I want to be friends... does she?
- Thread starter acewhole
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maranathaman
Master Don Juan
I think that ultimately, if you both can be friends in a healthy way,
then continue with your friendship.
However, if it remains weird and too painful for one or both of you.
Then it is probably best to cut it off and allow each of you to heal and move-on with your lives.
I think it's better to go through the short-term pain of a clean-cut,
then to drag it out and giving the person a glimmer of hope,
even though you've already made your position clear.
Either way, it's painful and I wish you both all the best.
then continue with your friendship.
However, if it remains weird and too painful for one or both of you.
Then it is probably best to cut it off and allow each of you to heal and move-on with your lives.
I think it's better to go through the short-term pain of a clean-cut,
then to drag it out and giving the person a glimmer of hope,
even though you've already made your position clear.
Either way, it's painful and I wish you both all the best.
Thanks for the common sense response. That's mostly what I was hoping for but part of me expects to be lambasted for even trying to talk to her.
I'm going to call her now that she's off work and see how that goes. A little part of me is tempted to send her a link to this post but so far I've been trying to hide most of my hurt for her sake. Ugh, I hate overthinking stuff!
I'm going to call her now that she's off work and see how that goes. A little part of me is tempted to send her a link to this post but so far I've been trying to hide most of my hurt for her sake. Ugh, I hate overthinking stuff!
More often than not, I would agree. I like to think there are exceptions though. Do you think salvaging a friendship out of a failed romance is impossible everytime or just in certain situations?
You may be right and that's probably part of the reason I sought external advice. I don't think I'm clinging to a thread as an act of denial. As much as I'd like to be with her on my terms, I've made up my mind and, although it takes me a while to do so, I'm usually resolute once I do.
You may be right and that's probably part of the reason I sought external advice. I don't think I'm clinging to a thread as an act of denial. As much as I'd like to be with her on my terms, I've made up my mind and, although it takes me a while to do so, I'm usually resolute once I do.
I forgot to mention that I called her. We played voicemail tag three times but she sounded good and happy to hear from me on the voicemail. I told her I'd call her again over the weekend.
Also, to clarify, when I ask if it's impossible to stay/become friends I mean is it not ever worthwhile. I have ex's that are still "friends" largely because we see each other in social settings regularly. I still share laughs with them while we're out but I have little interest in ever spending time with them apart from the group.
Also, to clarify, when I ask if it's impossible to stay/become friends I mean is it not ever worthwhile. I have ex's that are still "friends" largely because we see each other in social settings regularly. I still share laughs with them while we're out but I have little interest in ever spending time with them apart from the group.
I was wondering where my post went to...
For what it's worth, she called me this morning. We spoke for about fifteen minutes. She seems to be in a mostly good place.
About half way through the call, she started saying stuff like "this thing coming up would be better with you" and "I'm free tonight and tomorrow". As much as I like to hear that, it made me sad to detect hope for the romantic relationship.
It may still be possible to be friends but I fear it will take much longer than I had hoped. If she starts seeing someone else soon, that should help speed things along. Either way, I'm thinking it'll be at least a few weeks before I reach out to her again. Next time, I'll probably try to keep it shorter and lighter. The last thing I want to do is encourage any clinging but, by golly, I sure do miss her and vice versa.
I've got to be strong for her sake.
For what it's worth, she called me this morning. We spoke for about fifteen minutes. She seems to be in a mostly good place.
About half way through the call, she started saying stuff like "this thing coming up would be better with you" and "I'm free tonight and tomorrow". As much as I like to hear that, it made me sad to detect hope for the romantic relationship.
It may still be possible to be friends but I fear it will take much longer than I had hoped. If she starts seeing someone else soon, that should help speed things along. Either way, I'm thinking it'll be at least a few weeks before I reach out to her again. Next time, I'll probably try to keep it shorter and lighter. The last thing I want to do is encourage any clinging but, by golly, I sure do miss her and vice versa.
I've got to be strong for her sake.