"I want to take it slow"

[LeChanteur]

Okay so I've started seeing this girl who is really into me, high IL and everything. However she is recently out of a relationship and apparently not really "ready" to jump straight into another one so she wants to take what we have "slowly" and just let it happen over time, she wants to become sorta friends first rather than the usual path of just starting to date etc.

Now I know this sounds like a "nice" way for her to tell me LJBF but trust me it isn't.

So how am I to play this? My current, plan is to just not contact her for a few weeks (we've been out twice and have spoken several times on the phone)

But I'm not really sure of the DJ way to do this. Any tips, hint, tricks or other methods?

Also, she hasn't told me this I want to take it slow straight out, she spoke to my neighbour who is her best friend, as she wasn't sure what she should do as she didn't want to let me go or hurt me but just wasn't ready.

 

[Imaginary Player]

Become friends first? No. She is stalling. Move on.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Do not become friends with chicks - period! She'll respect you for this - trust me. Be different then the rest of the chumps.
If a man came up to her tomorrow that she was attracted to and liked she would say "OK",I'im ready.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by LeChanteur
Also, she hasn't told me this I want to take it slow straight out, she spoke to my neighbour who is her best friend, as she wasn't sure what she should do as she didn't want to let me go or hurt me but just wasn't ready.

Hmm...I was gonna suggest you just play it cool, but reading that over, I'm not too encouraged. That BS about not wanting to hurt you...she doesn't like you, but you're too nice a guy for her to just blow you off like all the other clowns.

Maybe she ISN'T ready...but it's more likely that she doesn't find you overwhelmingly sexually attractive as of right now and her break-up is further complicating that issue.

Solution: find a girl who's "ready". You don't need the drama. Maybe she'll come around at a later time if you continue being a MAN in her presence, but don't hold your breath, and don't get wrapped up with "wishing and hoping." See what else is out there.

 

[MisterAl]

Quick reality check: Would you tell this woman that you wanted to "take it slow" and that you weren't "ready" to be in a relationship with her?

Of course not! That's because you're sure that you want to be in a relationship with her. Well, she's not so sure about you. Her IL is not high, it is probably around 50% if you're lucky.

Pull back now. Your plan sounds good to me. She might become quite sure about you if she calls you and you're not there, or if you become a little too busy for her. See other girls, it's the best oneitis cure!

Your telephone-to-date ratio is bad. Several phone calls to two dates is not good. Get off the damn telephone with her. This could be a reason why her IL is dropping.

The telephone is for setting dates only. You want to have a 1:1 ratio. Each call leads to one date. No chatting.

 

[Cremasta]

Originally posted by LeChanteur
Also, she hasn't told me this I want to take it slow straight out, she spoke to my neighbour who is her best friend, as she wasn't sure what she should do as she didn't want to let me go or hurt me but just wasn't ready.

Meet other girls, bring them home. Your neighbour will know about them, this 'high IL girl' will soon know about them. She'll pretty quickly decide whether or not if she is ready to jump, because right now she thinks that she has you on the backburner and you will be waiting for when she is ready.

Just so you know, she will be 'ready' after she has had a look around at other prospects. Fair enough, you should do the same.

 

[DankNuggs]

Tell her you respect her decision, and for her to give you a call when she gets her head on straight, why does she feel like she is 'jumping' into a relaitonship? Are you insinuating you want to be serious? Mistake if you are....

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by LeChanteur
Okay so I've started seeing this girl who is really into me, high IL and everything. However she is recently out of a relationship and apparently not really "ready" to jump straight into another one so she wants to take what we have "slowly" and just let it happen over time, she wants to become sorta friends first rather than the usual path of just starting to date etc.

she isn't into you nor does she have a high IL. she's trying to let you down "easy" and hoping you'll get the message. she probably went out with you to boost her ego a bit, coming off of her break up.

"take it slow" is point blank--"i'm not interested in you very much and i'm too much of a pvssy to tell you".

the fact that your neighbor is her best friend doesn't help her situation since she will likely see you because of this. she doesn't want to feel guilty by slamming the door on you.

i'd say her IL is 50% or lower. think about cutting your losses on this one.

say nothing and do nothing, except date other chicks and let your neighbor friend know about it subtley. she'll do your talking for you. then see what happens.

 

[NatureGuy]

LeChanteur: I believe you: high IL but
wants to take it slow. What I suggest (and did in identical situation) is
see her every other week. If she treats
you right when you're together, it's OK.
There is risk if you're interested in
a LTR , but that risk would exist even
if you were seeing her every day. The difference here is that the risk is stated upfront. With time she may feel more
comfortable with you and want a greater
commitment. If not, next.
Pursue other opportunities as they arise
too - otherwise the situation will get to
be too much.

 

[Nutter]

Re: Re: "I want to take it slow"

Originally posted by TooColdUlrick
she isn't into you nor does she have a high IL. she's trying to let you down "easy" and hoping you'll get the message. she probably went out with you to boost her ego a bit, coming off of her break up.

"take it slow" is point blank--"i'm not interested in you very much and i'm too much of a pvssy to tell you".

the fact that your neighbor is her best friend doesn't help her situation since she will likely see you because of this. she doesn't want to feel guilty by slamming the door on you.

i'd say her IL is 50% or lower. think about cutting your losses on this one.

say nothing and do nothing, except date other chicks and let your neighbor friend know about it subtley. she'll do your talking for you. then see what happens.

Girls with high interest level don't 'take things slow'. They undo your belt and get their hands on your **** the first chance they get.