InPresent said:
Ok, so basically i have loads of problems and I am not currently living a life i want to live. To start, I can't put much effort into anything. When I look into my life, there was never a time where I demonstrated consistency seeking some sort of objective more than 2 weeks max. I always expected everything to come easy to me. Well it didn't go that way.
The greatest successes are created out of the greatest difficulties. If they weren't difficult to achieve then they wouldn't be great.
To be fair, I seriously lack confidence, I never really believe what I am able to do something requiring a bit more effort, so I pretty much undermine my chances from the start. I also have ridiculous anxiety feeling then I think about my goals. For example, when I think " to achieve x I would have to do y hours for n weeks", I always feel bad about the time I have to give away for doing that, even though I end up wasting my time and this doesn't help me. My self-image is bad, I see myself as failing and failing again, unable to seek my goals.
So basically this is your cycle:
1. I want to accomplish xyz
2. xyz takes too much work/time/dedication so I'm going to give up
3. I didn't accomplish xyz so I feel bad about myself
Rinse and repeat.
This isn't uncommon at all. Nobody likes putting in the work to do anything, really. People that
do end up putting in the work typically don't enjoy doing the work, but they get through it to accomplish their goals and get the results they desire.
The simplest solution to this is picking something and sticking to it, no matter how difficult it is, just to prove to yourself that you can do it. The first thing that came to mind the second I started reading this is working out. I used to be pretty undisciplined and sort of in the same kind of predicament as you. I decided that I wanted to get in shape, and I picked working out as the one thing that I was going to do and stick to regardless of how difficult it got. Let me tell you that the diet/workout plan I was on was absolutely insane, but I stuck to it and saw awesome results. And once I saw those results I knew that I never wanted to go back.
Not only that, but because I was developing discipline and commitment in my workout/dieting, I was changing my overall mindset entirely and becoming more disciplined/committed in other aspects of my life. So once I developed that in one part of my life the rest sort of followed.
I'd really suggest you pick working out/dieting to stick to for say 2 months, and actually stick to it. Because not only will you get the satisfaction of sticking to something and achieving your goals through immense difficulties, but you'll also be developing a better physique and feel better in general.
Post in the Health & Fitness forum and someone should be able to hook you up with an awesome workout/diet plan that you can stick to.
I really want to change my life, but repeating the same things won't get me there. I have admitted to myself I have problems and I have thought about seeking help. My university offers counseling so I might try this. Or I might go see psychologist.
DO THIS. Seriously. I recommend seeing a therapist to
everyone, regardless of whether or not you think you have problems, and
especially if it's free. Because not only can you work on solving your problems, but once those are taken care of you can work on going past that and further improving yourself. It goes from a form of therapy to self-improvement. It opened my eyes
a lot, showed me problems that I didn't even know I had, and really helped me figure out who I am, where I'm at and where I want to be.
But remember, don't beat yourself up about any "problems" you have.
Everyone has problems, and so it's not something to be ashamed of. The first step to changing yourself is to accept yourself as you are, and be content with it (yes that sounds counterintuitive but it's completely true). Also, you have to always be thinking for yourself. Your therapist/psychologist is a professional that is
giving you advice. It is up to
you to determine how to take it, whether or not you think it's correct, and where to go from there. Moreover, some people in that profession are completely off the wall nutty, and you need to be able to detect if that's the case. So don't rely on others; take their advice but think for yourself.
I don't really want my family to know that I have these problems. My parents are going through divorce, my mother suffers a lot and I want her to see me strong not weak. Part of motivation to change life is to do it for her. I will try to have a look at self-help books a bit, although I am skeptical about them and some of them are obvious bull****.
Just like anything in capitalist society, self-help is an industry. That means that it constantly has to produce more and more material, for the goal of selling that material. Because of this about 99% of what's out their is either repeated and rehashed crap or just complete bullsh!t. There are a lot of good books out there, though, that you can read. I would highly recommend that you start with
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. It outlines the difference between reactive people and proactive people, which is IMO the first step towards self-advancement. I would also really recommend you read some Erich Fromm, whose views on psychoanalysis, psychology and religion are the best I've seen. I have only read
The Art of Being and
Psychoanalysis and Religion, but he has a ton of other books that are just as good. Plus, they will get you into the deeper philosophical issues which I think you will be really interested in.
Finally, I'd definitely recommend that you dig into some Buddhist works. I'm not a Buddhist or anything, but a
lot of the philosophy put forward in Buddhist teachings is absolutely mindblowingly profound and will really really really help you in overcoming the issues you're having. I seriously can't recommend it enough.
I also recommend meditation. It sounds incredibly stupid but it really helped me out. My biggest problem is that my brain is constantly on and constantly thinking, and meditation is really helping me learn to control that more. I didn't even know how active my mind was until one day I was at the gym working out and just listening to some music jamming out and I realized that my mind was completely still for the first time that I could ever remember; it was an inexplicably profound realization that my mind was
way more active than I thought it was, and has really motivated me to keep with this meditation stuff because it really does help.
InPresent said:
Writing down goals is easy, taking action is the hard part. I have written down lists for quite a long time and it didn't work for me. I will now instead of that will try to do schedules for me for achieving main goals.
You need to make sure your goals are realistic. You also need to write down a detailed plan about how to achieve those goals and
stick to it. If you find that your goals are unrealistic, then don't feel ashamed to modify your goals/plan accordingly. But don't get lazy! I said
unrealistic, not
difficult.
Feel free to PM me if you have any questions. I always like helping out newbies on this forum and you seem to be exactly where I was at when I first started on this process.
