing is, my subconscious just said to me "ok, taking her hand didn't work, let's give up" and IT ACTUALLY NEVER CROSSED MY MIND that I could just have said "gimme your hand" right there. No, I tried to concentrate on that stupid move, and I WAS TO DUMB TO TAKE HER HAND, seriously. So from there it went, "ok we have barely any physical contact, can I even kiss her now?", we took the subway, she had to get off and run for the doors, so there wasn't even a moment long enough to do it.

GRAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Just after she left, I thought of everything I could have done. I could have said goodbye at the station. I have experience kissing girls, I'm not a f*cking beginner. I could have just insisted to take her hand before. I could have done ANYTHING and just looked hard into her eyes, she would have yielded. There was a change to sexually escalate in the earlier convo which I didn't catch quickly enough. BUT I COULD HAVE JUST STOPPED HER AND TAKEN WHAT I WANTED! Just taken her hand, but instead my mind decided that, since my initial move didn't work ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO TAKE HER HAND! How stupid is that?

Guys, I'm devastated. How do I make this stupid voice in my head shut up. I went in with clear goals and I knew what I wanted. But I didn't even try! These days, I want to learn to be super direct. I've always had great results with it, but I chicken out a lot of times, like today. If I don't have some super massive social proof at some venue (and am drunk), I just don't dare anything. Help me be more bold. I've read the Bible, Pook and all the articles. I'm good looking. I'm a successful man. I've had adventures other men can only dream of. BUT WHY CAN I STILL NOT GO FOR WHAT I WANT?

 

[Tortendieb]

Sorry for the long rant. Anyway, I wasn't real AFC. We had fun, good convo, I did kino, we stood close, our goodbye hug was very tight. There were no awkward moments, I just didn't do anything.

She's into me, I'm not very available and haven't actually shown any hard interest (except from meeting her). And she's insecure about that. So I will get another chance. But damn, I should have just GRABBED and claimed her. I think my mind wanted to play it safe. So I've achieved nothing.

Damn, I have to get out there and be more direct&dominant. Gotta make the next date count. What can I do, except for getting drunk?

 

[mangotot]

Nevermind. Play it again Sam. Repeat until you get it right.

 

[Tortendieb]

Just read a nice article here, and noting this down for future reference.

-

You don't want to mess up for fear of losing the girl. But in truth, you've never HAD her. If you are fearing that THIS ONE MOVE will destroy your chances, you are wrong. Because what are those chances? They are chances that, in the future, she'll accept - right - ANOTHER MOVE! See where I'm getting at? If she doesn't accept the move right now, she won't in the future.

 

[stevo]

Your focus is wrong.

Not to confuse you, yes it would have ended the date on a nice note if you kissed her. You wanted it and she most likely wanted it too but again your focus is wrong.

You should not focus directly on your checklist, they are only a guide for how your time together should go.

All she needs is to know you are sexually interested in her and you are both progressing towards seks.

If the physical time together doesnt enable you to carry out all you wanted and you felt your sexual intentions werent made known enough then text her something intriguing. A woman's senses can be triggered through various means.

For future purposes, it's better your advancement is "awkward" than not advancing at all.

Beating yourself up is failure, appreciating what you did do (you both actually had a good time and that is HUGE), accepting what you didnt do and adjusting your next moves is progress.

Go into the world and make panties wet.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Just tap the breaks alittle bit bro you care waay to much right now. Take a deep breath & stop beating yourself up. If she is just a pratice girl from work you shouldn't care so much what the outcome was. Relax it didn't sound like the meet-up was a failure.

Holding hands is for girlfriends, scratch that from your list for now.

Becareful getting involved with co-workers especially if you care about you job and are @ a higher level than the broad.

http://beastordie.blogspot.com/2012/03/truth-about-approach-anxiety-and.html

 

[pyros]

hahahhahaa, what a funy post. It reminds me of myself a few years ago! very similar behaviour and way of thinking! lol.

You say you have "experience" but clearly you dont. Maybe you've had sex or done other stuff related to women, but when it comes to the mere fact of going on a date, enjoy it and escalate you have difficulty.

My advise is that you should not be so damn focused on accomplishing some steps. It is more simple: you should just ENJOY YOURSELF while on a date. Make her have a good time and see if you're compatible. You do not have to kino her before you kiss her, you do not have to hold her hand (jeeeezzz...this is too childlish!!), forget allt this. Just do what I said, have a nice time together and be relaxed. You cannot behave correctly if you're feeling nervous or stressed.
You dont have to look for a "perfect moment" or "chance" to kiss her.
I repeat: have a nice time, enjoy yourself, laugh, be relaxed...etc. and if everything goes well just give her a small kiss when you're saying good-bye to her. Example:

-- end of the date --
OP: ok, its been fun. Is that your car?
her: yes it is. Thanks for walking me to my car. I had a nice time
OP gets closer...looks in her eyes...and if she doesnt step back and doesnt run away, you kiss her.

The End.

P.S.

Extra: if when you go to kiss her she rejects you, forget about her. She's not into you UNLESS she contacts you after the date again. If she rejects your kiss and never contacts you again, you forget about her.

 

[Tortendieb]

Maybe you've had sex or done other stuff related to women

Now that's just cruel But you're not entirely besides the point; I'm not very experienced at directly communicating attraction.

Anyway appreciate the answers. Yeah we did have a great time and all, so it was a perfectly good and normal date. I just wanted it to be even more. Being on a date having a good time is my comfort zone. But I don't get a real kick if I don't do anything bold. So this is more about me than her... I gues that's pretty narcissistic. But hell.

Good point about positive reinforcement stevo. I've formed a habit of noting down everything that was good, along with bad things, and praise myself about achievements.

About the work thing, I don't live in USA and the risk is very low.

So thanks for answering, guess we can close the Thread.

 

[dagreatgrizz23]

Dude I had a very similar experience over the summer. The day of I asked this girl who lived at least an hour away from me to go to drive that day to my house so we could hop on the train and go to the Cubs game. Date went well. She even wanted to share the same pizza. Regardless I didn't close. I got insecure about it and visited her a week later... Didn't close. Even though we were holding hands on my way to the car I didn't hold her hand IN THE CAR. I wound up saying to her "so your not gonna kiss me?" You know the end of the story.

My point is this. When you think about making a move MAKE the move because it'll tell you a lot about where you stand with her. If she says no AT LEAST you TRIED and you won't waste your time anymore. We all make mistakes bro. Just don't force it. Go out with her again and be very affectionate and tender. You'll be surprised how easy it'll be to kiss her.

Take a look at my last post about how I made moves on the girl and she didn't receive it well. Now I know that she's a giant waste of my ****ing time.