I want to make her mine, but she sends mixed signals

[Demlock]

I got this girl's # from POF; she's single, not seeking commitment, looking for hang outs. I met her for the first time at a "party" that was happening at her place around August 9th. I got invited by her roommate who's a rockclimbing friend of mine at the rc gym. Not much happened between us, barely even talked.

September 12th, we started contacting each other on FB. I tried setting up a date at that time, but she kept giving me excuses so I just "meh".

October 29th, she realizes im not desperate and I was going to a Halloween party so I gave her the option to come along, at the time I was super busy so we didn't end up going to the Ghoul's party. She rly wanted to tho, but I couldn't.

The following week (Nov 8th) she rly put in some real effort to want to hang out/get to know me. Even specified I should avoid food and cold activities.
We went downtown, ate light food, hung out at the Occupy Movement Protest campsite and got very cozy with each other. Little to say, it was successful.

A week later (Nov 15th), she tried to invite me over to her place, but I instead got her to come over after a work night and she had the flu. She slept over, no sex but strong attraction between us. In the morning I felt so horny that I started rubbing her ***** and ass, she didn't do anything until I was going to finger her, then she took my hand out. She went home around noon.

Nov 30th I started painting my Xmas gifts (im an artist). We started talking 2 weeks after she slept over. I was going for the "less is more" approach. She came over again Dec. 13th, didn't sleep over, just came to chill and check out my paintings.

A week later, Dec 19th, she asked me to come sleep over, I didn't ask her. She said "im just coming to sleep, dont get dirty thoughts in your head haha" I said "so im babysitting. Lame." and rejected the offer.
She replied "you are creating negative energy where there shouldnt be
you are looking at this all wrong
it started as a simple you wanna hang out, like 2 people, no sex
Now you give me drama"
I replied "you just misunderstood me
if u knew what I was lookin for then this wouldnt b an issue. Im looking for a friend that's cool with sex, and can keep it a semi friendship-intimate level. Otherwise I can just hug my dog, he's furry and warm"
She then accused me of just wanting sex and not her friendship. I said "in a sense, ya, but I still appreciate you". She then said let's have sex, but proceeds to call me a selfish ass when I asked her why the sudden change of heart. I found that way too bi-polar/ strange, so we didn't do it, and went from shallow attraction to better friends.
MIND YOU, I only refrained from taking the sex offer to compromise for a better relationship, NOT to turn it into a friendship.

Now, in Feb-March, having given a chance to develop a better relationship, I started to develop actual feelings for her, but at this point I already revealed a lot about me to her, including my less-then-alpha side. When I revealed myself to her, I did the mistake of revealing too much (aka got a little too friendly/ exposed). During my "revealing", she kept telling me stuff like "love can be right in front of you just not the right timing", "everyone has multiple soul mate possibilities on this earth, not just one" + more dodgy semi-hopeful answers. I reached to put my arm around her like alpha, but she pulled my arm from around her waist but wraps her arm around my arm and leaned in instead. She gave me the biggest hug I ever got from her after that talk. I even asked if she would still come sleep over with me, she said yes.

However I made it crystal clear that I won't stop liking her despite being friends and she's cool with that. She's not as touchy as before, but almost always has to rub her leg up against mine when sitting next to each other. She likes the close proximity. She is a touchy person tho, so im not sure if its friendly or flirting.

Knowing she knows im not settling for friendship, isnt that a second chance disguised as friendship or am I naive?

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

A "relationship that has stretched from September 2011 to March 2012 with no sex, no kissing, and barely any touching....

F**k mixed signals. Eject.

Read what you wrote. Then acknowledge that people normally get sex from girls within the the first 3-4 dates. And then think about a "relationship" that lasts f**kin half a year with no sex.

If she hasn't given in yet, I highly doubt she'll get lost in a fit of passion with you now.

Eject. Eject. Eject.

 

[Demlock]

UPDATE: I want to add that yesterday I was supposed to meet with one of her gfs 1 on 1, and she decides to join us spontaneously without telling me. So I didn't get to know this new girl much since when two gfs are together they just talk talk talk their own girly talks. Went from "1st date/meeting" to group hangout, leaving me unsatisfied. Her friend obviously followed her leadership since she knows her better then she knows me. At the end when we were all catching buses to go home, she asked me when to go sledding together.

Did she ****block me? Did she not want me to hook-up/get to know her friend?

Im just so utterly confused right now I think I want to leave it all and move on. Yet she's an amazing person and I love her presence. But she's not seeing eye-to-eye with me, and seems to resist the idea of intimacy, not 100% but enough to challenge me beyond my current ability to handle it.

Oh and that pretty much killed the possibility of anything flourishing between me and her gf.

 

[Demlock]

Actually we only started seeing each other around mid November, before that we never even had the chance to get to know each other, we just knew each other's existence and talked online.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

UPDATE: I want to add that yesterday I was supposed to meet with one of her gfs 1 on 1, and she decides to join us spontaneously without telling me. So I didn't get to know this new girl much since when two gfs are together they just talk talk talk their own girly talks. Went from "1st date/meeting" to group hangout, leaving me unsatisfied. Her friend obviously followed her leadership since she knows her better then she knows me. At the end when we were all catching buses to go home, she asked me when to go sledding together.

Did she ****block me? Did she not want me to hook-up/get to know her friend?

Im just so utterly confused right now I think I want to leave it all and move on. Yet she's an amazing person and I love her presence. But she's not seeing eye-to-eye with me, and seems to resist the idea of intimacy, not 100% but enough to challenge me beyond my current ability to handle it.

Oh and that pretty much killed the possibility of anything flourishing between me and her gf.

Yes, she ****blocked you. And no, it doesn't mean that she wants you.

Again, leave this girl in your past. She has been utterly worthless to you.

Actually we only started seeing each other around end of November, before that we never even had the chance to get to know each other, we just knew each other's existence and talked online.

Oh, November. Well that changes everything. Maybe by June she'll start developing sexual attraction to you.

 

[Demlock]

K so just for pointers; did I do the initial mistake or was she just young and didn't know what she wants (she's 19, im 23).
What can I do to avoid falling into that predicament again?

 

[Demlock]

and I'd also appreciate input from anyone else other then Mantis Toboggan, altho I do appreciate your response as well.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

K so just for pointers; did I do the initial mistake or was she just young and didn't know what she wants (she's 19, im 23).

It's not about her "not knowing what she wants." Trust me, if she met a guy she wanted to f**k, it would have happened no later than the 3rd date.

What can I do to avoid falling into that predicament again?

You don't meet a girl you like in August and wait months to make a sexual move on her.

If you want a girl, you arrange a date, you go for the kiss. If she rejects you, then you know that she isn't worth you time. If she accepts, then she IS worth your time.

Never spend months chasing one girl. It's ridiculous.

 

[Demlock]

I get your point, but I was too busy/didnt care about her to make a sexual move back then. Sometimes time just doesn't let you do your thing. Winter time im way more free.

Thing is I already went for the kiss when she slept over, and she took it. And by that "3rd date", she wanted to come sleep at my place. If I hadn't opened my big mouth and said "so im babysitting. Lame", would that not have been the decisive turning point?

I told this to a friend of mine who's extremely good with women, VERY good. He told me I made the mistake to refuse letting her come over cuz he said she was testing me and protecting herself from being seen as a slut. Apparently by refusing, I failed the test.

 

[SoSuave666]

I'll provide a little bit of feedback seeing as how I'm not really busy at work.

I have known many women over the years, and a lot of them have turned out to be future sexual partners. You are right, some times timing is not right. Sometimes you aren't interested, but later you see something in them you didn't see previously. Attraction, at least as I can tell, can go on and off for both men and women. I have known women who havent been sexually attracted to me at first, but a year or two later they were.

Time for some feedback:

I sense that you have too many feelings for this girl, while she just doesn't reciprocate. I would leave it alone. Let her continuously chase you, and not just look for a snuggle buddy/attention provider. If she doesn't come after you, no big deal on to the next one.

Finally, a response to some of your dialogue:

1.) I liked the "babysitting" line. Lets her know who is in control.

2.) A woman telling you there is not only one person in the world for everyone is really telling you that you better act fast because she has other suitors. It could also be a way of her telling you she's not that into you.

3.) Don't get too caught up in what you said in the past. Women have memories like an elephant and can recall things you said previously at the drop of a hat. You need to focus on what you can DO to turn things around...not what you can SAY.

4.) Opening up to a woman and being vulnerable has it's advantages. Vulnerability game can be very powerful when used selectively. I feel like you may have used it too much. Once you go vulnerable, make sure to let them know you can still breathe fire from your mouth when provoked, and when put in a stick situation you can hold your breath under water for 10 minutes.

Also, you should never refuse sex, especially if you are good at it.

 

[Demlock]

Thanks alot for that SoSuave666, brought peace of mind back. If you dont mind I want to PM you for something related to this, if not just for commentaries.

 

[The_411]

All this girl is doing is playing games because she knows you're eating out of the palm of her hand.

Age effects certain aspects of dating but no matter what age you gotta close fast otherwise you're not closing.

Her showing up when you were with a friend of hers was either disrespectful by her, her friend, or both of them

Either she wanted to c-block or her friend didn't feel comfortable and invited her.

Women c block for all sorts of reasons. The main reason is that women think of en like property in the sense that if they don't want a man they hooked up with or were interested in being with other women especially other women they know.

 

[Mike32ct]

Agree with Mantis.

I hate to use a derogatory term, but this girl is a "cuddle sl@t."

Basically it's like an attention wh@re, except that she will sleep in the same bed as you, cuddle, but won't have intercourse with you.

She has low interest level. Nothing can be done but move on.

Yeah she c@ckblocked you too, but that's neither here nor there.